"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[Prinsara]

well it rather put me off CC, I liked her, and I wouldnt mind her doing a bit of weed if her kid was not there, but magic mushrooms in the fridge for any random pal at a party? that sounds a bit druggy.

While we continue to randomly speculate and drag Courteney Cox, her lifestyle, and parenting skills because of Harry, it's been pointed out that it was her ex-husband David Arquette who was the heavy drug user; one reason that he's now the ex.

 

[yukari]

(...)

I did like the part where he mentioned he wished he’d spent more time with Margaret, because they were the same - the spare. It’s a shame he couldn’t just leave his mention of her at that; if he had it may have made his cousins smile and there would be family members that he hadn’t alienated with this publication.

(...)

Strangely, why didn't he write more about his godfather? Another spare who was born as 2nd in line to the throne and had lived as one for over 2 decades (compared to Margaret who was 2nd in line for 12 years), a position that Harry never was and never will be. And what about his aunt, who was also a spare and 2nd in line until she's been bumped the line down with the birth of her younger brothers? Some self-reflection of his life to fill his memoir about how he has learnt from observing his aunt and uncles' lives? But nope, that will be too much to ask from Harry.

 

[SOS]

Yea, Denville exactly. I didn't read Spare, but I very much enjoyed Tom Bowers "Revenge" Book.
From the excerpts, analysis and reviews I have read, Harry comes off as STILL irresponsible, immature, jealous and downright mean.

Meghan though ? Ah....."magical".
Serene, kind, warm, smart, beautiful.....no superlatives are good enough in Harry's besotted eyes.
Which is fine, but Harry to most of us comes off as "damaged" in the Book, with a sure taste for alcohol and drugs.

If the Sussex's ever split and inevitably there were custody of the Children issues, this Book would be devastating to him.
I believe Meghan's input as to what made it into this Book was as much as Harry's.

That's why I'm curious about ANY reference to her "indulging". Probably not, she is one smart tough cookie about appearances and as you rightly say Denville, keeping that "good girl" reputation.

But Courtney Cox ? Nope, bizarrely her " indulgences " and privacy are game.......

That crossed my mind as well.

 

[Denville]

While we continue to randomly speculate and drag Courteney Cox, her lifestyle, and parenting skills because of Harry, it's been pointed out that it was her ex-husband David Arquette who was the heavy drug user; one reason that he's now the ex.

well if she and Arquette were divorced when Harry went ot her house, then I presume it was her stuff.
I gather it was in 2016, and Im guessing that Cox was divorced by then.. so if there were drugs in her fridge they were hers

 

[Meee]

Strangely, why didn't he write more about his godfather? Another spare who was born as 2nd in line to the throne and had lived as one for over 2 decades (compared to Margaret who was 2nd in line for 12 years), a position that Harry never was and never will be. And what about his aunt, who was also a spare and 2nd in line until she's been bumped the line down with the birth of her younger brothers? Some self-reflection of his life to fill his memoir about how he has learnt from observing his aunt and uncles' lives? But nope, that will be too much to ask from Harry.

I have wondered myself whether Anne took the spare role so well because she wasn’t alone in it, despite being bumped down by her younger brothers. In that sense Margaret and Harry would be the most obvious comparison, because there were no others in those generations.

I was surprised he didn’t mention other members of his family more, actually. Mention of Anne, Andrew and Edward was brief, with Edward’s name being mentioned once in the whole book. I think he said everyone had stopped having children, when Edward hadn’t had any at that point (and he and Sophie might well have been in the midst of their own tragedy, depending on the exact timing.) Eugenie was the only cousin to be mentioned by name, which surprised me as we know that Zara went skiing with Charles and the boys after Diana’s death. He mentioned a cousin crashing a quad bike, without saying who it was.

The part about he and Meghan taking medical advice about conceiving was jarring. Archie was born under a year from their wedding date and according to Harry, a week past his due date. That will have hurt a lot of people who know what it really is to struggle to have children, including Edward and Sophie.

It also shocked me that Harry didn’t realise that Meghan shared her birthday with QEQM; it was Charles that pointed it out to him. It was the first I’d heard of him calling his great grandmother Gan Gan, I thought that started with Prince George and QE II.

 

[Denville]

Anne did not want to be queen, she is not gracious or IMO very good at the being polite and friendly to the public.. she has probably improved a bit but it was never her thing. so it wasn't hard for her to know that she'd never be the monarch, whereas Harry wanted the validation of the public liking and admiring him, just as his mother did. He knew that he'd become a lot less of interest to the public as he got older, and his brother's children grew up.. and that really burned him. He has obviosly, from this book always had a real real angry feeling about Will being older than him, and being hte future King. Perhaps if Diana had lived, he would have adjusted to the idea of being the second son, as he grew older. but she was gone, he was torn up and began to lose touch with reality, if he really believed that she had faked her deaht for many years.

 

[Alison H]

Did she? Never heard that. As opposed to Charles who married after nano second.

That was why! After three of her four children's first marriages broke down, she wanted the next generation to think more carefully before marrying.

 

[tihkon2]

It was the first I’d heard of him calling his great grandmother Gan Gan, I thought that started with Prince George and QE II.

Nope. Gan Gan was actually used in the family for Queen Victoria by her grands and great grands.

 

[FigTree]

Nope. Gan Gan was actually used in the family for Queen Victoria by her grands and great grands.

All QEQM called her this.

 

[SLV]

The part about he and Meghan taking medical advice about conceiving was jarring. Archie was born under a year from their wedding date and according to Harry, a week past his due date. That will have hurt a lot of people who know what it really is to struggle to have children, including Edward and Sophie.

I don't think it that strange. Megan was already in her late thirties when they married. Statistically, chances of getting pregnant start getting less as you grow older. They wanted to be informed. Makes sense to me.

 

[Denville]

W

I thought they only needed permission to marry, not to propose, so he may have been referring to the direction he received when planning to propose.

Obviously, they only needed permission to marry, but if someone is proposing, but not sure if the law/queen will allow them to marry, it is hardly an ideal situation is it? What if Harry had proposed to Meg, she said yes and then the queen said no?

 

[Denville]

I

The part about he and Meghan taking medical advice about conceiving was jarring. Archie was born under a year from their wedding date and according to Harry, a week past his due date. That will have hurt a lot of people who know what it really is to struggle to have children, including Edward and Sophie.

It also shocked me that Harry didn’t realise that Meghan shared her birthday with QEQM; i

Obviiously, Harry didnt give presents to Great Grandma. I wonder if he didnt m mention other royals because he did not like them, or because he was concentrating on the senior ones, like Charles and Will and Camilla, in this book and later he will use up the other ones when he wants material for another book.
Dont see what is jarring aobut the having medical advice about conceiving. He and Meg were quite lucky to start a baby so soon after their marriage when Meg was already well into her 30s. I dont quite see why it would hurt other people though.

 

[Denville]

Did she? Never heard that. As opposed to Charles who married after nano second.

If couples meet young and stay the course they tend to have a long relationship before marriage. If they are older they don’t.

How did Charles marry after a nano second? He and Diana courted for about 6 months, not long by today's standards but not exactly a matter of seconds.... and Charles and Camilla were living togehter for years and years before they got married.

 

[Lilyflo]

I believe Harry when he says he didn't know he'd have to ask permission to marry. Harry knew/knows next to nothing about royal traditions and protocol and wasn't in the slightest bit interested in learning about them. He only found out about these things at the point when they affected him directly. If something wasn't relevant to him in the moment, he gave it scant attention. Even if he knew that William had to ask permission, it still might not have occurred to him that it applied to him as well, considering he was only 5th in line at the time.

 

[muriel]

I believe Harry when he says he didn't know he'd have to ask permission to marry. Harry knew/knows next to nothing about royal traditions and protocol and wasn't in the slightest bit interested in learning about them. He only found out about these things at the point when they affected him directly. If something wasn't relevant to him in the moment, he gave it scant attention. Even if he knew that William had to ask permission, it still might not have occurred to him that it applied to him as well, considering he was only 5th in line at the time.

I'm not sure I quite agree. I just think it suits the narrative Harry & Meghan have been trying to spin about the BRF being an archaic institution caught in a time warp, and not fit for purpose in the current environment.

 

[Denville]

I think it is possible he did not know, he seems so stupid and so wrapped up in his own world and ddoes not wnat to learn anything outside of it . But its possible that he did know but was just reciting this story to explain the rules to Americans

 

[FigTree]

How did Charles marry after a nano second? He and Diana courted for about 6 months, not long by today's standards but not exactly a matter of seconds.... and Charles and Camilla were living togehter for years and years before they got married.

Didn't they meet 11 times before marrying?

Anyway it hardly matters. People marry when, and if, they want to. 2 days. 20 years.

It was more a response to the 5 years thing. She didn't make her kids do that.

 

[Denville]

according to Diana, they didnt spend a lot of time together, but the relationship did last for about 6 months before Charles proposed, and they did meet up for weekends, when Di would stay at Camilla's house and go to Highgrove. But obviously, the queen clearly felt after that that the short courtships that royals usually had back then were not a good idea and she advised her grandchildren to wait for about 5 years before thinking of marriage..Edward lived with Sophie, William lived with Kate etc.
The queen was notorious back then for not interfering with her children and not getting into confrontations, and probably after the disasters of the Wales marriage, the York divorce etc, she felt that she had to do somethng to make sure that her grandchildren had a better chance of a stable happy marriage.. so she advised a long wait before they got married.

 

[tihkon2]

All QEQM called her this.

Yes, but the pervious poster thought it started with George. And I explained it actually started with Queen Victoria's grandchildren and great grand children calling her that. So I'm not sure why you replied like you did?

 

[Toledo]

I'm very surprised that Meghan gave out bags of marijuana as party favours. Apart from it being a generally weird thing to do, her image here is of someone who's into yoga and avocado smoothies and scented candles and all that natural well being stuff, a bit like Gwyneth Paltrow, not drugs.

It's legal here now but I don't know if it was during the time, she was hosting these parties. Still, giving drugs as party favors is an odd thing to do. At the same time, presents to us that there was a common denominator to Harry's own relations with drugs. And I think that's the root of all these problems mentioned in the book when you pair someone with a problem with someone that can be a bit of an enabler. Not good, especially when family members are already concerned about it.

And I won't trust any yoga and avocado smoothies and scented candles health advice coming from Gwyneth Paltrow and her circle of gurus that includes Durek. They are salespersons.

 

[Denville]

It's legal here now but I don't know if it was during the time, she was hosting these parties. Still, giving drugs as party favors is an odd thing to do. At the same time, presents to us that there was a common denominator to Harry's own relations with drugs. And I think that's the root of all these problems mentioned in the book when you pair someone with a problem with someone that can be a bit of an enabler. Not good, especially when family members are already concerned about it.

And I won't trust any yoga and avocado smoothies and scented candles health advice coming from Gwyneth Paltrow and her circle of gurus that includes Durek. They are salespersons.

As far as I understand the bags of weed were given out at her wedding which legal or not, seems odd. Its not a matter of trusting health advice from Paltrow etc, it is simply that GP has a reputation for doing yoga and being healthy and preferring scented candles to spliffs or pills.... and I thought much the same of Meghan when she got engaged. She seemed to be into yoga and health and so on so it seemed odd when I heard that she gave out marijuana at her wedding or that Harry is apparently still drinking and taking drugs . I had had the impression that Meghan had influenced him away from drug abuse and heavy drinking, now it seems like it hasn't worked, and possibly Meg is a user herself.
I wonder if Meg did try to get him off hte boozing and weed smoking, and has failed signally, and I wonder if in due course she wll split up with him and will be able to use the incoherence of hs book and his admissions about taking drugs to damage his reputation.

 

[Toledo]

Appearances can be deceiving.
and I agree, unless the wedding is an Up-in-Smoke movie themed party is an odd party gift but tells a lot about the participants. I had co-workers that bragged about social consciousness, health and everything POC under the sun and I recall two weekend parties I attended people passing around joints like candy. And this was before it was decriminalized in Connecticut, too. Adn worst, I had to see these people in the office the following week.

The expression is do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do, or talking with both sides of her mouth.

 

[Denville]

dont really see what is wrong with people smoking joints at a party, unless they are forcing them on other people, but passing out wedding favours of marijuana is another matter...
It just does not make sense, to make an official wedding gift of an illegal substance.
But what is off putting is that Meg seemed to get kudos from Harry for helping him get over his depression and now it seems like he either didnt try very hard to get control of his drinking and drug use, or she didn't really try to help with it....

 

[Granada]

Meee, I too was surprised as you were, that Harry didnt mention other members of the Family more.

I would have thought that would have been certainly more interesting, growing up with his cousins. Nothing invasive, something as innocuous as picnics or horseback riding trips. Much nicer than the snide and inappropriate "digs" at Princess Margaret. "She could kill a house plant with one scowl".

Harry was the one who introduced Zara to Mike Tindall in Sydney in 2003. Why not have some funny story about that ? Or nice remembrances about Balmoral Summers with Peter Phillips and their beloved Grandfather ? Or Christmas at Sandringham, fun memories with Beatrice and Eugenie?

The Book could have been so much more balanced and interesting with NON hurtful stories that didn't invade his Family's privacy either.

I suspect that either Harry has decided *most* of his cousins NOW simply aren't important enough to " the man he has become "....airbrushed out, so to speak.
OR Zara and Peter warned him NOT to include them in any way. I remember from decades ago that Peter WAS close to both brothers. Maybe Peter drifted away.

I found omitting what I hope were happy "extended" family memories, sad. Does Harry have ANY fond Family memories outside of Diana centric ones ? When I was a Child and young Teen I spend lots of great times with my Cousins at my Grandparents house on Holidays. I absolutely treasure them.


Again, whatever therapy he got or is getting doesn't seem to be putting him on a path to contentment and "moving on". Sadly JUST the opposite.
The Book should have been named " Settling Scores", not Spare.

It seems that not only is his relationship with William broken, but I remember Mike Tindall absolutely cutting Harry on the Church steps at The Jubilee Services. Pointed and public. So did David Linley. Just ignored and dissed.

That's why I still hope that the Sussex's do not go to The Coronation. ALL the attention will be on them. What they do and how they interact.

 

[Denville]

well if Mike Tindall and Peter phillips did cut him publicly, at the Jubilee services its hardly surprising that Harry would leave them out of his book.

 

[Queen Claude]

I am as square as you get, and while I acknowledge that people can have substance problems whether it is alcohol, prescription drugs, marijuana or harder substances, I don't think that it is totally contradictory for some to directly or indirectly claim that they have a healthy lifestyle but then also consume, in moderation, certain substances.

In Meghan's case, she is into yoga and is somewhat health conscious, but at the same time she had a blog named after a wine and did give out weed as a party favor at her first wedding. In the case of the weed party favor, I am more bothered that marijuana was / is illegal in Jamaica, the location of her first wedding.

It is not hard for me to believe that Harry, under Meghan's influence, changed to a healthier lifestyle, and that can range from change in food, exercise or heavy drinking. Of course people do make those kinds of changes to please their significant other and then backslide into their old ways.

Another aspect is that Harry moved to California where marijuana is legal, so he may be pleased and taking advantage of being able to consume weed legally.

 

[Denville]

I am as square as you get, and while I acknowledge that people can have substance problems whether it is alcohol, prescription drugs, marijuana or harder substances, I don't think that it is totally contradictory for some to directly or indirectly claim that they have a healthy lifestyle but then also consume, in moderation, certain substances.

In Meghan's case, she is into yoga and is somewhat health conscious, but at the same time she had a blog named after a wine and did give out weed as a party favor at her first wedding. In the case of the weed party favor, I am more bothered that marijuana was / is illegal in Jamaica, the location of her first wedding.

It is not hard for me to believe that Harry, under Meghan's influence, changed to a healthier lifestyle, and that can range from change in food, exercise or heavy drinking. Of course people do make those kinds of changes to please their significant other and then backslide into their old ways.

Another aspect is that Harry moved to California where marijuana is legal, so he may be pleased and taking advantage of being able to consume weed legally.

it doesn't sound like H has made significant changes. If he mainly did drugs because of his grief over his mother, doesn't sound like it lasted all that long. given that he seems to have been using drugs for quite a while and drinking too much, the fact that he's been back on the weed only 2 years ago when he had escaped from the UK, and the RF, was happily married wth a son and should have been enjoying his new life....
I wonder if he did just try to stop for a bit because of his new relationship and because Meg was perhaps urgning him to be healthier, but it hasnt lasted

 

[Meee]

It’s possible that he may have taken less since meeting Meghan, I think he only mentioned taking them once since the time he did after being late for his first date with Meghan, and that was during COVID when they were having to move. I could understand that the stress might push someone with some experience of drugs to go back there.

Had he turned to drugs to excess after Meghan’s miscarriage, effectively leaving her to grieve alone, I imagine she’d have been out of the door. But at the same time I think if his drug use were zero since the last incident he described, I think he’d have put in something like he was proud to say he hadn’t used any since Lilli was born. As others have said, this book will be very damaging should the Sussexes separate in future.

 

[Denville]

It’s possible that he may have taken less since meeting Meghan, I think he only mentioned taking them once since the time he did after being late for his first date with Meghan, and that was during COVID when they were having to move. I could understand that the stress might push someone with some experience of drugs to go back there.

Had he turned to drugs to excess after Meghan’s miscarriage, effectively leaving her to grieve alone, I imagine she’d have been out of the door. But at the same time I think if his drug use were zero since the last incident he described, I think he’d have put in something like he was proud to say he hadn’t used any since Lilli was born. As others have said, this book will be very damaging should the Sussexes separate in future.

oh come just because he does not say he's using drugs, does not mean anything. I agree that if he had given up completely, he would probably have mentioned it and given Meghan credit for helping him.
And it sounds as if he had no problem mentioning that he was smoking weed when he and Meg had a nice house in LA, were together, had a son, and had escaped the awfulness of the UK and royal life....
what with the incoherence of the book, and his swiveling around with his POV in the past few weeks I get a feeling that drugs, albeit soft ones are probalby a regular part of his life... but the trouble is that he has probalby been using for a long time and its affected him mentally

 

[Prinsara]

oh come just because he does not say he's using drugs, does not mean anything. I agree that if he had given up completely, he would probably have mentioned it and given Meghan credit for helping him.
And it sounds as if he had no problem mentioning that he was smoking weed when he and Meg had a nice house in LA, were together, had a son, and had escaped the awfulness of the UK and royal life....
what with the incoherence of the book, and his swiveling around with his POV in the past few weeks I get a feeling that drugs, albeit soft ones are probalby a regular part of his life... but the trouble is that he has probalby been using for a long time and its affected him mentally

Your impression is that people who use substances always get to choose when they want to and don't do it if they are happy or have a stable period.

That is precisely the opposite of what a dependency is.