"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[Denville]

Yes I do. He was a 12 year old child in denial that his Mother was dead and he also belonged to a dysfunctional family who couldn't support him so he turned to drugs and drink. If his account of his father breaking the news of Diana's death to him is accurate then I am utterly appalled. Imagine telling a child such news and then leaving them alone for ages. Unfortunately I do believe that Charles did exactly that.

how was he left alone for ages? he was with his brother, he went to church with his family a few hours after learning of Diana's death. He was not alone... Charles' old nanny was there, probalby in a room nearby. And Charles sent for his own recent nanny, Tiggy Legge Bourke, to help console him, and he was in the castle with several cousins of his own age who were there to try and help him.
I cant see how that excuses making spiteful fun of a lady at his school, who was disabled, and still laughing about it nearly 30 years later. that had nothing to do with his family... that was his own choice as an adult to still behave like a nasty bratty child. And as someone else has just said, he believed for 10 yrs after Di's death that she had faked her death. THat does indeed argue a serious instability on his part. What does it say about his relationship wiht his mother? That he thought that she would willingly leave him without her, and go on living apart form im for 10 years? He also mentioned that he felt that it would have been perfectly safe for Di's car to drive too fast into the tunnel EVEN IF the driver had had drink taken. That is hardly very sensible commentary is it?

 

[Denville]

I can believe that a child could tell himself that his mother had faked her own death, as a way of trying to cope with the grief--for a few weeks or months. But to go on believing it for ten years, going into adulthood, does seem delusional.

wouldn't believe events happen as Harry claims without some reliable corroborating evidence.

True, it is really quite scary to think that he would believe that for 10 years, yes for a few months it might be understandable but to go on believing it, living with people who certainly would not encourage the delusion seems really weird. and His spite against his family, particularly Charles and William is so obvious that I find it hard to beleive anything he says about them. Look at how he said a few weeks ago that Camilla "left bodies in the street", yet then a week or so later, he was sayng that he got on fine with her....

 

[Denville]

I
Also, a thing that I don’t understand (I’m about at the middle of the book) is what is the narrative. It was advertized as “the man I have become”, yet I don’t see any thread of the metamorphosys yet. Only snippets of his memories, without anything keeping the story together.
Another thing (until now) is how detached he seems to be from the charity interests he was claimomg to have at the time. Only passing mentions without much detail, like somethinh he’s not interested about.
Yes, I never liked him, I’ve always found him to be stupid and spoiled.

I find it hard to think that he has completely lost interest in the charity work, but I agree that this book does not seem to show him as having much interest in what used to be his job, and which he seemed good at. I was a bit dubious when he went to the US, thinking that he might wish to keep up the charity work but that the need to make enough money for a high life lifestyle was going to occupy a lot of his time and the charity stuff would take a lower place..Of course since then he's said tat he felt that he was over worked with the stuff he had to do as a Prince and he did not enjoy it, and did not really want to mix with ordinary people, because he felt like he was being pressured to do too much work. so that was possibly his general feeling about royal duties, that he didnt want to do them and only did it because he had to. and now he's busy with selling his book and the charity work is of no consequence to him at all...

 

[KristehH]

how was he left alone for ages? he was with his brother, he went to church with his family a few hours after learning of Diana's death. He was not alone... Charles' old nanny was there, probalby in a room nearby. And Charles sent for his own recent nanny, Tiggy Legge Bourke, to help console him, and he was in the castle with several cousins of his own age who were there to try and help him.
I cant see how that excuses making spiteful fun of a lady at his school, who was disabled, and still laughing about it nearly 30 years later. that had nothing to do with his family... that was his own choice as an adult to still behave like a nasty bratty child. And as someone else has just said, he believed for 10 yrs after Di's death that she had faked her death. THat does indeed argue a serious instability on his part. What does it say about his relationship wiht his mother? That he thought that she would willingly leave him without her, and go on living apart form im for 10 years? He also mentioned that he felt that it would have been perfectly safe for Di's car to drive too fast into the tunnel EVEN IF the driver had had drink taken. That is hardly very sensible commentary is it?

You bring up another point I had thought of--did Harry ever stop to consider that his belief in Diana still being alive, didn't reflect well on her? That no loving mother would allow her children to think she was dead if she was not? That she would never deliberately allow them to suffer that grief? I'm sure he didn't, but you would think that at some point, long before 10 years, he would start to question?

And it's highly irresponsible, to say the least, that he would say speeding and riding with a driver that had been drinking could ever be a safe thing.

 

[Denville]

I have not read the book so I don't know how he explains his belief that Di faked her death, perhaps he believed that she was not happy or believed herself to be in danger and went into hiding but it shows a very very unstable frame of mind to persist in this idea for so long. I could understand his hiding from the pain of her death for a while, but not for 10 years. and it does seem odd that he didnt think why hasn't Mummy managed to get a message to me form time to time? or even Why did Mum abandon me and William? But he said that thing about the car driving into the tunnel only a couple fo weeks ago, I caught it on TV and I really could not bear to listen so I just got the general idea that he thought the driver was perfectly all right speeding and being a bit jarred. I cant imagine that anyone could say anything so foolish and careless. I think he was trying to put the blame on the paps.... but it just was so foolish

 

[Prinsara]

"Some time after that trip to Klosters [2000/15 year-old Harry] I shared my theory with Willy, about Mummy being in hiding. He admitted that he'd once entertained a similar theory. But ultimately, he'd discarded it.
She's gone, Harold. She's not coming back.
No, no, no, I wouldn't hear such a thing.
Willy, she always said she wanted to just disappear! You heard her!
Yes, she did. But, Harold, she'd never do this to us!
I'd had the very same thought, I told him. But she wouldn't die either, Willy! She'd never do that to us either!
Fair point, Harold."

 

[Alison H]

But he said that thing about the car driving into the tunnel only a couple fo weeks ago, I caught it on TV and I really could not bear to listen so I just got the general idea that he thought the driver was perfectly all right speeding and being a bit jarred. I cant imagine that anyone could say anything so foolish and careless. I think he was trying to put the blame on the paps.... but it just was so foolish

He said that the chief of police told him that Diana's death was due to a combination of factors, and wouldn't have happened if any of those factors had not been present. Harry took that to mean that the paparazzi were entirely to blame, completely ignoring other factors - the driver being drunk, the car travelling at high speed, Diana not wearing her seatbelt.

Convincing himself that she'd faked her death is just weird. There are instances of people faking their own deaths, OK, but a) surely he knew that Diana wouldn't have left him and William and b) her body was there - it's not as if they found a pile of clothes on the beach and assumed she'd drowned at sea or something like that.

I think Sasha Walpole might be quite enjoying her fifteen minutes of fame! "My Royal Romp."

 

[Ghost]

Of all the things he’s said in this book I wouldn’t pick on this idea that he believed Diana faked her death. For once, he cried at the funeral, in Westminster Abbey. Maybe people my age remember that bbc was praised for not showing him when he broke down. If he wouldn’t have believed he wouldn’t have cried. On the other hand, I take it like a coping mechanism, like a way to push away the pain when it was becoming unbearable.

 

[Denville]

He said that the chief of police told him that Diana's death was due to a combination of factors, and wouldn't have happened if any of those factors had not been present. Harry took that to mean that the paparazzi were entirely to blame, completely ignoring other factors - the driver being drunk, the car travelling at high speed, Diana not wearing her seatbelt.

Convincing himself that she'd faked her death is just weird. There are instances of people faking their own deaths, OK, but a) surely he knew that Diana wouldn't have left him and William and b) her body was there - it's not as if they found a pile of clothes on the beach and assumed she'd drowned at sea or something like that.

I think Sasha Walpole might be quite enjoying her fifteen minutes of fame! "My Royal Romp."

well even allowing for him being 15 or so, and not bright, the conversation with William is weird. She woldnt die? She would never do that to them? Seriously? Did poor William agree with him in exhaustion?
As for the idea that it was all down to the paps HOW did he get that from what the chief of police said? perhaps the accident would not have happened if the paps hadn't been after them, but all the same, driving drunk and too fast, with no one wearing seat belts, could cause an accident even with nobody else around.

 

[Denville]

Of all the things he’s said in this book I wouldn’t pick on this idea that he believed Diana faked her death. For once, he cried at the funeral, in Westminster Abbey. Maybe people my age remember that bbc was praised for not showing him when he broke down. If he wouldn’t have believed he wouldn’t have cried. On the other hand, I take it like a coping mechanism, like a way to push away the pain when it was becoming unbearable.

I thought that he said somewhere in this book that he found it hard to cry for Diana and that he had watched videos of Diana on the Net, to try and make himself cry? So did he cry at the funeral service? we wouldn't know, as the cameras were off the boys. and of course in the short term, believing she faked her death could be a coping mechanism but it is definitely abnormal going on believing that for around 10 years.

 

[Ista]

This is a reminder that speculative posts are prohibited on the Royal Forums, and there is beginning to be an increasing number of them on this thread. The thread is about the book, "Spare," and while it covers a lot of territory, and opens up many topics for discussion, speculative posts will be deleted.

In addition, argumentative posts and posts that edge into bickering between members will also be removed.

 

[Meee]

It did occur to him that Diana wouldn’t have faked her own death because of what it would have done to he and William, but he would push it away and repeat to himself that she had no choice etc. It made sense to me and perhaps if he’d had professional help sooner, he wouldn’t have continued to block out truth.

When he and William were given the locks of Diana’s hair, he was telling himself that it could have belonged to anyone. Perhaps he needed to have seen her body to accept that she was gone, but that would have been a very personal thing for Charles to decide on and he wasn’t to know that Harry would cling to such a belief for so long that it would ultimately have been for the best.

I think the 10 year point was probably when his hope that Diana was alive reached 0%, but I think he would have reached that point sooner had he confided in Sarah or Jane what he was thinking. He probably didn’t want to so as to keep the hope alive, but had any of the Spencers told him that there was no cover up I think that’d have been it. They had no reason to lie, whereas he may have thought that Diana hiding was useful to his father. When William said that Diana wasn’t coming back it probably reduced massively the part of him that still believed.

 

[Erin9]

Exactly! She points out that she kept the secret for 21 years.

How unkind to drag her into this after such a long time, without even a word of warning?



But Harry's memoir shows no consideration for anyone else.

She made it clear she never would have said anything ever- and she sure had the opportunity- had Harry not told the story.

I didn’t get the impression she was particularly happy that he went into all that unnecessary detail. My understanding is she outted herself so it could be done on her terms- rather than waking up to find the press at her door. She basically wanted to get it over with- feeling sooner or later her name would come out. What a horrible situation to find herself in.

Perhaps one of the biggest takeaways from Harry’s book is what a thoughtless man he is.

 

[Asteria12]

Of all the things he’s said in this book I wouldn’t pick on this idea that he believed Diana faked her death. For once, he cried at the funeral, in Westminster Abbey. Maybe people my age remember that bbc was praised for not showing him when he broke down. If he wouldn’t have believed he wouldn’t have cried. On the other hand, I take it like a coping mechanism, like a way to push away the pain when it was becoming unbearable.

I agree, I think it was his coping mechanism at the time, and unfortunately he doesn't appear capable of explaining this clearly in his book, like many things.



On a slightly different note, I wonder just how much the ghostwriter was involved in Spare. I wonder if he will ever tell us!

 

[Curryong]

I have read stories of parents who lost sons in the battlefields of WW1 who, after hearing of their sons’ being missing in action, believed for years that they had lost their memory, that they were just wandering around France or Belgium with no memory of their former lives. That was quite a common fantasy of the time, and these were adults.

I don’t think that Harry held onto a belief about Diana just having gone away for ten years, but he may well have clung on to something similar in his teenage years as a coping mechanism and IMO an understandable one. It’s clear that for the twelve/thirteen year old Harry the sense of grief and abandonment was almost insupportable.

 

[silverstar]

Are nt we seeing a Spencer trait here.... and a repeat of history ?

Diana spilled the beans big time with her book ..... Diana her True Story ....

it was a no no for someone so high up in the Royal Family to put those revelations in a book
... a book that sold millions ( not sure if Diana had a share in all that dosh )


It was a betrayal.... of the Royal Family in general and her husband Charles in particular.........
30 odd years later another Spencer steps up with another bomb shell of a book .....Spare !


With his red hair and stocky build Harry has all the traits of the Spencer family
while William is a true Windsor.




.

 

[yukari]

(...)

Also, a thing that I don’t understand (I’m about at the middle of the book) is what is the narrative. It was advertized as “the man I have become”, yet I don’t see any thread of the metamorphosys yet. Only snippets of his memories, without anything keeping the story together.
Another thing (until now) is how detached he seems to be from the charity interests he was claimomg to have at the time. Only passing mentions without much detail, like somethinh he’s not interested about.
Yes, I never liked him, I’ve always found him to be stupid and spoiled.

I think the book does deliver on that point. After reading the book, my take on "what man he has become" is that he is a man who's stuck in the past, so wrapped in it that he has such distorted view of reality and lives in his own fantasy world because he can't accept that the rest of the world has moved on, and he's not above of bending the truths and facts to fit the fantasy world he's been living in.

Sadly, not every boy grows up to be a gentleman. If that's the case, the prison will be empty. Not every change/metamorphosis is towards the better, for some it's spiralling downward.

 

[FigTree]

Are nt we seeing a Spencer trait here.... and a repeat of history ?[/COLOR]
Diana spilled the beans big time with her book ..... Diana her True Story ....
it was a no no for someone so high up in the Royal Family to put those revelations in a book ... a book that sold millions ( not sure if Diana had a share in all that dosh )[/COLOR]
It was a betrayal.... of the Royal Family in general and her husband Charles in particular.........30 odd years later another Spencer steps up with another bomb shell of a book .....Spare ! [/COLOR]
With his red hair and stocky build Harry has all the traits of the Spencer family while William is a true Windsor.

I wouldn’t call Harry stocky at all. His Spencer uncle either. Spencer’s are taller then Harry.

 

[KristehH]

I have read stories of parents who lost sons in the battlefields of WW1 who, after hearing of their sons’ being missing in action, believed for years that they had lost their memory, that they were just wandering around France or Belgium with no memory of their former lives. That was quite a common fantasy of the time, and these were adults.

I don’t think that Harry held onto a belief about Diana just having gone away for ten years, but he may well have clung on to something similar in his teenage years as a coping mechanism and IMO an understandable one. It’s clear that for the twelve/thirteen year old Harry the sense of grief and abandonment was almost insupportable.

But the WWl situation is slightly different. While most of the missing in action soldiers were killed, some of them did survive and return. If the parents knew of other MIA soldiers who had lived, and there was no body and no one definitely saying, "Your son is dead.", then it would be easier to hold on to hope.

I do understand and sympathize with Harry believing in Diana's survival when he was first told. But it does seem odd that he would continue to believe it into adulthood and he did say he believed there was a chance she was alive until he was about 23.

 

[Denville]

I have read stories of parents who lost sons in the battlefields of WW1 who, after hearing of their sons’ being missing in action, believed for years that they had lost their memory, that they were just wandering around France or Belgium with no memory of their former lives. That was quite a common fantasy of the time, and these were adults.

I don’t think that Harry held onto a belief about Diana just having gone away for ten years, but he may well have clung on to something similar in his teenage years as a coping mechanism and IMO an understandable one. It’s clear that for the twelve/thirteen year old Harry the sense of grief and abandonment was almost insupportable.

That's not at all the same as believing for years that your beloved mother disappeared, faked her death and neve got in touch iwht you all that time. In the war, millions were killed or injured and many were missing in action, so it was just plausible that someone might turn up a long time later, having lost his memory or not been identified..
but this was a peacetime death of a young woman in a very publicised accident. Hary knew that 2 ohter people had been killed in the accident, did he think that Diana had faked her own deaht but allowed 2 other people to be killed to cover up?

 

[Denville]

It did occur to him that Diana wouldn’t have faked her own death because of what it would have done to he and William, but he would push it away and repeat to himself that she had no choice etc. It made sense to me and perhaps if he’d had professional help sooner, he wouldn’t have continued to block out truth.

When he and William were given the locks of Diana’s hair, he was telling himself that it could have belonged to anyone. Perhaps he needed to have seen her body to accept that she was gone, but that would have been a very personal thing for Charles to decide on and he wasn’t to know that Harry would cling to such a belief for so long that it would ultimately have been for the best.

I think the 10 year point was probably when his hope that Diana was alive reached 0%, but I think he would have reached that point sooner had he confided in Sarah or Jane what he was thinking. He probably didn’t want to so as to keep the hope alive, but had any of the Spencers told him that there was no cover up I think that’d have been it. They had no reason to lie, whereas he may have thought that Diana hiding was useful to his father. When William said that Diana wasn’t coming back it probably reduced massively the part of him that still believed.

but would William not have perhaps said something to his aunts as close relatives who had seen Di's body? Surely, if Harry told him he had this idea that Di was still alive, it seems to me if William was concerned, he would have gone to his aunts and told them that Har was harbouring this wild fantasy and ask them to have a word with him? I wonder if he did, and they did talk to him but I get the feeling that Harry clings to his own ideas stubbornly.... perhaps he can't help it in some aspects

 

[Denville]

She made it clear she never would have said anything ever- and she sure had the opportunity- had Harry not told the story.

I didn’t get the impression she was particularly happy that he went into all that unnecessary detail. My understanding is she outted herself so it could be done on her terms- rather than waking up to find the press at her door. She basically wanted to get it over with- feeling sooner or later her name would come out. What a horrible situation to find herself in.

Perhaps one of the biggest takeaways from Harry’s book is what a thoughtless man he is.

I agree, I think that Harry should have dropped any mention of his first sexual encounter or kept it so vague that it would be hard for anyone to guess it. He seems to have included enough detail to get the press looking around, and once that happened I think the girl had no choice but to come clean and say something. if she had really wanted to talk about it or make money out of it, she could have done so years ago.

 

[Meee]

but would William not have perhaps said something to his aunts as close relatives who had seen Di's body? Surely, if Harry told him he had this idea that Di was still alive, it seems to me if William was concerned, he would have gone to his aunts and told them that Har was harbouring this wild fantasy and ask them to have a word with him? I wonder if he did, and they did talk to him but I get the feeling that Harry clings to his own ideas stubbornly.... perhaps he can't help it in some aspects

We don’t know what Harry said to William after William said that Diana was gone, had Harry agreed then William probably believed that was the end of it and may not have seen the sense in potentially creating an awkward situation with and for his brother by telling what he’d said. It’d taken him a few years to confide in William, after all. It’s possible they did have a word also, we’ll probably never know.

 

[Denville]

We don’t know what Harry said to William after William said that Diana was gone, had Harry agreed then William probably believed that was the end of it and may not have seen the sense in potentially creating an awkward situation with and for his brother by telling what he’d said. It’d taken him a few years to confide in William, after all. It’s possible they did have a word also, we’ll probably never know.

but according to Harry he went on believing that she was not dead, for several years. I think if I were William, i'd probably ask the aunts to talk to him, in the belief that they could make him understand that she was dead. but then Will was not that old himself, and perhaps he just didnt' know what to do. We're told that he got Harry to seek help for his mental problems, and I suspect that may have been something that he tried to do for several years. I think that he probalby raised the issue often over a long period before Harry did go for psychatric help

 

[Granada]

Just wanted to point out that Harry's revelations in "Spare" about his "todger" got him mocked AGAIN, at The Grammy's no less.

Yep, Trevor Noah has joined Jimmy Kimmel in publicly dissing the once dashing Prince. Trevor said, when introducing James Cordon "that he is living proof that a man can move from London to LA and not tell everyone about his frost bitten penis".

If I wasn't so VERY disappointed in Harry, I could *almost* feel bad for him.

To go from a respected and very well liked Prince, to now being the butt of jokes about his penis. WOW.

Hardly the profile that a would be Global "activist and humanitarian" and champion of mental health issues wants to be seen as. Now seen as a lightweight, immature fool. As well as untrustworthy with a big mouth.

I can ONLY wonder now if Harry and Meghan wished that many of these foolish-juvenile appearing stories and claims from The Book, were cut ?
I would have to think yes.

 

[Denville]

Harry has said quite a bit of this stuff before, tho'. not the todger or the creaming said todger, but a lot of stuff is just a more detailed version of things that he said earlier on. He has talked about his kills before. he has admitted to feeling angry and violent, now he's just added to it by saying that he beat up his bodyguard and or that he laughed at his matron. He has apparently shown little interest in his charity work in this book but then again, he said 2 years ago that he did not like doing charity /royal duties work and that he felt over worked with the amount he had done back a few years ago. (and I think that the remarks about the royal work and how he felt he did not want to do it or work with the Ghurkas etc, rather shocked some of his fans at the time... I know that althouh I was not a big fan by then I was surprised and a bit shocked that he seemed not to care much about the public and felt put upon by having to work with them.
I suppose Im saying that while this book has intensified the image of a foolish, angry confused selfish man, it is not all that different to a lot of the stuff that he has said over the past couple of years since he left royal life.

 

[Ghost]

Harry has said quite a bit of this stuff before, tho'. not the todger or the creaming said todger, but a lot of stuff is just a more detailed version of things that he said earlier on. He has talked about his kills before. he has admitted to feeling angry and violent, now he's just added to it by saying that he beat up his bodyguard and or that he laughed at his matron. He has apparently shown little interest in his charity work in this book but then again, he said 2 years ago that he did not like doing charity /royal duties work and that he felt over worked with the amount he had done back a few years ago. (and I think that the remarks about the royal work and how he felt he did not want to do it or work with the Ghurkas etc, rather shocked some of his fans at the time... I know that althouh I was not a big fan by then I was surprised and a bit shocked that he seemed not to care much about the public and felt put upon by having to work with them.
I suppose Im saying that while this book has intensified the image of a foolish, angry confused selfish man, it is not all that different to a lot of the stuff that he has said over the past couple of years since he left royal life.

I think he passed the threshold between humanly flawed and therefore likeable into caricature level flawed.

 

[Alison H]

I think people were angry at his attacks on the Royal Family, especially in the Oprah interview, but now he's become a figure of mockery. Even the bit about William allegedly shoving him got turned into memes about dogs' bowls, and the frozen todger thing has really made him a figure of fun.

 

[Denville]

Umm.. I agree that he looks silly after this book, but what would bother me more was that I had made people think/realise that I was violently angry and lashed out physically at people, mocked people, didn't care for the public even when I'd been seen as a warm hearted young man who got on well with them..Not to mention had a weird obsession with my mother and had held onto a wild idea that she was still alive... for years.
Then again I suppose Harry does not have the nous to understand that he showed so much of his bad side in the book and noone told him. But most of it isn't really new, si it? He said 2 years ago that he didn't lke meeting people or doing tours esp the one where he worked with the GHurkas, which is tantamount to saying that he really does not like the public who turn up to see him and whom he used to get on well with, so its not that much worse I suppose to say cheerfully that at school you made fun of a disabled staff member, or that you hit your bodyguard.

 

[Royalist.in.NC]

I agree, I think that Harry should have dropped any mention of his first sexual encounter or kept it so vague that it would be hard for anyone to guess it. He seems to have included enough detail to get the press looking around, and once that happened I think the girl had no choice but to come clean and say something. if she had really wanted to talk about it or make money out of it, she could have done so years ago.

I subscribe to The Royalist which comes weekly from The Daily Beast. Honestly, even though Tina Brown started it, I’m not sure how reliable it is so I won’t share the link per forum rules. The issue that came out yesterday quotes Sasha Walpole saying things like: she’s kept this a secret for 21 years and would have never said anything about it had he not written about it in Spare. She revealed herself as she knew it was only a matter of time before the press did and she didn’t want to be anxious about when it would happen. She also commented that he didn’t have to reveal all the personal details.
Again, this is such an adolescent thing to have done, Harry. I really feel for this woman who has had her privacy invaded.