The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and Family, News and Events 1: September-December 2020

[ACO]

I think this coverage summed up my feeling.

https://twitter.com/x/status/1331572090281967616

 

[Zaira]

What a stunningly heartbreaking but beautifully composed piece. My heart is with Harry, Meghan and Archie.

I am so proud of Meghan for speaking out.

And as usual, I am aghast at the reaction, including in this thread. What a triggering thread to read for some people who have experienced pregnancy loss. Wanting a private life doesn't mean you don't share parts of your life and story.

And yes, even in the "western world" there is STILL a lot of stigma around pregnancy loss, especially for women of color. And I am speaking from experience with this.

A good piece from Royal Central:
https://royalcentral.co.uk/uk/susse...the-ugly-racism-entrenched-in-society-152917/

 

[DuchessMia]

I should not be surprised by the attitudes in this thread and yet, I am. My deepest sympathies to Harry and Meghan.

 

[Heavs]

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not. The piece itself was moving.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son. And yes I realise there's a difference between others talking about your pain and sharing your own pain, I've lived that myself.

 

[Zaira]

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son.

Drawing a line in the sand means that you don't want the press to share personal things, like say a miscarriage, without your permission. That doesn't mean you can't share your own story in the manner that feels right or best for you.

And I find her framing, contexting her loss in a year of unimaginable loss, in a world feeling deeply torn apart, is important and eloquent. For those of us familiar with a reproductive justice framing, it is clear she leaning into that framework which is to see how reproductive is tied to every other aspect of life and society. It is a critical framework, originated and led by Black women. While her story anchors, Meghan uses it as a way to connect to others and draw linkages.

It seems it's resonating deeply, as a result, with many.

But, I know how this thread is going to keep going so I am going to bow out.

 

[Alison H]

I could do without the flowery language, but I do think it's important for people to speak out about issues like this.


For example, until 15 years ago, it was rare for people to speak out about coping with cancer - it was sometimes still referred to as "the C word". It was really Kylie Minogue who changed that.


Every time a TV soap opera covers a difficult issue, calls to helplines go up, and, if it's a medical issue, the number of people going for testing/screening goes up - and that's with fictional people.


It really does make a difference when someone speaks out, and lets people know that it's not just them and that there's no need to suffer in silence.


Yes, it's an intimate topic, but so are Zara's miscarriages, Beatrice's dyslexia, Eugenie's scoliosis, Victoria of Sweden's eating disorders, and William and Harry's mental health problems, and many people have been helped by all of them speaking out.

 

[acdc1]

Miscarriage is one of the most tragic things a person can experience, and her words were beautifully said and heartbreaking to read. One of my best friends had a miscarriage earlier this year and we grieved for her and her loss together. While I know she’ll get criticized for bringing in the South Africa interview and George Floyd and Breonna Taylor into it, I can only look at this piece with compassion and love.

 

[Mirabel]

The loss of a child is the worst thing I can imagine.
I feel very sorry for the Sussexes, and hope they are helping one another to cope.

 

[amaryllus]

Some people here don’t seem to understand you can feel compassion and empathy for a person after a personal tragedy but throughly not like how they respond To it. That her response was to get her experience published and Lifetime movie script plus throwing in hot button talking points is telling Classic Meghan.

 

[Curryong]

I am so sorry for both Meghan and for Harry in their loss. The male partners are often forgotten when a miscarriage ocurs and it is devastating for both parents. I hope they will still have another child, and have a feeling they will.

 

[acdc1]

I am so sorry for both Meghan and for Harry in their loss. The male partners are often forgotten when a miscarriage ocurs and it is devastating for both parents. I hope they will still have another child, and have a feeling they will.

This was one of my favorite parts about the piece. While the woman of course is the one experiencing the physical pain, no one mentions the emotional pain that both the woman and her partner are feeling. The partner is often forgotten in all of this. I mentioned above that one of my best friends had a miscarriage earlier this year. Her partner was absolutely devastated, and while it wasn’t super public knowledge (they hadn’t told many people that she was pregnant or that she had a miscarriage), no one asked about how he was doing. In fact, I don’t think that I did, either, which is now a massive regret of mine.

 

[Purrs]

Where is there a stigma about it??

I'm usually a lurker but I had to reply to this...

I think that there is a stigma about miscarriage/stillbirth in most of the English speaking world. Not only because of it involves "reproductive issues" but also because it involves loss and grief which our culture handles very poorly. People in our culture are often very uncomfortable with grief and talking about loss and the resulting grief makes people uncomfortable. There is a silent expectation that you are expected not to talk about it - "stiff upper lip". (This stigma is gradually diminishing). People do differ in how they cope with grief, it's very individual and not everyone will wish to talk about it. However, even if the pregnancy has not been publicly shared, some people will still wish to tell others about a miscarriage/stillbirth because of the emotional impact. Others will not. Both approaches should be respected.

I personally have never had a miscarriage but I've been close to people who have. However, I have lost a child (5 years ago). The grief you experience makes some people actively avoid you. Sometimes other people will be so uncomfortable that they say hurtful things because their discomfort without thinking about how it will hurt you. In the case of loss of a child, some people will become visibly uncomfortable when you even mention your late child's name in passing. Both types of grief are so isolating in our culture.

Although the 2 losses (miscarriage/stillbirth and loss of a child) are not the same, they share many similarities including this stigma. The bereaved support group I attended after my son's death, also offers support groups for families who've experienced miscarriage/stillbirth as well as for losses of other family members than children.

Although I've questioned some things Meghan and Harry have said or done, I have no issue with this article and I view it positively as a way of lessening stigma and the isolation these couples feel as well as coping. I've written about my son's death although I haven't had it published (don't know where it could be published) but I've shared it. I've read books /articles about other people who've lost a child and it does help. I've also been quite public about the cause of my son's death (SUDEP - Sudden Unexpected Death in EPilepsy) & have done some things to raise awareness. None of the things were for attention.

 

[acdc1]

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not. The piece itself was moving.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son. And yes I realise there's a difference between others talking about your pain and sharing your own pain, I've lived that myself.

While most people here will no I am no fan of H&M, I do have to say that they aren’t opposed to sharing things from their private lives at their own discretion and prompting. For instance, the pictures of Archie at Windsor rather than on the hospital steps. This falls into that category I think. This is something that Meghan wrote and that the couple chose to share, rather than say if she had been snapped by paps coming out of the hospital and they were forced to give a statement as to why they were there.

 

[Somebody]

No, Meghan had the miscarriage in July on this year.

The sudden privacy of the delay of the trial had me suspecting something of this nature. Not the miscarriage but that Meghan is newly pregnant, again, and with her now medical history they are being very careful.

My heartbreaks for them.

Same here. I also wouldn't be surprised if she is currently pregnant again (truly hoping all will be well this time if true) and with this history, a delay is fully understandable.

And glad that Harry is also included in experiencing the pain of what they are going through. I've always wondered why the focus in these issues (whether infertility, miscarriage or a child dying at/prior to birth) is always on the women, while the men suffer as well.

 

[QueenMathilde]

I read this today on Smart News too. Did miss something? Is this new news or did we always know Meghan had suffered a miscarriage?

 

[Somebody]

A good piece from Royal Central:
https://royalcentral.co.uk/uk/susse...the-ugly-racism-entrenched-in-society-152917/

I don't agree with this sentence at all "There can be no reason for the stark contrast in reaction to two different women suffering miscarriages other than racism." There are many other reasons why people respond differently to Meghan than Zara other than their race.

While I would hope each and everyone first and foremost sympathizes with the couple, their previous behavior is the most likely factor imho of why some might question their motives in revealing this in this way.

I read this today on Smart News too. Did miss something? Is this new news or did we always know Meghan had suffered a miscarriage?

Meghan wrote an opinion piece to the New York Times that was published today in which she revealed her miscarriage.

 

[acdc1]

The only thing I have to say that may be considered “critical,” and it’s not about the piece itself (I thought it was beautifully written and her pain- and Harry’s- was very apparent): it’s time for them to drop the titles. They aren’t working royals anymore and so as private citizens are free to say and do what they do please. Bringing George Floyd and Breonna Taylor into the piece really tied in well with her message, but it was an overtly political statement. The BRF do not take political stances, and I don’t think it was appropriate to do so using the “Duchess of Sussex” title. I think in instances like this is the perfect time to go by Meghan Markle, Meghan M-W, Meghan Sussex, etc. same for Harry.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

It seems Meghan suffered a miscarriage.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/...zpljExWY3Kf6vXJQm_-rxhKhkXcDUgNGrnvXYcmKspz04

Very sad and moving article, beautifully written. I hope the DoS is feeling better and that she and Harry can have another child if they want one....

 

[Fem]

Why is there stuff about the SA interview? where is this information? DID she write a letter to the N Y Times?

It's just a short written thing - I wouldn't call it an article, I think a letter sounds about right in this case. You can find it here:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/opinion/meghan-markle-miscarriage.html

Throughout the whole thing there's this theme with "Are you OK?" question, so she talks quite a lot (for such a short text) about the SA interview, how her "off-the-cuff reply" seemed to resonate with so many people. It's a shame that it was in such a negative way. So she's using the "Are you OK?" question a few times, writes how it helps people and is a start of the healing process, [...]

It isn't just about a miscarriage though, there's a short sentence about Breonna Taylor, the protests in USA, covid, everything. I think the only thing she didn't mention were US elections. As I said, word salad. A poetic, very well written, but still a word salad.

 

[SLV]

Such sad news, to read that they had a miscarriage.
I wish them strength.

 

[Biri]

Very sad and moving article, beautifully written. I hope the DoS is feeling better and that she and Harry can have another child if they want one....

Very sad news...

As for eventual another child - I hope so, given that that they don't have too much time left

 

[HighGoalHighDreams]

I am so sorry for both Meghan and for Harry in their loss. The male partners are often forgotten when a miscarriage ocurs and it is devastating for both parents. I hope they will still have another child, and have a feeling they will.

Well stated.

 

[TLLK]

Very sorry for the pregnancy loss and I hope that their dream of another child will happen in the near future.

 

[camelot23ca]

Some people here don’t seem to understand you can feel compassion and empathy for a person after a personal tragedy but throughly not like how they respond To it. That her response was to get her experience published and Lifetime movie script plus throwing in hot button talking points is telling Classic Meghan.

Yes. I have a lot of sympathy for the couple as the miscarriage was clearly traumatic for them. I do think it’s worthwhile to point out that not everyone experiences a miscarriage as a tragedy or as something that’s stigmatized. I’m always a little wary when celebrities write these pieces about their personal traumas because the underlying implication is always that THEIR experience is the normal one. There are many women who could write something along the lines of, “I had a miscarriage, I was somewhat sad for a period of time, I got all the support I felt I needed and the experience wasn’t something that left me with any sense of trauma or unresolved grief.” But those women aren’t going to feel there’s a need to write about their experience for the NY Times, and they’d have a harder time getting that less eye catching narrative published, anyway, so the experiences we do read about aren’t necessarily representative of what all, or even most people would go through in similar situations.

And I think it’s valid to point out that it’s impossible to put an experience into the public domain in a vacuum, and that once you put even a painful personal trauma out there you open that experience up not just to sympathy but to comments and opinions of all kinds, including thoughts on how seeking the biggest platform you can find to talk in detail about your personal experience of what many consider a sensitive topic relates to your well known need for privacy.

 

[Duchess_Watcher]

Very sorry for the loss of the baby for Meghan and Harry.

[...]

I hope they are able to conceive in the future!

Yes. I have a lot of sympathy for the couple as the miscarriage was clearly traumatic for them. I do think it’s worthwhile to point out that not everyone experiences a miscarriage as a tragedy or as something that’s stigmatized. I’m always a little wary when celebrities write these pieces about their personal traumas because the underlying implication is always that THEIR experience is the normal one. There are many women who could write something along the lines of, “I had a miscarriage, I was somewhat sad for a period of time, I got all the support I felt I needed and the experience wasn’t something that left me with any sense of trauma or unresolved grief.” But those women aren’t going to feel there’s a need to write about their experience for the NY Times, and they’d have a harder time getting that less eye catching narrative published, anyway, so the experiences we do read about aren’t necessarily representative of what all, or even most people would go through in similar situations.

And I think it’s valid to point out that it’s impossible to put an experience into the public domain in a vacuum, and that once you put even a painful personal trauma out there you open that experience up not just to sympathy but to comments and opinions of all kinds, including thoughts on how seeking the biggest platform you can find to talk in detail about your personal experience of what many consider a sensitive topic relates to your well known need for privacy.

It reads like a novel, I feel sorry for their loss but she didn't need to write a novel to discuss it. It reeks that their approvals are low and sympathy gain but that doesn't change the fact the had a miscarriage. I wonder if the Royal family knew about this?

 

[evolvingdoors]

The only thing I have to say that may be considered “critical,” and it’s not about the piece itself (I thought it was beautifully written and her pain- and Harry’s- was very apparent): it’s time for them to drop the titles. They aren’t working royals anymore and so as private citizens are free to say and do what they do please. Bringing George Floyd and Breonna Taylor into the piece really tied in well with her message, but it was an overtly political statement. The BRF do not take political stances, and I don’t think it was appropriate to do so using the “Duchess of Sussex” title. I think in instances like this is the perfect time to go by Meghan Markle, Meghan M-W, Meghan Sussex, etc. same for Harry.

Mm, i'm not sure if it was political par say, for me it was just confusing.
Someone on twitter said it was about pain and loss, which okay I can see it and even accept that narrative, but I... I felt it was mixing too many things.
I also read on another forum, someone beautifully pointed out the issue with asking "are you ok?"

Which takes me to the difference in how Zara miscarriage, Chrissy and other women was accepted vs. Meghan's. I think the women above kept it on their specific loss, (Zara to my recollection only spoke about it because she had already announced the pregnancy?- someone correct me), Chrissy spoke about it because again she had already announced her pregnancy, and her situation was different because of how far along she was, the criticism she got was for the images she shared. Alec Baldwin wife did get some flake (she was literally posting as she was going through it), but she kept it on the miscarriage.

While Meghan went all over, adding in other topics, that may relate to an overall idea she had, but imo took away from the power of the topic of her miscarriage. As this is being posted on Thanksgiving, I don't know.. the addition of the SA tour interview, her NYC cab ride, and the BLM, woven in with the miscarriage story..
I think this would have been more powerful if she spoken only about the miscarriage, maybe she could have brought in the public behavior towards women like Chrissy. Say how much them speaking have gave her strength to speak too, how this relates to her work of women empowerment.

I don't know, this could have gone in so many other, much better imo, ways.

 

[ashelen]

All this is confusing for me. Didn't they want privacy? I feel sorry for the mischarge , that it is a terrible thing to happen to any woman, but the article talks about other things so not so powerful about miscarriage's in general and the million dollar question. How much she got paid for that article? I am sure it was not free.

 

[Claire]

Actually very confused about the letter. It is buttery and all over the place. [...]

There are several problems here - why the NYT? Because SS have friends there. This could easily been provided for Thanksgiving even Christmas and New Years actually.

Again - Her message is completely unclear in the style and language. Unsure if it is an attempt to be poetic or sound intelligent - but if people don't understand what you are writing your main reason to write has failed.

 

[Pranter]

Mm, i'm not sure if it was political par say, for me it was just confusing.
Someone on twitter said it was about pain and loss, which okay I can see it and even accept that narrative, but I... I felt it was mixing too many things.
I also read on another forum, someone beautifully pointed out the issue with asking "are you ok?"

Which takes me to the difference in how Zara miscarriage, Chrissy and other women was accepted vs. Meghan's. I think the women above kept it on their specific loss, (Zara to my recollection only spoke about it because she had already announced the pregnancy?- someone correct me), Chrissy spoke about it because again she had already announced her pregnancy, and her situation was different because of how far along she was, the criticism she got was for the images she shared. Alec Baldwin wife did get some flake (she was literally posting as she was going through it), but she kept it on the miscarriage.

While Meghan went all over, adding in other topics, that may relate to an overall idea she had, but imo took away from the power of the topic of her miscarriage. As this is being posted on Thanksgiving, I don't know.. the addition of the SA tour interview, her NYC cab ride, and the BLM, woven in with the miscarriage story..
I think this would have been more powerful if she spoken only about the miscarriage, maybe she could have brought in the public behavior towards women like Chrissy. Say how much them speaking have gave her strength to speak too, how this relates to her work of women empowerment.

I don't know, this could have gone in so many other, much better imo, ways.

This is not Thanksgiving...that is tomorrow.

I do agree I would like to have seen it more focused but my guess is she was just getting the emotions out about several things that have effected her this year.


LaRae

All this is confusing for me. Didn't they want privacy? I feel sorry for the mischarge , that it is a terrible thing to happen to any woman, but the article talks about other things so not so powerful about miscarriage's in general and the million dollar question. How much she got paid for that article? I am sure it was not free.

They wanted privacy from the intrusion into their private lives. They never said they were going to become hermits and never share their lives...key being their choice to share not the medias.

What they made or didn't make is not really anyones business now.


LaRae

 

[Curbside]

Grief is not a linear thing. Some days the loss can seem remote and far away. Then something triggers the memories and the loss can seem overwhelming again. Add to that all the craziness in the world today, it’s easy to feel like everything is on an interconnected downward spiral of loss and pain.