"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[Alison H]

I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a rational conversation with Harry, and, even if it was, he'd just repeat it to the nearest media outlet. Ignoring him is all that the Royal Family can do. He's delusional and paranoid.

 

[Erin9]

I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a rational conversation with Harry, and, even if it was, he'd just repeat it to the nearest media outlet. Ignoring him is all that the Royal Family can do. He's delusional and paranoid.

I don’t think anyone can have a rational conversation with him either. That was my biggest takeaway from the book. And this interview is driving that point home.

 

[Somebody]

This part (from the Telegraph interview) is rather telling: everything is 'unconcious bias' and yes, by Harry's admission, Meghan was shouting at the staff - but others have done so too, so in Harry's eyes Meghan being held accountable for it was the problem... and not her misbehaving.

I put it to him that even if Meghan is difficult – and I don’t think she is – it is unlikely that the monarchy have never encountered a difficult member of the family before. “But that’s the thing,” he nods, “that’s the unconscious bias. But they always tell on themselves. The press will tell on themselves and the family will tell on themselves as well. You look back on the history of how many members of my family have shouted at staff, [and] that is apparently all forgotten about and Meghan’s the bully.” He shakes his head. “It’s like, what? No, no, no. The members of this family that are literally brought up within this construct, have some issues to deal with.”

And about his life mission:

The question so many have put to him is: is it worth it? His response is simple. “I feel like this is my life’s mission, to right the wrongs of the very thing that drove us out. Because it took my mum, it took Caroline Flack, who was my girlfriend, and it nearly took my wife. And if that isn’t a good enough reason to use the pain and turn it into purpose, I don’t know what it is.”

So, it seems we are not done with it. He will only stop when the whole media and royal family will sing his/their praises...

 

[Somebody]

In terms of what ended up in the book: his 'life-changing trip to Nepal in 2016' was removed but other parts remained? Who wouldn't include a 'life-changing trip' in his memoir?! But divulge lots of insignificant details that are better reserved for conversations with only your closest friends.

And about Therapy (that he wasn't able to get for his wife for some unknown reason)... Notice that it only started working when Meghan got involved...

Therapy, at first suggested by his brother, but properly engaged with once he got together with Meghan, changed everything. “It was like clearing the windscreen, clearing away all the Instagram filters, all of life’s filters.”

(...)

He took ayahuasca, a psychedelic, with a professional – there is some research that the plant has positive effects on mental wellbeing. “After taking ayahuasca with the proper people,” he says, sipping his entirely non-mind altering chamomile tea, “I suddenly realised – wow! – it’s not about the crying. She [Diana] wants me to be happy.

(...)

But as much as William was the first person to even suggest therapy, I just wish that he would be able to feel the same benefits of that as opposed to believing what he doesn’t need to.” (Harry claims that William thinks therapy has made him delusional.)

Maybe if the brothers had taken an ayahuasca trip together, none of this would have happened.

 

[Muhler]

He is sounding more erratic. It could be a way of crying for help. He needs it imo. Whatever he’s been doing is not working. That is painfully obvious.

As much as I think Harry relies on Meghan, trusts her….she ultimately can’t control what he says or does. That’s assuming she has an issue with this. I would like to think she does. But- IDK. I haven’t been impressed with her judgment over the last few years either.

IMO it is a cry for help or perhaps rather attention.
It's little boy Harry, who is crying and wants to be told that he is loved - loved more than everybody else.
Harry the Boy wants his whole family to sit around him, with all their attention on him, loving him and comforting him, and giving him toys, nicer and bigger toys than William.

All of the above, plus the comments about William and Kate's children, is really quite sinister.

It feels like Harry is stalking his own family.

He sure is obsessed with his family! He is, I suppose, doing what so many unhappy people do: Lash out at those near and dearest to him, because he can - everybody else would snap his head off - and because they have, until now, always forgiven and indulged him.

----------------

I must grudgingly confess that what Harry has accomplished is truly remarkable, even admirable, depending on your view.
He has become a multi-millionaire by whining incessantly!
He has become an economic success by turning his hobby, which is finding examples of perceived slights to him and his wife, imagined or otherwise, into a business.

It's fantastic, I'll even say unique. I can't recall anyone but Harry, who managed to sulk and moan about his miserable life on such a global scale. I wonder if we will ever see his match again?

 

[Durham]

The issue of the spare is not difficult. They can be given a choice of leading a private untitled life or a titled public one. I think Harry sees it as some great pressing & complex issue.

 

[Somebody]

The Telegraph interview is probably dirtier than the Book and the Netflix doc put together. What a mess.


"Save them from themselves"

"“I feel like this is my life’s mission, to right the wrongs of the very thing that drove us out"

"But there are some things that have happened, especially between me and my brother, and to some extent between me and my father, that I just don’t want the world to know. Because I don’t think they would ever forgive me. Now you could argue that some of the stuff I’ve put in there, well, they will never forgive me anyway. But the way I see it is, I’m willing to forgive you for everything you’ve done, and I wish you’d actually sat down with me, properly, and instead of saying I’m delusional and paranoid, actually sit down and have a proper conversation about this, because what I’d really like is some accountability. And an apology to my wife.”"

There comes a moment when enough is enough. Cut all the ties. It's clear whatever the family responds, privately or publicly, will be used and distorted by Harry. He's not well.

I am pretty sure the family would also like some accountability from Harry and Meghan... and apologies from both of them as well. It is pretty hard if someone wants you to admit things that are simply untrue and only exist in their minds. Next to of course things that they should have handled differently (on both sides) but the two of them won't be satisfied until they fully embrace their narrative.

 

[royalwatcher96]

I'm just wondering how this will end? How long will Harry continue his attacks for? It's turning into a neverending nightmare for the BRF!

 

[Ghost]

How can you say that

“ ‘What’s the difference between airing lies about your family through the British press, or airing truth through a book?’ In my case, this is all contained in one place where I hold myself entirely accountable and responsible for what I am saying.”

When in your book you said “ “there’s just as much truth in what I remember and how I remember it as there is in so-called objective facts. Things like chronology and cause-and-effect are often just fables we tell ourselves about the past.”



I just can’t.

 

[Sionevar]

I'm just wondering how this will end? How long will Harry continue his attacks for? It's turning into a neverending nightmare for the BRF!

I suspect i) badly and ii) until he either has some kind of breakdown or is sued into silence.

I can't see any way they could be invited to the Coronation now. He is declaring all out war on his family.

 

[tihkon2]

How can you say that

“ ‘What’s the difference between airing lies about your family through the British press, or airing truth through a book?’ In my case, this is all contained in one place where I hold myself entirely accountable and responsible for what I am saying.”

When in your book you said “ “there’s just as much truth in what I remember and how I remember it as there is in so-called objective facts. Things like chronology and cause-and-effect are often just fables we tell ourselves about the past.”



I just can’t.

Exactly. He really is delusional. And expects everyone to just go along with his paranaoid false memories. He needs psychiatric help.

 

[Moran]

I'm sure it's in the best interest of the Wales children to have it recorded in perpetuity that their father never loved their mother, that she was just convenient - both lumped together with their grandparents' sad story.

Only Uncle Harry knows what's best for them because his Mommy Meghan has told him so.

 

[camelot23ca]

The issue of the spare is not difficult. They can be given a choice of leading a private untitled life or a titled public one. I think Harry sees it as some great pressing & complex issue.

Harry probably needs to make it more complex than it is because he and Meghan failed at it.

The way I see it, if we look at Harry, Andrew and Margaret, the issue isn’t “how do we make the role of the Spare less complex?” but rather “here’s what happens when you spoil your children.”

There are no guarantees with any child, but I think the best thing William and Catherine can do for all three of their children is to give them consistent attention, limits and the tools to live responsible adult lives, whether they become working royals or not.

Harry bringing William’s children into the discussion is unforgivable, especially since he acknowledges that William already told him that his children are his own responsibility.

 

[Curbside]

I honestly he probably wants his niece and nephew to have more choices. It seems like all the offspring are expected to participate in the family business, whether they want to or not.

 

[Durham]

I'm just wondering how this will end? How long will Harry continue his attacks for? It's turning into a neverending nightmare for the BRF!

Maybe he will never stop but he relies on the media taking an interest & at some point they won't. He'll fade away into irrelevance. But at the moment both he & papers like The Mail are in a symbiotic relationship, milking each other for all their worth.

As amoral as each other.

 

[A Tudor]

I suspect i) badly and ii) until he either has some kind of breakdown or is sued into silence.

I can't see any way they could be invited to the Coronation now. He is declaring all out war on his family.

I don't think his family can sue him into silence from a legal perspective, the only option would be paying him for silence, but I guess he can get more money throwing them under the bus than he would get from them directly (at least for now).


My guess is that he will keep attacking them for years until nobody cares anymore. Then he will be forever this bitter and resentful man, always complaining about how wronged he was by his family. Much like the Duke of Windsor, but in a much cheaper version.

 

[Durham]

I honestly he probably wants his niece and nephew to have more choices. It seems like all the offspring are expected to participate in the family business, whether they want to or not.

It isn't a business. Relatives of the sovereign are not needed for the monarchy to function. The present rf is a construct of the late C19th & C20th centuries. The only person who matters is the monarch, his relatives are constitutionally irrelevant.

 

[Alison H]

What he's saying doesn't make sense. It's actually damgerous - what if someone had a false memory of a crime? How are his false memories of how he was told about the Queen Mother's death "just as true" as what actually happened? He really does need help.

I don't know how much Meghan is involved in all this. Did she bargain for Harry turning into someone whose raison d'etre is to complain about his family and talk nonsense?

 

[ppetrica]

I honestly he probably wants his niece and nephew to have more choices. It seems like all the offspring are expected to participate in the family business, whether they want to or not.

He doesn't give a s... about his niece and nephew. His actions during the past several years prove it.
The Queen offered him and Meghan a possibility for them to lead ordinary lives and for Meghan to continue acting, but they refused (since it didn't obviously include titles and other perks).
With his actions he is simply feeding his ego (and bank account).
No love for the royal family nor the monarchy here.

 

[EllieCat]

He may have been an officer, but he certainly hasn't been a gentleman.

 

[tommy100]

So if Camilla came out and said Meghan was bad (as Harry seems to suggest she has done via leaks to the media) then that would be okay because its "contained in one place where [she] hold myself entirely accountable and responsible for what [she is] am saying.” I don't think so.

The Telegraph article is interesting because it looks beyond the royal tittle tattle (and much more actual serious claims raised IMO) to try and focus on well being and mental health and still Harry comes off poor in all respects.

He digs himself into more holes every time he speaks - now it seems Meghan did shout at staff but its only bad because we in the UK all have "unconscious bias" and so when she does it its bad but when others do its okay. Well a) I don't think it is okay whoever does it but b) there is a huge difference between someone you barely know and is "new to the company" (i.e. Meghan) shouting at you vs someone you've worked along side for a long time doing so very rarely wen they are in heightened states of emotion. Sorry but there just is. It isn't a race thing. If Meghan wasn't a person of colour but did the same I'm sure the reaction would have been the same - its about someone new coming in.

The problem with what Harry says is he is offering a 'truce" on his terms. By saying "But the way I see it is, I’m willing to forgive you for everything you’ve done, and I wish you’d actually sat down with me, properly, and instead of saying I’m delusional and paranoid, actually sit down and have a proper conversation about this, because what I’d really like is some accountability." you are ruling out them every doing that because by even sitting down with Harry they would be appearing to agree they are to blame and are taking accountability for all the things Harry has claimed they have done. Without accepting any blame or missteps himself he can't really ever expect his family to reconcile with him again. He is clever though is saying enough times he "just wants to talk and make things right" but actually his book has shown that any time that has happened he has shut it down or walked away - the infamous Notts Cotts visit and dog bowl gate, Philip's funeral and more. He doesn't like what they say so shuts it down but then says he is open to talking. It reminds me of a company I once worked for who use to say how open they were to staff feedback because it looked good to create this "family style" image but actually in reality never did what they said.

 

[A Tudor]

I honestly he probably wants his niece and nephew to have more choices. It seems like all the offspring are expected to participate in the family business, whether they want to or not.

Expected? Probably. Would they force any family member into it? Hardly. I guess William (or even Charles) would make no objection if a spare eventually chooses to step down from the royal work.


Heck, If Harry himself wanted to just step down in order to persue another career I'm sure people would understand. That's not what he wanted though, he wanted half in half out, that's why he got mad when that was denied.



But Harry's attacks does not come from his concerns about his nephews, let's not be disingenuous, his so called concern is just a cheap excuse to make his actions appear reasonable. It's pretty manipulative actually.

 

[ppetrica]

My guess is that he will keep attacking them for years until nobody cares anymore. Then he will be forever this bitter and resentful man, always complaining about how wronged he was by his family. Much like the Duke of Windsor, but in a much cheaper version.

True. And it's all his doing.
I hope that he at least remains happy with his wife and children and doesn't end up with "buzz off mosquito" like the Duke of Windsor apparently did.

 

[SirGyamfi1]

I honestly he probably wants his niece and nephew to have more choices. It seems like all the offspring are expected to participate in the family business, whether they want to or not.

I think that George, Charlotte and Louis will be managed well. It’s patronizing, rude and stupid of him to imply that he’s trying to help anyone. It’s not his place because the Cambridge’s are the parents of their children, not Harry so they are capable of doing what’s best for their children. Plus the Cambridge’s aren’t mentally incapacitated and know their children so Harry should save his concerns for himself. You cannot justify his so called concerns because it’s not his business or right to do so.

 

[teruterubouzu]

The author of that piece in The Telegraph has posted a longer Q&A with Harry on her substack.



https://bryonygordon.substack.com/p/a-cup-of-tea-with-prince-harry

 

[SirGyamfi1]

This part (from the Telegraph interview) is rather telling: everything is 'unconcious bias' and yes, by Harry's admission, Meghan was shouting at the staff - but others have done so too, so in Harry's eyes Meghan being held accountable for it was the problem... and not her misbehaving.



And about his life mission:


So, it seems we are not done with it. He will only stop when the whole media and royal family will sing his/their praises...

I mentioned this when I read the full article. Sometimes reading between the lines helps. They have covertly admitted to rude behavior to staff. Don’t let their fans see this

 

[HRHHermione]

The author of that piece in The Telegraph has posted a longer Q&A with Harry on her substack.



https://bryonygordon.substack.com/p/a-cup-of-tea-with-prince-harry

This has even more context, yes. This bit is infuriating to read because it confirms that what Harry is still deeply angry about is that their proposal to be half in and half out was rejected. Even now, four years on, he thinks his family denied him that because they were being petty or controlling or cruel to him. He doesn’t understand that there is a lot of precedent for why it never would have worked, that his commercial interests could not exist with having any sort of role in the monarchy. They didn’t do this to be cruel to Harry and Meghan. It was the only choice the U.K. Government and public would have accepted.

“When we left we genuinely thought we would be left alone. And that was so naive.

You really thought you’d be able to go to Canada and just get on with your life?

Well the first idea, the first plan, as we made very clear through that Instagram statement, almost exactly three years to the day, the proposal was, we’d like to separate our time between Canada and the UK. We still want to work within the institution, we just want to carve out a different role where we are financially independent, to remove the supposed public interest argument for the press, which is if you are tax payer funded, then your whole life is owned by us. Naturally because of the media’s role in this, our exit was misrepresented, our proposal was misrepresented within the institution, and that was incredibly damaging and sad. They [the royal family] scuppered that whole plan, mainly, sadly, through their need to financially control us, the jealousy, and this unfortunate situation whereby us just existing outside of their control is somehow problematic for them.”

 

[Durham]

It's baffling that he thought an arrangement like this was acceptable. It's almost as if he simply doesn't understand the monarchy at all. That he thinks it's about individuals & "popularity". Who's up & who's down. Who's flavour of the month. Popularity is a mug's game.

Maybe someone should send him a biography of Patricia Connaught. If she could be "free" then so can he.

 

[ppetrica]

HI-HO in their eyes means having royal titles and style and appearing only on glittering royal events as that would make them the superstars among celebrities (as they obviously have nothing else to offer) and super-rich.

The more they behave like that, the more I admire the Duchess of Kent, her way of exiting the official royal life and her choice of career and life afterwards. She shows it can be done in a right way.

 

[Camsterlaird]

Not read it - not going to read it ...