Diana's Relationships with The Queen and Other Members of the Royal Family

[Katrianna]

Yep, I think Diana broke the mold when she married into the Royal Family and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I won't go into all the good things she did with the public and helped bring a more human face to the Royals, we all know that. I think that being an emotional person, she broke the rule of always maintaining a stiff upper lip and stoicism that the Royals up until Diana relied on religiously.
The Queen, Philip, QEQM and Charles didn't know how to handle her outbursts and erratic behaviour and I tend to believe they were truly stumped. I think both Diana and her Royal in-laws had the mistaken belief that since all involved had been around each other's family as Diana grew up, that Diana would "know the ropes" or at least have a grasp of Royal life.
It wasn't the case.
There have been the stories that Diana was literally thrown into the Royal Life and Duties without any support or guidance, but Sarah Bradford wrote in her book about the Queen, that Diana refused to learn about Royal protocols and being a "princess". She went on to write that a Palace Courtier famously went to HM's office and stated simply couldn't work with Diana because she threw all the books he gave her to read about British History and the Monarchy on the floor and walked out of the room. Bradford also wrote Lady Susan Hussey left Diana one time and was in tears of frustration because Diana refused to listen to her instructions and mentoring. Diana was a teenager and was bored by all the formal instructions that are needed to be Royal. So she really wasn't thrown to the wolves in that sense, she made her own problems.
On the whole, Diana was too young to fall right into the responsibilities asked of her. Too young to become engaged, marry, become pregnant and take on the Royal duties expected of her in less than a year and a half. She was a normal bride, she was the Princess of Wales. A daunting task for any young woman, but she was barely out of her teens. Granted they had William and Harry, two great sons, but the marriage was a mistake.
One thing I have to mention is that Diana's family was no help either, they were focused on getting Diana married into the Royal Family and putting another feather in their social status cap.

 

[Curryong]

I don't know that the Spencers were especially focused on getting Diana married to the POW. Ruth Fermoy, Diana's maternal grandmother was probably highly delighted at the time, though she later stated she had doubts about Diana fitting into the BRF. Raine Spencer might have been quite happy, but she was partly estranged from all her step children at the time, and didn't have much to do with it.

Earl Spencer, Diana's father had had a massive stroke not that long before and was still in the process of getting better when his daughter married as you can see from his gait as he went up the aisle. Diana was supporting HIM.

A courtier who met him at the time of the engagement described him as a kindly old buffer but vague and rather 'out of it' because of his health problems, so I don't think he was pushing for an engagement. From all I've read about him John Spencer appears to have been a vague, simple, rather naive man, not overly endowed with brains, but friendly and with a common touch like his daughter.

Frances Shand Kydd was busy at the time of her daughter's courtship with Charles in setting up a new home with her husband Peter at a sheep station in Australia. She didn't have much to do with her fellow aristocrats or the London social scene. Nor did she have anything to do with the BRF, or with her mother, from whom she was estranged.

It might have been much better if either of the parents had been close friends with one or two members of the royal family, even some of the Kents or the Gloucesters. Some discussions might have been fruitful.

Sarah, Diana's sister, remained a bit disgruntled about Diana nabbing Charles after she let him get away, but she was a young wife by the time Diana became engaged and involved in her own life. Diana's brother Charles was at university at the time of the engagement and I never heard of Jane Fellowes, or her husband Robert either, doing anything to help the romance on.

If anything those who pushed for a Diana/Charles union were people in Charles's circle of friends.

 

[Denville]

I don't believe they did (C's friends). If anything, I believe that some of them MAY have told Chas that they didn't believe she was the right one..
I don't think anyone pushed for it, except the 2 themselves and of course once the relationship had started, the RF DID push because they felt that it really was time that C got married, and that Di seemed so popular and they themselves - (The queen Philip etc) liked her and thought she was a sweet girl and would be fine as a Princess....
THe press were crazy for Diana and I think the RF felt that if the romance went on much longer- they- the RF and Diana herself would be driven mad by the fuss and intrusion - and that it was not gentlemanly to court a sweet young thing like Diana and then leave her hanging for ages...
So Philip DID give Charles a push, and said "get on with it."
But I think that the RF were not to blame, really. Diana was a sweet girl, and the press and public loved her.. and she had done such a great job of convincing herself and Chas and the RF that she was perfect for Princess of W and as Charles' wife.. How were the RF to know different?
I agree Curryong that there's NO evidence that the Spencers pushed for a match..

 

[Denville]

Yep, I There have been the stories that Diana was literally thrown into the Royal Life and Duties without any support or guidance, but Sarah Bradford wrote in her book about the Queen, that Diana refused to learn about Royal protocols and being a "princess". She went on to write that a Palace Courtier famously went to HM's office and stated simply couldn't work with Diana because she threw all the books he gave her to read about British History and the Monarchy on the floor and walked out of the room. Bradford also wrote Lady Susan Hussey left Diana one time and was in tears of frustration because Diana refused to listen to her instructions and mentoring. So she really wasn't thrown to the wolves in that sense, she made her own problems.
.

I wouldn't believe that anyone said they coudlnt' work with Diana!! however I believe she did refuse to read books about previous princesses of Wales...and that did annoy and frustrate the people who were trying to work with her and help her learn the job.
So really if she was "thrown in" as she seems to have indicated, she DID have help and training and she didnt' want to make use of it. I think she rather expected her staff to give her bite sized information in a format she could or was willing to cope with.
She was difficult with her in laws in private. See her saying that she was annoyed that Charles offered his mother and Grandmother drinks before her, his wife.. and didn't seem to realise that (a) it was good manners as they were the older ladies and (b) they were also the queen and Q Mother...
Tina Brown has written that the RF didn't realise that a lot of "debby girls" like Diana didn't lead such formal lives by the 70s and hadn't been trained in "society behaviour" in the way they would have been trained back in the 50s or even 60s.
I dont think the Spencer girls did much socialising in Norfolk, because Johnny Spencer lived a quiet almost reclusive life....
and she didn't stay long at Finishing school..and then went to London and lived in a flat and had a fairly casual social life. She didnt have much experience of formal house parties, in the country, so I think that she was fazed by all the rules and etiquette of the RF and they were bewildered by her not knowing all that stuff because they thought that any upper class girl would have learned it at school or home.

 

[Katrianna]

I have to agree that the press had a big hand in pushing for a Charles and Diana marriage. If the relationship didn't work out then the press would be howling that this poor beautiful young girl was coldly dropped by Charles and heartbroken, no less. I can see the screaming headlines especially in the Daily Fail. I've often wondered if the Wales weren't under so much press attention and it's frenzy, their marriage would have been successful. My gut feeling is that it would probably have come to the same conclusion except the couple would have been older before they divorced. It's water under the bridge now and just pure speculation.
It's an argument that will go on forever.

 

[Curryong]

I do think that (snobby as it sounds) lack of social 'training', formal etiquette and protocol etc did let Diana down, and I agree that the members of the BRF didn't realise that girls of deb age (even though girls weren't 'presented' at court any more) had moved on since the 1950's.

I don't suppose the Queen, Queen Mother, thought about it at all, but if they did they probably believed that Frances had imparted some wisdom, that Diana had probably been to loads of house parties, and had helped Raine host at Althorp.

Diana apparently did go to a few house parties and probably Raine would have helped by showing her how to organise formal dinner parties etc, but their relationship was so bad that never happened.

I think that Diana was fundamentally a good person but because of her feelings of inadequacy, she hardly ever took advice. It's a pity she didn't stay at her Swiss finishing school longer, as at least it would have improved her French.

She never overcame the problems of hosting big formal events (which she would certainly have had to do as Queen Consort) and so sort of withdrew, stating as an excuse she didn't like Charles's dull friends (which she didn't.)

I do think this was a big fail on her part, and in a way on Frances's too, as she had been a deb, been to finishing school, entertained as Viscountess Althorp, and she should have, once Diana had become engaged, have imparted as many tips as she could. Diana might have taken it from her.

 

[Dee Anna]

Diana was pretty much expected to perform from the word go.

It's been obvious that William wasn't going to allow that to happen to HIS wife, Kate having a very lengthly pre-royal life as his (barely acknowledged) girlfriend to a very slow post-royal start-up.

 

[Iluvbertie]

Diana married the heir to the throne which is different to marrying the 2nd in line. In the other monarchies of Europe the person in William's position is a child. There is a difference in expectations between the wife of the heir to the throne to the wife of the 2nd in line and so Kate can take a lot longer to do things - she is slower at getting her numbers up than Sophie for instance, who is married to the Queen's son - youngest son but still the Queen's son - and thus more was expected of Sophie than of Kate due to only being married to the grandson of the monarch.

 

[Denville]

Diana was pretty much expected to perform from the word go.

It's been obvious that William wasn't going to allow that to happen to HIS wife, Kate having a very lengthly pre-royal life as his (barely acknowledged) girlfriend to a very slow post-royal start-up.

I know this is OT but I dont believe it has anything to do with William, it is more to do wtih changes in the RF...and his bieng a bit lower on the totem pole than DIana was...

I do think that (snobby as it sounds) lack of social 'training', formal etiquette and protocol etc did let Diana down, and I agree that the members of the BRF didn't realise that girls of deb age (even though girls weren't 'presented' at court any more) had moved on since the 1950's.

I

Shshe had been a deb, been to finishing school, entertained as Viscountess Althorp, and she should have, once Diana had become engaged, have imparted as many tips as she could. Diana might have taken it from her.

I wouldn't expect much form Di's mother, I think she was way too selfish to see that her daughters were trained...
But yes I think it was a problem.. that times had changed and a lot of "debby girls" didn't have so much of the formal social life as had been around in the 50s, and Diana, who was rather shy and not realy all that social, had also been reared to a great extent by her father who had become quite a "country squire who didn't socialise".
And Raine who did like fancy socialising, was so much disliked that Diana was harldy likely to want to learn the sort of stuff that she coudl teach...
And as Princess of Wales Diana HAD stepped into a world where the social life was very "fussy", formal and important to the Queen and RF, and she just didn't know mcuh about it and cared less.

x

 

[Denville]

II've often wondered if the Wales weren't under so much press attention and it's frenzy, their marriage would have been successful. My gut feeling is that it would probably have come to the same conclusion except the couple would have been older before they divorced. It's water under the bridge now and just pure speculation.
It's an argument that will go on forever.

I think it didn't help... the press. It pushed for the marriage.. but then again it was C and Diana who made the marriage. Perhaps the Press DID escalate the rows when they got going, with both parties appealing to the public via the newspapers.
But I think the problems were in the marriage, not really in the press's behavour DREADFUL as it was.
I think that the queen and RF just were thrown by Diana, and found her very hard to comprehend.. But I dont entirely blame her. I think she hadn't known them very well.
She was very young and though she had grown up playing with Andrew as a kid, she did not really come into their social circle till she was gong out with Charles and I think she enjoyed Balmoral as a guest, but when she was there for weeks, it was another matter.
SHe did not enjoy the formality, she was awkward and shy and was afraid that she was going to commit some gaffe when she met politicians and royal relatives and so on.. and she really would rather have had a yoghurt and salad watchng TV than have a dinner party...

 

[nascarlucy]

Anyone that marries into the royal family would have a background check done of them but I wonder if that background check included whether or not Charles and Diana would be compatible with each other. Sure, Diana came from the proper background and upbringing and on paper looked good.

However, I wonder if anyone did research on her personally, what she liked, what she didn't like or what her interest were which would give some indication about how compatible they would be . From previous blogs, it seems like some red flags or concerns came up (Diana not being interested in royal protocols or being a princess and other things for example). At the very least, this would cause concern, or questions about whether Diana was compatible with royal life in general.

It appears that concerns were probably raised but I think there was so much pressure of Prince Charles to marry that this trumped everything else. The fact that neither had anything in common or any common interests didn't help things but this was secondary.

It helps if a couple has some common interests or if they don't to find at least one thing that they have a common interest in but traditionally in royal circle this was secondary. A proper woman who was able to bear children was more important.

 

[Denville]

Background checks??? no. People assumed that if you were from the right class - and you were because if you were not, you would not meet the RF anyway... you should knw the basics and have something in common..
YOu would usually come from a similar landed gentry background and know about country life and sports. Diana did, but at 19 or so, she had (like a lot of young people that age) found the country boring and wanted to live in London...)
They did have a common interest in music, but much more than the lack of common interests, the problems were Di's mental fragility, and clashing temperaments and outlook.
But I don't believe that most people who knew them raised any concerns. (I think that a lot of the stories that various people had felt she wasn't right, are ret conning). Diana was so young, and it was assumed that she either knew what it entailed being a princess, or was young and malleable enough to learn.
She had convinced herself that she loved country life again, other women he had taken to Blamoral had not been able to hide their boredom with the sporty stuff, and the relationships with C had cooled off. Diana was enthralled, because it was Charles who was taking her out walking or stalking.
SHe was in awe of his superior intelligence.. but this was largely self hypnosis.. I don't believe it was deliberate lying. She did want to be a Princess and problaby found the rituals interesting.. when she wasn't reqiuired ot learn about them in detail and work at them.
She wasn't malleable and eager to learn.. in fact she was rather stubborn, mainly I think because she was afraid of her deficiencies. She was scared of looking stupid, or not being able to learn so she shied off from it.. She found Charles' talk about "deep issues" unnerving and boring when she was subjected to it as his wife.
So I don't believe that most people who saw them as a courting couple were really concerned.. They might think that she wasn't very clever but that she did know the basics and was willing to learn the rest...
But I believe that having been brought up to a large extent by her father, who had become a "Norfolk squire" and hadn't been involved in social life for a time, she didn't have much experience of the socialising that was very much part of "upper class life" . When she went to Finishing school she didn't stay because she was homesick.. that might have been a warning but it might just have been that she was homesick and lonely and gave up a bit easily at 16..
She then went to live In London but had a casual simple life.. She had a job, went out with her girlfriends, went out with young men, and largely had a very simple casual entertainment style. They probably ate in the kitchen, Diana liked to do housework.. they were not into big house parties or formal dinners... unlike perhaps Debs of an earlier generation.
But what she was being asked ot learn was not rocket science, if she had been interested she could have done so, as she settled into royal life..
But I think the RF didn't really understand that she had bene brought up a lot less formally than in their day, and were bewildered that she seemed at sea.. and that affected her confidence...

 

[Curryong]

I'm sure their RPOs do a little background check if someone in a royal's circle looks as if they are going to become close friends, just in case there is anything extremely embarrassing or criminal in their past.

However, Diana and Charles met first in the 1970's and she was an Earl's daughter, so I don't think that sort of procedure was undertaken. As for checking for compatibility, common interests etc, that sounds more akin to what a matchmaker or marriage broker does.

Queen Victoria enlisted the help of her daughter Vicky and they went through the Almanach de Gotha in search of a suitable princess for Bertie, the future King Edward VII. I'm not sure that anyone in the BRF has done that sort of thing since, (and Alexandra and Bertie weren't ecstatically happy anyway, though they stayed together.) Certainly the present Queen has pointedly never interfered in her adult children and grandchildren's romantic lives.

Diana just seemed a normal, happy bouncy teenager when she and Charles were getting to know each other. I believe Charles probably naively thought that as she was very young she could be moulded and would take an interest in his hobbies, reading material etc with time. I think Diana was equally naive, in love, and wanted a marriage in which there was no possibility of divorce. Almost everyone who met her thought she was suitable though very young. The considerable age gap appears to have been ignored. The Knatchbulls seem to have been virtually the only ones in Charles's circle of friends who noted that the couple appeared to have little in common.

I don't think Diana completely ignored protocols and procedures on public engagements as Prss of Wales. There's absolutely no record of her ever disgracing herself, not curtseying when she should have, forgetting VIP's names etc. The occasions she clashed with courtiers or ignored the advice of people like Lady Susan Hussey (Lady in Waiting to HM) occured after the marriage as far as I remember.

 

[Katrianna]

I agree with your post Denville. To put things super simple, and others may disagree, all men and women when courting/dating naturally are on his/her best behavior, many times real personalities don't come out until much later, yes, sometimes after marriage. Diana was smitten and in love (whatever love means), sorry for the Charles quote ;-), with Charles and she was more than willing to tromp around Balmoral shooting and fishing, listening to Charles share intellectual conversations and opinions and tolerating classical music. Perhaps gritting her teeth all the while. Diana was determined to have Charles, he had made up his mind and she wanted to show how she would be part of his life.
Later, after marriage Diana didn't want to slog around Balmoral which she found boring. I'm sure the Royal Family was confused at the girl who loved all their vacation activities suddenly expressed a profound distaste for the country life. They weren't unusual in the confusion, just human.
They believed Charles had a true country lover, but then realized Diana was trying to make a show of what Charles wanted in a woman he would marry. I don't believe Diana was purposely being deceitful, she was doing what many women and men too, do when they want to marry that special person. Just my two cents.

 

[Denville]

Wel I think that she had been trained in good manners.. and was naturally (mostly) a nice and good hearted girl. And John Spencer whatever his faults, I think DID have good manners and showed courtesy to people he met, whatever their postion and he insisted on his children doing the same. (as Di herself has said) so in that sense she was well trained in being ladylike.

Of cousrse, she knew the basics of upper class good manners, ie never forgetting someone's name, knowing who to curtsy to, how to address people, what spoon to use, and she was willing to do her best, as Princess, in makng sure that she got things right.
But I think that she didn't realise that the RF en famille is still very very formal, and that they have their strange little ways that she didn't know about.. and found bewildering. And they thought that she was bewildering -in that she didn't realise that even in the family circle, the queen is still very much the Queen... and Di had probably thought that in private she could act in a more casual "kicking off your shoes manner" like she did with her flatmates..
She had to come to dinner, sit with a lot of older VERY important people, and try and make conversation, rather than cuddle up in a corner on Charles' knee... and she found it hard to adjust to that.
SO I think that the Q and QM felt "how come she doesn't know that or this" or "how to organise a party for VIPs and so on.." because they had problaby learned all that stuff at their mothers knee..

Certainly the queen's very shy but she problaby had to learn to force herself to make conversation etc... and felt that Di who seemed much more relaxed a person, should be able to do the same.

The could not understand that Di was more used to eating a sandwich and chatting, and doing the dishes, than being in a formal gown and listening politely to Philip banging on about the grouse or talking to the PM.
And She DID have a problem with learning, which made for even less understanding. She would find out the basics about an engagement, ie who she was meeting, their names, their jobs, how to treat them, but she was nervous of an assignment like reading about previous Princesses, in case she revealed ignorance or got things wrong...

 

[Denville]

I conversations and opinions and tolerating classical music. Perhaps gritting her teeth all the while. Diana was determined to have Charles, he had made up his mind and she wanted to show how she would be part of his life.
.
my two cents.

I think that it was a bit like that, Katrianna.. but maybe more innocuous. I think that Di wasn't even going "Oh I have to show willing to tramp and watch him shooting because I love him and want to marry him.." I think she DID enjoy the things that she had previously found boring and later found hateful....because she was "in love" and she found herself enjoying stuff she mgith not have enjoyed with another person.
I don't think ti was gritting her teeth! I think that they DID love music they had that in common.. and both enjoyed Ski-ing.. and I think that when Charles and his mates were yarning on about architechture, or intellectual matters, Diana was fascinated and he seemed very clever to her.
BUT after the marriage, she was bulimic, she was pregnant, she was I think now more aware of the fact that he had been in love with Cam and still was - and she felt inferior to Camila In all sorts of ways.
So I think then it hit her
"I'm married ot this man who is always talking about stuff I know nothing about...and Its for life.. Its not taking part in a play, I have to live this formal odd life with this weird family, for the rest of my days.."
She was now spending weeks with the RF at Balmoral and felt sick and scared and bored stiff by them.. but she had to put up with them.. and she got sullen and tearful and started to refuse to go out with Charles shooting, but was like "what am I going to do if you go out and leave me.."
Its not that abnormal for a young immature newly married girl.. but she was a bit more fragile mentally...than most -and it grew into a real problem. The bulimia made her more erratic and moody and Chas I think was concerned but didn't know what to do.
But to the RF, she was now " a problem". They felt "Why was she oh so fond of the country life before and now she's sulking and refusing to go out in the nice fresh air.. Why does she now hate shooting and so on?"
I can see their POV, and it might look like she had pretended to like ti all while courting and was now showing her true colours...

 

[Katrianna]

Your absolutely correct Denville. Diana was facing a pregnancy with severe morning sickness, then a new baby and I'm sure the bulemia she suffered after pregnancy coincided with severe post natal depression...all with the shadow of Camilla looming in the backround.
Charles as well as the Queen and Philip were well aware that something was wrong with Diana, but they simply didn't know what to do. In all fairness, it had to be hard for Diana to be going through the anguish of a depression and anxiety disorder thinking as she may have, no one cares especially her husband. I don't believe for a moment Charles truly didn't care, he simply didn't know how to help. You're right that the Royals probably were truly puzzled at the abrupt turn around by the young woman they knew as loving Balmoral and the country life, then became a tearful, emotional wreck.

 

[Denville]

Your absolutely correct Denville. Diana was facing a pregnancy with severe morning sickness, then a new baby and I'm sure the bulemia she suffered after pregnancy coincided with severe post natal depression...all with the shadow of Camilla looming in the backround.
a depression and anxiety disorder thinking as she may have, no one cares especially her husband. I don't believe for a moment Charles truly didn't care, he simply didn't know how to help. You're right that the Royals probably were truly puzzled at the abrupt turn around by the young woman they knew as loving Balmoral and the country life, then became a tearful, emotional wreck.

I suppose the RF started off with being bewildered and upset, and feeling why had she changed. But probably later on, they began to feel "She was putting on the "i love country life" to get Charles to marry her and then when she had the ring on her finger she got sulky and snarly and wouldn't do anything with him.."
I think Charles continued to worry about her and remained fond of her for longer, but as time went on he got fed up with her too..
I think he tried his best but she wasn't easy to help and at the time, there weren't many experts in eating disorders.. plus she concealed it. Even though her Royal relatives (and her friends) knew she was throwing up her meals, they didn't know why she was doing it and most people would not have, at the time and would not have known what doctors to get to help her.. And even then, if she wouldn't talk to the doctors they weren't going to be able to help.
But I think that within a few years, the RF had decided that Diana was just selfish and silly and that she was using her charm and charisma to upstage her husband and to show up the RF as stuffy and dull.. and they grew to dislike her..
I think it was awful, because there was just a sort of big mess, with people who were just unable to understand each other..
Of course it was hard for Diana. I think she felt scared and alone, felt that Charles didn't understand her and didn't care, and that the RF were the same.. And she didn't understand them or why they lived the way they did.
She didn't get that they may seem cliquish and dull, and that ti was boring the way they all spent their time at Balmoral... but didn't understand that there was a point to this... They hang together because they need each other's support.. and they go to Scotland because it looks better than going on expensive foreign holidays...
she didn't make much effort I think to understand them, and I think that after the first worry about her, they didn't try to understand HER problems.. They just thought that "we were mistaken in her.. she didn't love Charles really and she didn't know the sorts of things a girl of her position should know.. " and wrote her off..

 

[Katrianna]

Absolutely, it was a huge mess and went so far that things went beyond repair. Diana felt that the RF didn't understand her situation and needs so gave up on them, but as you've written didn't seek help for herself from legitimate doctors. The RF at the same time did, sympathize and care, but after a while became fed up with her behaviour and couldn't understand where she was coming from and gave up. As we all know the situation kept spiraling downhill for many years.

 

[Denville]

Absolutely, it was a huge mess and went so far that things went beyond repair. Diana felt that the RF didn't understand her situation and needs so gave up on them, but as you've written didn't seek help for herself from legitimate doctors. The RF at the same time did, sympathize and care, but after a while became fed up with her behaviour and couldn't understand where she was coming from and gave up. As we all know the situation kept spiraling downhill for many years.

Its hard to say how at fault they were. I think that given that bulimia wasn't known about much, perhaps they weren't to be blamed for not being that sympathetic. And I suppose that they thought "she's married, a grown woman and if she has problems with doing the royal job, well she has to learn... " But I feel at times they just hadn't got much "human sympathy".. for her. It was more like "Oh damn she's being a pest, but we have to try and get her to see doctors and get fully functional because she's so popular with the public, she's an asset to us.."

 

[Osipi]

I think its entirely possible that the support and sympathies and understandings of Diana within the Royal Family was very much offered but Diana didn't feel it was the right kind that she wanted. Suggestions of doctors wasn't support in her eyes but fawning over her and wanting to make things better for her might have been. We've seen how time and time again its been stated that Diana wanted Charles' attention far and above what would be deemed "normal" to the point of exclusively focusing on her.

I think a lot of it had to do with how Diana saw things. Another point is that as time passed and she grew to be more and more popular and loved by the media and the public, I do think she turned to this kind of attention to make herself feel better and may have wondered why her own husband and his family didn't see her that way.

These are my own thoughts and not intended to state for a fact that this is the way things were.

 

[Denville]

I am not saying Di was always right but I do think that the sympathy of the RF was limited. I don't think they had no feelings for her, but I think that at first they were like "why is she such a nuisance" - very soon intot her marriage.
Perhaps they weren't to blame for thinking of her as an adult who should be able to get herself into "knowing the job" - but I feel she was very very young and young for her age and I would have thought that was obvious to people seeing her close up.
Perhaps she did need more caring and noticing than the average but look how wonderfully she was able to act with the public and how much good she did for the RF and her charities, when supported.
I don't know if she was realy asking that much from Charles, ti was just that HE was busy, he had his work, he had his hobbies that he was used to pursuing alone or with close friends and family and he had an ongoing feeling for Camilla, so Diana may have been right in feeling that she got the last few bits of his attention.

 

[Dman]

Pictures of Diana with The Duke of Edinburgh, Princess Anne and Queen Mother:
https://mobile.twitter.com/RoyaleVision/status/766660796793360384

https://mobile.twitter.com/RoyaleVision/status/766663411841306624

 

[Denville]

I Suggestions of doctors wasn't support in her eyes but fawning over her and wanting to make things better for her might have been. We've seen how time and time again its been stated that Diana wanted Charles' attention far and above what would be deemed "normal" to the point of exclusively focusing on her.

I the way things were.

I think in Di's defence, she was new ot the family and to the life. She was insanely populuar with the public and so the meida attention was crazy, and she was ill. both physically and psychologically. But to sort of say "oh she needs a doctor, medical attention, a psychiatrist.." well I can see how that would nto go down well I think with anyone, if it was just done rather coolly.. and with a fragile girl like Diana, it would really seem like a hateful rebuff to say "Hey we think you're ill, going crazy, you need to see a shrink."
If I'm not mistaken doctors and pyschiatrists were called in very early, when perhaps she might have been helped by some "focussing on her" not fawning but Charles giving her a lot of attention and being a really 99% there loving husband. MAYBE. We can't say for sure.
But I feel that when Charles did start to focus, it was already a bit too late.. He took her away for a sunny holiday when she was pregnant with William but he brought the Romseys along. There are photos of them cuddling in the water, on a beach. But that holday was also ruined by photographers getting snaps of them with Diana in her bikini..

 

[Katrianna]

Denville, you have a much better memory than I do, so you'll probably remember the episode more clearly. In the late 90's and it could have been either after the Wales separation or even the divorce. Diana announced she was giving up most of her charities and before the announcement she stated something like, "excuse me, while I have my nervous breakdown" or something to the effect and then she made another comment about taking Prozac or the "perception" that she needed Prozac. The clip was shown on the news everywhere and of course, Diana was being sarcastic in her remarks about her mental health. I can't for the life of me remember the events leading up to the reasons for her remarks. I know they were pointedly at Charles and the RF.

 

[Dman]

Denville, you have a much better memory than I do, so you'll probably remember the episode more clearly. In the late 90's and it could have been either after the Wales separation or even the divorce. Diana announced she was giving up most of her charities and before the announcement she stated something like, "excuse me, while I have my nervous breakdown" or something to the effect and then she made another comment about taking Prozac or the "perception" that she needed Prozac. The clip was shown on the news everywhere and of course, Diana was being sarcastic in her remarks about her mental health. I can't for the life of me remember the events leading up to the reasons for her remarks. I know they were pointedly at Charles and the RF.

She was just taking some time out for herself.

 

[Denville]

Denville, you have a much better memory than I do, so you'll probably remember the episode more clearly. In the late 90's and it could have been either after the Wales separation or even the divorce. Diana announced she was giving up most of her charities and before the announcement she stated something like, "excuse me, while I have my nervous breakdown" or something to the effect and then she made another comment about taking Prozac or the "perception" that she needed Prozac. The clip was shown on the news everywhere and of course, Diana was being sarcastic in her remarks about her mental health. I can't for the life of me remember the events leading up to the reasons for her remarks. I know they were pointedly at Charles and the RF.

Goodness I am flattered honestly cos i have a terrible memory. I can't remember passwords for my email!!

I dont think that that was when she gave up her charities.. I think she was responding to a story that she was ill or depressed (She was separated from C) and MAYBE it was rumoured that she was giving up on royal/charity work. I dont think she dropped all the charities till the eve of her divorce). IN fact I think teh story was that hr bulimia was recurring and she was giving up work for a time.

She did have a time, during the separation, when she asked for time and space, but did continue with chairty work. However she then dropped all but 6 charities, because of her divorce and siad she's going ot concentrate on a few charities and give them more attention. but it didn't work out so well...

I know the clip you mean. I don't recall her mentioning Prozac but she did say that according to the newspapers, she was supposed to be "having her head down the loo" (a ref to her bulimia), but that she wasn't. That she was postponing her nervous breakdown till she had more time for it, and that she was going on with her work for the charity she was at, at the time.

No I dont think ti was directed at Charles or the RF, rather at the Press for the story that she was breaking down. (And I think that she DID sound a bit hystericial during that clip, I think the strain of being in a disputed situation with the RF and separated from C was telling).

In general I dont beleive that she openly criticised C or the RF, she woudl usually be careful to say that the queen had been supportive, or that she understood why Charles was hurt by her popularity in the beginning of the marrage...
The main thing I can remember her publicly saying about the RF was that she felt they hadn't understood her bulimia or her post natal depression.. that maybe noone in the RF had ever had it...

 

[Katrianna]

Thank you for remembering. All I could remember from the clip was Diana's preface about her putting off her nervous breakdown to attend the event. It was, as I wrote, a sarcastic response to the, now that I know, media. I could recall the clip of her speech and a little of what she spoke about, but couldn't place the actually reason for her remarks. I can't even remember what I did yesterday!

 

[Denville]

now that I know, media. I could recall the clip of her speech and a little of what she spoke about, but couldn't place the actually reason for her remarks. I can't even remember what I did yesterday!

I saw it on a TV prog about Diana a few weeks ago, I can't remember what charity it was but roughly speaking, I think, it was in 1993 soon after her separation, she said she was taking some time out.. but she did continue to do charity work after a short break. And somewhere after that, she responded to a report that her bulima had returned... and that was in that speech.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Yes, Diana sounded very edgy in that speech. Too Edgy. She was in a bad way then. I found that the speeches that she made in the 90s (except for the landmine ban ones) made many veiled and not-so-veiled references to her personal life. I didn't care for that because the speeches, in my view, should be exclusively about the cause the talks are given for. Peter Settelen encouraged her to put a lot of her own emotions in her speeches, and I don't think that was particularly helpful. I found Diana's early speeches more endearing. She didn't have great technique, but she concentrated on the charity or event at hand.

I know the clip you mean. I don't recall her mentioning Prozac but she did say that according to the newspapers, she was supposed to be "having her head down the loo" (a ref to her bulimia), but that she wasn't. That she was postponing her nervous breakdown till she had more time for it, and that she was going on with her work for the charity she was at, at the time.