Engagement of Prince Harry of Wales and Meghan Markle: November 27, 2017

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THis worrying about someone else’s relationship thing kind of cracks me up. Sure, I love the couple, and would support whatever they decide to do. But do I worry about their personal relationship not lasting? Not really. There is a few reasons for it.

First being that it’s not my marriage and I’m not in the relationship. Second is seeing how so many different relationships turn out so differently and realizing that there is not one way to work it out. For example, we all know the Cambridges were together for a long time and it serves as a bedrock for their marriage. However, how many thinks that a long marriage means stability and knowing each other long enough being a measure of success thought about how Meghan’s first marriage turned out? They started dating around the same time (2003/2004) that Cambridges met and married only a few months after Cambridges. Timing wise, the two couples paralleled almost perfectly. And we all know how differently those two relationships turned out. I think we can all agree that sometimes long relationships prior to marriage end in divorce whereas short relationships also end in lasting marriages. And I don’t know if we can call a 17 months relationship before engagement short when you are in your 30s and understand yourself and what you need better than when you are in your teens or 20s.

I initially thought it might have been necessary for them to spend a few months just living together before engagement too based on what we knew at the time. I was firmly in the engagement by March and wedding in the fall camp, and argued with fans that thought November engagement on this. Well, do I have eggs on my face about this. :lol:

However, after the engagement interview, I no longer thought that as necessary because we found out new information. We didn’t know they never went longer than two weeks without seeing each other because they are so good at evading paparazzi by staying in or get out of the city. Second, Meghan’s understanding of the substance in her new role and what it would entail was pretty clear to me in what she said. It seemed that Harry was pretty frank with her about the bad parts of the job as well. It’s also clear that they support each other in this regard, and this will help them weather the storm of public opinion. Third is the utter commitment and common goal from the couple of what they want to achieve in life and work. As we get older, we all begin to understand common goals and shared values are vital to a lasting relationship.

With all that said, no marriage is easy and no one knows what the future holds. It might last, it might not. Who cares and who can predict? Just enjoy this ride. At the end, the experience is the important part. And no worries, I doubt they’d bring down the monarchy either way. See, when you look at the grand scheme of things, it’s not so bad.
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Harry and Meghan have both been around the block. They probably each have insight into what they need in a relationship, and why their relationships did not work out. From what I know of the two of them, they are pretty much perfect for each other.

They seem to have so many of the same goals in common, goals they shared before they even knew each other. They are both mature enough, experienced enough to know what they want out of life, what they can tolerate, that I think they have covered the physical, emotional and career objectives with each other.

Personally, I knew my first husband for more than a year before we married, and were together about six years or so before we divorced. I met my current (last) husband and we decided to marry within two weeks. We had known each other five months before we married, and have our 10-year anniversary later this month. What you know about yourself when you're in your 20s may be quite different than what you know about yourself in your thirties.
That is what is worrying me - is Harry rushing into this marriage to have children rather than to have a life-long partnership? Barely 18 months and they haven't even lived in the same country for most of that time.

I believe there are bets being taken on how long the marriage lasts with 5 years being the favourite and quite a lot of money being put down with some local bookies I know on the wedding being called off before May once they realise that they don't really know each other and the difficulties she will face when she realises that she can't say anything without having it approved and the very idea of going out spontaneously is now a thing of the past.

18 months is not fast at that age.

If they were in their early twenties perhaps. When they are finishing school, settling into jobs and so on. In your thirties you tend to know what and who you want in life. There really is no point of 'playing house' just to make it a longer courtship. You know pretty easily if that is the person you want to be with.

I think it quite naïve to think Meghan hasn't 'realized' that she will have to watch what she says, and her privacy will be gone. This is not some starry eyed school girl who is living out a fairy tale and blindly going in.
5 months? Huh? When they get married they will have been together 2 years. That is plenty of time. They are at the age where people know what they want out of life. No need to fiddle about. I don't feel they are rushed at all.

They have basically been living together their entire relationship. I think they grew closer and faster because it was all in secret and they were alone together more than most would be in the start if a relationship. I mean for goodness sake their third day was them camping in Botswana.

They both going into this with their eyes open. I knew things were serious the moment that statement was released. He would never have if it wasn't. I knew he would marry her and shocking... he is.

I knew Harry was serious when KP released the statement. I knew Meghan was serious when she shut down all her social media.
Spending a few days together every few weeks....IMO isn't really enough to see what marriage wil be like. And it is a marriage that will be watched in public, will have strains that other relationships don't have. I don't know if a long distance relationship over 18 months is great preparation for married life, esp when one of thtem is going to have to adjust to a very unusual lifestyle. And I don't think that another divorce would be good for the RF, which has just recovered from the troubles of the 1990s.
Of course there are no guarantees, but I do think that Kate and William at least had a long time of knowing each other, had a separation which gave them a chance to see how they felt apart from each other, and lived together. Its not a guarantee that their marriage will wrok out but it probably has a decent chance. However its up to them..
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My, people sure have set formulas for what makes marriage works in terms of timing.

I am in a long distance relationship because of my job. When I see my partner, our time together is quality time. We know each other so well because we put in some much intention to staying in contact and seeing each other. We are each others priority in off work time. I have friends who see their partners every day who do not have the same connection as my partner and I.

With modern technology, you have FacTime, skype, etc. It is very easy to stay close to folks. If we take Harry and Meghan at their words, and why wouldn't we at this point, they saw each other twice a month for some pretty intense time together. It seems more and more likely they sequestered themselves away at Windsor, one on one.

IMO opinion, by 30 hopefully you know what you want. Hopefully you are more settled in who you are. Meghan and Harry seem like two people who know what they want and are settled in who they are. As long as they have clear communication, trust, respect for each other and a common passion, I think they are set up for success as you can hope for in any marriage. Life happens, maybe they last 60 years, maybe they last 5. But its very strange to be predicting doom and gloom based off of some very arbitrary measures IMO.
its not predicting gloom, its being realistic. Living togeheter doesn't guarantee a marriage will succeed, but I don't believe that seeing each other for a few days, "in holiday mode" interspersed with internet contact, is the same as married life.
Esp when Meghan has got ot adjust to a new country, to a very very unusual life, which is different from what she's had up to now.
its not predicting gloom, its being realistic. Living togeheter doesn't guarantee a marriage will succeed, but I don't believe that seeing each other for a few days, "in holiday mode" interspersed with internet contact, is the same as married life.
Esp when Meghan has got ot adjust to a new country, to a very very unusual life, which is different from what she's had up to now.

And how do we know they are in holiday mode? From what we’ve seen, they are very much settled in life. From the way the proposal went down and to how much time they’ve been able to spend with each other’s family. And honestly, if you don’t know the difference between holiday mode and normal life into your mid 30s, I really don’t know what to say. Especially considering those two are very worldly people.

Bottom line is, this isn’t your average he wants to marry her and she wants to marry him here. There is a thing where he has to ask for his monarh’s permission. If she truly feels they aren’t ready, and HMQ has plenty of experiences to draw from, she’d find her own way of telling him to slow down. Beyond that, no one will know what will happen in the future.
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of course they are in holiday mode. They've met up, privately, with H I suppose mostly meeting her abroad or flyng to the American continent to spend a few days iwht her. Tha'ts not normal married life.
And Harry has a good deal of leisure so he problaby doesn't have a very clear idea of "normal working life" and holiday time.. He is able to take a good deal of time off, and generally isn't tied ot a lot of duties.
I am sure the queen has considered all this but she has made mistakes before, in thinking that Sarah York was sutiable as a royal wife, or that Diana and Charles would work out.
Previous ..Denville my worry is very much like you. The excitement of sneaking around from the press every couple of weeks meeting up has been fun and very very exciting. Will it be as good when all the boring times hit.? I love Harry and really hope this all works out and they last the distance. I trend to be a worrier and I’m worried about him.
well I don't care personally. But I'd like to see the BRF go on for another few decades at least, and be reasonably successful. And I am not taken with any of the younger folk.. William IMO is the best of the "new foursome". I think he's shy, awkard and not as active as he might be, but he's a decent young man, and I think he'll do OK. Harry has a good heart but not much head IMO, and I think that in marrying someone who is from a very differnet culture, he is taking a chance. However, he clearly is in love.. and we'll hope for the best. However so far I have not taken to her.
I don't think they've been in a 'holiday mode' for a long time. I think they've been living a settled life, spending time with friends and family, getting to really know each other. As for normal married life, getting married to the RF, and building a life in it is not 'normal' any way. It's a very entitled way of life, highly luxurious, lots of PR and jet setting and traveling. Lots of glamour and fashion, more PR and PR work. Meeting new people and all that. I don't thing living together as a couple would prepare for any of that. Only way to know what it's like to be married yo a royal, and live a married life as a royal couple is by getting married and living that life.

IMHO both Meghan and Harry are very aware what this marriage will entail, their responsibilities, restrictions etc. Meghan has shown her understanding, that she can't be outspoken about politics or controversial issues by stopping all form of social media, the Tig, her job etc. She's eager to work within the firm.

Only time will tell if they'll last, but imho a long relationship before getting married is no more guarantee for a successful marriage, than a 18 month long relationship. It depends on the couple and the individuals in the couple. And IMHO Harry and Meghan just might have what it takes.
I can understand and respect both points of view for and against this relationship. But at the end of the day, it's Harry and Meghan's relationship and they are the ones making the decisions about their lives....not us royal watchers.
Well of course it’s not going to matter what we say. But this is a discussion forum and we are discussing
To be honest I have massive concerns about the future generations of the RF, they certainly seem set on doing things differently and thats not IMO, necessarily better. Meghan could go either way, she could still carry on being more a celebrity than royal but equally she could take to her new role extremely well and thrive and help the RF thrive.
It's hardly 'holiday mode' when you are flying in and out of a country around your filming schedule to the point you don't even know what day or time it is. This is not 'fun' stuff.

They put a lot of work into this relationship already.

As far as time of knowing each other before marriage. She knew her first husband around 8 years before they married..and their marriage lasted about 2 years IIRC.

I knew the day I met my husband we would end up married, just over a year later we married. That was almost 30 years ago.

There are multiple factors involved in what makes a lasting marriage. Mutual goals and beliefs/views and commitment to stick it out no matter what are probably more important than how long a person dates prior to marriage.

Of course it is Holiday...They are spending a few days together in private possibly visitng family and friends, on and off.
Its not getting up every day, going to one's job.. being at home together at times.. which is normal life even for royals.
Meghan hasn't lived in th UK, she's just visited.
Kate and William have had a fairly normal life together for some time before their marriage, living together, going out to dinner etc. K wasn't doing royal engagements, but she and Will spent a lot of time together before they got engaged. he spent a lot of time with her family...
Meghan and Harry have had "fun time" on short visits.
Of course no one can say what will make a good marriage, and of course at times it comes down to "sticking it out" and working through the bad times. but that's not easy. Hopefully they are mature enguh to know this by now, but I don't think that they have septn a lot of time together (if they have tehn they're not working as hard as one would think), and they haven't gotten to know each other in a normal life (for royals) context. It would be the same if he weren't a prince..
Making this relationship work has been hard work and making it a priority. It hasn't been a holiday. I think during this year and half they got to know each other really well, the ins and outs of each other's personalities, and they mesh well.
:previous:Did you watch the engagement interview?

They never spent longer than 2 weeks apart since the relationship began. And they said Harry made very clear to her a few months in what it would mean and the ramifications on her life.
And the time they spent together wasn't hanging out at nightclubs--there seems to have been a lot of one on one time and quiet evenings at home.

I think I would feel a lot better about them if they had waited until the two year mark of their relationship to announce their engagement . Right now they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and Meghan gives up her entire life , country and job .
Every couple is different. I have friends who married after 6 months of knowing each other and have just celebrated their ten year anniversary. Conversely, I have a cousin who married her school sweetheart after knowing him for 20 years and they divorced after two years of marriage. We can’t possibly know how Harry and Meghan feel about each other and we can only wish them well. If anyone could really predict the future, we’d live in a much happier world.
Personally, I don't think its the time spent together before an engagement that really makes a difference. Marriage changes everything no matter how long you've known your partner. It takes work. It takes compromise. It takes being willing to go from a "me" to an "us".

I knew my first husband for six months about when we married. That marriage lasted 20 years and fell apart because we changed. We matured (or at least one of us did) and we didn't mesh with each other so much anymore. I knew my second husband for eight years before we married. That period was just as best friends with no romance to it until a year before we married. That marriage has also lasted 20 years and still going strong. We mesh still and I do think being a best friend first made for a stronger relationship.

Harry and Meghan know each other well enough right now to know that their connection to each other is very strong. They have common goals and a common outlook on life and most of all, I think they respect each other's individuality. They didn't go into this with stars in their eyes so much that they were "in love" and blindly rushed off to get married. They honored each of their commitments and worked out a plan just how to go about getting married in a mature, intelligent way.

To see the both of them at their engagement announcement and to look at their engagement photos, this is a couple deeply in love with each other. They both have the strong conviction that they can and will make a marriage work. How the marriage goes will be determined day by day starting with the wedding. It doesn't really matter how they got to the point where they are right now or how long it took or how many minutes they've racked up being together. What matters the most is what they do with their marriage going into the future.
Even if Meghan just moved in with Harry, that wouldn't show her what her life as a Royal Duchess would be like. IMO nothing can prepare you for it really. But commitment to each other and support from Harry and his family will go a long way to success.
I didn't date my husband for 2 years before we got engaged, I hadn't even known him for 2 years! Yes, we lived in the same city but we both had jobs with weird hours and he not only had a full time job (often over 40 hours / week) but also 3 part time jobs. We had to work to see each other. And we didn't live together to experience daily life.
But we'll have been married 31 years next May. It wasn't the time we knew each other beforehand. It was the commitment to each other and our marriage even during rough patches that has made our marriage last.
well I don't care personally. But I'd like to see the BRF go on for another few decades at least, and be reasonably successful.

I agree.

But I don't think this engagement is rushed. Two years is plenty of time.

I really don't like these long courtships where the couple is dating for a decade; all too often they come to nothing.

Nevertheless, we haven't a clue as to how this marriage (or any marriage) will work out. Meghan and Harry may be married for the next fifty years, while the Cambridges may divorce tomorrow. There's no way to tell.
Mirabel yes just see Beatrice's situation...they were together almost 10 years and nothing. Eugenie is headed that direction too it seems...maybe hers will end in marriage.

Even if Meghan just moved in with Harry, that wouldn't show her what her life as a Royal Duchess would be like. IMO nothing can prepare you for it really. But commitment to each other and support from Harry and his family will go a long way to success.

That's true. It's not about how much time they spend with each other but how much support they give each other.

You don't need so much time if you really want to know someone well and deep enough. They are adult and they are mature enough to figure out is it the right time to get marry. Obviously they think they are ready so they decide to get marry. Waiting few more years to prepare is pretty senseless to me. Honestly I don't see the reason for us to say it is too rushing, they know what they are doing. JMO :flowers:
I'm sure ALL couples getting married feel that they "know what they are doigng." it doesn't stop there being a high divorce rate...
I agree.

But I don't think this engagement is rushed. Two years is plenty of time.

I really don't like these long courtships where the couple is dating for a decade; all too often they come to nothing.

Such long courtships somehow become a bad thing in my mind.:lol: Usually it is like what you say, the couple comes to nothing in the end, or they are fully in love but not allowed to marry. (sorry for OT)
The high divorce rate, I believe, is not due to the couple not knowing what they were doing going into the marriage but the assumption that because they were married, everything falls into place.

Life is difficult and so is marriage. :D
Unrealistic expectations for some folks. Marriage is dirty hard work at times.

Long dating before marriage doesn't guarantee successful marriage though. Marriage is hard work, there has to be a lot of love, like, respect and hard work to make it work. Meghan and Harry actually worked hard to make this beginning 18 months work, I think they're dedicated to continue that hard work once married. Also, Imo, the love, like and respect are there too.
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