Diana's Relationships with The Queen and Other Members of the Royal Family

[GillW]

You know, if you really have such little knowledge of the relationship between the Spencer family and the royals, I think you should be finding & reading some good biographies of Diana. Start with "Princess" by Robert Lacey & then move on to some of the later ones. You need to understand a lot more about the background of the family to really see the dynamics involved - and great as these boards are there is a lot of information that you should catch up on.

 

[scooter]

The MIL/DIL dynamic is a difficult one at the best of times...even if one's MIL only THINKS she's The Queen. ;-P

 

[Mara Jade]

I think that Diana was very different from the Royals themselves, and very different from most people that they knew. I think they enjoyed her in the beginning, but in the end neither they, nor Diana understood each other. I think they were fonder of her than she was of them, because they had a lot of real compassion, and not the phony compassion that she sometimes trumpeted to the press. I wonder if we will ever really know the real Diana. I don't think that they did, but they saw more of it than we did. The irony is that they had more of what people perceived that she had. They felt badly for her, but found her difficult to deal with.

 

[ZUBIAUR]

I think Diana was a marvellous person in an awful family.I think all the royal family envy her very much because of her beauty,charisma,elegance,all her kindness etc.They did not deserve her.They must feel remorse of their behaviour with Diana.Diana was an angel ,Camilla and all the family destroyed her life.It is outrageous to criticize Diana.She was an extraordinary good person,with bad luck.
I will always defend her memory.Rest in peace dear Diana.

 

[Warren]

Diana was an angel ,Camilla and all the family destroyed her life.

Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it, although far removed from reality.

 

[TheTruth]

Well, it's totally subjective to express things this way Zubiaur. I really don't believe a whole family can be true evil and just a person true angel. Many facts prove your theory wrong: the Panorama interview is fair enough. I believe there were very good moments shared in the RF with Diana, as there were very bad ones. The family made of individuals can not be completely negative, and Diana can't be positive as you seem to think. A manichaean point of view is rarely demonstrative, at least concerning human beings.

 

[ChantalC]

I think Princess Diana was a wonderful person but I beleive the British Royal Family was jealous of her popularity and also was jealous with her kindness and caring toward people and children that she cared deeply about. That's what the British Royal family lacked.

{deleted off-topic on Camilla}

 

[Skydragon]

Wrong on so many counts!

 

[Amelia]

I think Princess Diana was a wonderful person but I beleive the British Royal Family was jealous of her popularity and also was jealous with her kindness and caring toward people and children that she cared deeply about. That's what the British Royal family lacked. {deleted off-topic on Camilla}

{deleted off-topic answer on Camilla}


I also don’t think that the Royal Family were ever jealous of her, I think it was more a case of not know what to do with her. She didn’t seem to fit in with them, which isn’t all that uncommon in families between in-laws but the fact that this family is who it is meant that it all became a bit of a public spectacle.

 

[Jacknch]

Much can be said about the relationship between Diana and the rest of the royal family but we will never know exactly how things were between them. It is easy to look back over many years with a clouded judgement and even at the time of all the problems no-one outside their circles would really know or understand. Certainly those who have sought to gain financially by "spilling the beans" or writing un-authorised biographies cannot be entirely relied upon. I know that Diana was only 19/20 when she married in to the royal family, but she did know them well through family connections and would have some idea of what to expect in terms of relating to them. Of-course, it is undoubtable that she was probably the most popular royal ever and always will be but I simply cannot believe that her life was made hell because of jealousy on the part of the royal family. Surely, most jealous people try to gain what the object of their jealousy has by way of popularity etc and try and act and be like that themselves. It's very complex indeed and I only wish things had been handled better all round like the Joachim/Alexandra divorce.

 

[chaimae]

I think Princess Diana was a wonderful person but I beleive the British Royal Family was jealous of her popularity and also was jealous with her kindness and caring toward people and children that she cared deeply about. That's what the British Royal family lacked.

{deleted off-topic on Camilla}

sorry chantal , all what you say is wrong i think no one can know the reality of the relation betwen the RFand diana , we didn't live with theme and also we don't know the true personality of diana

{deleted off-topic answer on Camilla}

 

[Duchess]

i think the relationship between diana and the RF was ok...not perfect by any stretch but ok. totally different personalities and family dynamics...diana and her siblings had things pretty easy...not much emphasis on education for the girls and we all know the marital situation between her parents. as for the RF...more emphasis on education (certainly for the men, not sure about anne) but also a bit more family oriented (as strange as that sounds). while the HM and the DoE may not have been the most hands on parents prone to public displays of affection, the family certainly seems devoted to one another. i think these contrasts made it hard for the RF/diana or diana/RF to understand one another. but no question that there was mutual respect in terms of the roles they played).

 

[TheTruth]

Once again, every time there's a subject on Diana it needs to be turned into a debate over Camilla. Please, read the title again: Diana's relationship with the Queen and and other members of the Royal Family. This was before Camilla married Charles, and so before Camilla being a member of the RF. Logically, she has no place in the conversation, even less when mentioning her starts yet another fight.

Any other post of this nature will be deleted immediately.

TheTruth
For the British Forum

 

[Jo of Palatine]

IMHo there were two kinds of relationships Diana had with the queen and the DoE. There was the private one: mother-in-law and father-in-law to daughter-in-law and there was the more formal one of souverain and consort with the wife of the heir to the throne.

These were mixed of course. But while I think in the beginning the queen had a lot of understanding for Diana and if she couldn't understand her, at least had sympathy for her, while the DoE is known to have a very soft spot for younger ladies of the aristocracy and the way they enjoy life. But the longer Diana worked actively and sometimes aggressively for her own ends, not content with the place the souverain had given her in the Royal sphere but wanting to create her own "court", no matter how, the queen surely must have started to see the danger Diana posed for the monarchy and that the successor of Elizabeth I and Mary Stuart could not condone. That surely had an influence on their private relationship.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Your post makes a lot of sense to me, Jo. There came a point where the Queen's role as Her Majesty had to take precedence over any sense of affection for Diana or a desire to keep the Wales marriage going as it was.

IMHo there were two kinds of relationships Diana had with the queen and the DoE. There was the private one: mother-in-law and father-in-law to daughter-in-law and there was the more formal one of souverain and consort with the wife of the heir to the throne.

 

[branchg]

It's been said The Queen had serious reservations about Diana from the beginning, including the fact she was very young, hadn't really done much with her life yet and was known to be quite willful. But she didn't press her case and did like Diana personally, so the marriage proceeded.

I think The Queen was very sympathetic to Diana and made a lot of effort to accomodate her (some have said too much), but at the end of the day, the monarchy had to come first. Diana became very bitter and angry and lost her sense of perspective and that damaged the monarchy.

 

[Duchess]

It's been said The Queen had serious reservations about Diana from the beginning, including the fact she was very young, hadn't really done much with her life yet and was known to be quite willful. But she didn't press her case and did like Diana personally, so the marriage proceeded.

I think The Queen was very sympathetic to Diana and made a lot of effort to accomodate her (some have said too much), but at the end of the day, the monarchy had to come first. Diana became very bitter and angry and lost her sense of perspective and that damaged the monarchy.

i think you've hit the nail on the head. i think that just because she didn't the kind of appreciation "she" thought she deserved she felt she didn't get any.

 

[lauraford2]

I think that Diana had a personality that goes along with her bulimia. She was a very "all or nothing" type. I remember one of her friends saying in an interview something to the effect that you were either one hundred percent on her side or she considered that you were against her. I think that this is why she had such trouble sustaining relationships -- she was too quick to throw in the towel if she perceived "disloyalty." This may have been one of the problems that she had with the Queen. The Queen may have been extremely supportive and sympathetic, but if she did not take Diana's side completely, Diana would have viewed the Queen as "against her." I know several people with this kind of all or nothing personality, and it really ends up very sad.

 

[Mermaid1962]

This would be a hard way to live, I think. It's certainly a perfectionistic view of people.

I think that Diana had a personality that goes along with her bulimia. She was a very "all or nothing" type. I remember one of her friends saying in an interview something to the effect that you were either one hundred percent on her side or she considered that you were against her.

 

[COUNTESS]

Diana was young, insecure and headstrong. I once knew someone like that, but I grew up, because I had a loving husband and a wonderful family. Charles was a zero for anyone, but himself and the others really didn't deal with this kind of "stuff". Stiff upper lip and all that. So, in the end what could have been good ended in tradgedy. The stiff upper lip crowd continued after the blip in their lives disaapeared and Charles got what he wanted in the first place.

 

[Odette]

I thought Diana made it clear how she felt about the RF in those tapes of her phone conversations that leaked to the public.
How they felt about her at the beginning, during that marriage and after her death is something we can only assume to know.
I agree Diana had a lot of issues and Charles inability to understand or help her compounded her problems.

 

[COUNTESS]

I don't think they thought much about it until it was flung in their faces. They were not used to "outsiders" commanding this kind of attention. I think, if she had found warmth inisde the RF, she might have reacted differently, but who knows. Charles was the pivot and he was too into Charles and another to really care.

 

[Odette]

I agree 100%. One could have thought that even an aristocrat who lived "next door" could cause them some distress, because of her youth alone. Diana added to it on her side, her insecurities and Charles and the family were not used to handling such issues. Even if they had to resolve their problems in privacy, she was a handful. Add the papparazzi to the mix and they had a time bomb in their hands. Such a pity!

 

[Mermaid1962]

It certainly wasn't the kind of language that a person would expect to hear from Diana as she presented herself in public, or for that matter a description of in-laws that any real "lady" would make. I think that this was the first real crack in the image she was trying to present of herself. Here was the 'wronged wife', the victim, making plans to meet up with a male friend and worrying about getting pregnant.

I believe that Diana started her royal career with great hopes that Charles and she would be together for a long time. She was a wonderful Princess of Wales during her appearances and did many good public works. I expect that she ultimately disappointed herself as much as she disappointed others.

I thought Diana made it clear how she felt about the RF in those tapes of her phone conversations that leaked to the public.

 

[Odette]

Mermaid, this is to show us all that we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Most appear sweet and friendly and nice and approachable, when in fact, some behave worse than any of us could, when the cameras are no longer clicking.

 

[TheTruth]

I believe things could have turned out so beneficially for all of them. Diana's 'fame' would have brought something unique to the RF if she hadn't had this feeling of being whether supported or hated. There certainly was a big communication problem coming from Charles but she was definitely not a good example either: if you see people simply black or white, you never get to understand human nature (which is a huge handicap for someone who has to rule a country).

 

[Skydragon]

All Diana's 'fame' brought to the Royal Family was 'celebrity'. She apparently couldn't see the difference between being a royal and being a celeb.

Hard enough for a mature person to deal with a troublesome 20 something but a headstrong, disturbed 20 something..... I have heard it said that those with parents in a troubled relationship end up unable to form decent relationships themselves.

 

[TheTruth]

All Diana's 'fame' brought to the Royal Family was 'celebrity'. She apparently couldn't see the difference between being a royal and being a celeb.

Of course; Yet, we can't deny that people had a huge interest in British Royals was when Diana was a member of it (I mean 'talked' in a good way...I'm not speaking about what happened after the separation). It could have been used in a great way and perhaps minimize the abolition threat a little.

 

[Skydragon]

Of course; Yet, we can't deny that people had a huge interest in British Royals was when Diana was a member of it (I mean 'talked' in a good way...I'm not speaking about what happened after the separation). It could have been used in a great way and perhaps minimize the abolition threat a little.

There was a great deal of interest in the Royals before Diana, not the frenzy, just a respectful interest. They were seen as reserved but 'worthy', people with standards to live up to, but that was in the days when it was not acceptable to be hugging and kissing total strangers, it is not something 'we' did. We didn't need therapists because we had cut a finger, people just got on with life. Rant, rant, rant.

There may not have been the interest abroad (I can't speak for Canada, New Zealand or Australia), but that was immaterial to many here. I don't recall there being a great deal of talk about abolishing the monarchy pre 1997, although Blair in '95 would have done so if he could have found support it is alleged.

 

[Roslyn]

There may not have been the interest abroad (I can't speak for Canada, New Zealand or Australia)

There was still a huge amount of respectful interest here at that time, but mainly amongst the older Australians, many of whom still spoke of England as "home".

We were still British Subjects, and we could still appeal to the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council from decisions of our High Court (till 1975) and State Supreme Courts (till 1986).

Diana's entrance to the royal stage led to increased interest, and of course the arrival of William and Harry caused a frenzy amongst royal watchers, but it was still a respectful frenzy for those first few years.