Hasnat Khan

[O-H Anglophile]

Basically, I don't think Diana ever totally lost her fantasy "Cartland" beliefs in how being "in love" should be. There was no man on this earth that could really fulfill those expectations that were straight out of fiction....

I whole heartedly agree with your entire post. I don't think Diana knew how to truly be a partner with the give and take needed. She gave but on her terms and seemed to need more from her inamoratos than any of them could sustain.

 

[Lady Nimue]

I think that is very unfair to Diana. She did want a lot of attention, true, but she also gave a good deal to her friends and lovers. She was willing to be helpful and loving to them, even if she expected a lot of "love and attention" back.

I think you are seeing her through rose-colored glasses. I have known alcoholics and they give a a lot of love for sure, but nothing can paper over the harm they also cause, the often substantial personality issues that damage those around them wholesale.

She 'gave' someone a vacation and then after the fact demanded the person cough up the money for the vacation. She was helpful and loving when the person involved kept her at center stage in their lives (to their own detriment). If you did not maintain her as focal point doing exactly what she 'needed', you got dropped like a hot potato (Hewitt case in point).

I think she hoped that with a new partner, an "ordanry man", she could shake off some of the media attention, live abroad and spend more time with her partner. She was trying to find a compromise, with Khan. in that she hoped that by living in S Africa, she could find him a job that he enjoyed..they would live somewhere sunny and beautiful and she'd be able to do some charity work and be near enough to the UK to visit her sons. If Khan really really didn't want, that sort of life, then he should have properly ended the affair, not "kept on coming back".. as he did..

Did Diana discuss any of this with Khan? You make it sound like Diana figuring all this out would be acceptable to a man, any man actually. Khan had a career and a home in England. He has never before nor since indicated an interest in moving to Africa. You may be impressed with Diana's 'plan' but how much of that 'plan' was a shared view?

A compromise? You ascribe too large a generous aspect to what is really Diana's manipulations. Visiting Khan's family in Pakistan was the deal breaker for Khan, I do believe. After that, the end of the affair was only a matter of time.

Khan will never be telling us the whole truth. Like Charles, we can assume much is held back out of a gentlemanly sensibility. Khan was not interested in a celebrity life, that we know. You say he kept coming back to her. You are aware of how insistent and 'stalkerish' Diana could be when she had a man in her sites, not so? What attracted Diana to Khan (his warm bedside manner, his genuine caring for others) likely worked against his being able to 'shake off' Diana. I'm not sure it was Khan who was unable to stay away, but Diana who kept at the game with him long after he made it clear their relationship was a no-go. JMO.

 

[Elan]

As far as lighthearted moments, in a relationship that was joyous and rewarding in her life, it's regrettable that little in the way of humor, or laughter, is ever spoken about them. Pretty much everything discussed is of a serious nature. However, there must have been a 'few' lighthearted moments between them?

As a surgeon, he is associated as being serious, which is understood, but his love of jazz improv hints at a hearty blend of humor in his own right. For ex....taking Diana out one evening - the Shakespearean town of Stratford-upon-Avon where relatives lived. The pub, "The Prince Of Wales', still stands today.

Clearly, this was a lighthearted moment, with the disguise she configured. Wondering whether they enjoyed a wine glass at the bar or simply ensconced at a table (outside ?).. Either way, it could be said they achieved something on the order that Dudley Moore and Peter Cook would've admired.

Any others...please share.

 

[Curryong]

Perhaps Diana wore a beard?

 

[Tsaritsa]

Basically, I don't think Diana ever totally lost her fantasy "Cartland" beliefs in how being "in love" should be. There was no man on this earth that could really fulfill those expectations that were straight out of fiction.

With each and every male she found herself attracted to, we saw the same behavior as we did when she was with Charles. She wanted that pedestal to be on and admired and total devotion from the man she was with and resented those little, everyday normal things that people do such as duties and responsibilities and careers and even wives from standing in her way. She resented the Prince of Wales role as it took Charles away from her and she resented anyone vaguely close to Charles. She resented Hewitt's military postings for the same reason and tried to get him out of it. As much as she admired Khan's work as a cardiologist, she wanted that work to be on her terms somewhere else. She threatened, harassed and pursued Hoare like a stalker to get him to fall in line with how she wanted things to be.

Diana had definite ideas of how she should be loved by the man she's involved with but I don't think she ever learned how to be loving towards a partner in the real sense of the word. To support someone, to put someone else before herself in a relationship and to communicate and compromise just wasn't in her wheelhouse. She didn't know how. Diana wanted and needed love but actually had no real experience in what a true, deep abiding love for another person was really like. It remained as something on a very superficial level with her until the day she died. Love, to Diana, what how someone expressed themselves towards her and that's how she measured it and manipulated it to reflect how she wanted it to be. It doesn't work that way and Diana found disappointment after disappointment. Should she have lived, I imagine that sooner rather than later, she'd find herself disappointed with Dodi and started to look elsewhere for what she felt she needed.

Maybe the right one was out there for Diana that she was looking for but sadly, she never found him.

I agree with all you say, Osipi. The little girl who wanted to live a fairytale life of sunshine, happiness and being loved unquestioningly and devotedly was always there. It seemed to rule her existence.
I think we can see a definite pattern emerging here. It seems to matter not whether THE latest focus in Diana's life was male or female. She imbued that person with qualities FAR beyond their capacity -this in itself suggests she felt they were better/cleverer that she- and most of them ended up feeling suffocated by the adoration, frequently demonstrated by lavish gifts. These people may have felt that their relationship with her was consuming them and taking over their lives, especially when her neediness became obvious. It may have been at this point that they started to withdraw emotionally, to be less available. Diana would have been sensitive enough to recognize it. She'd experienced it early in her life. It would be at this point that she 'dumped' them. It would have meant that she stayed in control and didn't have to suffer the hurt of being abandoned...............again. She never seemed to realize that it was her own behaviours that set up, for failure, all her adult relationships The pain of her mother's abandonment of her probably never left her.

 

[Elan]

Perhaps Diana wore a beard?

Uhh... I recall it being one dark wig, and some glasses. At Ronnie Scott's club, I believe it was Hasnat that said what a nice time she had chatting with folks in the queue. A new experience. For some reason, it's not part of the film with Naomi. And there were no restaurant scenes. Hasnat, dismissed the film primarily as fiction.

 

[sndral]

I wonder how Diana would have reacted if she had converted to Islam and married Hasnat Khan and he had chosen to take another wife or two or three, as is allowed in his faith?

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

I believe polygamy is allowed but not wildly practiced amongst many Muslims.

 

[Denville]

I believe polygamy is allowed but not wildly practiced amongst many Muslims.

Exceedinly unlikely in a westernised gent like Hasnat Khan..

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Don't quote me on this, but I don't think polygamy is practiced much in the Middle East either among traditional Muslims.

 

[Ish]

Let's move on...