Hasnat Khan

[Denville]

I don't agree. I think she was trying to plan for the future. perhaps it wouldn't have worked out, but I'm sorry that he never tried to make their relationship a permament one. I think that he did love her and should have at least given it a fair trial...

 

[Queen Claude]

IMO Diana's great loves were Hasnat Khan, James Hewitt and Prince Charles.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

I don't agree. I think she was trying to plan for the future. perhaps it wouldn't have worked out, but I'm sorry that he never tried to make their relationship a permament one. I think that he did love her and should have at least given it a fair trial...

Maybe she was planning for the future but she didn't include him in her plans. That is not a healthy relationship. She didn't understand that she couldn't just arrange his life the way she wanted it.
I think he did love her, but he was realistic enough to know it would be difficult if not impossible for it to work long term.

 

[Osipi]

I believe that Khan was perhaps the most mature of Diana's relationships after her marriage disintegrated. At least on Khan's side.

She basically ran into the same problem with Khan that she ran into with Charles in the beginning. Khan had a steady profession that he loved and demanded a lot of his time. Also, as with Charles, there were family expectations that Diana came up against. When Diana started to manipulate things to how she wanted things to be, although her intentions were most likely good ones (in her way of thinking), Khan didn't like being manipulated when it came to his work or his family. She didn't inform him of trying to get him the job in Africa nor did she travel with him to meet his family but went on her own (I believe) and I don't blame Khan for thinking she was pushing the cart of his life. No person likes that.

Khan also disliked the limelight that constantly surrounded Diana and the last thing a dedicated surgeon would want is to be seen as an extension of someone else and followed by cameras everywhere he went. It just wasn't fated to work out for the two of them. I do think he cared deeply for Diana but there were just too many obstacles for a clear path ahead for the both of them.

 

[Denville]

well why did he continue his relationship with her? Naturally Diana wanted to takeit to a public level and marry, but Khan wanted to keep it secret. He knew that as a public figure she was going to be pursued by the press for many years and that any man she dated or married would be subject to some press intrusion. Diana was trying to find a way fro them to be together, outside England, where she hoped that there would be less press intrusion but she would be near enough to the UK to see her sons, and Khan could work....

 

[Lady Nimue]

well why did he continue his relationship with her? Naturally Diana wanted to takeit to a public level and marry, but Khan wanted to keep it secret. He knew that as a public figure she was going to be pursued by the press for many years and that any man she dated or married would be subject to some press intrusion. Diana was trying to find a way for them to be together, outside England, where she hoped that there would be less press intrusion but she would be near enough to the UK to see her sons, and Khan could work....

This is a rationalization for the glaring fact that she was not consulting and working in tandem with Haznat. An example of her trying to control and manage to her purposes, rather than considering the needs, requirements, wishes of another. Where was the intimacy of shared goals and intentions? The man had a full blown (and significant) career. He had a strong sense of privacy. He wanted to maintain his position and live in England. It was a no go. He had to end it.

 

[Osipi]

Frankly, I think its possible that Diana's machinations of going to Pakistan to meet his family without being invited to go there with Khan himself and the plotting and scheming to put Khan to work in Africa without Khan's backing is what ended up being the straws that broke the camel's back.

I think these things would be a huge red flag for anybody. No one wants their lives to be micromanaged by somebody else even if they sincerely loved the person and knew that these things were made with good intentions.

Diana had a history of "arranging" things to be exactly how she wanted them to be and how she thought they should be and was reported to be that way since childhood. She was very good at manipulation to get her own way and unfortunately, with Khan, it didn't work out how she wanted things to go and Khan knew the relationship could not be a long term one that would be mutually beneficial and happy.

I sincerely think this is the reason that she latched on so quickly to Dodi Al-Fayed. He didn't mind the limelight. He seemed to be the attentive sort that could easily put Diana on a pedestal and allow her to call the shots. It seemed that Dodi was everything that Khan was not and I do basically think she "used" Dodi to show Khan how he should be and what he was missing by not succumbing to Diana's goodness.

Its sad really.

 

[Lady Nimue]

Frankly, I think its possible that Diana's machinations of going to Pakistan to meet his family without being invited to go there with Khan himself and the plotting and scheming to put Khan to work in Africa without Khan's backing is what ended up being the straws that broke the camel's back.

I think these things would be a huge red flag for anybody. No one wants their lives to be micromanaged by somebody else even if they sincerely loved the person and knew that these things were made with good intentions.

Well said, Osipi. The intrusion into his private life must have been stinging for Haznat. A deal breaker for sure. Diana significantly crossed a line there. Says how besotted she was, but also clueless regarding communication in a relationship. Hint at what Charles was dealing with. Her way or the highway.

Diana had a history of "arranging" things to be exactly how she wanted them to be and how she thought they should be and was reported to be that way since childhood. She was very good at manipulation to get her own way and unfortunately, with Khan, it didn't work out how she wanted things to go and Khan knew the relationship could not be a long term one that would be mutually beneficial and happy.

Good summation. A serious character flaw. She did have a tendency to de-ball her men. James Hewitt was the perfect lap dog for her, but even he dared to leave her for his profession at a certain point, which nullified her 'love' for him. Slippery slope loving Diana. Haznat was savvy enough to see the problems before he allowed it to continue beyond pull back.

I sincerely think this is the reason that she latched on so quickly to Dodi Al-Fayed. He didn't mind the limelight. He seemed to be the attentive sort that could easily put Diana on a pedestal and allow her to call the shots. It seemed that Dodi was everything that Khan was not and I do basically think she "used" Dodi to show Khan how he should be and what he was missing by not succumbing to Diana's goodness.

Here I disagree. The 'latching on' was purely public/tabloid perception. It was Dodi's father who was doing the 'latching on'. I have long had a hunch that if the father could have married her he would have done so. Diana was merely 'going along' with a very flattering 'seduction' (by the father) for as long as it suited her purposes. Dodo was simply following orders of said father.

I do recall in one of the biographies it being suggested, or claimed outright, that the reason Diana was calling the press photographers (at that time) was to make sure that they caught her and Dodi canoodling on the deck of the yacht. She was trying to get the attention of 1) Haznat and/or 2) Charles. I've heard both mentioned as her target.

Its sad really.

Tragic.

 

[Osipi]

Here I disagree. The 'latching on' was purely public/tabloid perception. It was Dodi's father who was doing the 'latching on'. I have long had a hunch that if the father could have married her he would have done so. Diana was merely 'going along' with a very flattering 'seduction' (by the father). Dodo was simply following orders of said father.

I do recall in one of the biographies it being suggested, or claimed outright, that the reason Diana was calling the press photographers (at that time) was to make sure that they caught her and Dodi canoodling on the deck of the yacht. She was trying to get the attention of 1) Haznat and/or 2) Charles. I've heard both mentioned as her target.

I've read all of the above too and what stood out for me is that in this scenario, you have three people playing a game for their own purposes. Diana most certainly had ulterior motives. Muhammed Al-Fayed most certainly had "status" and "entry in British high society" flashing through his head and Dodi (I actually prefer your Dodo ) had pleasing Daddy because Daddy floats the boat in his head.

Its been reported often that Richard Kay of the Daily Mail was one of the very last people to talk to Diana by phone before she died and that, right there, shows me that Diana had motives behind the things she was doing. She didn't call Kay for his advice on how to get typewriter ribbon stains out of a blouse.

I think the way things went served to a double advantage for Diana as far as getting attention. 1) To show Haznat what he was missing and how he should look at her wonderful self and 2) To detract attention from the focus that was beginning to form on Charles and Camilla.

Diana's vacation away with the Al-Fayeds got her out of the country when Charles was throwing a big birthday bash for Camilla's 50th. A lot of things have been reported about how during the marriage, Diana upstaged Charles. I believe that after the separation and the divorce, Diana made it a point to try and continue doing so.

The whole thing ended up being a very deadly game.

 

[Lady Nimue]

I've read all of the above too and what stood out for me is that in this scenario, you have three people playing a game for their own purposes. Diana most certainly had ulterior motives. Muhammed Al-Fayed most certainly had "status" and "entry in British high society" flashing through his head

Yep!

and Dodi (I actually prefer your Dodo ) had pleasing Daddy because Daddy floats the boat in his head.

Oh dear! But funny! I had to go back and I saw that I had, indeed, written 'Dodo', though actually that was auto-correct doing it's darndest to be contrary.

Fact is, though, I would never intentionally disrespect Dodi. After all, his filial piety cost him his life. He is one of the 'unintended consequences' of Diana's machinations. The truest of true innocents in that whole tragic mess. (Curiously, he was another man, like Charles, easily intimidated into action by the father).

Its been reported often that Richard Kay of the Daily Mail was one of the very last people to talk to Diana by phone before she died and that, right there, shows me that Diana had motives behind the things she was doing. She didn't call Kay for his advice on how to get typewriter ribbon stains out of a blouse.

I think the way things went served to a double advantage for Diana as far as getting attention. 1) To show Haznat what he was missing and how he should look at her wonderful self and 2) To detract attention from the focus that was beginning to form on Charles and Camilla.

Diana's vacation away with the Al-Fayeds got her out of the country when Charles was throwing a big birthday bash for Camilla's 50th. A lot of things have been reported about how during the marriage, Diana upstaged Charles. I believe that after the separation and the divorce, Diana made it a point to try and continue doing so.

Didn't know about Kay. Now I recall about the Charles/Camilla party and the deflection away from that. Dear heaven! At what a cost all this using of other people! How many people died in the end? More than just sad, or tragic. Is there a word?

The whole thing ended up being a very deadly game.

If she could have only had prescience at the 'unintended consequences' of such machinations. (Diana caused a lot of heart ache for a lot of people across her life. Was there any man foolish enough to engage her that did not suffer harrowing consequences to the well-being of their continued life after her)?

 

[aigulminimalist]

Diana dumped him. And ppl still call hasnat love of her life

 

[Denville]

Diana dumped him. And ppl still call hasnat love of her life

Dumped him is hardly the word I'd use.. She broke off the relationship because probably she could see it was going nowhere. She had been with him for a couple of years and he was relucatnat to make their affair public, or to move on towards marriage. So she ended it when she had another admirer Dodi Fayed..
But I think she did love Khan problaby more than any other man she was with.. but the relationship was always a difficult one, due to their social and cultural differences.

 

[Pranter]

I heard he ended the relationship ....?


LaRae

 

[Denville]

As I recall, he told the Inquest that she had ended it.. whether he was jus being polite and letting it seem as if she was the one to end it, I don't know.. or whether she did decide to finish thigns when she had Dodi making up to her.. but that's what he said, as I recall,.

 

[Pranter]

I had remembered reading he was very tired of all the drama and having to worry with the media etc. He didn't want that type of life. Maybe it was implied that he ended it but she's actually the one who said we are done when he didn't want to marry her.


LaRae

 

[Denville]

Yes He clearly was too wary of their differecnes and was not willing to break with his family's expectations that he should marry within his culture and religion. And he was not inot all the "crazy" stuff that surrounded Diana... but his words were that she had ended it. They had been on and off, and I think that he did break it off a time or 2 but never completely because he loved her...

 

[Pranter]

That makes sense...I remember hearing she talked about converting (not sure how accurate that is though)...she went and met his family etc.


LaRae

 

[Osipi]

As far as Diana having a relationship after her marriage fell apart at the seams, I think Khan was perhaps the most challenging one. It was one that she couldn't control and manipulate into being the way she wanted things to go. There are many examples of her trying to set things her way from visiting his family and conspiring to find him work where she wanted him to work so that they could have a marriage. He stood his ground and didn't allow her to manipulate his life and I believe that frustrated Diana.

Diana was well known for wanting things to be as she wanted them to be and after attempts to get Khan to "fall in line" that failed, they both probably knew deep down that it just wasn't going to work. Khan didn't live up to Diana's expectations and Diana most likely proved to Khan that she wasn't the person that would mesh with his profession and his own personal goals. It doesn't really matter who ended it. It probably died a slow death over time as they got to know each other better and better.

This, in no way, shows that they couldn't have or didn't love each other. There were just too many reasons why they wouldn't have worked together as life partners.

 

[Denville]

well if he didn't want to marry her, I think he should have firmly ended it. She loved him, she was willing to tryand make a life for them, and he was the one who messed her around...

 

[Missjersey]

I don’t think that’s true Denville. She tried to manipulate him in every way possible. Unbeknownst to him, she went to Pakistan to visit his family and showered them with gifts trying to win them over. Dr. Khan didn’t mess her up. I’m sure he found her perplexing the more he got to know her.

 

[aigulminimalist]

Dumped him is hardly the word I'd use.. She broke off the relationship because probably she could see it was going nowhere. She had been with him for a couple of years and he was relucatnat to make their affair public, or to move on towards marriage. So she ended it when she had another admirer Dodi Fayed..
But I think she did love Khan problaby more than any other man she was with.. but the relationship was always a difficult one, due to their social and cultural differences.

I doubt it. Sarah Bradford stated that Diana continued to love/ and was "obsessed" with Charles until the end. As far as I remember, Diana also wanted to marry Hewitt, houre and kasnat. it turns out that she wanted to marry every boyfriend, lover.

Edited

 

[Denville]

no idea who you mean by rat and houre..
and yes generally women DO want to marry the men they are in love with.
I think that Diana did still have feelings for Charles, but Khan was problaby the man she loved most in later life.

 

[Missjersey]

I doubt it. Sarah Bradford stated that Diana continued to love/ and was "obsessed" with Charles until the end. As far as I remember, Diana also wanted to marry Hewitt, houre and kasnat. it turns out that she wanted to marry every boyfriend, lover.

Edited

I agree. It sure seems after “losing the keys to the kingdom” she was determined to make PoW’s life utter turmoil yet looking to be taken care of by whoever the current “I’m in love with” suitor....

 

[aigulminimalist]

no idea who you mean by rat and houre..
and yes generally women DO want to marry the men they are in love with.
I think that Diana did still have feelings for Charles, but Khan was problaby the man she loved most in later life.

why? her "love behavior" with khan is no different from Oliver Hoare. Also pursued, controlled him. Diana wanted to buy a house and live in Italy with him. Wanted to have a child from hewitt, hoare, hasnat. What makes Kasnat so distinguished from other lovers? Ken whare said she was obsessed with hoare and she had to dump him afterwards. And she dumped khan.
and why is khan called the love of her life?

 

[Pranter]

no idea who you mean by rat and houre..
and yes generally women DO want to marry the men they are in love with.
I think that Diana did still have feelings for Charles, but Khan was problaby the man she loved most in later life.

Oliver Hoare.


LaRae

 

[Osipi]

Basically, I don't think Diana ever totally lost her fantasy "Cartland" beliefs in how being "in love" should be. There was no man on this earth that could really fulfill those expectations that were straight out of fiction.

With each and every male she found herself attracted to, we saw the same behavior as we did when she was with Charles. She wanted that pedestal to be on and admired and total devotion from the man she was with and resented those little, everyday normal things that people do such as duties and responsibilities and careers and even wives from standing in her way. She resented the Prince of Wales role as it took Charles away from her and she resented anyone vaguely close to Charles. She resented Hewitt's military postings for the same reason and tried to get him out of it. As much as she admired Khan's work as a cardiologist, she wanted that work to be on her terms somewhere else. She threatened, harassed and pursued Hoare like a stalker to get him to fall in line with how she wanted things to be.

Diana had definite ideas of how she should be loved by the man she's involved with but I don't think she ever learned how to be loving towards a partner in the real sense of the word. To support someone, to put someone else before herself in a relationship and to communicate and compromise just wasn't in her wheelhouse. She didn't know how. Diana wanted and needed love but actually had no real experience in what a true, deep abiding love for another person was really like. It remained as something on a very superficial level with her until the day she died. Love, to Diana, what how someone expressed themselves towards her and that's how she measured it and manipulated it to reflect how she wanted it to be. It doesn't work that way and Diana found disappointment after disappointment. Should she have lived, I imagine that sooner rather than later, she'd find herself disappointed with Dodi and started to look elsewhere for what she felt she needed.

Maybe the right one was out there for Diana that she was looking for but sadly, she never found him.

 

[Missjersey]

Brilliantly stated Osipi

 

[Osipi]

Khan was different. The man had a well established career in medicine and primarily cardiology. This wasn't something that he was going to easily shove to the back burner for anyone. He'd invested too much time and energies into building a career into a profession he deeply cared about. He was a private individual that didn't want any part of limelight, fame and fortune and unfortunately, all of that came with Diana as a package deal. One thing Diana and Hasnat shared was the compassion and desire for helping others and they bonded over that. This was something real and not a flash in the pan like her relationship with Dodi was no matter how much Dodi's father wanted it to be painted as otherwise.

 

[Missjersey]

I believe Osipi hit the nail on the head with “Cartland” fantasy. We’ll never know if she could have overcome that...

 

[Denville]

I think that is very unfair to Diana. She did want a lot of attention, true, but she also gave a good deal to her friends and lovers. She was willing to be helpful and loving to them, even fi she expected a lot fo "love and attention" back. I think she didn't realise how much work Charles had taken on, as POW, and it was a schok to her to find that he was always so busy.. but she was very young at the time of their marriage.
I think she hoped that with a new partner, an "ordanry man", she could shake off some of the media attention, live abroad and spend more time with her partner.. She was trying to find a compromise, with Khan.. in that she hoped that by living in S Africa, she could find him a job that he enjoyed.. they would live somewhere sunny and beautiful and she'd be able to do some charity wrok and be near enough to the UK to visit her sons. If Khan really raelly didn't want, that sort of life, then he should have properly ended the affair, not "kept on coming back".. as he did..