Engagement of Prince Harry of Wales and Meghan Markle: November 27, 2017

[jacqui24]

Correct, from Meghan's perspective. Also, recall she had to be assured that Harry was kind, a nice man. Per usual, the woman is looking for something a bit more than just a pleasing exterior. I know these views may appear stereotypical, but I am saying them based on my experience (and I accept that others may see the scenario differently). Keep in mind that what someone finds 'beautiful' and attractive is very much individual. The beloved is beautiful in the eyes of the lover, regardless of what someone else may think. Harry was drawn to what he found compelling physically, Meghan to who Harry demonstrated he was as a man. JMO.

I’m not sure why the need to paint Harry as superficial here. But Harry himself said he asked for a bit of background when their mutual friend told him about setting up him with Meghan. So I’m not sure why we take Meghan’s word, but not Harry’s. Obviously he cares about the person as well as Meghan cared about how he is as a person. And yes, beauty is in the eye of beholder, but Meghan isn’t exactly Harry’s type in terms of looks department either if we go back to his previous girlfriends. And in the past, when asked about what kind of woman he is looking for, Harry had a pretty good idea about what type of person. And it wasn’t about looks either. It just happens that Meghan is above and beyond that.

 

[jacqui24]

I think in their private space they will do a lot to make her feel at home. I suspect they have compromised plenty in their relationship. Granted she has given up the most but I do think Harry has made sure that she never felt like he wasn't considerate of her sacrifices. I bet their home is heavily designed by her.

Yes, Harry is well aware of the sacrifices Meghan has had to make. In fact, he was asked about that in the engagement interview. He talked about having to have that serious conversation with her when he realized that he loved her and can see this going somewhere a couple months after they started dating.

 

[Lady Nimue]

I’m not sure why the need to paint Harry as superficial here. But Harry himself said he asked for a bit of background when their mutual friend told him about setting up him with Meghan. So I’m not sure why we take Meghan’s word, but not Harry’s. Obviously he cares about the person as well as Meghan cared about how he is as a person. And yes, beauty is in the eye of beholder, but Meghan isn’t exactly Harry’s type in terms of looks department either if we go back to his previous girlfriends. And in the past, when asked about what kind of woman he is looking for, Harry had a pretty good idea about what type of person. And it wasn’t about looks either. It just happens that Meghan is above and beyond that.

I'm not. I don't think being concerned with the physical aspect 'superficial'. I actually see Meghan as Harry's 'type'. She may not be blond (that's obvious) but as far as everything else goes, she pretty much fits the mold of the kind of woman Harry is attracted to. I think.

BTW in my view the physical tells reams about a person: whether they are well-groomed, clean, interested enough in being pleasing physically. No man would ever get past my filters if they were slovenly, as a dresser or in their personal up-keep. It tells me a lot about 'who' someone is. They don't have to dress in an expensive way, not at all, but I do look for the attention to presentation and good hygiene. Tells me a lot about whether they have the sensibilities I would be comfortable with in the long haul.

 

[Abbigail]

I agree. Harry makes it pretty clear in the engagement interview that he was first wowed by her beauty. That isn't to say he's superficial, just that the initial attraction made him that much more interested in getting to know her, which in turn likely led him to realize that she was "the one" for him.

 

[Countessmeout]

Honestly it would be a lie to say that physical attraction doesn't play a part. Its not superficial. For both men and women, it is often the starting point.

Now if it was the only thing that Harry liked about her, if he chose her for her looks, now that would be superficial. But hearing them speak in their engagement interview, it goes far deeper for both of them. It was what got him in the door for a first date, it was their shared passions which took them further. Neither were looking for arm candy.

 

[MARG]

I think Harry's eyes would have glazed over at meeting another "pretty but ultimately vapid, Sloan Ranger, and you can't tell me that Meghan had "been introduced" to enough vapid metrosexuals to have a fine filter before excepting such introductions.

Basically, an American divorcee and successful actress would not be on his "preferred" list any more than a Ginger British royal wearing a blue suit (hopefully not the one with the baggy bum) with the proverbial stuffed shirt, would have been on hers.

I think a very good friend who knew both of them well thought to him or herself, "hmm those two would make a dynamite couple!" Now, how do I finesse this and manage to convince them to come as a blind date without scaring them off?" Guilt probably works on good friends . . .

 

[Cocoasneeze]

I don't think wanting a partner, who looks physically attractive to you is in any way superficial. Harry himself used the term 'beautifully surprised' to describe seeing Meghan for the first time. But the physical attraction only carries so far, and the personalities have to match too, and in Harry's and Meghan's case, they do.

 

[M. Payton]

Even without opening our mouth, our very *physical* appearance is the very first thing a person see about us when being introduced to anybody........that is a given. How we dress, carry ourselves, behave in public when first being introduced to another, everything at first is all about looks, then what comes next is our attitudes, our interests, our lives, our families, our everything after that is the most important part of a relationship yet to get to that point we all of us have to be physically pleasing in some form for another person to be interested in us.

 

[Pranter]

My guess is the blind date routine had been done by both of them in the past so nothing new there. Based on what they have said they hit it off right from the start, talking for hours etc.

They are both very attractive people but meh so what. When you are in your mid-30's you've already met and probably dated a lot of very attractive people. It was the 'content' of them that won each other over.


LaRae

 

[Curbside]

Hmmm.....? Men fall in love in a different way from women. They do. From the story both tell, it is clear Harry fell at first sight, with emphasis on sight, and then the energy came into play (both being charismatic individuals in their own rights) and then the intellectual and emotional shared views. This could have all unfolded in one meeting, but (for me) it is clear that Meghan being physically 'beautiful' (and well tended) was key. It's what keeps him in the game, as well as the daring ('craziness' is his word) of the pairing.

We have to keep in mind that the 'balance of power' between the two is vastly on Harry's side (at this juncture). Meghan is giving up (quite literally) her entire life as she has constructed it and known it. She is a Leo and that needs to be respected (not denigrated), else she will go crazy. She's not a Pisces.

To balance out the inequality I have a hunch the Sussex household (or the Clarence household), will be very American, and Meghan will make her (and Harry's) house and home her place of refuge and comfort from the subtle alien nature (for her) of a different culture and powerful in-law family. I really hope they have children soon because that will be key for Meghan's groundedness in her new life. It will also help with the inevitable energy shift familiarity breeds in any marriage.

I think looks are just table stakes for most men seeking a mate. The shared goals and values are what keep couples together long term.

 

[Pranter]

I don't think the balance of power is really on Harry's side. It's very doubtful that Meghan would of taken the steps she did if she felt there would be an unequal balance in their relationship.

She's not penniless and it's not like she quit her job at Walmart and is now reliant on Harry for the basic needs. She's certainly not taking a back seat in anything from what we have seen. Beyond this, Harry wants her to be happy and he wanted a full partner. I think he got one.


LaRae

 

[Osipi]

Without having a very healthy set of pheromones, the instant attraction and "falling in lust" would never happen. Its the drawing power that leads to falling in love with a person. The "eyes meeting across a crowded room" is a prime example. The human body is a marvelous thing and does so much for us without us actually telling it to. Its like having built in radar to find the right person for us. Of course, its not fool proof but then again, falling in lust doesn't have much staying power without other things to back it up that turns lust into love.

Harry's set of pheromones were working overtime when he met Meghan and the rest is history and it led to falling in love and wanting to be partners through life together.

 

[ACO]

I don't think the balance of power is really on Harry's side. It's very doubtful that Meghan would of taken the steps she did if she felt there would be an unequal balance in their relationship.

She's not penniless and it's not like she quit her job at Walmart and is now reliant on Harry for the basic needs. She's certainly not taking a back seat in anything from what we have seen. Beyond this, Harry wants her to be happy and he wanted a full partner. I think he got one.


LaRae

I agree that she going into this with her eyes wide open and thought long and hard before she decided to make such a drastic change in her life. The power though is imbalanced. She is the one who gave up almost everything. What did Harry have to give up to be with Meghan? That is not his fault though. He knows the burden of being with him which is why when Meghan walked into his life he did everything he could possibly do to make sure she never walked out of it. She has his support 100% and in many ways he has shown how they are equals in the relationship despite everything surrounding them.

 

[jacqui24]

I'm not. I don't think being concerned with the physical aspect 'superficial'. I actually see Meghan as Harry's 'type'. She may not be blond (that's obvious) but as far as everything else goes, she pretty much fits the mold of the kind of woman Harry is attracted to. I think.

BTW in my view the physical tells reams about a person: whether they are well-groomed, clean, interested enough in being pleasing physically. No man would ever get past my filters if they were slovenly, as a dresser or in their personal up-keep. It tells me a lot about 'who' someone is. They don't have to dress in an expensive way, not at all, but I do look for the attention to presentation and good hygiene. Tells me a lot about whether they have the sensibilities I would be comfortable with in the long haul.

While I don't think having a physical attraction is superficial, you did try to paint looks as being a key part and how the woman doesn't just look at exterior using Meghan's view of asking if Harry is a kind person while saying it's different for men implying that exterior is much more important. Combine those two statement, it does seem awfully superficial. I'm just pointing out that Harry isn't as superficial as he also cared about how she is as a person by asking for background.

No one is saying he's not physically attracted to her or vice versa, we all have eyes. However, it's hardly what your first two posts on this topic suggests.

 

[Osipi]

The things that Meghan is giving up are exterior things. Place of residence, source of income, the knowing that its only herself she has to look out for and the plans made in that single life of how she wanted her life to go changed direction.

Harry and Meghan are going through the process of melding the "I"s into an "Us" and with doing that, they're working together to establish things the way that works best for both of them. Common interests and goals go a long way to establishing a partnership that works together towards these goals. Deep respect for each other ensures that neither one of them will lose their individuality. Love ensures that when one is struggling with something, they are not struggling alone with it.

Perhaps it seems like Meghan is "giving up" a whole lot of things to become Harry's life partner but maybe, just maybe she sees it all as not giving up anything but rather reconstructing her life to make it even bigger and better and even more fulfilling than what she has had up to date with the man she loves by her side. Its not about power at all or one giving up more than the other but its more about what they're building together for their future.

I like to express what they're doing by this simple statement. "but when the perfect comes, the partial passes away". This marriage union is creating the perfect union between these two people and the partials that were Harry and Meghan as single individuals becomes something even more perfect and more special than anything they've had as individuals.

This happens when a couple goes into marriage with their eyes wide open and know its what they want and need to do. I've not seen anything that disproves their intention at all yet.

 

[Lady Nimue]

While I don't think having a physical attraction is superficial, you did try to paint looks as being a key part and how the woman doesn't just look at exterior using Meghan's view of asking if Harry is a kind person while saying it's different for men implying that exterior is much more important. Combine those two statement, it does seem awfully superficial. I'm just pointing out that Harry isn't as superficial as he also cared about how she is as a person by asking for background.

No one is saying he's not physically attracted to her or vice versa, we all have eyes. However, it's hardly what your first two posts on this topic suggests.

We do not need to belabor the difference of opinion. You read right. I meant what I said. We differ in that I do not view how a man is stimulated as 'superficial'. From what you are saying I assume you do think so. I don't.

We even know from science studies that a lot of the physical triggers for a man regarding a woman have a lot to do with fertility. So.....yes, for a man the physical is important but I do not see it as 'superficial'. Any more than I see a woman wanting the man to be 'powerful' with 'markers' such as social status and economic prestige as 'superficial'.

Of course, in the end one wants the inner person to be in sync with us. Yes. Further, I think if one marries young enough one is less attuned to the necessity to be in sync regarding child rearing, among so much else. However, totally in sync is not necessarily the best aspect for growth and transformation (anyone see the current film 'Phantom Thread'? So good regarding relationship and change ).

 

[jacqui24]

We do not need to belabor the difference of opinion. You read right. I meant what I said. We differ in that I do not view how a man is stimulated as 'superficial'. From what you are saying I assume you do think so. I don't.

We even know from science studies that a lot of the physical triggers for a man regarding a woman have a lot to do with fertility. So.....yes, for a man the physical is important but I do not see it as 'superficial'. Any more than I see a woman wanting the man to be 'powerful' with 'markers' such as social status and economic prestige as 'superficial'.

And I'm merely pointing out Harry seems to be more interested in the person as he first asked for some background rather than what she looks like. He did talk about being beautifully surprised when he got there, so obviously, that's not what got him to agree to the date. Physical attraction is normal, but you seem to over emphasize its importance.

BTW, do neither of these people know how to google. How did he not google her?

 

[ACO]

Oh I am sure they did some google research but that is nothing like seeing the real thing up close and personal and hearing info 1st hand from a friend. But I am sure Harry was all over her Instagram account.

 

[Lady Nimue]

And I'm merely pointing out Harry seems to be more interested in the person as he first asked for some background rather than what she looks like. He did talk about being beautifully surprised when he got there, so obviously, that's not what got him to agree to the date. Physical attraction is normal, but you seem to over emphasize its importance.

BTW, do neither of these people know how to google. How did he not google her?

Now this is just me but I never believe the stories (British) royals tell regarding their love life. ? Recall the rumors that they actually met in May, and that Harry had seen her in suits? I am inclined to believe those were real factoids.

It makes sense that Meghan would then be 'confused' about the '6 months' timeline (works with meeting in May, not in July), plus her feeling like they have been dating for a longer time than Harry is stating. I have a hunch that Harry saw her in 'Suits' and asked around about her (total speculation). There just seems to have been far more regarding Meghan and some 'aggressive suitors' in June when she was in the UK and being interviewed by Larry King (I think it was). I think Meghan was seriously pursued and convinced by Harry. For whatever reason they concocted a story that was far less of Harry in hot pursuit than a mutual, glowing 'recognition', on a 'blind date' no less. Not believable. JMO.

Hey! That's their business. They can tell whatever story they want. In general I feel the press (and public) are far too intrusive. (It's why I will never watch any film purporting to tell the 'story' of Meghan and Harry meeting up). Though I have to say, I do believe the Danish CP couple's story.

 

[Pranter]

I don't think Harry lied about having never seen Suits or knowing who Meghan was. There's no reason for him to not tell the truth about it.


LaRae

 

[jacqui24]

I don't think Harry lied about having never seen Suits or knowing who Meghan was. There's no reason for him to not tell the truth about it.


LaRae

I agree. There is no reason for them to lie.

 

[MARG]

I would have to agree. I have to admit, all this dissecting of their love affair is starting to cross lines when Harry is accused of lying because it doesn't fit someone's understanding of what he said, what she said and what the media said. Harry and Meghan were there, we were not!

I don't want to know about pheromones, like almost every woman I've been there and done that. But, I didn't fall in love. That first look across a room, that moment when your heart rules your head, that only lasts until you actually meet the person. She could have been vanity personified, he could have been entitled be beyond belief.

But, in this case, it was Magic And that's about as technical, biological and chemical as I want to get.

 

[Osipi]

its easy to fall in lust. Love takes work. That work is the magic formula that binds the couple together.

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Please it was a blind date, thinking she was pretty is what made him sit down; it didn't necessarily make him love her.

 

[MARG]

A relationship, an engagement and a marriage take hard work. If the work undertaken by Harry and Meghan to get to this point is anything to go by, this couple is going into marriage with the right mindset. But let's not strip the love, the romance from this couple. They deserve their shot like everyone else.

 

[Pranter]

My guess is he's been on several set-up/blind dates arranged by trusted friends....he probably wasn't expecting anything..just go on this date have a nice chat then go on with life..the way almost all the other blind dates ended.

Sounds like both of them were rather caught off guard at the first.


LaRae

 

[Osipi]

I have to admit though that Harry and Meghan's story has all the elements of a classic romance story. The instant attraction, the conspiring together to keep their budding romance a secret, the willingness and the effort put into maintaining a transatlantic relationship, the knight in shining armor (well OK... an overly used blue suit if you want to be technical) rushing to defend and protect his fair damsel and most of all the happiness that oozes from the faces of these two people when we did get glimpses of them together. It is all there. It started strong, it is still going strong and my crystal ball thinks its a perfect recipe for a happily ever after. That crystal ball though went into overdrive and pliffffffed out again and back in the shop it goes. Drats.

How can this couple lose when they're so sincere about it all?

 

[Curbside]

I agree. There is no reason for them to lie.

I think he might "fib" because it is slightly unseemly/stalkerish to see some chick on TV and start asking around about her based on what she looks like. Not to mention the fact that it's the kind of detail I think most people would want to keep private. I would guess they looked each other up after the idea of meeting up was floated to each of them separately.

I think she may have been at the tail end of a relationship with a chef in Toronto, and she/they may not want to raise the specter of fooling around on one's bf, and that may be why their timelines didn't exactly match up.

 

[Erin9]

I don't think Harry lied about having never seen Suits or knowing who Meghan was. There's no reason for him to not tell the truth about it.


LaRae

Agreed. There is no reason to lie.

Honestly- I would have been surprised if he’d seen Suits or knew who Meghan was prior to meeting her. Suits is a successful cable show that is streamable (which is how I started watching), but it is not an enormous hit or a show that had tons of buzz. (It’s not game of thrones iow.) Plus, it’s an American show. Of course- he could watch American shows just as I watch British ones, but still, it’s another step removed. And while Meghan was a successful working actress, she wasn’t a big name star. She wouldn’t have been comparable to Grace Kelly in terms of fame.

 

[Gawin]

The things that Meghan is giving up are exterior things. Place of residence, source of income, the knowing that its only herself she has to look out for and the plans made in that single life of how she wanted her life to go changed direction.

She's not simply giving up her place of residence - she's moving to another country! No matter how happy she is with Harry there undoubtedly will be times when she feels very homesick and misses the family and friends she left behind. And she's also giving up her "voice." Yes, she'll be able to dedicate herself to causes she supports but royal protocol will demand that she remain silent on political issues she feels strongly about. For example, in in the past she's publicly voiced her dislike of Donald Trump but in the future she will be required to remain silent and even chat politely to him if they ever meet. That will be a big adjustment for her. And she's also a vocal advocate of gender equity. How will she feel if Harry is given a ducal title but with the usual stipulation - sons can inherit the title but not daughters? I suspect Meghan will very quickly learn the art of smiling while biting one's tongue.

Harry, on the other hand, will remain in the country of his birth, surrounded by his friends and family, and continue doing what he's always done, except now he will have also Meghan's help.

As you state "maybe she sees it all as not giving up anything but rather reconstructing her life to make it even bigger and better and even more fulfilling" and I think she and Harry will make a wonderful team, but the fact remains that Meghan is the one who will make the biggest adjustments.