The Memorial Service: August 31, 2007

[Winnie]

The more I've thought about it, the more I'm inclined to think it would be best all the way around is that if there is to be a 20th anniversary memorial service, make it private for just family and friends of Diana. No media and nothing released to the public. That way, those that do attend can remember Diana in peace and not have the tabloids or the internet saturated with varying opinions.

I certainly agree with that. Plus the news media does not have to be advised until the service is well and truly over and all attending home. Many of these Memorials are held in private homes which really makes a closer family and true friends affair. The only one I actually was able to attend was after 10 years and even that was a very quiet personal time to reflect on the memories and fun times of a loved one. Actually didn't do a thing for me as I always though of the deceased daily. Everyone is different. I didn't need a gathering.

 

[TLLK]

The more I've thought about it, the more I'm inclined to think it would be best all the way around is that if there is to be a 20th anniversary memorial service, make it private for just family and friends of Diana. No media and nothing released to the public. That way, those that do attend can remember Diana in peace and not have the tabloids or the internet saturated with varying opinions.

An excellent suggestion Osipi. Her sons have honored her publicly, but now I do believe that enough time has passed that they should be able to hold a private service without press interference.

 

[Denville]

If that happens say next year I wonder if Camilla woudld be invited? or would it just be William and Harry and close friends and the Spencer family.

 

[Osipi]

That would be totally up to them. None of our business.

 

[Denville]

but that's surely the issue, Camilla was invited to the 2007 service because of its being a public event and they wanted to show family unity. But there was such a public outcry tthat it was obviously best that she did not attend. If there's a private event, I wonder if they'd ask Camilla, or would it still be a sore point

 

[Countessmeout]

Unlike the public, Diana's loved ones will care more about her and her sons than about scandal. If the boys want Camilla to attend, I don't see anyone vetoing it. As her sons, their opinions and feelings are the highest priority.

 

[Winnie]

I don't believe that her sons should care what the public thinks. It is their mother and they will do what they like and invite who they want. If the public doesn't approve their decision and they are so unhappy, let them have an event in their own homes for a memorial service if they feel they need a special gathering. The boys have honored their mother just by talking about her in many interviews which to me is sweeter and more loving than a big public display on a certain death anniversary. I would rather see her birthday remembered in media as a sweet time and not morbid awful death.

 

[Denville]

Clearly her sons DO care what the public thinks as the RF in general does....

 

[Osipi]

I disagree. When it comes to their private lives and, lets take Diana's 20th private memorial service for example, the family shouldn't give a fig what the public thinks or believes or has an opinion on. The public opinion in public matters does count for something if only as guidelines of the "feel" of the people but by no means is public opinion ever the basis for *any* decision made by the BRF.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Perhaps they won't have any kind of memorial next year and will wait until the 25th anniversary, in 2022. My goodness, that sounds like a science-fiction year.

 

[Denville]

I disagree. When it comes to their private lives and, lets take Diana's 20th private memorial service for example, the family shouldn't give a fig what the public thinks or believes or has an opinion on. The public opinion in public matters does count for something if only as guidelines of the "feel" of the people but by no means is public opinion ever the basis for *any* decision made by the BRF.

It is very often a very important part of what brings them to do things. I dnt believe that Diana would have had a public funeral, if it hadn't been for the fact that the public feeling wanted it.

 

[Osipi]

Actually, it was Charles that insisted on public funeral pulling out all the bells and whistles that they could muster. The public had nothing to do with it.

 

[Curryong]

I suppose we shall never really know how the arrangements were thrashed out but this report is from September 1997.

CNN - Royal family denies row over Diana's funeral - September 8, 1997

 

[Denville]

Actually, it was Charles that insisted on public funeral pulling out all the bells and whistles that they could muster. The public had nothing to do with it.

Er yes they kind of did. It was up to the Spencers as Di's family and they have siad that they expected and intended a private funeral. But when they saw the crowds in London on the Sunday they realised that they had to include the public in her farewell. And reports vary about Charles. He may have wanted to give Diana a public funeral but some have said that he was in a wet and miserable state at the time.. and didn't do anything very mcuh. I thtink myself that he did want to let her have a royhal funeral and did get invovled in the organisation, but other reports say he was too depressed and self pitying, because he felt that everyone woudl blame him...to do very much.

 

[Lumutqueen]

I've never heard anything about Charles being openly depressed. Which I imagine he was.
The Spencers wanted a private funeral, but I have always consistently heard that Charles was the one who pushed for a public funeral even against his mother simply because of the person Diana was. She was the mother of a future King, and whilst divorced from the heir to the throne, even in my mind she deserved a royal funeral. The Spencers have their private element in where she was laid to rest, although i've never seen Charles S as a private person.

 

[Osipi]

All in all, throughout the whole period from the death in Paris to the internment at Althorp, Charles acted above and beyond the call of an ex-husband in my book. He didn't have to go to Paris to bring Diana home yet he did. From all accounts, he was right in there with the funeral planning (they used the Tay Bridge model for the procession of the cortege which was the Queen' Mum's funeral plan) where he didn't have to as an ex-husband. He walked with his sons behind the casket with his ex-brother-in-law and his father which would have been excusable for Charles if he didn't as he is the ex-husband but there he was.

Diana's death affected him deeply and it showed. Even though the marriage was over and these two people just couldn't live together, that doesn't mean that all feelings towards each other were based on negative emotions.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Yes, agreed. Prince Charles' behaviour was impressive that week. He behaved as though Diana was still The Princess of Wales.

 

[Dman]

All in all, throughout the whole period from the death in Paris to the internment at Althorp, Charles acted above and beyond the call of an ex-husband in my book. He didn't have to go to Paris to bring Diana home yet he did. From all accounts, he was right in there with the funeral planning (they used the Tay Bridge model for the procession of the cortege which was the Queen' Mum's funeral plan) where he didn't have to as an ex-husband. He walked with his sons behind the casket with his ex-brother-in-law and his father which would have been excusable for Charles if he didn't as he is the ex-husband but there he was.

Diana's death affected him deeply and it showed. Even though the marriage was over and these two people just couldn't live together, that doesn't mean that all feelings towards each other were based on negative emotions.

Osipi, I totally agree with you!

 

[Denville]

I've never heard anything about Charles being openly depressed. Which I imagine he was.
.

there are certainly reports that Charles was saying "they're all going to blame me" and very upset and depressed..

 

[Denville]

All in all, throughout the whole period from the death in Paris to the internment at Althorp, Charles acted above and beyond the call of an ex-husband in my book. He didn't have to go to Paris to bring Diana home yet he did. Diana's death affected him deeply and it showed. Even though the marriage was over and these two people just couldn't live together, that doesn't mean that all feelings towards each other were based on negative emotions.

I agree that he was upset By Di's death. however he DID have to step up and do these various things because Dian's boys who were her nearest family, were too young to do such things as go to Paris, arrange the funeral or walk alone in the funeral procession.

 

[Osipi]

there are certainly reports that Charles was saying "they're all going to blame me" and very upset and depressed..

All kinds of depressing thoughts most likely ran through his mind when he first heard the news of the accident in Paris.

I recently purchased and read Junor's Charles: Victim or Villian book and in it was something I hadn't read before anywhere. Towards the beginning of the marriage when Charles took Diana to London to seek psychiatric help (which didn't work for Diana and she quit going), Charles himself underwent therapy that was to continue into the 90s.

 

[Denville]

but she saw Lipsedge later on who helped her with her bulimia..and she saw other forms of therapists, some more "mainstream" than others in the 90s. I have read that Charles wnet with Diana to a few sessions in the early stages of their marriage..
However I was replying to someone saying there was nothing about his being openly depressed.. but there were reports that he was very shaken up and saying "they will all blame me". So I imagine he felt that he had to do something on the boys behalf at least.

 

[Osipi]

I do think the accident in Paris hit Charles like a ton of bricks. Can you imagine what it must have been like for him getting that news and knowing he's going to have to break that news to his two sons? Its probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life.

He stood by his boys and supported them to the best of his ability I think and he also did whatever he could do to do the right thing by Diana.

 

[Denville]

I think he did, however as I recall, there were also reports that he wasn't much use because he was in a depressed and self pitying mood, saying that "they would al blame him" rather than concentrating on Di and the boys.
I think he did try, when she was gone, to make upfor her loss in the boys' lfie and to be a good single parent.

 

[Osipi]

Several sources I've read have had Charles stating that at the time of Diana's death that he mused that that he always thought that somehow she'd return to him and he'd have to care for her for the rest of her life.

I think Charles did realize that there was something innately wrong with Diana and he, more or less, recognized a psychological sickness in her that caused the dysfunction in the marriage. He couldn't deal with it but he understood why he couldn't deal with it. I've seen this happen in a close family relationship. The two people honestly do love each other and stick by each other but with one having serious bipolar issues, it made it impossible for them to live together.

Therefore, I do feel that Charles felt a deep loss himself at the death of his ex-wife personally. The marriage didn't work out but they both retained some of the love they had for each other even after the divorce.

 

[Curryong]

I haven't read that, Osipi, but what I did read was that before the news came to Balmoral that Diana had in fact died in Paris, there was some communication/phone call that stated that she had been seriously injured.

According to what I read and it was years ago, Charles felt that it would be his duty (on his sons' behalf) to help care for Diana if it turned out that she was severely mentally or physically handicapped as a result of injuries in the car crash. Of course, she did not survive so that scenario didn't occur.

Having said that, I have never read any biography of Diana or Charles that repeats that story. I do remember it but I believe it was in a newspaper article, and so could well be pure speculation or, God forbid, made up by a journalist!

 

[Denville]

IIRC its in TIna Browns book. however I don't think he was still "in love" with her, but he had some feelings for her..

 

[Osipi]

You're right, Denville. and thanks for saving me the trouble of digging all the books out and finding where I'd read it.

 

[Denville]

OK, I wasn't 100% sure but it is the only Diana bio that I own, so I tend to remember it best. thanks!
OTOH there were other stories from other sources, that made him look a lot more like he was moaning and not much use.
Its possible that boht sides are true...

 

[Osipi]

One thing I do find heartwarming as we head towards the 20th anniversary of Diana's death is that the monarchy itself is doing its part to remember Diana and the way she was. I thought it quite touching that there is a public display at Buckingham Palace that Diana's sons had a part in putting together to remember Diana.

The UK as a whole remembers her. Quite fitting I think.