ysbel said:
Well this has been an enlightening thread - its seems that Sarah's worst sin is being LOUD AND TACKY-she doesn't think about what shes says, wears, or does before she does it. This is what draws the most heated reaction from people - not her affairs, not the fact that she doesn't work much. I'd hazard to guess its also because she draws attention to herself and one sees an insecurity - a need to please.
Hm, Ysbel, I don't think that's her worst sin. But maybe that's why a lot of people react with animosity against her, here you're certainly right. She was a Royal but not a lady, and that's something especially well-mannered ladies simply don't like.
That doesn't mean these ladies are conservative or old-fashioned, it's just that they strive to be "good" and put effort into reacting according to rules which are there to make life in human society more pleasant for all concerned. Well, not only pleasant but calculable, reliable and thus safe. I certainly see the need for each generation to change these rules, but normally this change is slight and/or if there is a radical change, polite people still try to behave the former way when around their elders.
A person like Sarah shows in her way to behave that these rules are not important for her. That is okay for a commoner but not for a Royal who takes her right to precedence from exactly these rules. And most people think or feel or both that you can't have one without the other.
And really: it's not so hard to learn these rules if you want to. To to behave according to them. I agree that CP Mary probably was warned by Diana's and Sarah's example but still I think that there are enough women around who do not need that kind of warning at all, who realize by themselves that there are rules, that they make sense and life easier for all if you follow them.
It's interesting to read the excerpt of the Paxton-book printed by the Guardian where he describes a weekend invitation ot Sandringham. He writes that even he as a "staunch republican" felt he had to say "Sir" to the Prince of Wales all the time. I take that as an example for the fact that if you don't follow the rules by choice, it's one thing. But you will always realize that you miss the security these rules give you. I've read that the POW is quite a nice host, not formal at all. But still it's a lot easier for you if you know the rules and thus the borderlines between being informal with a host who wants you to and being rude out of lack of knowledge.
That's why I try to install the rules of good manners in my son - he may decide with other kids not to use them or use a different set of rules but when I take him out into a top restaurant or hotel where people know me because of my profession he acts accordingly, thus encouraging me to take him again the next time.
As for Sarah - my very personal guess is that while she was in contact with the Royal set, she met them through the "stable door". While "stable manners" are surely a way to interact in even the most noble circles when it comes to horses, riding and sports, I guess a real lady like The Princess Royal or The Princess of Wales (I've decided to drop the "Duchess of Cornwall" as I've decided that I'm so formal as to perceives Camilla as Princess of Wales...
) or our very own Skydragon knows how to behave in the stable and at the table. Different behaviour, I'm sure but you have to have learned both kinds of manners to be a "proper lady". Mind, I have no idea how to behave around horses....