Death & Funeral of Ari Behn: December 25, 2019/January 3, 2020

[Zaira]

This is very sad news. My heart is with the NRF and especially his daughters on this day.

What a horrific thing to happen today of all days.

I'm seeing some truly troubling and stigmatizing messages about suicide on this thread. I do not want to assume anyone's story but I do want to ask for caution in our words. Suicide can bring out a lot of understandable anger, but its important to remember its often the result of significant mental illness and/or pain. Compassion should be in order for Ari IMO.

 

[wartenberg7]

Better read Osipi's other messages first before you make statements about things that you don't know anything about - such as Osipi's life story [which, obviously, I don't know either but read the other messages].

I understand it might hit hard and/or close to home to many but don't assume others don't know what they are talking about just because they have a different point of view.

I´ve read them (how would you know what I´ve read and what not?!?), so don´t you teach me! It is a very cruel and haertless thing to say towards the one deceased and, even more so, towards those left behind who loved the person! (..) Committing suicide has nothing, really NOTHING to do with being a coward, it is nothing but terrible agony. This is truely beyond me!

 

[Hans-Rickard]

Like all of you i am shocked and terribly heartbroken for Maud, Leah and Emma who now both have lost their dad and lost happiness over christmas forever

Depression is as many of you already have pointed out a terrible illness that urgently needs more respect and understanding - not blaming of the affected. I know that very well as i have a suicide attempt behind me and still suffers (but not to the point of any suicide thoughts anymore).

We know that Ari suffered from severe anxiety since the divorce (something he wrote about in the book ”inferno”) and was even treated at hospital for it. But sometimes not even the best possible care in the world can prevent suicide ! Such grave consequences have mental illness. It is equally serious as incurable cancer.

My thoughts and prayers goes out to Maud, Leah, Emma, Märtha Louise and Ari’s parents and siblings in their very difficult time. I pray that God will comfort them and help them the through the rough days they have ahead of them, and that they will get the therapy they need to be able to live with this tragedy.

 

[Muhler]

This is very sad news. My heart is with the NRF and especially his daughters on this day.

What a horrific thing to happen today of all days.

I'm seeing some truly troubling and stigmatizing messages about suicide on this thread. I do not want to assume anyone's story but I do want to ask for caution in our words. Suicide can bring out a lot of understandable anger, but its important to remember its often the result of significant mental illness and/or pain. Compassion should be in order for Ari IMO.

Wise words!
It's a good idea to take a deep breath and step back, rather than escalating a pointless argument.

I haven't had time to follow the news in detail. Do we know when he died, or is presumed to have died?
Hopefully not yesterday.

I expect other royal houses will express they sympathy shortly, especially the DRF, SRF and BRF as they seem to be closest to the NRF.
I wonder when they were informed. Even though it's not my impression any of these royal families are particularly close to Märtha Louise, I'm sure they know her and as such also Ari Behn.

ADDED:
Just found out. He died on the 25th.

 

[tommy100]

Everyone has their own personal experiences with suicide, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we have to be respectful to that. It doesn't mean what any one of us thinks about suicide is "right or wrong".

I'm sure we can all agree that this is a terrible tragedy for his daughters, family, his former wife and in-laws. I hope they are given the time and space to focus on helping the girls understand and deal with this the best they can, even though they will never get over it as such.

 

[Hans-Rickard]

Wise words!
It's a good idea to take a deep breath and step back, rather than escalating a pointless argument.

I haven't had time to follow the news in detail. Do we know when he died, or is presumed to have died?
Hopefully not yesterday.

I expect other royal houses will express they sympathy shortly, especially the DRF, SRF and BRF as they seem to be closest to the NRF.
I wonder when they were informed. Even though it's not my impression any of these royal families are particularly close to Märtha Louise, I'm sure they know her and as such also Ari Behn.

ADDED:
Just found out. He died on the 25th.

The Swedish King, Queen, Crown Princess and Prince Daniel have given a statement in Expressen.se But i don’t know where to find it in english....

Märtha and Ari was very close to Victoria and Daniel and they met a lot incognito for friendly family visits and holidays. Something Ari even spoke about on television here in Sweden.

 

[Osipi]

Is OK with me if people deem my statements to be cruel and uncaring. Everyone has a different point of view when it comes to something as drastic as suicide and the heart wrenching depression or other underlying reasons (such as alcohol or drug addiction) that sometimes leads to suicide seeming to be the only way to deal with it.

I was fortunate to work hotlines for a while in my life and one of the points that we were instructed, at the time, was to calmly talk to the person and ask them to consider those that they'd be leaving behind and the effects and heart break that their death may cause them and then, if possible, steer them in the direction of where help would be available 24/7. The most important factor was to be caring.

When a person is considering suicide as an answer, their focus is primarily on themselves and how bad things are for them and it helps to remind them that there *are* other people out there that care and would happily be supportive if they could. Rock bottom is the loneliness place on Earth and a dark and empty void.

I sincerely wish that Ari had reached out to somebody. Anybody.

 

[MJudith]

Very sad for the poor girls and the rest of the family.

If depression or any other kind of mental illness is what led him to suicide, it is indeed extremely sad and totally out of his control.

 

[tommy100]

The Swedish King, Queen, Crown Princess and Prince Daniel have given a statement in Expressen.se But i don’t know where to find it in english....

Märtha and Ari was very close to Victoria and Daniel and they met a lot incognito for friendly family visits and holidays. Something Ari even spoke about on television here in Sweden.

Here is a translated version of the Expressen article with the Swedish RF comments (its not perfect sorry!)

Ari Behn is mourned by the Swedish royal house
Ari Behn is also mourned in the Swedish royal house. In a statement, the king says:

- We have received the message of Ari Behn's tragic passing. For many years we knew him as part of the Norwegian royal family, who are close to us. Our thoughts go to his nearest.

Crown Princess Victoria and Prince Daniel have also spoken of his death.

- It is with great sadness that we received the message of Ari Behn's departure. We will remember Ari as the warm, cordial and spiritual man he was. It was a privilege to get to know Ari. Our thoughts go to his daughters and family, says the Crown Princess couple.

https://www.expressen.se/nyheter/victorias-och-daniels-sorg-en-forman/

 

[rominet09]

In shock… how sad, losing one's father is hard Under any circumstances but by one's father own will must be horrible, awfull for his children. So sad to understand he was so desperate as to do that….

 

[leidi]

Terrible news, those poor girls.
I just hope the King, Queen and Crown Princely couple step up and help them during this time of grief, the further away they are from the quack their mother is dating, the better.
ML not entirely "well-rounded" either and she could honestly do them more harm than good

 

[Soula]

I am heartbroken for everyone who loved this man but it cannot be stressed enough...depression is a brutal, merciless, relentless disease. It is as destructive as end stage cancer, and just like terminal cancer there is no real cure.

People in the grip of a beast will do anything to free themselves. I wish people who call the victims "cowards" would try to cultivate compassion, and educate themselves.

May the Lord have mercy on Ari, and receive his soul.

Well said! I totally agree!

Also many don't realise that depression can also become a physical as well as a mental pain that can be so overwhelming that the sufferer will do almost anything to relieve the pain. Add to this the misunderstandings that are associated with this terrible disease and it's a very heavy burden to carry.

For someone with this disease to resort to extremes means that they would have been in great pain and we need to view them with great compassion not condemnation.

 

[titiromi]

I hope that his daughters are well looked after and that they have the greatest support from stable people who care about their future and emotional well-being.

 

[Alisa]

I'm also shocked beyond words. This winter has been roughed. In the past 3 days I have lost both a relative and family friend.

I simply cannot imagine the immense grief Martha Louise and the girls must be feeling. My heart goes out to them.

The messages from the royal family are both heartfelt and comforting.

Kudos to the family for being transparent with Ari's cause of death.

 

[kathia_sophia]

So sad to hear this news.

How to put this in words. Depression is like a demon who devours our souls, we despair, we have pain, and in the end, most of us can't find a different solution than take our own lives. Because with death, everything ends, the suffering ends...

I felt this before when I was on my teen years. I wanted to die because of bullying. I began to hate myself as well. I dreamt of my death every single night. I really wanted to die. But, fortunately, I managed to follow a different path in time, and here I am, 10 years later and alive. But, it's not the same for everybody else. Not everyone finds a different path. Mental health is one of the most important issues and everyone who suffers from depression needs proper care, guidance, and love.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

Is OK with me if people deem my statements to be cruel and uncaring. Everyone has a different point of view when it comes to something as drastic as suicide and the heart wrenching depression or other underlying reasons (such as alcohol or drug addiction) that sometimes leads to suicide seeming to be the only way to deal with it.

I was fortunate to work hotlines for a while in my life and one of the points that we were instructed, at the time, was to calmly talk to the person and ask them to consider those that they'd be leaving behind and the effects and heart break that their death may cause them and then, if possible, steer them in the direction of where help would be available 24/7. The most important factor was to be caring.

When a person is considering suicide as an answer, their focus is primarily on themselves and how bad things are for them and it helps to remind them that there *are* other people out there that care and would happily be supportive if they could. Rock bottom is the loneliness place on Earth and a dark and empty void.

I sincerely wish that Ari had reached out to somebody. Anybody.

It's great you have this experience Osipi.

I recently met someone who worked a suicide hotline. The caller seemed determined to do it and nothing she said about hurting his loved ones moved him.

Finally in desperation she pleaded for his address so that she could come and collect his dogs so they would be cared for after he was gone. He met her on his front lawn and fell into her arms and wept when she arrived.

He had not believed she would show up, or that anyone cared enough. They are close friends now.

Long story short the people on those hotlines are angels and lifesavers and some don't realize it, and that includes you!

Suicidal people sometimes want to be talked out of it, or they wouldn't reach out to begin
with.

 

[christinacg]

Oh my goodness, what terrible and shocking news. Praying for his family, especially his daughters.

 

[MARG]

He talked in interviews back in 2009 about his depression.

It is not up to us to judge Ari. Mental health issues can drive people to places that are difficult to comprehend and are many times unbearable to those who reach that state.

It is really incredibly sad for his family and particularly his daughters, especially on a Christmas day. Our thoughts and prayers should go to them.

How incredibly heartbreaking. I cannot imagine the pain he must have been going through because I don't think the significance of the day, Christmas day, factored in at all. IMHO he just wanted the pain to stop. My condolences to all of his family and friends and may Ari have finally found the rest and peace he needed.

I wonder how we became so secretive and judgemental over the years when it comes to depression. Winston Churchill was known to become melancholic and those around him were well aware of it and accommodated it. In putting the war years behind us as fast as we could, did we metaphorically throw the baby out with the bathwater?

 

[MARG]

He talked in interviews back in 2009 about his depression.

It is not up to us to judge Ari. Mental health issues can drive people to places that are difficult to comprehend and are many times unbearable to those who reach that state.

It is really incredibly sad for his family and particularly his daughters, especially on a Christmas day. Our thoughts and prayers should go to them.

How incredibly heartbreaking. I cannot imagine the pain he must have been going through because I don't think the significance of the day, Christmas day, factored in at all. IMHO he just wanted the pain to stop.

I wonder how we became so secretive and judgemental over the years when it comes to depression. Winston Churchill was known to become melancholic and those around him were well aware of it and accommodated it. In putting the war years behind us as fast as we could, did we metaphorically throw the baby out with the bathwater?

 

[Moonmaiden23]

Eleanor Roosevelt , Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr also suffered depression.

These three extraordinary individuals changed the world. No one thinks " mental illness" first when their names are mentioned.

And yet just like Winston Churchill each was , to varying degrees , mentally ill.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

This is not the news a family wishes to hear around Christmas. Especially Ari's children. Suicide to me, in any way, shape or form, is selfish and a coward's way out of problems or issues.

My heart goes out to the family he's left behind.

Some people are in so much mental pain they can see no other way to end the hurt. And they can feel their family and friends will be better off without them, that they are a burden.

I am so sorry for his daughters and other family.

 

[Tarlita]

Very very sad for all of his family and people who knew him well. Every Christmas from now on will be a reminder. His lovely children must be devastated. Such a shame he couldn't overcome his demons.
And sad for us too thinking about it and how it affects everyone.

 

[amaryllus]

Fact is for his daughters now the happiest time of the year has turned into the time Daddy chose to kill himself. They will never be able to really enjoy the holidays with their own spouses and children. To do this any day was selfish but right before Christmas? That was cruel.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

Fact is for his daughters now the happiest time of the year has turned into the time Daddy chose to kill himself. They will never be able to really enjoy the holidays with their own spouses and children. To do this any day was selfish but right before Christmas? That was cruel.

Yes, and people with cancer who choose to die on Christmas Day are selfish, cruel to their families as well, right?

Mental health issues obviously still need a lot more understanding in the world.

 

[amaryllus]

Taking away a loved one and not letting the family get to say goodby or have closure is always a cruel thing. No matter who does it.

 

[Tarlita]

I really hope the girls get good counselling help and lots of family support right at this horrible time. I am sure they will struggle trying to understand the Why! Why did he do it.
The poor things will go through a range of conflicting emotions now.

I just hope that in time when they are ready they will be able to talk about Dad and the fun things they did together and his funny little ways etc. Talk about him as a man who lived a life despite the crippling depression and remember him with great fondness. But I guess that will take time.

 

[Hans-Rickard]

Fact is for his daughters now the happiest time of the year has turned into the time Daddy chose to kill himself. They will never be able to really enjoy the holidays with their own spouses and children. To do this any day was selfish but right before Christmas? That was cruel.

Mental health issues can happen to anyone at anytime. You don’t plan for a certain day to end your life just to **** things up for your family. When you take your life, you are below the bottom in the darkness and don’t see any other way out, regardless of the date being 25 July or 25 December.....

The only way to break this stigma is to remove the guilt, shame and blaming of the victim, and start to talk about it.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

It is almost inevitable that they will at some point experience feelings of anger and betrayal to complicate their grief...Papa did not love us enough to stay with us. ..we were not enough...we could not help him..
etc.

And that is where very skilled professional counseling becomes invaluable.

Along with loving and empathetic family support.

 

[W.Y.CII]

My thoughts are with his family. I hope the girls would receive supports from their families and professionals, it must be a hard time for them.

It's easy for us, the outsiders or the mentally relatively healthy people to say, suicide is a selfish act, it hurts their love ones, they can choose other path etc. But the thing is, what we see is just the surface, and we would never know, and be able to understand what they are actually facing and bearing. Sometimes simply asking the people who suffer depression and other mental illnesses to get some help, talk to someone can't really improve the situation, maybe even give them more hard feelings. Mental illness is complicated and there isn't an absolute treatment. Need more understanding and empathy, less blaming and judgement.

 

[TLLK]

My condolences to Ari Behn's parents, siblings, children, his former wife and his friends. May he rest in peace.