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  #901  
Old 12-23-2017, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
I'm sure ALL couples getting married feel that they "know what they are doigng." it doesn't stop there being a high divorce rate...
Uh, thatís not true.

I have friends who married because they feel in love, but it was obvious from the beginning that they just didnít know who they are and what they want out of life. You canít really tell if they have mutual long term goals of things in common from that standpoint. That, to me, is a big red sign.

Iíve had relationships when I was younger that I knew we had different thinking about what we want to do with life. I always knew that these relationship wouldnít last, but you feel what you feel at the time. Just have to wait it out.

However, what Iím seeing with those two is there is a mutual commitment and goal to the same things in life goals. Thatís a big key to success they seem to have understood.

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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
of course they are in holiday mode. They've met up, privately, with H I suppose mostly meeting her abroad or flyng to the American continent to spend a few days iwht her. Tha'ts not normal married life.
And Harry has a good deal of leisure so he problaby doesn't have a very clear idea of "normal working life" and holiday time.. He is able to take a good deal of time off, and generally isn't tied ot a lot of duties.
I am sure the queen has considered all this but she has made mistakes before, in thinking that Sarah York was sutiable as a royal wife, or that Diana and Charles would work out.
Oh goodness, letís try not to compare Sarah of York to Meghan. Sarah was highly immature and not quite that intelligent either. Far cry from who Meghan Markle is. And Andrew has his own issues. I feel like that couple fell apart because of immaturity combined with time apart and financial problems. As for Diana and Charles, the Queen certainly has different criteria then for Charlesí bride. Completely different situation.

From what I gathered based on what we found out from the couple. It almost seem like Meghan was living in U.K. while going over to Toronto for work for the last year of their relationship. While Meghan has a busy schedule, she does get chucks of time off. Sheís off from November all the way until late March/early April and she has most of August off. From what we know, sheís spent most of that time with Harry in U.K.. What did we think they were doing during this time other than living together and Meghan see Harry off to work and mesh into their everyday life? He certainly didnít take all of that time off.
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  #902  
Old 12-23-2017, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
The high divorce rate, I believe, is not due to the couple not knowing what they were doing going into the marriage but the assumption that because they were married, everything falls into place.

Life is difficult and so is marriage.
Absolutely!
Despite all evidence to the contrary, some people still seem to expect to find their soulmate and live happily ever after.

They never seem to get that there's no happily, there's just after. And sometimes it is happy and sometimes not so much.
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  #903  
Old 12-23-2017, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
Of course it is Holiday...They are spending a few days together in private possibly visitng family and friends, on and off.
Its not getting up every day, going to one's job.. being at home together at times.. which is normal life even for royals.
Meghan hasn't lived in th UK, she's just visited.
Kate and William have had a fairly normal life together for some time before their marriage, living together, going out to dinner etc. K wasn't doing royal engagements, but she and Will spent a lot of time together before they got engaged. he spent a lot of time with her family...
Meghan and Harry have had "fun time" on short visits.
Of course no one can say what will make a good marriage, and of course at times it comes down to "sticking it out" and working through the bad times. but that's not easy. Hopefully they are mature enguh to know this by now, but I don't think that they have septn a lot of time together (if they have tehn they're not working as hard as one would think), and they haven't gotten to know each other in a normal life (for royals) context. It would be the same if he weren't a prince..
Long distance is not easy and honestly usually falls apart pretty quickly when you start spending more time together. I wouldn't call it a holiday by any means especially with them dealing what they had to deal with. Also they did have significant time together. She was with him for months when the show was on hiatus at the start of the year. That is when the speculation of engagement went into overdrive because they realized she was going to sticking around the UK for weeks. They got to experience that "home life" for a while.

IMO, Meghan has been married before. She also had another 2 year relationship before Harry. Harry had his long term relationships too. They not new to this. They are in their 30s and full aware of what is going on. Meghan had to give up everything. I don't think she is just jumping into this blindly. And based on their joint interview I get the impression Harry had to do a lot of convincing that they were worth it despite the outside bagged that comes along with it.

Time will tell how it all shakes out. Marriage is hard work. I am wishing them the best of luck.

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Originally Posted by Cocoasneeze View Post
Long dating before marriage doesn't guarantee successful marriage though. Marriage is hard work, there has to be a lot of love, like, respect and hard work to make it work. Meghan and Harry actually worked hard to make this beginning 18 months work, I think they're dedicated to continue that hard work once married. Also, Imo, the love, like and respect are there too.
Exactly. The timetable really doesn't matter. You see all kinds of examples. People who knew each other for a month who are on year 30. People who were together 10 years before marriage and divorced within one and everything in between. Everyone is different. It is about putting in the work and knowing what you both need and having that support. Their situation is extremely unique as their marriage is also their job and is heavily scrutinized. That is another reason I don't think they just leaping into this with blinders on.
  #904  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by royal rob View Post
Previous ..Denville my worry is very much like you. The excitement of sneaking around from the press every couple of weeks meeting up has been fun and very very exciting. Will it be as good when all the boring times hit.? I love Harry and really hope this all works out and they last the distance. I trend to be a worrier and Iím worried about him.
I'm right there with you. I like Meghan and I am rooting for them and I am also a worrier. Anytime anyone brings up legitimate concerns especially about something logical like the amount of time a couple has known each other we get the same " I have a friend who knew a friend who knew someone who got married after 2 weeks" stories. I for one am not predicting or wishing for doom and gloom for this couple; I'm just acknowledging some concerns. I for one think you shouldn't get married when your in love; you should let the love high pass and then discover if you like, respect, and value the other person. To me H&M are still in the happy honeymoon phase; but I still love them together.
  #905  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Pranter View Post
Unrealistic expectations for some folks. Marriage is dirty hard work at times.



LaRae
Why are the divorce rate, the child pregnacies and the single mums in the UK topping all statistics in Europe? Not necessarily connected with that (or is it?) are also the highest statistics in obesity, alcohol drinking and drugs related deaths. And that while -in foreign eyes- the UK is such a traditional society, with ye oldfashioned norms and values, Queen and Country, Sense and Sensibility, etc.

I hope that the second marriage of Meghan will last longer than her first one.
  #906  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:47 PM
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I understand people have concerns. I had concerns about Kate. I was wrong. I think itís just a little unnecessary to spend the next few months wracked with anxiety about 5 or 10 years time. Nobody knows what will happen. And if, worst case scenario, it doesnít work out? Well then theyíll get through it and so will the British people. For now however, we have to trust that itís the right thing. Iím approaching this in the same way I approached Kate. If sheís good enough for the Queen, sheís good enough for everybody else.
  #907  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XeniaCasaraghi View Post
I'm right there with you. I like Meghan and I am rooting for them and I am also a worrier. Anytime anyone brings up legitimate concerns especially about something logical like the amount of time a couple has known each other we get the same " I have a friend who knew a friend who knew someone who got married after 2 weeks" stories. I for one am not predicting or wishing for doom and gloom for this couple; I'm just acknowledging some concerns. I for one think you shouldn't get married when your in love; you should let the love high pass and then discover if you like, respect, and value the other person. To me H&M are still in the happy honeymoon phase; but I still love them together.
And when people say their concerns are over the length of time Harry and Meghan have known each other, others counter it by pointing out their ages, life experiences, apparent commitment to their relationship and by providing stories of personal experiences- not friend of a friend of someone's stories. Some of us obviously view this from a different perspective or life experience.
BTW, on occasion even after over 30 years, I feel the love high for my husband.
  #908  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XeniaCasaraghi View Post
I'm right there with you. I like Meghan and I am rooting for them and I am also a worrier. Anytime anyone brings up legitimate concerns especially about something logical like the amount of time a couple has known each other we get the same " I have a friend who knew a friend who knew someone who got married after 2 weeks" stories. I for one am not predicting or wishing for doom and gloom for this couple; I'm just acknowledging some concerns. I for one think you shouldn't get married when your in love; you should let the love high pass and then discover if you like, respect, and value the other person. To me H&M are still in the happy honeymoon phase; but I still love them together.
Of course they are still in the "happy honeymoon" phase. If they have really been spending so much time "living together" as people are now saying, all I can say is that they are not as busy with work as has been made out.
I think that while of course there are relationship that go wrong, even after years and relationships that work even when the couple haven't seent much time together, on average, its a better idea ot have spent time with your loved one, if possible to live together.. I don't believe that they have really spent all that much time together.
That said, Its up to tehm. I dont dislike Harry and I hope he will be happy but it is uip to them. I think that the hard wrok comes after marriage..
  #909  
Old 12-23-2017, 12:58 PM
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I really don't get why some consider living together prior to marriage an important aspect to a successful marriage. Shared philosophies and goals seem much more important to me. And a few shared interests, to enjoy together.
Harry & Meghan seem to have that.
  #910  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:00 PM
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Itís interesting to see how much things have changed. When they said that they had been living together, my grandmother was appalled! People are at such polar opposites these days that theyíll never please everyone all of the time. Theyíre damned if they do and damned if they donít. But such is the life of a Royal today.
  #911  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by O-H Anglophile View Post
I really don't get why some consider living together prior to marriage an important aspect to a successful marriage. Shared philosophies and goals seem much more important to me. And a few shared interests, to enjoy together.
Add to that the strength and the fortitude to get through those "I love you dearly but I really don't like you too much right now" times. They happen in every marriage. They're the true test of a couple's mettle.

Show me a couple that never have had a disagreement or troubled times and I'll show you a couple that is divorced.
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  #912  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by O-H Anglophile View Post
And when people say their concerns are over the length of time Harry and Meghan have known each other, others counter it by pointing out their ages, life experiences, apparent commitment to their relationship and by providing stories of personal experiences- not friend of a friend of someone's stories. Some of us obviously view this from a different perspective or life experience.
BTW, on occasion even after over 30 years, I feel the love high for my husband.
And I can counter that with saying I knew 3 couples who knew each other for short periods of time and didn't spend a lot of time together; 2 of those couples thought they were deeply in love and all ended in messy divorces. 1 were Harry's parents 2 were his aunt and uncle. I'm not saying this will happen to H&M, just wanting people to stop brushing off concerns about the length of time by just using personal experiences. AGAIN!!!!! I love these 2 together! Not only because I like Harry and think Meghan is a doll but because she is pissing off so many old stuffy disgusting close minded journalists.

PS Hey UK you guys are obese too? Awesome, shout out from the fat USofA

PPS Denville you're right the hard work comes after marriage.
  #913  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by XeniaCasaraghi

PS Hey UK you guys are obese too? Awesome, shout out from the fat USofA

LOL! And destined to get even bigger once we get our American trade deal. Meghan wonít struggle to find familiar items here in a year or so. Though she doesnít strike me as the type who would eat Twinkies. (My favourite US import. Thanks yaíll!)
  #914  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
Add to that the strength and the fortitude to get through those "I love you dearly but I really don't like you too much right now" times. They happen in every marriage. They're the true test of a couple's mettle.

Show me a couple that never have had a disagreement or troubled times and I'll show you a couple that is divorced.
All couples have disagreements, arguments and possibly even fights. That is also what keeps a relationship healthy too. Never having any disagreements doesn't sound real to me and having them isn't anything to be ashamed of.
Harry and Meghan will also have them (and who knows, maybe they have already had them).

Cupid shoots arrows, but life can shoot thorns. Big bloody thorns.
  #915  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:14 PM
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Reality is Meghan could live with Harry for ten years and she would never get a sense of her future until they married. Plain and simple. She will never know what it is to be a royal duchess until she is a royal duchess. She would not be allowed to accompany him to events, or even family holidays, before engaged. She would not have had the routine, press, or anything.

Honestly her moving to London before engagement may have broken their relationship. Meghan is not some fresh out of college school girl who is okay with making her man top priority, and not having a career. She has been working since she was in high school. She had a developed career that she worked long and hard to create. She had charity work which she was passionate about being involved in. If she came to London to live, and gave that all up, to 'play house' and see how things were, how long would she be happy? Yes she is giving it up now, but she is giving it up for something. Being a royal is a career. She is not retiring to be a stay at home mother, she is changing jobs. If she was stuck in Notts cottage most of the time due to security, Harry was traveling all over and she couldn't go, and she had to give up all that defined her life, I am not sure it would last.

Making a long distance relationship work is harder then living with someone. Being able to continue and deepen a relationship when you are only over the phone, skype and the rare visit is not the same as being close every day. They have proven they have the skills, and desire, to make things work.

They also both have been in serious relationships before. They both have seen what makes things work and not work. They also have a better idea of what they want from a partner, then they had when younger.

Marriage is about putting in the work. About loving your partner even when you might not like them so much. Harry and Meghan are adults enough to know this and will make it work.
  #916  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
Add to that the strength and the fortitude to get through those "I love you dearly but I really don't like you too much right now" times. They happen in every marriage. They're the true test of a couple's mettle.

Show me a couple that never have had a disagreement or troubled times and I'll show you a couple that is divorced.
Very true-you have to persevere through the bad times and not abandon ship just because the waters have gotten a bit rough.

Sometimes one half abandons the relationship, but it seems some divorces are because people are selfish or didn't realize marriage is not always perfect.
  #917  
Old 12-23-2017, 01:16 PM
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Let's keep this on Harry and Meghan, please.
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  #918  
Old 12-23-2017, 02:19 PM
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Itís interesting to see how much things have changed. When they said that they had been living together, my grandmother was appalled! People are at such polar opposites these days that theyíll never please everyone all of the time. Theyíre damned if they do and damned if they donít. But such is the life of a Royal today.
That is kind of amusing. It is fascinating though. Their interview eased a lot of my concerns. The fact they basically been living together their entire relationship, where for a good 6 months was in secret, told me a lot about how much they wanted it to work. Marriage is not easy but they clearly put a lot of thought and hard work into it their relationship so far, so I can't imagine they will suddenly stop now.

I also agree up-thread with the person who said that had Meghan just gave everything up without the ring and no real guarantee and was fiddling about Nott Cott doing nothing as Harry worked... they likely wouldn't be getting married. I think they work because they both respected each other's work obligations and Meghan literally just transitioned from one career to another.
  #919  
Old 12-23-2017, 02:24 PM
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Reality is Meghan could live with Harry for ten years and she would never get a sense of her future until they married. Plain and simple. She will never know what it is to be a royal duchess until she is a royal duchess. She would not be allowed to accompany him to events, or even family holidays, before engaged. She would not have had the routine, press, or anything.
Thank you for pointing this out Countessmeout. I've read over and over about a person who married into a royal family "should know" exactly what they're required to do as a royal because they dated someone for ______ length of time or because their families have been associated with ruling families for years. AFAIK most royal house do not begin their "royal education" programs until the engagement has been announced. Also they are aware that engagements can be ended ie:Sweden's Madeleine and Jonas so they're not as heavily invested until after the weddings IMO.
  #920  
Old 12-23-2017, 03:07 PM
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In the engagement photograph I like how Meghan's hand is placed directly over Harry's hand. Their eyes express their jubilancy very beautifully.
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