"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[SirGyamfi1]

As an American, I would have no idea it would be an honor to be invited.

Being an American or whatever nationality has nothing to with this, it’s an honor because it’s not everyday a member of the public gets be on the balcony with the BRF.

 

[Lilyflo]

I’m convinced that a lot of the issues Meghan encountered, for which she was criticized, were simply differences of culture.

I think most of the things she was criticised publicly for were invented, twisted or half-truths in order to fill newspaper columns with sniping and vitriol. I don't recall any culture differences that stood out to me, except maybe the baby shower but I doubt the event itself was problematic to the BRF, who all fly around the world to attend social events.

Personally, I am critical of some of her actions, particularly things like Oprah but I also acknowledge that she wasn't prepared for or knowledgeable about what she was marrying into and for that, I blame Harry.

 

[SirGyamfi1]

Harry did substantiate the claim in interviews and presumably the book. His assertion is that Camilla was / is dangerous because she has forged relationships with the media with her motive for doing so to rehabilitate her image, and as part of that effort, he and other members of the royal family have been "sacrificed".

Of course there are those who may disagree with him but he did give his reasoning for the characterization.

Which family members had to be sacrificed? He speaks on it like it’s game of thrones or some brutal Spartan sports which it is not at all. The core working royals obviously have to have a good image because they represent the monarchy, so this idea that others were sacrificed to make Camilla look good is absolute nonsense and childish. Charles and Camilla have had bad press for over 30 years especially Charles who is disliked over his previous failed marriage time and time again, which is so annoying and unnecessary to me but others see it differently. Harry fails to realize or notice that many members of the BRF have had bad press over the years so I don’t get it.

 

[Queen Claude]

I’m convinced that a lot of the issues Meghan encountered, for which she was criticized, were simply differences of culture.

What I find interesting is that Meghan reportedly has a degree in international relations and took the foreign service exam. I would think that someone with that kind of interest would make it a point of researching the customs, culture and norms of the country she is visiting / living in / working in, and if invited to take part in an unfamiliar custom or event would have studied that event.

Why wouldn’t you be invited to your husband’s grandmother’s birthday celebration?

Queen Elizabeth's actual birthday is in April. Trooping the Colour is, as others stated stated, an official birthday and takes place in June. Presumably it will continue being this way under Charles III whose actual birthday is in November.

 

[Prinsara]

Personally, I am critical of some of her actions, particularly things like Oprah but I also acknowledge that she wasn't prepared for or knowledgeable about what she was marrying into and for that, I blame Harry.

Isn't it possible to blame them both? Harry might've been too scared or ignorant to prepare her, but Meghan had built her successful career on carefully researching parts, getting notes, and putting the work in.

The idea that a self-proclaimed intelligent woman in her mid-thirties who had carefully studied H's IG believed she needed to know nothing about this particular subculture of a culture she was immersing herself in and was happy to treat it like improv just doesn't ring true. It speaks a lot about her willful blindness as much as Harry's.

 

[Granada]

Curbside, I understand that you very supportive of Harry and Meghan, but to suggest that Meghan was just some little doe eyed simple Country Girl that didn't have *some* knowledge of The Royal Family or the treasured meaning of Trooping The Colour is naive, I believe.
I think anyone would be honored to attend in ANY capacity. American or not.

We have the picture of Meghan on the fence in front of Buckingham Palace at age 15 in 1996 on her tour of England AND Europe. WITH her best friend since childhood, Ninaki Priddy (Maid of Honor at her first wedding, SINCE DROPPED). She said that Meghan WAS always fascinated by Diana and the RF. It was reported around the time of the engagement that as a young girl Meghan loved watching videos of Charles and Diana's Wedding.

And didn't her dimwit Husband explain ANYTHING about the significance ? It is the centerpiece of the London Summer Season and dates back hundreds of years. And Meghan had a Carriage Ride and VIP Seat, no less. That's QUITE the honor.
I stand by my comment that her flippant remark on what She thought of The Event says it all for me....Trooping The Colour....."was colorful". Was simply disrespectful.
I'm American, and I GOT exactly the context. Kate and the others got it to. But, by that time they were used to her messaging and rudeness.

 

[Curbside]

I have a bachelor’s degree and an MBA. I have travelled the world for work, and took many trips to the UK. I would have no idea what a big deal Trooping the Color is. I still don’t understand it, and I’ve followed these forums for a few years now.

I think most immigrants make faux pas in their new country.

 

[Muhler]

Most of us would not remember all the details of things that have happened to us. Most people don’t keep journals of our lives. Does that mean we shouldn’t attempt to tell our stories?

That is indeed true. But and that's a big but, there is a considerable difference between getting a few dates mixed up or failing to remember exactly when and who gave you an x-box and telling about what named persons said and did at a given occasion.

In the former accuracy makes little difference.
But in the latter you'd better make very sure that what you are saying is correct! Especially if what you are saying is very (potentially) damaging to that person. Like quoting what William said at an encounter. Because if you don't get it right you just torched a bridge.

You also need to get basic facts right. It's no good telling a story if a simple fact-check leaves you standing there with your pants down. Because that means everything you say is questionable.
Like claiming you were married three days before your actual wedding, despite that being illegal and IIRC also despite the minor fact that the archbishop performing the supposed pre-marriage wasn't even in that part of the country at the time.

On a personal level I really don't care if H&M felt that Meghan was snubbed at an occasion or not. That's a subjective interpretation and it's not possible for me to judge whether it's true or not.
So I pay attention to what H&M in this case mainly Harry is saying about himself and about events and claims that can be fact-checked.
- And in that respect H&M's track record so far is pretty lousy.

 

[Curbside]

Curbside, I understand that you very supportive of Harry and Meghan, but to suggest that Meghan was just some little doe eyed simple Country Girl that didn't *some* have knowledge of The Royal Family or the treasured meaning of Trooping The Colour is naive, I believe.
I think anyone would be honored to attend in ANY capacity. American or not.

We have the picture of Meghan on the fence in front of Buckingham Palace at age 15 in 1996 on her tour of England AND Europe. Her best friend since childhood, Ninaki Priddy (Maid of Honor at her first wedding, SINCE DROPPED) said that Meghan WAS always fascinated by Diana and the RF. It was reported around the time of the engagement that as a young girl Meghan loved watching videos of Charles and Diana's Wedding.

And didn't her dimwit Husband explain ANYTHING about the significance ? It is the centerpiece of the London Summer Season and dates back hundreds of years. And Meghan had a Carriage Ride and VIP Seat, no less. That's QUITE the honor.
I stand by my comment that her flippant remark on what She thought of The Event says it all for me....Trooping The Colour....."was colorful". Was simply disrespectful.
I'm American, and I GOT exactly the context. Kate and the others got it to. But, by that time they were used to her messaging and rudeness.

She dropped the friend who spread lies about her. I have a photo of myself posing with the statue of the Brementown musicians. It doesn’t mean I know the origins of the story, how the German people think of it, etc.

I’m curious how else you think Meghan was rude. I’m sure she has been at times (we all have).

 

[Denville]

The laughing at the disabled teacher I don’t recall reading. I can’t comment on it. But to know my dad had an awkward “first time” experience…I would find that amusing.

well honestly I would have said that most young people don't want to know about their parent's sex life, esp awkward first time encounters, and the laughing at the disabled matron has been mentioned several times......
One things the sex encounter is embarassing for H's kids, probalby, but I'd say that learning that their father hit his security guards and laughed at one of his matrons because she was "not hot" and disabled, would be very hard to process

 

[Denville]

I have a bachelor’s degree and an MBA. I have travelled the world for work, and took many trips to the UK. I would have no idea what a big deal Trooping the Color is. I still don’t understand it, and I’ve followed these forums for a few years now.

I think most immigrants make faux pas in their new country.

Meghan was not just someone who had met a young man and started a rleationship with him. She was marrying into the premier family of the UK nad taking part in things like Trooping the colour, curtsying to the queen, etc etc were going to be a big part of her life from then on

 

[Lilyflo]

Isn't it possible to blame them both? Harry might've been too scared to prepare her, but Meghan had built her successful career on carefully researching parts, getting notes, and putting the work in.

The idea that a self-proclaimed intelligent woman in her mid-thirties who had carefully studied H's IG believed she needed to know nothing about this particular subculture of a culture she was immersing herself in and was happy to treat it like improv just doesn't ring true. It speaks a lot about her willful blindness as much as Harry's.

I think that's a fair point and I would agree somewhat except that some things aren't easy to research. For example, it seems clear to me that Harry (through a combination of wilful ignorance and self-interest) didn't tell Meghan they'd always have to be the side dishes to the main meal. That the priority in publicity would always be his brother and father. That much of their work would be opening factories on wet days in small towns. That their best role model was Princess Anne not Princess Diana. That their role was not to hit the ground running and change the world. That they weren't competing with William and Catherine. That his father was planning a slimmed down monarchy so their children might not be princes. I could go on and on...

 

[kimebear]

I have a bachelor’s degree and an MBA. I have travelled the world for work, and took many trips to the UK. I would have no idea what a big deal Trooping the Color is. I still don’t understand it, and I’ve followed these forums for a few years now.

If someone were to be invited to participate in a large event like this, one would hope that person would take the time to educate themselves (either by asking questions of those who know or at least typing in a couple of internet searches for answers) on exactly what they were participating in.

This general lack of interest in familiarizing herself with the rituals and traditions of royal life on Meghan's part seems to predominantly be the problem in her failure to adjust to it. Harry should have prepared her more for the life, but as we now see that he barely understands it, a self claimed "smart" woman like Meghan should have taken it upon herself if she didn't want to be derided for her ignorance. There's no free pass for the married-ins in the royal world and the cultural differences claim only goes so far.

 

[KristehH]

As an American, I would have no idea it would be an honor to be invited.

I'm also American, and I think that if you were married into the BRF and were a working royal, that you should try to learn about things like Trooping The Colour. And I don't really buy that no one helped Meghan. It sounds like she had plenty of support, if she had been interested. In any case, for something like Trooping, it's pretty easy to read about it for yourself. Doing a little research of her own might have behooved Meghan. I also think her response was, at very best, borderline rude.

 

[Granada]

Unfortunately, I haven't got the time or inclination to detail the ever increasing list of times I find Meghan to have acted rude. Seems to grow weekly. And as for Ninaki "spreading lies about her" that IS your opinion. They were best friends since childhood, till Meghan was around 32. Ninaki says they fell out after fame went to Meghan's head, She changed and became diva like AND then Meghan's terrible treatment, Ninaki says when She left her first husband ended the friendship.

Seems to be an on going issue with Meghan, sorry Curbside. From Ninaki to Jessica Mulroney.

All I will say is I find her toxic. And now Harry is basically at War with his whole Family. Seems to be a pattern.

 

[Denville]

The record book sales are a decent indicator of Harry’s popularity.

He does not characterize his family as evil, not at all. He does find Camilla to be dangerous and he hates the tabloid press. Is there some reason he shouldn’t?

he has said all kinds of things about his family, including Camilla. He said that they made racist remarks, that his father showed him litttle care, that William has continually been unfriendly to him, he's gone back on some of these things so that many people feel that its nearly impossible to believe him.... the book sales are not an indication of his popularity but simply that people are keen ot read the book.. and H is far from popular in the UK

 

[ppetrica]

As an American, I would have no idea it would be an honor to be invited.

As an American who lives in America and isn't engaged or married to a senior British royal prince maybe you wouldn't have any idea about it.
So that doesn't refer to Meghan.
In a 21st century a woman who presents herself as smart, is no stranger to internet or social media claims that she knew almost nothing about the most famous family in the world that she married into and she hasn't googled a thing about it?
Sure.
It shows that she either isn't interested and doesn't care or is pretending it.
Either way, it's very disrespectful.

 

[Erin9]

If you were marrying the Queen's grandson and invited to hang out with the BRF at her official birthday, one hopes that you might.

Yeah. I think I could get this was a big deal. I’ve seen clips of Trooping. Referring to it as “colorful” seems like a flippant, dismissive, unimpressed type of a response to me.

Just say it was nice, impressive, you enjoyed seeing it, etc. No elaborate response necessary. Just something that indicates you enjoyed/appreciated the experience. Seems like pretty basic good manners to me. Something that Meghan likes to pride herself on.

 

[hereditarytitles]

I think that's a fair point and I would agree somewhat except that some things aren't easy to research. For example, it seems clear to me that Harry (through a combination of wilful ignorance and self-interest) didn't tell Meghan they'd always have to be the side dishes to the main meal. That the priority in publicity would always be his brother and father. That much of their work would be opening factories on wet days in small towns. That their best role model was Princess Anne not Princess Diana. That their role was not to hit the ground running and change the world. That they weren't competing with William and Catherine. That his father was planning a slimmed down monarchy so their children might not be princes. I could go on and on...

Great comment of you, Lilyflo! "Opening factories on wet days in small towns" really is taking it to the point! That reminds me of some famous remarks of the late Prince Philip (whom I liked very much) that his job had been to open exhibitions of some memorial (sorry I cannot find the right expression). He saw the ridiculous side of it and admitted it.

Although there are much more important tasks that the BRF are doing quite right, especially Charles, Camilla and the younger generations. And I do believe that they have learned in the past how to do it better if they want to survive.

Harry , sorry to say, does not have the intellect or insight of how the British monarchy is functioning to keep being successful.

If he had he would never have written that book, or at least not a book like this with a lot of unnessery details which rather I would expect from a C-prominent person.

 

[kimebear]

...the book sales are not an indication of his popularity but simply that people are keen ot read the book.. and H is far from popular in the UK

Book sales also include mass buys by resellers. It doesn't mean that there are record numbers of people reading the book. Just that book businesses gambled on the interest by purchasing them in large quantities for resale.

 

[Ghost]

I have a bachelor’s degree and an MBA. I have travelled the world for work, and took many trips to the UK. I would have no idea what a big deal Trooping the Color is. I still don’t understand it, and I’ve followed these forums for a few years now.

I think most immigrants make faux pas in their new country.

It’s their National Day, their 4th of July. The US don’t do Military parades for their National Day, but almost every european country does. She was in the Head of State’s group. It was not “grandma’s birthday”, it was the national day parade and she was among the officials present. Way to take seriously her work!

 

[Ghost]

Book sales also include mass buys by resellers. It doesn't mean that there are record numbers of people reading the book. Just that book businesses gambled on the interest by purchasing them in large quantities for resale.

And those numbers include the audiobook which was free with amazon prime.

 

[Queen Claude]

Which family members had to be sacrificed? He speaks on it like it’s game of thrones or some brutal Spartan sports which it is not all. The core working royals obviously have to have a good image because they represent the monarchy, so this idea that others were sacrificed to make Camilla look good is absolute nonsense and childish. Charles and Camilla have had bad press for over 30 years especially Charles who is dislike over his previous failed marriage time and time again, which is so annoying and unnecessary to me but others see it differently. Harry fails to realize or notice that many members of the BRF have had bad press over the years so I don’t get it.

I think that Harry has distorted, perverted and repurposed the notion that certain members of the royal family and courtiers on those royals behalf incessantly brief the media, and feed negative stories to the media about other royals.

Having said that, it has been alleged that Camilla herself briefed the media during the War of the Wales. IIRC this was said by a reporter or former courtier on camera as part of the Reinventing the Royals documentary. It was detailed enough to the point that the publication that she was briefing was named, The Sun, due to her having a connection to the wife of a Sun staffer.

From there Charles hired Mark Bolland to rehab his and Camilla's images, note this happened before Diana passed away. I don't agree with Harry that Camilla aspired to be Queen Consort at this point, my take is that it was simply that she and Charles were long-term partners and they wanted to have a life together without being tagged as horrible adulterers by the also adulterous Diana.

During Mark Bolland's tenure, he left c. 2002, that is where PR shenanigans took place that reporters and courtiers were willing to go on the record to detail, and yes other royals like William, Harry and Charles' brother Edward were appropriated by Bolland's team and "sacrificed" to enhance Charles and Camilla's images. It got so bad that Queen Elizabeth ultimately stepped in, Bolland was fired / quit and The Queen, who for the most part let Charles operate autonomously, appointed one of his high level staffers. When I say The Queen, either her directly or one of her trusted courtiers (IIRC).

I think that the worst of these shenanigans happened during the Bolland years, and I don't judge Harry too harshly if he has some residual resentment. I will also contend that the briefings continue to this day. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I consider the tiara story as the opening salvo on the British media going all negative-all the time on Meghan, and the "forensic analysis" that I did on the matter back in 2018 pointed to Clarence House as the source of that story. I am willing to provide detail but this is already a long post, but for now I will say that it is rooted in the biography by Robert Jobson of the then Prince Charles.

Where things get complicated / circular / chicken vs egg in my mind is that I do believe that the media can be getting information about Royal X and the source of that information is Royal Y's camp but the questions are:

• Are the "briefings" motivated by sacrificing royal X to boost Royal Y?
• Is a a royal / courtier the source of every leak?
• Regardless of the source, is the information more or less true?
• Are there "other culprits" like the silo-ed organization structure that exists?
• Is Camilla's chummy approach to the media fundamentally wrong?
• If Camilla's chummy approach to the media is fundamentally wrong, then what is the correct model for a modern royal family to operate under? While an argument can be made that the Daily Mail, the Sun, etc. are dishonest bottom-feeders, how do you propose that the BRF stay visible / carry out the EII mantra, "I have to be seen to be believed"? If Harry was still a working royal, would he be willing to, in lieu of coverage by the dreaded tabloids, accomplish being "seen" by doing hundreds of engagements across the UK? leaving his home base for several weeks, if not months, on foreign tours?

While I think that the briefings still happen, I will re-state that I think that Harry has perverted, distorted and repurposed the briefings, and will also add that IMO he has also used this phenomenon to further his own image and his hands are not entirely clean.

 

[shady lady]

The record book sales are a decent indicator of Harry’s popularity.

With respect, that is an inaccurate and provocative assumption.

A book doesn't sell because it's subject is likeable. Millions of books have been sold around the world about Jack The Ripper, but not because he's "popular"; it's because he's notorious and an object of fascination and curiousity. Words that could also apply to Harry. Of course no one is accusing Harry of being a Victorian serial killer (I'm sure he would have told us in his book if he was, he's told us everything else! ) but joking aside it doesn't follow that a book sells well because it's subject is universally liked.

He does not characterize his family as evil, not at all. He does find Camilla to be dangerous and he hates the tabloid press. Is there some reason he shouldn’t?

He's done a pretty good job of demonising his family to be honest.

Harry is fully entitled to dislike the tabloid press just as I am entitled to dislike mushy peas. He's fully entitled to have a genuine opinion about anything, as are you and I.

The problem is an understandable strong dislike has tipped over into an obsessive and unhealthy all-consuming hatred that has distorted his view of the world and his way of thinking to such an extent, that the press could find a cure for cancer and he would still loathe them. And that obsessive viewpoint distorts the view of everything he sees, not just the press, for example the way he sees his family or anyone actually trying to help him or save him from himself. He just doesn't see the bigger picture. He cannot recognise there is both good and bad in everyone. There's no healthy balance there. Either everyone is "good" (e.g. Meghan) or "evil" (e.g. the press). Such behaviour is not healthy and will continue to impact on his life and those of everyone close to him until he recognises and addresses it. Only then can he have any chance of real happiness. And if he is not careful his obsession will destroy him.

 

[Curbside]

And those numbers include the audiobook which was free with amazon prime.

No it isn’t. It was free with an Audible membership, as any Audible title is.

 

[Ghost]

No it isn’t. It was free with an Audible membership, as any Audible title is.

Before Christmas, I don’t remember if before Thanksgiving, it was free with amazon prime. I’ve got the email promoting it and I don’t have any membership. I don’t even have prime, one could do the trial with prime and cancel after pre ordering the audiobook.

 

[Alison H]

I think Charles and Camilla wanted to get married partly because there was no mechanism for the Prince of Wales and an unmarried partner to function long term, either domestically or with foreign visits or visits by foreign dignitaries. Yrs, they worked with the press to improve Camilla's image. But I don't understand how or why Harry could interpret any of that as being aimed against him, other than his general paranoia.

 

[kimebear]

No it isn’t. It was free with an Audible membership, as any Audible title is.

It was my understanding that Spare was only available for free on Audible if you purchased a membership during a certain time period around the holidays. Otherwise, your membership normally gives you access to a certain library of works but need to purchase credits to receive access to others. As Spare is listed as a best seller, it's more than likely going to go in the credit category.

 

[Prinsara]

Great comment of you, Lilyflo! "Opening factories on wet days in small towns" really is taking it to the point! That reminds me of some famous remarks of the late Prince Philip (whom I liked very much) that his job had been to open exhibitions of some memorial (sorry I cannot find the right expression). He saw the ridiculous side of it and admitted it.

Either "the world's most experienced plaque-unveiller" or "I declare this thing open, whatever it is". Or both. But Philip had put in decades of genuine service to earn his flip, funny moments, and was not invested in anything other than supporting the monarchy.

Edit:

Even mentioning Trooping.
Actually, I'm pretty sure TPTB were not happy about him mouthing off all the time, but it's abundantly clear he was invested to the hilt and the levity didn't make a difference. Not so much Meghan.

 

[camelot23ca]

Isn't it possible to blame them both? Harry might've been too scared or ignorant to prepare her, but Meghan had built her successful career on carefully researching parts, getting notes, and putting the work in.

The idea that a self-proclaimed intelligent woman in her mid-thirties who had carefully studied H's IG believed she needed to know nothing about this particular subculture of a culture she was immersing herself in and was happy to treat it like improv just doesn't ring true. It speaks a lot about her willful blindness as much as Harry's.

Of course they’re both to blame. Based on what Harry describes in the book Meghan didn’t react well to everything that came with being publicly outed as his girlfriend and then fiancée. Not that many people could react well, as such, but I think quite a few educated women in their 30s would have approached the situation in a calmer, more clear eyed way.

Part of the problem is that Harry likely oversold his ability to “protect her” from the various issues that came with being a member of the Royal Family. He probably told her what he seems to mistakenly believe - that Charles and his team could have a couple of little chats behind the scenes with members of the press and make the unpleasantness go away. But if that’s what my fiancé told me, and it didn’t seem to be happening, I’d ask for details - what is your father going to do, specifically? When is he doing it? How long will it take to see a change? And if he couldn’t answer specific questions about an issue that was overtaking my life and making me miserable I’d seriously, seriously reconsider whether this was the life for me.

Similarly, he may have misled her regarding how prominent a role she’d have within the family, how much money they’d be able to access, how hierarchical the family was, etc. But again, it shouldn’t have taken long for Meghan to see what the family and their lives were really like.