[Bolding mine]
I think this is the crux of it. I think she wanted to be able to direct her own activities, to be the author of her role within the RF. She didn't want everything to be subject o BP's approval. She wanted to highlight her causes on her terms, now that she had this huge platform. She found that her role and her causes were secondary. She didn't know or didn't appreciate that the RF as an institution is bigger than that, and she would have to take her place within it.
There's a big generational divide on this. The younger generation in my family see it as Meghan apparently sees it. To them, Meghan should have been able to do whatever she wanted as DoS, and since she couldn't they see no reason for her to stay.
I'm still of the opinion that it was the way the media reacted to Meghan doing her things. She didn't get the recognition (apart from the book project and only after the book became a bestseller) but the other positive things were not properly brought forward by the media while all things that went a little bit wrong became a "desaster" in the tabloids. Of course she realised that! And how the media helped her family to have a get-go at her. So what the queen calls "Intense scrutiny" could make her getting doubts if the official way as part of the RF including the rota-system etc. was the right one for her.
But what I personally like now - the queen made clear that while she at least likes Meghan, she will not allow for them to use their Royal styles to make money out of it. The Royals learned from Sarah! Such tacky things like Dietdrinks and "Royal" furniture are a no-no. At least they are as long as Meghan is married to Harry.
I believe (just my gut feeling) that Harry and Meghan, while wishing for a different outcome (see their webpage), pointed out the hartrassment of Maghan and little Archie to the queen and Charles. Rightfully so!
I read here a message from a WoC about her experiences and how that would have influenced Meghan as well and I was so so sad for both of them. And as a German interested in history I know how aggressive people can be to others and how even those considered to be "decent" can be made murderous by propaganda against people they consider to be, hm, let's say "aliens". So I won't be able to gloss over the media and what they did to Harry, Meghan and Archie.
OTOH, there is Meghan's past and the influx of what might be her dreams on their webpage (and on their goals for the negotiations). Let's just say as I don't want to claim things I cannot check, probably it was good that Harry went negociation with the family and she took care of Archie meanwhile. For I believe they were afraid for their little boy and that's why mom & babe stay in Canada.
Now that they reached a compromise which should be okay for the "taxpayer", though probably not for the "tabloids", we'll see where they go.
But I'm sure the retaking of the military positions (which could have asked for security and so had to go) hurt Harry and maybe we see him back - with or without Meghan. We don't know her for real and so does HM and the PoW. But if she can stand the next year with Harry (she can always go the Sarah-way without him), maybe she can stand that they come back. I would wish it for the BRF!!!