I think as time goes on, James Hewitt may garner some sympathy, as more details of how things played out become available. In the beginning, i think people assumed that he had left poor Diana in the lurch and then kissed and told. But as we've seen in books and documentaries, it was Diana that broke off the relationship, and while I love her to death, I dont love her choices in letting James down easy.
I have my doubts about Queen Camilla's claims that Diana wanted him to talk to the media and help on the book "Princess in Love", im guessing thats James trying to make himself look as good as possible and Dianas not around to answer to those claims.
The posting to Germany wasnt him "letting her down" it was unfortunate, but as he said in one doc, they could have visited at roughly the same frequency they did already. But she did "throw him over" for Gilbey, and then did the same to him for the same reason Hewitt got thrown over, potential media discovery.
She must have known he was in love with her, and can you blame him???? I do feel for him, being more invested, that she was, although the comment on the squidgy tape of "that man" I think wasnt because she didnt love him, but she felt that he let her down, obviously as she ended the relationship over it. Also he was drummed out of the army, indirectly over it, and with no job to fall back on, selling his information became an attractive option, if nothing else, she should have ensured a soft landing for him to keep his mouth shut. Sadly, she picked up the upper crust habit of using and then disposing her suitors, again, love her, but not all her choices.
This kind of ties into my question about her family preparing her for married life in the aristocracy, she seemed to not know to have an affair with someone with more to lose than her, the main reason Charles slept with CPB and Lady Tryon, etc, etc, etc.
While he choices in her affairs wernt ideal, i think it was partly because she didn't have the palace machinery that helped hide and assist Charles affair, she had to figure it out on her own, and dont forget HE CHEATED FIRST, had he did his duty and focused on staying married, its doubtful shed have strayed, IMO.