The Duchess of Sussex: Family and Background

[Missy-]

Can we please keep the personal experiences to a minimum, it's not a contest to see who has had it the worst. Do you want to hear how, in childhood and young adulthood, I was abused physically (hospitalized), emotionally and sexually? Didn't think so.

This isn't a thread about your personal experiences, it's a thread about Meghan's family. Casting your shadows on her former family is kinda weak imo.

[DuchessMia]

Originally Posted by ACO

I don't want Doria anywhere near this man. They have attacked her as well. She doesn't need that in her life and anything she says they will twist and use against her. This mess is common sense. He knows he is wrong, he just does not care. So it is best they all do as they are doing and just ignore him.

Me neither. He’s a grown man making these decisions. She shouldn’t have to admonish him or advise him to stop abusing their child. He’s well aware what he’s doing. He’s not going to stop.

[Osipi]

Its a common occurrence in conversations to relate to what someone is going through as it relates to one's own personal experiences. When we can see and feel empathy towards a situation, it gives a totally different viewpoint to a situation rather than just being objective and stating how awful those Markle people are. It adds a level of understanding and compassion to what she is going through at this time.

Its OK if thats not your cup of tea but when I think about it, a lot of what the royals do is to raise awareness of issues such as bullying and if it can start a conversation of awareness within our own little group here, its all for the better. At least in my book it is.

We each respond as we feel appropriate. No one has said we cannot as long as we stay on topic and discuss the matter at hand and our reactions and responses to it.

BTW: You did also express your own experiences in your own way, Missy, and I know there's quite a few here that can empathize with you. Me among them. Sometimes its insights like this that give us cause to understand each other better also.

Hugs.... they make the world go around.

[Stargazer]

The Duchess of Sussex deserves so much better than how she has been treated – Royal Central


Very good editoral

[duchessrachel]

Originally Posted by AlowVera

The UK media are pushing Meghan to meet and communicate with someone who clearly will betray her trust for money and a platform. If Meghan is forced to meet with that person how can she be protected. If she meets with him or calls him we know the first stop after the meeting will be to visit his friends at GMB or the tabloids. I suspect he will want them to have another wedding so he can have his demented place in history.

That is exactly what the media is hoping will happen. If they can convince her to meet with Sr. (it's not happening) they know Sr. will spill the details to them and they will have yet another story to run with.

Originally Posted by Osipi

If you read the Royal Family and the Media thread, Richard Palmer has stated that they are keeping the press further away from Meghan now than they were before to allow her to "adjust to her royal role". I happen to think there's a strategy unseen behind this. Its being done to prevent the media from shouting out questions to her that she may not want to answer and capture her expression when asked to build a "response" article. "Meghan scowls when asked about her father" kind of thing.

They're protecting Meghan as much as they possibly can while allowing her to continue to do what she does. The backlash from the media is expected as they want to hear what she says, capture her expressions and generally everything and anything they can get their grubby hands on. This tells me that the PTB acknowledge that along with Meghan's e(strange)d family, the media has been playing its part in this drama also and won't give them an inch.

To me, this is a definitive move because of the situation at hand. Words aren't necessary.

Where can I read this?

[Lady Reem]

Abusers have always had their enablers but I just can’t comprehend the suggestion from certain quarters that either Doria or Meghan should contact TM to try to make things “right”. Unbelievable.

Putting aside the constant betrayal, excessive greed, limelight-hogging, lies & denigration by this horrible man. Why on earth should anyone be compelled to engage with their tormentors/bullies/abusers??

Sick

[Osipi]

Originally Posted by duchessrachel

Where can I read this?

Its all in this thread here: http://www.theroyalforums.com/forums...-11937-40.html

[Kataryn]

Originally Posted by Osipi

That letter was widely reported back when In Touch released it before the wedding. I believe that Tom, Jr. also cried crocodile tears and penned a second letter pleading and begging for an invite to the wedding. He was also photographed outside of Windsor Castle in the lead up to the wedding but nothing more than that. The man flip flops a lot.

And again it is all about Meghan not inviting her ghastly siblings to her wedding. Just imagine what would have happened if Sam, and the Toms got close to HM!

[Lady Reem]

Hey Doria why not rush off and play nice with a man you’ve been divorced from for over three decades. A man trying to ruin your daughter’s marital life. A man who constantly & deliberately publicly humiliates your daughter using the media. A man who repeatedly insults your daughter’s in laws. A man who told the world your daughter has a wilful streak she inherited from you. And a rotten piece of work who came close to suggesting your biracial daughter is uppity. A liar who practically told the world he almost single-handedly raised your daughter for most of her life and that she lived with him right up until she left for college, even though video evidence exists that suggests the contrary. A scammer (who got caught out) and has since told the world you gave your daughter this piece of advice: if they’re not doing anything for you, why should you do anything for them? A rotten man who’s nasty older two children are just like him in character. A man who not only sides & colludes with his eldest daughter, but also blames your daughter for the vile onslaught of constant bullying she continues to endure from that woman for almost two years since her relationship with Harry was revealed. That same vile woman who denigrates you on her twitter page. And like her full blood brother, and dad, shamelessly continue to cash in and bully, disparage your only child. And because unlike that shameless man you are so dignified as a true loving parent who respects your child’s boundaries and refuse to sell her out or tout memories of her childhood and childhood photos to almost any media outlet going simply because she married royalty - that horrid piece of work exploits your silence and decency by trying to airbrush your massive input in raising her as a sound human being.

A man who inadvertently let slip he used to do drugs whilst your daughter was supposedly meant to be under his care.

Yes Doria listen to people and go have a nice chat with that ‘upstanding human being’

[Somebody]

I do however wonder why she married him in the first place. Did he change that much (and if so when did that become apparent), did she not realize who he really was until a few years into her marriage or did she know but ignored it because of what he had to offer (as someone in the tv industry 12 years her senior)?

That's not to say that she should contact him now: if she and Meghan thought it might lead to a positive outcome, I guess she would do so. He has been in their lives in some way or another for close to 40 years now, so they are in a much better position to make that call than anyone else.

[Missjersey]

Originally Posted by Lady Reem

Abusers have always had their enablers but I just can’t comprehend the suggestion from certain quarters that either Doria or Meghan should contact TM to try to make things “right”. Unbelievable.

Putting aside the constant betrayal, excessive greed, limelight-hogging, lies & denigration by this horrible man. Why on earth should anyone be compelled to engage with their tormentors/bullies/abusers??

Sick

Totally agree. NO CONTACT means just that. No matter how outrageous the next spew is (and we know it will come), we also know if you give an inch they take a mile.

NO CONTACT

[Tarlita]

Thank you Osipi for having the ability to be able to express your thoughts so eloquently. I agree with so many of your posts and only wish I could have said the same as well as you do. My grammar and English and expressing myself is very poor.

Also so many of you also do excellent posts. Osipi's post of 1431 was an excellent explanation.

All of us want a happy ever after for Harry and Meghan. The first few years of marriage should be filled with happiness and love. That's where babies come from.

I expect Meghan will be very busy getting to know Harry's friends, learning a whole new culture and the Royal way of doing things. Harry will delight in teaching Meghan about the sporting culture for instance. Rugby, soccer and cricket. Just as the US has the Superbowl, Britain has the soccer leagues.

So having said that and being off topic, I am hoping that Meghan is far too busy with her new Life to be worrying about the shenanigans of her so called family.

[Madame Verseau]

The BRF is doing the right thing and not responding. If Meghan did meet "Dad", the story being sold would not be enough. Tom Sr will want Christmas at Sandringham, tickets to Ascot (and sitting in the royal box), summers at Balmoral, standing on BP balcony during Trooping! Yep, give him an inch Dad will take several miles.

If there is a crisis meeting at the palaces I believe in the security forces are sitting in. They have to now, Dad has been menacing the royal family and there may be a real concern as safety.

[Osipi]

On your points, Madame Verseau, I have to disagree. I do believe that Tom, Sr. is being overly vocal and emotionally abusive to his daughter, but I'd be hard pressed to believe that the man is any kind of physical threat to her. I don't believe the man has any intention of going anywhere near the UK anytime soon.

I don't even see where a "crisis meeting" would resolve anything either. What can they do? Other than have Meghan keep a distance away from tabloid reporters that may heckle her to gain some kind of a response, there's really nothing much they can do to resolve this "crisis". Its an annoyance, for sure, and its garnering a lot of attention but I do believe that the palace (any one of them) would see this for what it is. Sour grapes by discontents that have the odd notion that what they bleat is making a difference where in actually, they're losing control of not only themselves, but also their story lines and have now to resort to making up threats which proves how little they do know.

The e(strange)d family is being treated by the royal family exactly as they should be. Ignored as inconsequential to their lives, their purpose and their well being.

[O-H Anglophile]

Originally Posted by Madame Verseau

The BRF is doing the right thing and not responding. If Meghan did meet "Dad", the story being sold would not be enough. Tom Sr will want Christmas at Sandringham, tickets to Ascot (and sitting in the royal box), summers at Balmoral, standing on BP balcony during Trooping! Yep, give him an inch Dad will take several miles.

If there is a crisis meeting at the palaces I believe in the security forces are sitting in. They have to now, Dad has been menacing the royal family and there may be a real concern as safety.

I don't think Tom Sr has any real desire to do Royal Family activities like going to Ascot or visiting the Queen at Balmoral. He didn't even make it to England for the wedding. I think he is all talk and no action. It is his own fault he didn't go for the wedding, but he can't admit it so he is lashing out, blaming everyone else.

I do agree--no response by the BRF is the right way to handle this.

[Terri Terri]

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't it a known fact that Samantha posts on racist or right-wing sites? Let's not forget the racist threat received by Harry and Meghan earlier this year! If royal reporters are getting threats...I can just imagine that racist theats may increase against Meghan as well. I do think that security is a concern....maybe not from the Markles....but from others who may use the Markles' outburts as justification to try to harm either Meghan or Harry.

I think that there may be a lot going on behind the scenes that we don't know!

[MaiaMia_53]

Originally Posted by O-H Anglophile

I don't think Tom Sr has any real desire to do Royal Family activities like going to Ascot or visiting the Queen at Balmoral. He didn't even make it to England for the wedding...

Right, Markle Snr has no interest in what the royal family stands for, much less taking part in their activities. His comments and behavior are completely contradictory. I suspect that the older Markle siblings have been the bane of his existence over the years. As Markle Snr said himself in the GMB interview, his marriage with Doria broke up partly due to his workaholic nature. And that's probably why the first marriage ran into trouble too. He was obviously too young to marry and start a family with his first wife, Roslyn.

The Andrew Morton book claims (per info from Tom Jr) that the older siblings witnessed arguments between their young parents, and eventually Markle Snr left Chicago for Hollywood. Markle eventually found success as a lighting director on General Hospital (where he met Doria), and later on Married With Children. Morton also describes how Markle Snr volunteered many hours helping Meghan's drama department at high school put on productions. I'm sure Meghan learned a strong work ethic from both of her parents.

Meghan has shared positive experiences she's had with her Dad growing up, because she apparently prefers to accentuate the positive in a glass half-full way. But I think there's no doubt that it was Meghan's mother and her maternal grandmother who mainly gave her the solid foundation and stability to face life fearlessly and to be herself and to realize her loftiest goals. None of Meghan's goals involved marrying a prince. But serendipity happened. Anyway, it's not Harry being a prince that truly matters. It's that he's Meghan's soulmate. A lot of people do not seem to understand this, especially not the Markles.

It's hard to figure exactly what's wrong with the Markles, but there's obviously loads of dysfunction likely stemming mostly from Markle Snr not having been an attentive father. When Meghan was born that seemed to change, as Markle Snr was older and perhaps Doria was a good influence on him at the time. Doria even tried to help Markle Snr's older two children. Meghan was not born until about 3 years after the marriage. Markle and Doria married in 1979, and Meghan was born in 1981. I begin to suspect that Doria did not get much assistance from Markle Snr in helping his older two offspring, who were incorrigible teenagers at that point. Tom Jr. was reportedly more open to Doria's nurturing than Yvonne/Samantha. But ultimately, both of them were lost causes. I also wonder what Markle Snr's upbringing was like. Were there dysfunctions that existed in his childhood as well?

Again, I think Markle Snr's lack of significant nurturing of his older children rankled with them their whole lives. It must have become even worse of a bitter pill when they saw how much Markle Snr and Doria doted on Meghan. And then the older two clearly began to settle all of their rank bitterness and jealousy upon Meghan, a child who was so much younger than them. Most likely all of the Markle in-laws looked a bit askance upon Meghan in some ways. Perhaps they saw her as this interesting looking pale-skinned, nappy-haired daughter of Tom's relationship 'folly.' Yes, that's my speculation but there's evidence for this type of attitude existing among the Markles in the supercilious way many of them came crawling out of the woodwork in the lead-up to the royal wedding, referencing Meghan as if they had some kind of claim on her existence.

Maybe there was some begrudging admiration for Meghan mixed with jealousy and disapproval of her 'mixed-race' status. Here was this absolutely gorgeous child with a strong, lovely nurturing mother who loved her, and called her 'Flower.' it must have flummoxed some of the Markles as Meghan went out into the world and began to succeed. At some point, the egregious bitterness of the older siblings had to have overflowed as they put their Dad through guilt trip after guilt trip, which must have eventually begun to impact his ability to maintain a solid, loving relationship with his youngest daughter. We do know that Meghan and her Dad were not on good speaking terms before Meghan left for college, and also Markle Snr apparently did not attend Meghan's first wedding to Trevor Engelson.

It took Meghan awhile to carve out success as an actor. But when she finally hit paydirt on Suits in Toronto, I can imagine some noses having been knocked seriously out of joint among the Markle clan. Suits created modest but burgeoning success for Meghan. Her tenure on the show became a wonderful opportunity for her to breathe and to stretch her wings and fly amidst people who appreciated her for the marvelous person she is. For a time it was not worldwide success, but even without Harry, I believe Meghan was always destined for great things. With Harry, together they will surely make important contributions to the world in unique ways (because they both already have individually). Together, they seem to have fearless and exciting goals that are focused on giving back and on championing ambitious, caring young people.

Sadly, once Meghan met Harry, the stinky tabloid press and scurrilous media hordes descended upon the Markle swamp and began fueling their swamp creature brouhaha. By providence, Markle Snr had remained incognito in Mexico for most of M&H's courtship, and perhaps Meghan being in contact with her Dad fairly regularly served as appeasement for his huge ego, pride and vanity. And perhaps at that point Markle Snr was still not on good speaking terms with the older siblings. Unfortunately, after the M&H engagement announcement the paps ended up locating Markle Snr, and his sanity eventually spiraled out of control. Once Samantha got her hooks back into Snr, it was endgame for Meghan being able to hold onto a connection with her Dad. It boils down to bitterness, anger and jealousy on the part of the older two Markles. And I think guilt, pride, vanity, stupidity and a bit of mental & emotional instability on Markle Snr's part.

[loonytick]

Originally Posted by Somebody

I do however wonder why she married him in the first place. Did he change that much (and if so when did that become apparent), did she not realize who he really was until a few years into her marriage or did she know but ignored it because of what he had to offer (as someone in the tv industry 12 years her senior)?

We have watched for ourselves as Sr. managed to behave well for a good year and a half then, seemingly overnight, explode into a tabloid-courting monster of bizarre choices and ill-advised interviews.
Perhaps managing restraint for a long while until he just can’t contain his worst impulses is his pattern of behavior.

If that pattern held true for Sr. and Doria’s relationship she would hardly be the first person to be swept off her feet by a seemingly kind and reliable lover, only to discover the personality she’d fallen for was really just a mask.

[Fros]

An interesting point I saw on twitter about how to fight against the Markles using charity.

If Meghan works with charities that help abused children not only can she relate to the children (as its becoming more obvious she grew up in an emotionally abusive environment) its the perfect antidote for the Markles.

Everytime they act out it highlights her work and the work of the organization also with why resources like that are very important and essential. It will all help given an overall education to the media on how to deal with the Markles as they would have to report on the Markles but also Meghan's work on how to respond to this sort of behaviour.

[Osipi]

Actually, the Royal Foundation has an almost made to order vehicle to address the problems that Meghan is facing with her e(strange)d family in the Heads Together campaign for mental health.

It would definitely be turning a negative into a positive if the campaign were to focus on familial abuses and bullying at some point in the future and Meghan would be the perfect one out of William, Kate, Harry and Meghan for those who have similar problems to what Meghan is facing to identify with.

https://www.headstogether.org.uk

Originally Posted by loonytick

We have watched for ourselves as Sr. managed to behave well for a good year and a half then, seemingly overnight, explode into a tabloid-courting monster of bizarre choices and ill-advised interviews.
Perhaps managing restraint for a long while until he just can’t contain his worst impulses is his pattern of behavior.

If that pattern held true for Sr. and Doria’s relationship she would hardly be the first person to be swept off her feet by a seemingly kind and reliable lover, only to discover the personality she’d fallen for was really just a mask.

One thing we really shouldn't do is speculate how a relationship went between two people over 30 years ago. Most likely, both Tom, Sr. and Doria were completely different people at that time and had different attitudes about things and each other than they do now. Life changes people and no one stays the same consistently throughout their life.

We do know that, for the most part, Tom, Sr. and Doria remained on amicable terms and spent time together as mom and dad with their daughter. Perhaps they gave the marriage a try and found out by living day to day, it just didn't work for them. Neither one of them married again.

Sometimes the best way to show love for another person is to let them go.