The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and Family, News and Events 1: September-December 2020

[ACO]

I think this coverage summed up my feeling.

https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1331572090281967616?s=21

[Zaira]

What a stunningly heartbreaking but beautifully composed piece. My heart is with Harry, Meghan and Archie.

I am so proud of Meghan for speaking out.

And as usual, I am aghast at the reaction, including in this thread. What a triggering thread to read for some people who have experienced pregnancy loss. Wanting a private life doesn't mean you don't share parts of your life and story.

And yes, even in the "western world" there is STILL a lot of stigma around pregnancy loss, especially for women of color. And I am speaking from experience with this.

A good piece from Royal Central:
https://royalcentral.co.uk/uk/sussex...ociety-152917/

[DuchessMia]

I should not be surprised by the attitudes in this thread and yet, I am. My deepest sympathies to Harry and Meghan.

[Heavs]

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not. The piece itself was moving.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son. And yes I realise there's a difference between others talking about your pain and sharing your own pain, I've lived that myself.

[Zaira]

Originally Posted by Heavs

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son.

Drawing a line in the sand means that you don't want the press to share personal things, like say a miscarriage, without your permission. That doesn't mean you can't share your own story in the manner that feels right or best for you.

And I find her framing, contexting her loss in a year of unimaginable loss, in a world feeling deeply torn apart, is important and eloquent. For those of us familiar with a reproductive justice framing, it is clear she leaning into that framework which is to see how reproductive is tied to every other aspect of life and society. It is a critical framework, originated and led by Black women. While her story anchors, Meghan uses it as a way to connect to others and draw linkages.

It seems it's resonating deeply, as a result, with many.

But, I know how this thread is going to keep going so I am going to bow out.

[Alison H]

I could do without the flowery language, but I do think it's important for people to speak out about issues like this.


For example, until 15 years ago, it was rare for people to speak out about coping with cancer - it was sometimes still referred to as "the C word". It was really Kylie Minogue who changed that.


Every time a TV soap opera covers a difficult issue, calls to helplines go up, and, if it's a medical issue, the number of people going for testing/screening goes up - and that's with fictional people.


It really does make a difference when someone speaks out, and lets people know that it's not just them and that there's no need to suffer in silence.


Yes, it's an intimate topic, but so are Zara's miscarriages, Beatrice's dyslexia, Eugenie's scoliosis, Victoria of Sweden's eating disorders, and William and Harry's mental health problems, and many people have been helped by all of them speaking out.

[acdc1]

Miscarriage is one of the most tragic things a person can experience, and her words were beautifully said and heartbreaking to read. One of my best friends had a miscarriage earlier this year and we grieved for her and her loss together. While I know she’ll get criticized for bringing in the South Africa interview and George Floyd and Breonna Taylor into it, I can only look at this piece with compassion and love.

[Mirabel]

The loss of a child is the worst thing I can imagine.
I feel very sorry for the Sussexes, and hope they are helping one another to cope.

[amaryllus]

Some people here don’t seem to understand you can feel compassion and empathy for a person after a personal tragedy but throughly not like how they respond To it. That her response was to get her experience published and Lifetime movie script plus throwing in hot button talking points is telling Classic Meghan.

[Curryong]

I am so sorry for both Meghan and for Harry in their loss. The male partners are often forgotten when a miscarriage ocurs and it is devastating for both parents. I hope they will still have another child, and have a feeling they will.

[acdc1]

Originally Posted by Curryong

I am so sorry for both Meghan and for Harry in their loss. The male partners are often forgotten when a miscarriage ocurs and it is devastating for both parents. I hope they will still have another child, and have a feeling they will.

This was one of my favorite parts about the piece. While the woman of course is the one experiencing the physical pain, no one mentions the emotional pain that both the woman and her partner are feeling. The partner is often forgotten in all of this. I mentioned above that one of my best friends had a miscarriage earlier this year. Her partner was absolutely devastated, and while it wasn’t super public knowledge (they hadn’t told many people that she was pregnant or that she had a miscarriage), no one asked about how he was doing. In fact, I don’t think that I did, either, which is now a massive regret of mine.

[Purrs]

Originally Posted by Denville

Where is there a stigma about it??

I'm usually a lurker but I had to reply to this...

I think that there is a stigma about miscarriage/stillbirth in most of the English speaking world. Not only because of it involves "reproductive issues" but also because it involves loss and grief which our culture handles very poorly. People in our culture are often very uncomfortable with grief and talking about loss and the resulting grief makes people uncomfortable. There is a silent expectation that you are expected not to talk about it - "stiff upper lip". (This stigma is gradually diminishing). People do differ in how they cope with grief, it's very individual and not everyone will wish to talk about it. However, even if the pregnancy has not been publicly shared, some people will still wish to tell others about a miscarriage/stillbirth because of the emotional impact. Others will not. Both approaches should be respected.

I personally have never had a miscarriage but I've been close to people who have. However, I have lost a child (5 years ago). The grief you experience makes some people actively avoid you. Sometimes other people will be so uncomfortable that they say hurtful things because their discomfort without thinking about how it will hurt you. In the case of loss of a child, some people will become visibly uncomfortable when you even mention your late child's name in passing. Both types of grief are so isolating in our culture.

Although the 2 losses (miscarriage/stillbirth and loss of a child) are not the same, they share many similarities including this stigma. The bereaved support group I attended after my son's death, also offers support groups for families who've experienced miscarriage/stillbirth as well as for losses of other family members than children.

Although I've questioned some things Meghan and Harry have said or done, I have no issue with this article and I view it positively as a way of lessening stigma and the isolation these couples feel as well as coping. I've written about my son's death although I haven't had it published (don't know where it could be published) but I've shared it. I've read books /articles about other people who've lost a child and it does help. I've also been quite public about the cause of my son's death (SUDEP - Sudden Unexpected Death in EPilepsy) & have done some things to raise awareness. None of the things were for attention.

[acdc1]

Originally Posted by Heavs

I feel tremendously sorry for their loss, I have family members who have suffered this extremely traumatic, personal pain. I hope they get through it as a family. And I don't think there is any one way to go about speaking out or not. The piece itself was moving.

That said I don't think it's entirely out of bounds to point out that they themselves drew this huge line in the sand about their personal lives, especially around everything to do with their son. And yes I realise there's a difference between others talking about your pain and sharing your own pain, I've lived that myself.

While most people here will no I am no fan of H&M, I do have to say that they aren’t opposed to sharing things from their private lives at their own discretion and prompting. For instance, the pictures of Archie at Windsor rather than on the hospital steps. This falls into that category I think. This is something that Meghan wrote and that the couple chose to share, rather than say if she had been snapped by paps coming out of the hospital and they were forced to give a statement as to why they were there.

[Somebody]

Originally Posted by ACO

No, Meghan had the miscarriage in July on this year.

The sudden privacy of the delay of the trial had me suspecting something of this nature. Not the miscarriage but that Meghan is newly pregnant, again, and with her now medical history they are being very careful.

My heartbreaks for them.

Same here. I also wouldn't be surprised if she is currently pregnant again (truly hoping all will be well this time if true) and with this history, a delay is fully understandable.

And glad that Harry is also included in experiencing the pain of what they are going through. I've always wondered why the focus in these issues (whether infertility, miscarriage or a child dying at/prior to birth) is always on the women, while the men suffer as well.

[QueenMathilde]

I read this today on Smart News too. Did miss something? Is this new news or did we always know Meghan had suffered a miscarriage?

[Somebody]

Originally Posted by Zaira

A good piece from Royal Central:
https://royalcentral.co.uk/uk/sussex...ociety-152917/

I don't agree with this sentence at all "There can be no reason for the stark contrast in reaction to two different women suffering miscarriages other than racism." There are many other reasons why people respond differently to Meghan than Zara other than their race.

While I would hope each and everyone first and foremost sympathizes with the couple, their previous behavior is the most likely factor imho of why some might question their motives in revealing this in this way.

Originally Posted by QueenMathilde

I read this today on Smart News too. Did miss something? Is this new news or did we always know Meghan had suffered a miscarriage?

Meghan wrote an opinion piece to the New York Times that was published today in which she revealed her miscarriage.

[acdc1]

The only thing I have to say that may be considered “critical,” and it’s not about the piece itself (I thought it was beautifully written and her pain- and Harry’s- was very apparent): it’s time for them to drop the titles. They aren’t working royals anymore and so as private citizens are free to say and do what they do please. Bringing George Floyd and Breonna Taylor into the piece really tied in well with her message, but it was an overtly political statement. The BRF do not take political stances, and I don’t think it was appropriate to do so using the “Duchess of Sussex” title. I think in instances like this is the perfect time to go by Meghan Markle, Meghan M-W, Meghan Sussex, etc. same for Harry.

[Moonmaiden23]

Originally Posted by Countessmeout

It seems Meghan suffered a miscarriage.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/o...GrnvXYcmKspz04

Very sad and moving article, beautifully written. I hope the DoS is feeling better and that she and Harry can have another child if they want one....

[Fem]

Originally Posted by Denville

Why is there stuff about the SA interview? where is this information? DID she write a letter to the N Y Times?

It's just a short written thing - I wouldn't call it an article, I think a letter sounds about right in this case. You can find it here:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/o...scarriage.html

Throughout the whole thing there's this theme with "Are you OK?" question, so she talks quite a lot (for such a short text) about the SA interview, how her "off-the-cuff reply" seemed to resonate with so many people. It's a shame that it was in such a negative way. So she's using the "Are you OK?" question a few times, writes how it helps people and is a start of the healing process, [...]

It isn't just about a miscarriage though, there's a short sentence about Breonna Taylor, the protests in USA, covid, everything. I think the only thing she didn't mention were US elections. As I said, word salad. A poetic, very well written, but still a word salad.

[SLV]

Such sad news, to read that they had a miscarriage.
I wish them strength.