Harry and Meghan: Wedding Suggestions and Musings

[Somebody]

I'm not sure how offending the British people comes into play here over rehearsal dinner, as that's all we were talking about. Anyways, I don't think Meghan would really do anything that would go as far as offending the British people as I can't imagine anything small in someone else's wedding should offend people. Plus, this wedding will probably end up exceeding most little girls' dreams about their own wedding. Although, I suppose I should question that judging based on the reaction to the date of the wedding.

My initial response was based on a British poster who clearly thought that a rehearsal dinner would not be appropriate for a British (royal) wedding.

Nonetheless, I think we are mostly in agreement, just approach it slightly differently. Overall, I don't expect Meghan to be a bridezilla wit a my way or the high way attitude as that would not go well within her new family and country, so any 'wants' (hopefully phrased as wishes or ideas) will surely be considered to make it a wedding that fits the couple, the BRF and is considerate of the British public.

Special provision was made for William and Harry to allow them to honour their mother in their COAs. But it isn't usual. I think you're right though, I would assume if they do take any inspiration from American heraldry in Meghan's COA it'll be localised to the state rather than the entire US.

I think it's probably likely that if Meghan does get any honours from the Queen before she's a citizen (given the time frame it would be a little unlikely in my opinion), they'll be recognised here regardless and that's really what counts. Kate hasn't got any honours yet and she's been married for seven years. Given that it takes around 3-5 years to gain citizenship (or at least to begin the process), I don't think there'd be a clash. But anything is possible. HM likes to surprise us sometimes.

Beatrice and Eugenie also have a 'reference' to their mother's CoA's: Beatrice has three bees in the label alludes (1, 3 and 5) and Eugenie has three thistles.

 

[Mirabel]

Could Meghan's mother and father both walk their daughter down the aisle?

I always think that looks so awkward and crowded.

 

[Grandma828]

HM Queen Elizabeth had all adult bridesmaids. I wish Meghan would do that.

 

[Pranter]

She might have them...she might have a mix of both. Here in the US it is not uncommon to see littles as flower girls/ring bearer and then junior bridesmaids along with adult bridesmaids.

There's really no rule about it.


LaRae

 

[Curbside]

I had two bridesmaids (actually, two brides-matrons) a junior bridesmaid, and a flower girl. My sister-in-law had something like ten of her sorority sisters and friends for her wedding. I wasn't there, but I can't imagine she didn't have a flower girl or three.

 

[Alliec76]

I would really love to see that happen. Then when the celebrant asks "Who gives this woman in marriage", Tom and Doria say "We do". Its a possibility as we know that her parents have quite an amicable divorce.

Look folks were about to pass out over a possible rehearsal dinner! LOL! This? Would absolutely be the end all be all! But I'd love to see it! LOL!

 

[Zaira]

Mother and father walking a bride down the aisle is becoming increasingly more common in the US. I absolutely love it and I would be thrilled to bits if Meghan did that.

 

[ilovechristmas123]

It will certainly be interesting to see whether Harry and Meghan decide to opt for a more modern wedding instead of the usual traditional atmosphere, and how will they go about doing that? Modern dress (for Meghan)? Modern food? The venue is different, that's for sure!

 

[royal rob]

It will certainly be interesting to see whether Harry and Meghan decide to opt for a more modern wedding instead of the usual traditional atmosphere, and how will they go about doing that? Modern dress (for Meghan)? Modern food? The venue is different, that's for sure!

I walked down the aisle with my husband to be. No one gave me away because no one owned me it shocked a lot of people. I didn’t obey either. This is a long time ago

 

[Grandma828]

Both the out of date (giving in Marriage) and obey should be abandoned. No one owns a woman. I was married in 1959 and we did not use those terms.

 

[Osipi]

To look at this a different way, with this actually being Meghan's second marriage, she already "belonged" to someone else (if we're sticking to the "giving away the bride" thing) and has subsequently put an end to that. No one "owns" her now at all to "give her away". However, there is someone that has lived closely with Meghan since the start of her relationship with Harry and perhaps would be the most fitting to walk with her down the aisle. Of course I'm talking about Guy.

Now wouldn't that cause a right royal riot? I can picture it now. Every person that knows how to write would go into overdrive. Even those at the Daily Fail who, in my opinion, do not know how to write.

 

[cepe]

It will certainly be interesting to see whether Harry and Meghan decide to opt for a more modern wedding instead of the usual traditional atmosphere, and how will they go about doing that? Modern dress (for Meghan)? Modern food? The venue is different, that's for sure!

I think it will be a traditional marriage service, with all the music and choir and beautiful environment. Its what St George's almost demands. And I think the majority watching want that as well.

I think masses of flowers, esp peonies and early roses. The menu is usually in keeping with the times - whatever is good dining now. They might do something different regarding the cake.

Sadly, we wont see the reception and no info leaked from Catherine and Williams.

How she dresses and what her attendants wear will really grab the interest of course.

 

[Countessmeout]

Obey I agree needs to go. But as feminist as I am, for some reason I always liked the tradition of having a father walk you down the aisle.

If Doria walks her down the aisle, IMO will be with her dad. I don't see her ditching dad all together. She has a close relationship with both of them. But I am not sure we will see them go that modern.

I could see Lindsay as matron of honor. Perhaps as Jessica's daughter is likely to be flower girl, so Jessica would be included as well. I would be surprised if Meghan doesn't have at least one adult. I do think it will mainly be kids, not ditching kids all together, but maid/matron of honor like Kate.

 

[Curbside]

I didn't give it much thought when I got married, and I know my dad wanted to walk me down the aisle--I was the last daughter to have a wedding.

Maybe Meghan's mom/dad could "present" her. "Who presents this woman for marriage?" has a nice ring to it.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

Obey I agree needs to go. But as feminist as I am, for some reason I always liked the tradition of having a father walk you down the aisle.

A lot of people eliminate "obey."

Nor do they have to include the "who giveth this woman?"

I think a father or parents walking a bride down to aisle to her groom in this way--it is symbolic of the bride is going from being a part of one family to joining her groom in forming a new family. In some traditions the groom's parents walk him down the aisle as well.

 

[jacqui24]

To look at this a different way, with this actually being Meghan's second marriage, she already "belonged" to someone else (if we're sticking to the "giving away the bride" thing) and has subsequently put an end to that. No one "owns" her now at all to "give her away". However, there is someone that has lived closely with Meghan since the start of her relationship with Harry and perhaps would be the most fitting to walk with her down the aisle. Of course I'm talking about Guy.

Now wouldn't that cause a right royal riot? I can picture it now. Every person that knows how to write would go into overdrive. Even those at the Daily Fail who, in my opinion, do not know how to write.

Oh, the Queen would so get a kick out of that!

 

[LadyGlendower]

To look at this a different way, with this actually being Meghan's second marriage, she already "belonged" to someone else (if we're sticking to the "giving away the bride" thing) and has subsequently put an end to that. No one "owns" her now at all to "give her away". However, there is someone that has lived closely with Meghan since the start of her relationship with Harry and perhaps would be the most fitting to walk with her down the aisle. Of course I'm talking about Guy.

Now wouldn't that cause a right royal riot? I can picture it now. Every person that knows how to write would go into overdrive. Even those at the Daily Fail who, in my opinion, do not know how to write.

Osipi wins the internets this evening ?

 

[Pranter]

So...interesting that Meghan had lace on today. Wonder if we'll see it again.


LaRae

 

[Countessmeout]

While lace, not your traditional lace dress certainly. A bit more modern embellishment. Seems still within her style.

Ah.....decaf coffee, and some say a little baileys helps you sleep

 

[evolvingdoors]

It is traditional in the Jewish religion that the groom parents walk him to the chupah while the bride parents walk her (after the groom is already under it), in some streams within Judaism the mothers will walk the bride while the fathers walk the groom.
But even that is slowly dying as more Jews are become less religious.
Some couples have been entering together, some apart, some walk alone without the parents. It depends on the couple and the nature of the wedding.

Honestly, given that Harry asked her parents permission, which I personally find to be as outdated as obey and giving the bride away (no matter how you name it, it’s one man handing a woman to another man), and would be furious if any man I dated did such a thing. I found it even more odd considering what a huge feminist Meghan is, and well she’s not a child but a grown woman, it’s demeaning and disrespectful- in my personal opinion- to a grown up independent woman as Meghan is.

 

[wyevale]

I understand that MANY Feminists, and Women who wouldn't label themselves as such see 'who giveth this Woman' etc, etc as an offensive left over of Patriarchy, but personally I see it as giving 'Dad' a role above and beyond just paying for it ! Fathers have a very special bond with their daughters, and deserve to have the ending of one phase of that relationship marked at their daughters Wedding.
ALL Fathers, and most daughters find it a significant and emotional moment.
The 'mother of the Bride' is [generally] intimately involved in the planning/dress/flowers/food/guest list, in a way Fathers just aren't, so it seems to me only right their role in the upbringing of their daughter SHOULD be properly recognised..

 

[Pranter]

It is traditional in the Jewish religion that the groom parents walk him to the chupah while the bride parents walk her (after the groom is already under it), in some streams within Judaism the mothers will walk the bride while the fathers walk the groom.
But even that is slowly dying as more Jews are become less religious.
Some couples have been entering together, some apart, some walk alone without the parents. It depends on the couple and the nature of the wedding.

Honestly, given that Harry asked her parents permission, which I personally find to be as outdated as obey and giving the bride away (no matter how you name it, it’s one man handing a woman to another man), and would be furious if any man I dated did such a thing. I found it even more odd considering what a huge feminist Meghan is, and well she’s not a child but a grown woman, it’s demeaning and disrespectful- in my personal opinion- to a grown up independent woman as Meghan is.

Isn't the point of being a feminist being able to decide these things for yourself WITHOUT censure and/or being told you can't do that because of X? Who are you to say what is or isn't demeaning and disrespectful to her?

Evidently she doesn't find what Harry did in any way a threat to her personal views. Ergo that should be good enough for the rest of us.


LaRae

 

[M. Payton]

I would like to think that Harry being raised in the royal family is doing what gentlemen do when they want to get married, I bet he is following the path of what is traditional and respectful to Meghan and her family. And in knowing how these 2 really are in tune with each other, I bet they have talked this over on now things are going to proceed in the future. In seeing the pictures of their engagement now, Meghan seems to enjoy the courtship of being wooed by Harry. Even in modern times it is a wonderful sense of comfort and joy in following family or country traditions which have survived through time. Harry is a gentleman now, not a teenager or club happy kid, he is grown and mature and knows just what he is doing and wants in life.....Meghan will have the pleasure of enjoying all that coming from him I am sure.

 

[jacqui24]

It is traditional in the Jewish religion that the groom parents walk him to the chupah while the bride parents walk her (after the groom is already under it), in some streams within Judaism the mothers will walk the bride while the fathers walk the groom.
But even that is slowly dying as more Jews are become less religious.
Some couples have been entering together, some apart, some walk alone without the parents. It depends on the couple and the nature of the wedding.

Honestly, given that Harry asked her parents permission, which I personally find to be as outdated as obey and giving the bride away (no matter how you name it, it’s one man handing a woman to another man), and would be furious if any man I dated did such a thing. I found it even more odd considering what a huge feminist Meghan is, and well she’s not a child but a grown woman, it’s demeaning and disrespectful- in my personal opinion- to a grown up independent woman as Meghan is.

Woah. How did we equate feminist to asking your parents’ permission to be offensive? Feminism is about having the ability to make your own choices, which she obviously did here, and not about silly things like that. It doesn’t mean the man can’t be a gentleman here.

 

[Denville]

well it does imply that Meghan is not an independent woman but her father's possession and that her father has to give consent to her marrirage and indeed to hand her over to her husband...

 

[Curbside]

I think asking "permission" is generally done after the couple has already made the decision to marry. My husband asked my dad "permission" after we'd already announced our engagement. I'm pretty sure my dad used the occasion to put the fear of dire retribution should my husband not do right by me.

 

[jacqui24]

well it does imply that Meghan is not an independent woman but her father's possession and that her father has to give consent to her marrirage and indeed to hand her over to her husband...

Actually, no it doesn't. I'm sure she still can make her own choice if, for some odd reason, her father wouldn't give permission. But it's a nice way for the couple to include her parents in this. I highly doubt Harry traded land or animals for her.

Actually, if I look at the announcement again, it says he asked for their blessing rather than their permission. Does that make it better? That Harry wanted their blessing rather than somehow insinuating Meghan is their property?

 

[evolvingdoors]

I believe the words “in my personal opinion” are written twice! In my post, hence that means it is MY personal opinion.

As to why it’s offensive, Denville provided a good answer.

Such customes have a deep rooted patriarcal reasons, they were (and in some places still are) a way for men to control women. We cry for lack of equality, but we continue to support customes which are by design meant to suppress women.

As I said, this is simply my personal opinion based on my own readings about the treatment of women through out history and in modern time.

So why doesn’t the woman also asks the groom parents permission?
As long as we’re calling it “asking permission” and not “announcing/sharing the engagement news” the gesture carries all the weight of its historical reasons.

And i’ll stop since I feel like we’re moving off topic.

 

[jacqui24]

I believe the words “in my personal opinion” are written twice! In my post, hence that means it is MY personal opinion.

As to why it’s offensive, Denville provided a good answer.

Such customes have a deep rooted patriarcal reasons, they were (and in some places still are) a way for men to control women. We cry for lack of equality, but we continue to support customes which are by design meant to suppress women.

As I said, this is simply my personal opinion based on my own readings about the treatment of women through out history and in modern time.

So why doesn’t the woman also asks the groom parents permission?
As long as we’re calling it “asking permission” and not “announcing/sharing the engagement news” the gesture carries all the weight of its historical reasons.

And i’ll stop since I feel like we’re moving off topic.

As mentioned in my previous post, going back to the engagement announcement, it says blessing rather than permission. And he did ask both of her parents, instead of just her dad. Do these facts make this better? Or is a guy about to propose wanting the blessing of his future in laws too much too?

 

[Osipi]

Traditions are a wonderful thing when it comes to a wedding but there are some traditions that are thankfully long done away with. Back in medieval times, it wasn't unusual for the Lord and Master of the area to claim "First Night" at a wedding of couples on his estate. After the wedding ceremony, it would be him that bedded the bride first. Now that is treating a bride as a possession.

I don't think its a strike against feminism at all to ask dad (and mom) for permission to marry their daughter. Its a courtesy and in a way, asking acceptance to become a member of their family. Harry, we know, asked his grandmother, as monarch, for permission to marry and I wouldn't be surprised if he consulted his father and brother when he was contemplating proposing marriage. Those family members that are close to the two people that are contemplating marriage would be in the loop and know how things stand long before anything "official" happens.

Although there are different options that could be taken. I would lay my bet of my last bowl of cranberry sauce that it will be Mr. Tom Markle escorting his daughter up the aisle in May.