"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[Muhler]

I sense that Harry was reluctant to do things in the military that would bore him, like administrative tasks, instructing people and all the other tedious tasks you can have as an officer as you climb up the career ladder - because in contrast to his fellow officers, I don't think Harry had ambitions.
He was already a senior royal, on top of the society pyramid, so becoming a brigadier? Big deal!

I think, had Harry been an ordinary soldier, he wold have joined the Foreign Legion, like so many others who can't adapt to a normal life or is bored with the tedious humdrum of garrison life.

- Thanks for the replies, HRHHermione & Mbruno.

 

[Alison H]

There are royal stories all over the papers every day, and that's before you even start on platforms like MSN and Yahoo. There's no way that anyone could keep up with them all, never mind complain about anything less than complimentary. It's not just the Royals: it's celebs too. People just learn to ignore it, unless it's something really bad. Harry is so obsessed with the media that he just can't get that.

 

[FigTree]

This was clear for a while - he wanted the Palace to operate as their ongoing commentary machine commenting upon every article or comment made. Completely at odds with what the late Queen had in operation - to her the Communications team was about letting the public and press know what public duties and roles the RF were doing - to inform the public about a public institution and their head of state. Of course there will have been occasions where she may have wanted to get her Communications team to put out statements about hurtful comments aimed at her, Philip or her children and wider family but she rarely if ever did. Those decades of the press making up stories about Philip's affairs being something I'm sure at times she'd have loved to fight back on or those years Anne was derided as sulky and rude. She knew that a) the public are paying for the Communications team so only things that directly affect the Head of State in that role should be commented upon b) the job is too big to actually be done.

The Palace has never gotten into denying stories, why? Simply put - you can't deny them all. The amount of media outlets these days never mind social media mean if you attempt to deny all the false stories you would need a team of 100s. Instead they choose to ignore them all, meaning the public see no comment from stories that have a hint of possibility to them but also those that don't e.g. "Queen sends Camilla to rehab" being one hilarious example. In its own way it plays down the almost true stories by association. The reason Charles and the other members of the RF largely seem to try and ignore stories is because there are so many if you got annoyed by all the false ones you'd ruin your life- some might say exactly what Harry has done on his own way.

No wonder the staff felt burnt out and tensions and emotions were always high if you are being asked to deny comments as insignificant as ripped jeans. It is clear Harry wanted any and all negative comments about Meghan picked up and denied - at best an admirable goal of a husband but its just never going to happen - its too big a job and it would drive everyone mad even trying.

Its interesting to hear people say the media never tell a true story about H&M because in Harry's version of the truth they should be telling the truth all the time because they are being fed negative stories about them by Charles, Camilla and William aren't they? I would say, ironically, Harry's book has shown how often the media actually did get it right - even when many royal watchers thought it couldn't be - the break up of the Household, the fact someone cried at / after the dress fitting, that Harry took drugs. They have told true stories, very many of them. They haven't told very many positive stories, that I will admit.

If the job was too much. Too stressful. You would quit and recognise that you were under resourced. I think if they said bullying. They were bullied. I do believe them.

 

[SLV]

It really is a strange thing to try to understand. Clearly the Sussex couple does not want to be completely ignored by the press and public. If that were their goal, they would have chosen a much more private path for themselves. They want the public’s focus but they seem to believe that it should be universally positive and within their control and that’s not how it works for anyone.

There was a good opinion piece written by a mental health provider in the Telegraph that states that one of the most important parts of therapy is having a sense of what you want to get out of it and who you want to be on the other side. That seems to be lacking in Harry’s journey.

https://archive.vn/AkV5K

A very interesting article. Thank you for posting it.

 

[TLLK]

My understanding that the Kents, Michael and wife, do a few engagements here and there, while also pursuing their commercial interests.

Yes they do but they do not receive public funding for security, office staff, etc...like Prince Harry did. Prince. Michael, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie are not considered to be official representatives of the monarchy and nation who receive public funding.

 

[Asteria12]

Was he really an Apache/Longbow (the British name for the helicopter) pilot?
Because he keeps talking about the weapons systems and they are the main task of the weapons operator, while the pilot concentrate on keeping the helicopter out of sight as much as possible, like hovering behind trees, houses and hills - hence the sensor above the rotors. A pilot would be extremely hard pressed flying like that and operate the weapons systems as well.
He specifically refers to being able to use Hellfire missiles to engage a target. And they are under the control of the weapons operator.

The thing about the flechettes also puzzle me a little. They are delivered by bombs or artillery shells, not carried by helicopters, that would be way to big a risk.
So either Harry is here referring to him and his comrades talking about a strike by coalition forces or he took part in illuminating a target for artillery or fighters.

I believe your first assumption is correct, he is describing the weaponry and discussing something he didn't specifically take part in:


"That’s what the flechette was , in fact , a lethal burst of eighty 5 - inch tungsten darts . I remembered in Garmsir hearing about our forces having to pick pieces of Taliban guys out of trees after a direct hit from flechette."

 

[tommy100]

Prince and Princess Michael don't do "official duties" as such - they don't go out and about visiting charities and organisations like Anne does. Well not officially anyway. They use to support a number of charities in a very similar way but this was all self funded and not published in the Court Circular as they weren't official duties just two well to do people supporting charities - they weren't representing the Crown or the late Queen.

If you look on the Court Circular as far back as '97 the only "official events" they attend are receptions, state banquets, church events with the family, Jubilee services with the family, trooping with the family, big birthday events like the Queen's '0 birthdays'...e.g. pretty much what the likes of Lady Sarah Chatto attends - the State Visit banquets and receptions being only difference.
There was an interesting article on Yahoo news that made clear the final decision on which option the Sandringham Summit took was the late Queens and it was mainly due to unease at the couple's desire to be able to make money in commercial ways when they weren't doing official duties.

 

[Asteria12]

My earlier question appears to have been answered to a degree. JR Moehringer has responded to the criticisms about inaccuracies in Spare by suggesting (via tweets) that objective facts don't matter in an autobiography. At least, this is how I'm interpreting it. What do you think?

 

[Dantheman]

I think there are things or statements from Spare that don’t correspond to actual facts eg where he was when he found out about the death of Queen Mother. I do think the book is problematic because people are now questioning if Harry is truthful or honest - eg when in the recent interview he addressed the racism claim he appeared to be backtracking and this makes it appear that Harry and Meghan are also dishonest, playing games with the media and the royal family. I also don’t understand why Harry wrote certain things eg commenting on Princess Margaret who has long been dead and cannot defend herself but her children and grandchildren are still alive and may not appreciate that he mentioned her. I also think his comments on the lives he took when serving were problematic as was defining it as a religious based war

 

[kimebear]

I think there are things or statements from Spare that don’t correspond to actual facts eg where he was when he found out about the death of Queen Mother. I do think the book is problematic because people are now questioning if Harry is truthful or honest - eg when in the recent interview he addressed the racism claim he appeared to be backtracking and this makes it appear that Harry and Meghan are also dishonest, playing games with the media and the royal family. I also don’t understand why Harry wrote certain things eg commenting on Princess Margaret who has long been dead and cannot defend herself but her children and grandchildren are still alive and may not appreciate that he mentioned her. I also think his comments on the lives he took when serving were problematic as was defining it as a religious based war

And therein lies the problem with the book.

Having lived through the War of the Waleses and the rehabilitation of Camilla's image, I can well believe Harry's claim of different factions within the palace putting another set out to dry if it protects their principles. That Charles would allow it to be done to his own sons to protect Camilla or her family is hard to stomach, but I still believe it to be true.

We know that Camilla's son Tom was into the drug scene for a while and Camilla would have wanted the spotlight off of him since it was because of her that he was a person of interest to the paps in the first place.

That being said, I don't remember anything worse written about Meghan that Kate didn't go through first and for many years longer, or even Beatrice and Eugenie, who to this day are still cruelly ridiculed for their fashion sense. At least not until it was clear that the Sussexes were breaking from the rest of the royal family. So I find it hard to believe that Harry wouldn't have seen what had gone on with the other women in his family and not known that anyone he married would be subjected to the same scrutiny. Meghan wasn't singled out.

 

[HRHHermione]

So I find it hard to believe that Harry wouldn't have seen what had gone on with the other women in his family and not known that anyone he married would be subjected to the same scrutiny. Meghan wasn't singled out.

One thing I noted in reading the book is that Harry is pretty persistently incurious about the inner lives and experiences of others. He obsessed on his own press, but I can honestly believe that he was oblivious to how Catherine experienced press intrusion, or how it was different for her to go through it without police protection as a girlfriend than it was for him to go through it with police protection. I could well believe he didn't pay it much attention, and didn't realize it would be hard.

Part of me wondered if that's what William was trying to tell him when he warned him that moving forward with marrying Meghan would be hard- he was basically saying that it's hard even when things are ideal and that Harry should be aware of that. I don't think Harry got it.

 

[camelot23ca]

My earlier question appears to have been answered to a degree. JR Moehringer has responded to the criticisms about inaccuracies in Spare by suggesting (via tweets) that objective facts don't matter in an autobiography. At least, this is how I'm interpreting it. What do you think?

I haven't read what JR moehringer has said, but our memories are always subjective and fallible. I don't think many people would care about when Harry got an Xbox, or Play Station, or whatever it was, or where he was when he found out the Queen Mother died, if he and Meghan hadn't already been cavalier about truth and accuracy on multiple prior occasions, and about much bigger issues.

For most memoirs or autobiographies I actually don't care that much about the author getting smaller objective facts wrong as long as they've given me no reason to think they're untrustworthy in general. Harry isn't trustworthy.

 

[kimebear]

Part of me wondered if that's what William was trying to tell him when he warned him that moving forward with marrying Meghan would be hard- he was basically saying that it's hard even when things are ideal and that Harry should be aware of that. I don't think Harry got it.

Or maybe that so many of Harry's youthful shortcomings over the years were ignored by the press at the behest of the "gray men" that he didn't realize just how often it really did happen, so the coverage of Meghan seemed extreme to him.

 

[Dantheman]

I also feel that it was hypocritical in a way during the Oprah interview when Meghan referred to “waity Katie” as that name was a media construct by the press who Harry and Meghan are fighting against - so to use an actual name created by the press did seem slightly hypocritical

 

[Erin9]

"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

I haven't read what JR moehringer has said, but our memories are always subjective and fallible. I don't think many people would care about when Harry got an Xbox, or Play Station, or whatever it was, or where he was when he found out the Queen Mother died, if he and Meghan hadn't already been cavalier about truth and accuracy on multiple prior occasions, and about much bigger issues.



For most memoirs or autobiographies I actually don't care that much about the author getting smaller objective facts wrong as long as they've given me no reason to think they're untrustworthy in general. Harry isn't trustworthy.

Agreed. I don’t think people would care so much that Harry clearly got facts wrong if he and Meghan hadn’t been “cavalier” with the truth previously on bigger issues.

I also think it doesn’t help much that he admits having memory issues, but thinks his recollection of events is just as valid as “so called objective facts.” I can’t imagine being Charles or William under said circumstances.

I think it also is an issue that he’s so deeply critical of his family while admitting he has memory issues.

Very minor note- and I think it was brought up many pages ago- but I find it rather sad that Harry was clueless that Henry VI was certainly not his many times great grandfather. I guess he slept through the War of the Roses when they taught it. (Again- did anyone fact check basics here?) I know history is not his thing, but still.

 

[Prinsara]

Very minor note- and I think it was brought up many pages ago- but I find it rather sad that Harry was clueless that Henry VI was certainly not his many times great grandfather. I guess he slept through the War of the Roses when they taught it. (Again- did anyone fact check basics here?) I know history is not his thing, but still.

To be fair, Henry VII is, so he's only off by one Henry? (Considering he's generally "off by a Henry" in many of his observations, that makes it almost close.)

 

[Erin9]

To be fair, Henry VII is, so he's only off by one Henry? (Considering he's generally "off by a Henry" in many of his observations, that makes it almost close.)

True. He was close. But he did go to the school Henry VI founded.

 

[Royalist.in.NC]

This is a really excellent, thought provoking opinion piece, and articulates very clearly one of the things that has struck a lot of people watching Harry and Meghan over the last month: what does he want out of all this, ultimately? What would satisfy him? And last and most importantly, is that even attainable?

One of the best points made in the opinion piece is that if your (Harry's) resolution involves other people (Charles and William) in some way changing who they are to accommodate you, ultimately, you're not going to be able to ever come to a state of peace.

Harry doesn't give the impression that he has grasped that yet.

As a counselor, I think the therapist in this opinion piece made some very valid and excellent points. The one that struck me the most, however, was her comment that with all the details and emotion coming from Harry in his books and interviews: it is like watching someone have a breakdown.

None of this is going to heal him nor make him happy and at peace. He stated that his objective is to have a relationship with his family of origin again. Whomever advised him to write this book does not have his best interests at heart or they were incredibly naive to think that you can publicly drop a bomb on a relationship(s) and that the relationship can “magically” heal after you’ve (over)shared private conversations and information as Harry has done.

I vacillate between thinking it’s all about money and revenge to thinking that his perspective is once he tells his side of the story, everyone will understand, validate him, and that everything will be all right. More magical thinking

 

[HRHHermione]

As a counselor, I think the therapist in this opinion piece made some very valid and excellent points. The one that struck me the most, however, was her comment that with all the details and emotion coming from Harry in his books and interviews: it is like watching someone have a breakdown.



None of this is going to heal him nor make him happy and at peace. He stated that his objective is to have a relationship with his family of origin again. Whomever advised him to write this book does not have his best interests at heart or they were incredibly naive to think that you can publicly drop a bomb on a relationship(s) and that the relationship can “magically” heal after you’ve (over)shared private conversations and information as Harry has done.



I vacillate between thinking it’s all about money and revenge to thinking that his perspective is once he tells his side of the story, everyone will understand, validate him, and that everything will be all right. More magical thinking

This reviewer agrees with your perspective and validates it, including some very good thoughts about how a mature and emotionally healthy person approaches privacy and why many of the decisions made here are regrettable.

https://archive.vn/2023.01.13-02323...han-sympathy-windsor-11673564590?redirect=amp

 

[Royalist.in.NC]

This reviewer agrees with your perspective and validates it, including some very good thoughts about how a mature and emotionally healthy person approaches privacy and why many of the decisions made here are regrettable.

https://archive.vn/2023.01.13-02323...han-sympathy-windsor-11673564590?redirect=amp

Thanks so much for sharing this opinion piece from the WSJ! Yes, she and I are on the same page; however, she shares her thoughts far more articulately than I ever could

 

[Lori138]

This reviewer agrees with your perspective and validates it, including some very good thoughts about how a mature and emotionally healthy person approaches privacy and why many of the decisions made here are regrettable.

https://archive.vn/2023.01.13-023239...0?redirect=amp

That is an excellent article, well written. Thanks for sharing.

 

[RandyDrx]

Goodness. He wanted to push back on clothing?!

Harry and Meghan seem to have no capability for discernment. Did no one tell them: pick your battles? Don’t sweat the small stuff?

No wonder staff were miserable. They wanted to push back on EVERY little thing. No wonder things were such a mess if he thought his family had as much control as he’s trying to give them. They obviously don’t. (Some of those “so called objective facts”, I suppose, that he chooses to ignore. Camilla’s hideous press is one example.)

I did read that Charles and William tried to tell him not to read and obsess over the press. A therapist told him it was an issue. Too bad he didn’t (and doesn’t) listen. Even if the RF read the press sometimes- they don’t seem to let it dominate their lives the way the Sussexes do.

It also seems quite apparent to me that they still obsess over the press and try to correct things. Meghan’s podcast alone seemed to demonstrate that. Harry’s book. Thing is- you can’t FORCE people to accept whatever image you want.

CMIIW, but didn't H&M say that they don't read stuff about themselves on the internet in their engagement interview? So that was a lie too then?

 

[Erin9]

As a counselor, I think the therapist in this opinion piece made some very valid and excellent points. The one that struck me the most, however, was her comment that with all the details and emotion coming from Harry in his books and interviews: it is like watching someone have a breakdown.



None of this is going to heal him nor make him happy and at peace. He stated that his objective is to have a relationship with his family of origin again. Whomever advised him to write this book does not have his best interests at heart or they were incredibly naive to think that you can publicly drop a bomb on a relationship(s) and that the relationship can “magically” heal after you’ve (over)shared private conversations and information as Harry has done.



I vacillate between thinking it’s all about money and revenge to thinking that his perspective is once he tells his side of the story, everyone will understand, validate him, and that everything will be all right. More magical thinking

This really is all very sad.

I’ve wondered who advised him on this too. No good mental health professional would sign off on this. How could anyone think a tell-all book would be helpful in fixing family relationships?

I tend to think Harry is motivated by everything you listed: Money and revenge almost certainly. They have an expensive lifestyle, and it’s hard to miss how angry Harry is. And how many petty and/or private things he discusses that aren’t even relevant to his story. So he’s strictly saying some things to just be hurtful.

I do think there is an element there, as you said, that he thinks if he tells his story enough times everyone- the public, his family- will understand him and realize he’s really been right all along. It seems similar to what Patti Davis said in her wonderful opinion piece. She thought she’d be understood better, but wound up deeply regretting the book and the long last consequences to telling hurtful family stories.

 

[Erin9]

This reviewer agrees with your perspective and validates it, including some very good thoughts about how a mature and emotionally healthy person approaches privacy and why many of the decisions made here are regrettable.

https://archive.vn/2023.01.13-02323...han-sympathy-windsor-11673564590?redirect=amp

This is really good. And does validate what the poster up thread said.

I thought it was interesting that the reviewer notes how Harry frequently leaves out pertinent details in telling his story- like just why Charles and William would be upset with him after Philip’s funeral.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

CMIIW, but didn't H&M say that they don't read stuff about themselves on the internet in their engagement interview? So that was a lie too then?

In a word...YES.

It's almost always a big whopping lie when celebrities claim not to read about themselves online and in the papers.

And the ones who don't do it pay others to do it for them.

 

[Duke of Marmalade]

Lisa Marie Presley has died ... the focus of the media has already shifted. As the world keeps turning, the memoir will be forgotten soon. I am curious how Harry will deal will it. Everything has been said, thankfully there is no comment from the BRF that will fuel any fire, let them hang out to dry by silence.

 

[muriel]

I sense that Harry was reluctant to do things in the military that would bore him, like administrative tasks, instructing people and all the other tedious tasks you can have as an officer as you climb up the career ladder - because in contrast to his fellow officers, I don't think Harry had ambitions.
He was already a senior royal, on top of the society pyramid, so becoming a brigadier? Big deal!

I think, had Harry been an ordinary soldier, he wold have joined the Foreign Legion, like so many others who can't adapt to a normal life or is bored with the tedious humdrum of garrison life.

- Thanks for the replies, HRHHermione & Mbruno.

I could not agree more with you.

Just thinking this through, I just think Harry is a very spoilt individual who actually has never been able to accept that he is not going to be King and was the spare whilst growing up. His deep seated resentments in life and the system he grew up in stem really from his constitutional position, about everything builds from that.

These resentments are deep, and I have no doubt that he was actively considering what he could do outside the RF when he met Meghan. My sense is that she weaponised some of these resentments early on, and genuinely believed they could go out and make a billion dollars and become California royalty.

 

[FigTree]

Lisa Marie Presley has died ... the focus of the media has already shifted. As the world keeps turning, the memoir will be forgotten soon. I am curious how Harry will deal will it. Everything has been said, thankfully there is no comment from the BRF that will fuel any fire, let them hang out to dry by silence.

Yeah he got what? 5 minutes really. The leaks took care of everything and 5hebSunday interviews. By Thursday they weren't talking aboit it in the UK anymore.

 

[FigTree]

I could not agree more with you.

Just thinking this through, I just think Harry is a very spoilt individual who actually has never been able to accept that he is not going to be King and was the spare whilst growing up. His deep seated resentments in life and the system he grew up in stem really from his constitutional position, about everything builds from that.

These resentments are deep, and I have no doubt that he was actively considering what he could do outside the RF when he met Meghan. My sense is that she weaponised some of these resentments early on, and genuinely believed they could go out and make a billion dollars and become California royalty.

I really do think they did think that would happen. Of course how they continue to fund the lifestyles I don't know. Although they seem to be angling for working with the commonwealth. All the while not understanding that the royal families role on the commonwealth is symbolic. They don't do state trips there unless they are representing the UK.

Another thing he doesn't understand.

 

[Denville]

Does he realy think htat hes got the Press on side again? Because the British Press has not ceased to be hostile to him, and if he reads it all obsessively, he must be aware of that.