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  #2341  
Old 04-26-2017, 01:33 PM
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This is why I'm curious to hear more from people who knew her as a school-girl, the people who lived in the dorm with her or people who knew her from around Althorp and Sandringham.

I've never read anything about her getting any kind of "help" with her anger and food issues when she was young.

But, in those days, therapy wasn't something that a person had done. I can't imagine anyone suggesting to an Earl that his daughter needed help handling her emotions or that she was vulnerable to serious problems.

Bulimia is a secretive disorder, also.



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Originally Posted by loonytick View Post
I'm curious, have any of you come across any indication that friends or family had suggested she seek help before she met Charles? She'd had problems with bulimia, her own sister had received treatment for that and anorexia nervosa, but was it recognized that Diana might also need treatment? There are so many red flags in stories of how she reacted to her parents' divorce that cry out (to my 21st century self) as signs that she needed mental health assistance from a young age. Her tantrums seem to mirror the lively fights that she and her brother are said to have witnessed between their parents. I've never read anything to suggest that anyone had sat her down to suggest she seek help as a child or at anytime, really, before she was engaged.
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  #2342  
Old 04-26-2017, 02:27 PM
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what "anger and food issues"? OK she had a temper, slapped her father, which I do think was bad of her.. but I don't know of any particular "anger" or food issues. According to herself she did "copy sarah" in bulimia or food restriction when younger but I dotn believe that, I think it was just her exaggerating things years later. pictutres of her don't show her as looking very thin and if she did make herself sick a time or 2 as a girl it cleary wasn't a big thing..
I don't know of any indication that she had any "issues" in her teens or in her couple of years in London as a single girl. and no the Upper class don't go round having therapy for every twitch.. (at least they didn't then). I think that she was stressed out by marriage and her public life, and that made her seek for control and try to look slim and pretty when the cameras were on her...

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One her suspicions, her total hatred of another person and her mistrust of Charles.

This played a large part of why she didn't like the country or its activities. She probably would have felt so much more secure should she and Charles took up residence somewhere in Wales that was way far away from everything that Charles knew and loved. She would have been less afraid of someone or something taking Charles away from her.

Fear makes people do strange things sometimes.
how would that have worked out? I don't believe her dislike of the country had anything to do with her fears about Camilla. She didn't like the country because it bored her, and that made her fretful and restless and easily roused to anger. If she and C had gone to wales, he would have been lonely without his friends and neighbours, she would have been lonely with just a gloomy Charles, and the dreary wet countryside for a background. and Charles if he'd really wanted to, would stil have managed to keep in touch with Camilla...
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  #2343  
Old 04-27-2017, 12:34 AM
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She may have liked the country a whole lot more if it had been a fact that when they were in residence in the country, she was assured of having Charles at her side all the time. I think that was her main complaint about those times is that she was too often left to her own devices while Charles was off pursuing the things he loved about the country. It was a place he could breathe at and if they could have breathed together, it might have been a whole lot different. If, for example, they both shared a love of exploring old historic ruins, the country would have had a purpose for both of them.

So many things point to the fact that Diana not only resented Charles the man but also his role as The Prince of Wales because of the time it demanded of him. Charles has always been a very active sort of a person as remarked once that this is a man that takes brisks walks to relax. Its no surprise that during the marriage, some of the happiest times were when the both of them were sharing the care of their sons as little ones. It was one area that bonded the two of them. Its just too sad that they never really found anything else to really bind them together.

As far as the bulimia, as was stated, its a very secretive type of a disorder that is easy to keep hidden. Diana, as been stated in quite a few places, was a perfectionist and everything had to be just so. It was the same with her body. The bulimia, the excessive exercise, the later colonic irrigation and diets showed that her body had to be perfect in her eyes too. What started the bulimia leading up to her wedding was reported as a tease by Charles when he put his arms around her and joked she was getting a little "chubby" around the waist. Many professionals state that those that obsess about their body actually find that its an area where they have "control" over it and sometimes point to a mental state where everything else is out of control.

The human being is a very complex thing and all the facets that made up Diana, Princess of Wales were complex. I don't think we can actually look at one facet and not put it in relation to other facets that made up her life.
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  #2344  
Old 04-27-2017, 01:05 AM
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I don't think she liked the country at all, she did nt enjoy any of the things one has to like in the country such as wlaking in the nice fresh (wet) air, gardening, country sports OR exploring historical ruins. I mean really Di and Charles clambering round old Roman forts together?? she wasn't into that. she liked urban life, shops, streets, people close by, going to movies etc. She wasn't into a life where you have to enjoy simple things and depend on your onw resources mentally because she desperately (as her phone habit showed) needed other people close by to take her mind away from herself. Diana didn't enjoy reading "seriously" or thinking quietly.. She did enjoy sports but not the sort that Charles enjoyed. She liked swimming, tennis goig to the gym, all things you can do in a town.
I agree that she was a bit jealous of charles' other occupations, which kept him busy and didnt' involved her..buit she COULD Have gone out waling , or shooting or watching him fish etc.. she just didn't LIKE that sort of thing. But she was bored and lonely if he went off doing that and she had no real resources of her own.
when she took the kids to Highgrove at weekends, when they were a bit older, she spent the time in her room calling her friends or I suppose watching TV or listening to music, while the children spent time iwht Charles.
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  #2345  
Old 04-27-2017, 01:12 AM
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Absolutely correct Denville. She was never one that was comfortable in her own skin enough to be alone with herself. Solitude and Diana were like oil and vinegar. They just didn't mix. She definitely was a person that needed affirmation from others of what her own self esteem was. She fed on it and in many ways, the public adoration of Diana was her lifeblood sometimes. Perhaps this is why she froze people out so often. If they didn't reinforce the positive image of the Diana she wanted to be, they weren't needed. Its kind of sad in a way that Diana most likely was most uncomfortable with the one person she needed to be best friends with and that is the Diana she met in the mirror.

Perhaps that is a clue to why she never found a deep and satisfying love in her life. She never really learned how to love herself first.
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  #2346  
Old 04-27-2017, 04:35 PM
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Her father has been quoted as saying, "We were terrified of her." (Tina Brown, I think?) There's also the story of how she covered James Gilbey's car with eggs and flour when he stood her up on a date.

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what "anger and food issues"? OK she had a temper, slapped her father, which I do think was bad of her.. but I don't know of any particular "anger" or food issues.
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  #2347  
Old 04-27-2017, 05:51 PM
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Her father has been quoted as saying, "We were terrified of her." (Tina Brown, I think?) There's also the story of how she covered James Gilbey's car with eggs and flour when he stood her up on a date.
And unfortunately there are many more such in the researched literature on Diana. Sally Bedell-Smith's bio on Diana is a difficult read because of the detail she provides regarding the every day realities of Diana's up-close-and-personal intimate persona. Hard book to get though, in fact. Not sure I succeeded.
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  #2348  
Old 04-27-2017, 05:52 PM
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Where?? I've never heard this and I don't think I believe it. Her father loved her, I can't imagine that (even if annoyed iwht her at times) he would criticise her to outsiders.

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Absolutely correct Denville. She was never one that was comfortable in her own skin enough to be alone with herself. Solitude and Diana were like oil and vinegar. They just didn't mix. She definitely was a person that needed affirmation from others of what her own self esteem was. She fed on it and in many ways, the public adoration of Diana was her lifeblood sometimes. Perhaps this is why she froze people out so often. If they didn't reinforce the positive image of the Diana she wanted to be, they weren't needed. Its Perhaps that is a clue to why she never found a deep and satisfying love in her life. She never really learned how to love herself first.
wel I dont know that I blame her. I think she found it hard to be alone.. because she was increasingly unhappy. she needed people around her, and she was too much alone. when the boys were at school, and Charles had left her, she probably spent far too much time feeling miserable and lonely. But she certainly wasn't IMO someone who enjoyed the country or was likely to do so as a young woman. She wasn't into historical ruins, or country sports or walking in muddy fields. No reason really why she should be, except that as Charles' wife, he liked the country life and was bound to expect his wife to be part of it with him...
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  #2349  
Old 04-27-2017, 05:57 PM
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Where?? I've never heard this and I don't think I believe it. Her father loved her, I can't imagine that (even if annoyed iwht her at times) he would criticise her to outsiders.
Her father went so far as to express regret that he did not warn the RFF about Diana's negatives before the wedding. It's a pretty well-known fact, and that her grandmother expressed the same regrets. It's my view that their saying so the way they did was a form of apology to The Queen, because Diana was proving to be disastrous to the well-being of the monarchy, on all fronts. Very sad.
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  #2350  
Old 04-27-2017, 06:04 PM
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where did you read this? I have heard a vague not well soucrced story that her grandmother Fermoy felt bad that she hadn't told the RF about "Dianas' bad side". I have never heard this about her father and I hope he would not be so disloyal...
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  #2351  
Old 04-27-2017, 06:26 PM
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where did you read this? I have heard a vague not well soucrced story that her grandmother Fermoy felt bad that she hadn't told the RF about "Dianas' bad side". I have never heard this about her father and I hope he would not be so disloyal...
It's not about disloyalty. Diana's behavior was shaming the BRF pretty badly and by extension casting a bad light onto the Spencer family.

Start reading the literature on Diana. Read well-sourced material, like the one I mentioned (there are many, many others). The two quotes are there in nearly every biography I've read.
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  #2352  
Old 04-27-2017, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Lady Nimue View Post

Start reading the literature on Diana. Read well-sourced material, like the one I mentioned (there are many, many others). The two quotes are there in nearly every biography I've read.
Could you suggest some books on Diana in addition to the one you mentioned earlier? I am finally, after all the years it has been published, reading Andrew Morton's "Diana: Her True Story."
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  #2353  
Old 04-27-2017, 07:45 PM
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where did you read this? I have heard a vague not well soucrced story that her grandmother Fermoy felt bad that she hadn't told the RF about "Dianas' bad side". I have never heard this about her father and I hope he would not be so disloyal...
Lord Spencer did indeed love his youngest daughter, some have posited that she was his favorite. Just because he was aware of his famous, beautiful child's dark side and spoke about it to others does not make him "disloyal" at all, imo.

It meant that he was perhaps worried, and honest enough to be open about it.
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  #2354  
Old 04-27-2017, 07:52 PM
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I hope everyone knows that there was nothing wrong with Diana outside of her personal Spencer family issues. She may not have been totally book smart, but she was a warm, caring, bright and talented young lady. Everyone who knew her as, Lady Diana Spencer, had nothing but very good things to say about her.

Diana was no danger to the royal family. She didn't want to destroy the institution -as many others have grown to think over the decades- and she wasn't damaged goods. She was a young 19 year old who married a man who she thought loved her enough to establish a happy and stable family life. Yes, she made some mistakes in her life, but she was a very good person and did good things as a senior royal and mother and wife.

I think the sad part of her life and death, people have have used her as a human and dead punching bag for so long that it has become a bad stain on her memory.

I kinda compare Diana to Hillary Clinton. Good and strong women that have been trashed for so long, that the trash becomes the truth that's well believed.
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  #2355  
Old 04-27-2017, 09:50 PM
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I hope everyone knows that there was nothing wrong with Diana outside of her personal Spencer family issues. She may not have been totally book smart, but she was a warm, caring, bright and talented young lady. Everyone who knew her as, Lady Diana Spencer, had nothing but very good things to say about her.

Diana was no danger to the royal family. She didn't want to destroy the institution -as many others have grown to think over the decades- and she wasn't damaged goods. She was a young 19 year old who married a man who she thought loved her enough to establish a happy and stable family life. Yes, she made some mistakes in her life, but she was a very good person and did good things as a senior royal and mother and wife.

I think the sad part of her life and death, people have have used her as a human and dead punching bag for so long that it has become a bad stain on her memory.

I kinda compare Diana to Hillary Clinton. Good and strong women that have been trashed for so long, that the trash becomes the truth that's well believed.


I think there are some fairly good arguments to be made surrounding Diana and mental illness. I don't think that makes her bad or malicious or evil, but I do think her judgment was often questionable. (For example, choosing to do the Morton book without recognizing how difficult and painful it would be for her children)

I agree that criticism of her is not always measured or fair, but I do think some of it is legitimate.
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  #2356  
Old 04-27-2017, 10:25 PM
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I think there are some fairly good arguments to be made surrounding Diana and mental illness. I don't think that makes her bad or malicious or evil, but I do think her judgment was often questionable. (For example, choosing to do the Morton book without recognizing how difficult and painful it would be for her children)

I agree that criticism of her is not always measured or fair, but I do think some of it is legitimate.
Not making excuses for her, but Diana was in very bad place in her life and marriage when the Morton book came out. When the world gets dark, cold and lonely, the number one rock solid foundation you turn to is family. You turn to them for love, comfort, support and guidance. Diana didn't have that. She couldn't turn to her own family and she couldn't turn to her in-laws. Who do you turn to in order to vent your sadness, anger and disappointments? Diana was at a point where she could no longer a lie and wanted to let out all that's been depressed in her. No, the book wasn't a good idea, but a decision like that can happen when you're at a tipping point.

She cooperated with a damaging book and so did Charles.

We have the luxury to sit back and judge because we weren't in her shoes and didn't have to deal with the problems she was dealing with in those days. There's no telling any of us would've done in her place. When you feel trapped in a guilded cage with no way to turn, you can find yourself talking to strangers about your problems. You can be one step away from a sit down interview with the likes of Barbara Walters, Oprah or even Larry King.

Yes, Diana had struggles with mental health. it seems like no one really had the balls to reach out and help her. In those days it was considered scandalous for it to be known that the Princess of Wales and future Queen was seeking help for personal issues. Both her and Charles needed some help, but they failed to get it and those around them failed to help them.

I do feel like people have a habit of making it seem like Diana was just a screw up and who nearly brought down the Monarchy. None of this is true. She wasn't a screw up and she didn't nearly bring down the monarchy. These are lies that's been passed down over and over again.
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  #2357  
Old 04-27-2017, 10:51 PM
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what "anger and food issues"? OK she had a temper, slapped her father, which I do think was bad of her.. but I don't know of any particular "anger" or food issues"
Her anger issues were well known within her extended family and she quite cheerfully shared them in the Settelen tapes. Her Nanny-baiting was legendary, pins in governesses seats, missing clothes, throwing a newly engaged Nanny's engagement ring down the drain, these are nasty and spiteful things for a very young Diana to do. But, being the youngest means you are more adult/mature than if you are the oldest. Add to that, she was spoiled.

Yes, she slapped her father, pretty nasty that, but when you are 28 yrs old, pushing your stepmother down the stairs on your brother's wedding day and bragging that it gave her enormous satisfaction, is pretty dire and the level of malice is mindblowing. Worse, after her father's death when she was 30, she recounts how she and her brother shoved all Raine's possessions into rubbish bags and threw them down the stairs and out the front door. Oh yes, there were anger issues.

As to her bulimia, not all bulimics end up looking skeletal, but all the binging and purging causes great harm to your body. The faint whiff of vomit was referred to in one of the biographies (I cannot remember which, however, I am sure more than a few posters will) and mentioned Charles being cold and saying it was a waste of time going anywhere that included a meal as she was just going to purge later.

The above information was in the Settelen tapes.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:03 PM
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Not making excuses for her, but Diana was in very bad place in her life and marriage when the Morton book came out. When the world gets dark, cold and lonely, the number one rock solid foundation you turn to is family. You turn to them for love, comfort, support and guidance. Diana didn't have that. She couldn't turn to her own family and she couldn't turn to her in-laws. Who do you turn to in order to vent your sadness, anger and disappointments? Diana was at a point where she could no longer a lie and wanted to let out all that's been depressed in her. No, the book wasn't a good idea, but a decision like that can happen when you're at a tipping point.

That's very true- she was definitely in a dark place. However, in that dark place, she lashed out and made decisions that hurt her children. On a much smaller level- I've never had a lot of patience for people who choose to publicly bash their co-parent, because it's so damaging and bad for children. Doing that on a global stage is much, much worse.

Diana had many friends and could have absolutely created a heathy support network had she been making good decisions. She had access to mental health help. She didn't choose to go that route. It really was enormously destructive.

I admire some things about her, and think others are quite problematic. I don't think the presentation of her as a villain is good, but the presentation of her as near-perfect is also woefully inaccurate.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:11 PM
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That's very true- she was definitely in a dark place. However, in that dark place, she lashed out and made decisions that hurt her children. On a much smaller level- I've never had a lot of patience for people who choose to publicly bash their co-parent, because it's so damaging and bad for children. Doing that on a global stage is much, much worse.

Diana had many friends and could have absolutely created a heathy support network had she been making good decisions. She had access to mental health help. She didn't choose to go that route. It really was enormously destructive.

I admire some things about her, and think others are quite problematic. I don't think the presentation of her as a villain is good, but the presentation of her as near-perfect is also woefully inaccurate.
Diana never set out to hurt the two boys she loved so much. Also, it's unfair to make it seem like Diana was the parent that hurt her children. What about Charles? Wasn't it hurtful for the children for him to sleep with another woman? How about that time he made their mother cry in the bathroom?

It's not helpful to make it seem like Diana was the only parent that made everything bad.

Also, I never seen or heard any evidence of William and Harry expressing that their mother hurt them.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:18 PM
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Diana never set out to hurt the two boys she loved so much. Also, it's unfair to make it seem like Diana was the parent that hurt her children. What about Charles? Wasn't it hurtful for the children for him to sleep with another woman? How about that time he made their mother cry in the bathroom?

It's not helpful to make it seem like Diana was the only parent that made everything bad.

Diana may not have set out to hurt them, but the fact that her actions were destructive and harmful are very hard to dispute. The story she told about Charles being disappointed when Harry was born? Who does that hurt? The salacious details of their parents' sex lives going public? Again, that hurt them. They were old enough to be aware of all those press battles as they happened- and Diana was undoubtedly the driver of the press. She was the one known for tipping off tabloids and talking to reporters. She's the one who chose to assist on a tell all book. She was also having affairs at the same time Charles was- facts which she left out of her own versions of what happened- and that was harmful and manipulative. She chose to do Panorama.


Again: I am not saying she is all bad or her legacy is. She was charismatic, self-deprecating, incredibly emotionally intelligent in her public life and fantastic at picking important and resonant charitable causes. There are many things I admire. But I think she, like all people, was quite complex. I think the mythology of her as just a vulnerable, wounded person who always tried to do the right things doesn't accurately describe her life.
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