Hmmm I have been thinking over this whole "family she never had" dust up for a few days. It really rubbed me the wrong way when I initially heard it, so I wanted to sit with it a few days before commenting, so I could think it through, read some other interpretations and not jump to any conclusions. I have to say, it still rubs me the wrong way. I honestly don't think Harry meant anything by it. I don't think he was subtly throwing shade, or sending some kind of veiled message to her family. I just think they asked him a question, that he originally tried to answer in a very general way, then the host pushed a little, so he tried to be a bit more specific and said the first thing that came to mind. Nothing intentional or malicious. But I do think it came across rather thoughtless. If I were her family (and her family includes more than the two loud mouth half siblings) my feelings would be a bit hurt. I wouldn't go running to the media to yell about it, but I could understand feeling slighted.
Meghan herself has said that she had a very happy upbringing. Even when her parents divorced she has stressed that they made sure things stayed the same for her. They had family dinners, trips etc. Again this is what Meghan had said in interviews about her own upbringing. She has talked about how she was close to her grandmother and wore her charm bracelet as part of her costume as Rachel on Suits. We saw she was in family weddings, family get togethers, especially on her mom's side. I'm uncomfortable with suggesting that because her parents were divorced, somehow she didn't have a "family unit". There are plenty of children of divorce who would say they grew up in a secure family unit. Also as an only child I can say, I had loads of large, rowdy, happy family holidays. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, great aunts and uncles. Even the occasional person you weren't sure how they were related to you but they always came around! LOL! I was truly blessed.
And can we not pretend that the BRF is some shining example of family togetherness and functionality? They are no worse than any other family, so I won't put that on them, but they are certainly no better than any other family. They have their dysfunctions and scandals and falling outs, just like any other family. The family dynamics and traditions might be different than what Meghan is used to (and actually, I think this is what he really meant, because he was answering a question about introducing Meghan to family traditions), but to say "we're the family she never had I suppose" sounds like saying she didn't come from a family, at least not a very good one. It's one thing to say "different", that can mean anything. (Bigger, more structured, etc). "Never had", means it didn't even exist. And that is jut not accurate based on Meghan's own words. A family is not determined by size.
Like I said, I don't think Harry meant that, and I'm sure because he is a very caring person he made sure Doria and Tom knew that. And I'm sure they told him, "no offense taken". It's not the end of the world, and the press will move on. And I would not discount seeing some of Meghan's family, especially the Ragland side, being in attendance. We know they exist, but accept for the married in uncle we haven't heard from them. And the Markel side is more than the two half siblings.
I recently heard that Meghan has an uncle (Alvin Joffrey Ragland) on the Ragland side who is two years younger than Meghan (her maternal grandfather's son from his second marriage). He may be at the wedding, and also Sam Grant's two older children, Ashleigh and Christopher, who were raised by their father's parents, thankfully! I agree with you that Harry's comment was ripe for being latched onto in a negative way, but clearly he was searching for the right words and he didn't mean anything negative toward Meghan's immediate close family members. There are non-famous large closeknit extended family clans, but I would say that's somewhat rare in this day and age of disparate and isolated family units. Still there are some families who manage to remain fairly close with reunions, etc. There is obviously no family like the British royal family.
It's helpful to realize that being royal is the only existence Harry has ever known, and the royals are a very unusual and historic family who lead a fishbowl life. It can be problematic growing up under those circumstances, despite the wealth and the tremendous perks. The pressures are something we can only imagine. At times, he obviously has wished to escape the royal fishbowl, and surely he has found some of the traditional rituals and 'boring'* formal dinner parties a chore. Certainly Diana managed to nurture both her boys in a way that helped them grow up as unspoiled as possible.
It's clear that Harry loves his father, and deeply respects his grandmother and has a loving relationship with her. As he has matured, Harry has likely come to understand and cherish both sides of his family. And of course he's spoken recently about coming to a realization and appreciation of how his royal status can serve as a platform for him to give back to others and to make a difference in the world.
Part of Meghan's appeal for Harry has to be her normal middle-class upbringing in L.A., which was also unique in the sense of her coming from variant ethnic backgrounds (even though there's a tiresome over-focus our culture has on making the offspring of so-called 'black/white' unions somehow seem exotic and caught between two choices they are often challenged to make). In addition, Meghan partly growing up on the set of a Hollywood television series makes her background very intriguing.
In the engagement interview, Harry enthusiastically spoke very highly of Meghan's Mom, so Harry supposedly looking down on Meghan's immediate close family members is not true.
Meghan is by nature a positive person who emphasizes the positive. Yet, we are all three-dimensional human beings, so I do not believe everything was always fine and jim-dandy between Meghan's parents. It's clear that they worked together to nurture Meghan and they both doted on her, but I doubt that Meghan's parents always got along with each other. There are normal tensions in every family. But fortunately, Meghan did not experience any significant trauma as a child of divorce.
The divisiveness and unrest among the Markle side appears to have escalated over time. In general, Meghan has apparently escaped a lot of anguish and drama growing up, that some children of divorce experience. She was probably somewhat confused about the culture's issues with racism and how she personally fit in with her so-called 'mixed' background. But once again even on that issue her parents appear to have grounded her and given her support and encouragement to create her own strong identity, which is definitely a blessing.
My gut feeling is that Meghan took a great deal of strength from her maternal side via her mother Doria, grandmother Jeanette, and even her great-grandmother Netty, whom Meghan never met. From all reported evidence these were three hardworking, independent and strong women who carved out lives for their children without having husbands always by their side. I think these three matriarchs are the source of Meghan's strong feminist identity, as well as her striving to make a fulfilling and meaningful life for herself while also giving back to others. It's rather interesting that there are also strong matriarchs in the Windsor family.
OTOH, Meghan doesn't appear to have a very strong black identity. And the white side of her family was obviously nothing to celebrate either. To me she clearly identifies more with what people see her as being: white, even though she also fully embraces what she terms as her 'bi-racial' heritage. I get the feeling that despite her parents giving her a stable upbringing and nurturing her sense of self, Meghan likely felt at times somewhat caught between two families whose members did not get along well. Also, Meghan was an only child and there was not a large extended family unit.
After Meghan went off to college and later became successful on
Suits, she began to develop nurturing friendships which have been very important in her life. I believe that Meghan has likely shared some unpleasant Markle vs Ragland family details with Harry that we wouldn't know about. And the other way to look at what Harry said is simply an expression of his great joy at being able to finally celebrate Christmas with Meghan and to have her fully accepted by his family. That's obviously extremely important to Harry.
Another thing I sense in H&M's remarkable union is the fact that Harry probably is viewing his royal life and status with new eyes through the lens of sharing with Meghan royal family events and traditions that he may have previously dismissed or taken for granted at times. From all reports, Meghan has had an important, calming influence on Harry. Now the petty 24/7 media and the Markle half-sibs need to back off big time.
*In a 2012 interview, a reporter asked Harry what it was like to attend formal dinner parties at the palaces growing up: Harry somewhat humorously dismissed the question, by saying,
"Yes, I've had to attend a lot of boring dinner parties..." 
Thanks for your extensive account. The only thing I wonder is if Meghan primarily identifies as white. My impression is that especially growing up but most likely up until this moment she identifies as biracial - it's a topic that she has discussed many times (sometimes prompted such as during the engagement interview but other times she seemed to have wanted to raise awareness to the issues related to it herself) and one that also impacted her career (being to white for black roles and to black for white roles - if I'm expressing that correctly). She even famously created her own category on a form that didn't allow for that option (with the encouragement of her father).
