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-   -   An Apology I owe (http://www.theroyalforums.com/forums/f131/an-apology-i-owe-30793.html)

Duchess of Darwin 04-25-2011 07:38 AM

An Apology I owe
 
I would like to apologise for the two faced attitude I have found myself using in some of the heavier threads in these forums.

I have been inconsistent in my nature. Giving some users smiley faces, while taking offence at what others have said. It isn't fair, when everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I should know better.

I have also not been flawless in my research, for which I apologise. I have this icky feeling about how I come across on here, and I feel the need to apologise to anyone I have annoyed or upset. I'm not expecting sympathy. I just want it known, that I am truly remourseful. Anonymity can easlily make us feel like we are being reasonable, when we are virtually screaming at someone, and I fell into the trap.

I truly want to be a friendly, thoughtful member, who everyone likes, like a Moderator, but I have come to apreciate, that this is not as easy as it seems, when opinions differ, and uncertainties are involved. I must employ better scolarship, and use less hostile language, though.

I am disgusted with myself, and I vow to be a more likeable member from now on.

With warm regards,
Duchess of Darwin
:hug:

MARG 04-25-2011 09:39 AM

Bravo! It is a truly wise and decent person that has the guts to admit, in public, that they are wrong, not perfect or always consistent.

Long may you continue to post with good intent knowing, as you must, that there will be those that absolutely will not ever agree with you. That is the nature of a forum.

Good luck and I look forward to hearing a lot more from you. :flowers::flowers:

Duchess of Darwin 04-25-2011 06:51 PM

:previous: Thanks. I don't regret any of my opinions, but I do regret the lack of scolarship, unclear language, and sometimes downright oversensitivity, with which I have argued them, As an example, see my response to Sister Morphine in the Monarchy Under Charles thread, the post of mine that Sister was responding to is in the William & Catherine - Potential Titles thread. It certainly highlights my inconsistency, to notice that my rant fell right under a chinking beer glasses emotiocon I left another user.

I need to do more :reading: if I'm going to deal with the uncertainties that surround Royalty, and to take a deep breath, when someone takes serious issue with my opinion.

I salute the Moderators (and many other users) for having their say on contentious topics, in a much more level headed way than I have. I am not a spiky person at all, in real life, nor to I bottle up alot of bitterness, but when I don't know someone, and I don't have to hear myself yelling, I can really be too volitile for a discusion forum.

I don't want any enemies on here. I want people to see my avatar and expect a calm, well researched opinion :zen:

roseroyal 04-25-2011 07:35 PM

Duchess of Darwin-
It may help you to know that I have been guilty of the same thing.
I recently discovered the world of forums. I belong to 2 now. the 1st one I joined was a forum for fans of James Herriot, and then the TRF.
When I first joined the James Herriot forum, if I disagreed with somebody, I would say so too loudly and cause offense. It is easy to do when one is passionate about one's beliefs. Thankfully, with the help of some very caring forum members on that forum, I learned my lesson, and now handle disagreemts differently. I admire you for admitting your faults! Remember we all have them!
If you want to chat to me about this some more, feel free to send me a PM.
But above all, try not to beat yourself up over this. I have a feeling that the caring people on here will understand! Know that I do...

Osipi 04-25-2011 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duchess of Darwin (Post 1238719)
:previous: Thanks. I don't regret any of my opinions, but I do regret the lack of scolarship, unclear language, and sometimes downright oversensitivity, with which I have argued them, As an example, see my response to Sister Morphine in the Monarchy Under Charles thread, the post of mine that Sister was responding to is in the William & Catherine - Potential Titles thread. It certainly highlights my inconsistency, to notice that my rant fell right under a chinking beer glasses emotiocon I left another user.

I need to do more :reading: if I'm going to deal with the uncertainties that surround Royalty, and to take a deep breath, when someone takes serious issue with my opinion.

I salute the Moderators (and many other users) for having their say on contentious topics, in a much more level headed way than I have. I am not a spiky person at all, in real life, nor to I bottle up alot of bitterness, but when I don't know someone, and I don't have to hear myself yelling, I can really be too volitile for a discusion forum.

I don't want any enemies on here. I want people to see my avatar and expect a calm, well researched opinion :zen:

Reading through these past couple of posts, I had to chuckle to myself as so much of what you expressed reminds me of my own self. When it comes to the little ins and out of the myriad of whys and wherefores of all things royal, its so very easy to take a wrong turn in Alberquerque somewhere and be way off beam in how we see things.

I came here a few years ago for hats. Yeps.. hats at Ascot. I knew what a title was but to me at that time, a style was a choice of fashion.
It was wonderful when I made (and still do make) mistakes. People on these forums educated me where I was wrong, explained things to me that I had trouble understanding and as time passed, I looked forward to coming here knowing that I'd find good conversation with people from all over the world and actually learn something.

In the discussions recently about the title and styles of some of the BRF, much of what I posted on them was taught to me here by some very well informed members that I'm proud to call my "teachers". Its these kind of conversations we learn from. It would be quite boring actually if each and every post written were banal "I like that color" or "Those shoes don't go with that dress at all" or "I hear she uses 2 lumps instead of 1 in her tea".

Stick around and enjoy! This has got to be the best source around for finding out about anything royal from Ascending the throne to Zadok the Priest. I'm hooked!

"The closer we get to the flame of knowledge, the further from us it goes".

Jacknch 04-25-2011 07:47 PM

Aww well done Duchess of Darwin - that's a nice post and I know for sure that I myself have written things I have either later regretted or thought were not quite right or changed my mind about. I had a big downer on William and Harry last year but love them to bits now - how inconsistent is that!

It is fascinating to read so many different points of view and if we do occassioanlly get things wrong or make an error it's great to know someone more knowledgable will correct us or offer an alternative opinion - that's my view anyway.

roseroyal 04-25-2011 08:56 PM

This is what is wonderful about forums-
To learn from people with all different levels of knowledge, from all walks of life! It would be a boring world if there weren't disagreements!

Duchess of Darwin 04-25-2011 10:02 PM

Thanks all :flowers:

While I am thankful, that I have never regretted an opinion, I have regretted a lot of the wording I have used on here, and on the issue of scholarship, I am not ashamed to be corrected, but I regret how firmly I have argued opinions based on misinformation.

I can't wallow in it, though. It's reasuring to know that I am not the only one who has had second thoughts about posts. The 48 hour edit button has been my saviour :rofl:

It's great to be on a forum where discussions are intelligent (and not turned into red corner/blue corner fights by a thumbs mechanism) personal insults are dealt with swifly (if they happen at all) and users avoid holding grudges against eachover. It's a wonderful community :angel:

PrincessKaimi 04-25-2011 11:04 PM

There are lot of "Facts" about royalty that some of us were taught that are just plain wrong. That's why it's great to be here, although I agree it's embarrassing to carry on an argument when one is misinformed. I think it happens to almost everyone once in awhile, though.

I've changed many opinions in my few months here, and may live to regret some of them.

And while I am not usually loud when I'm disagreeing, I can be acerbic or even caustic, and I find that happens when someone is perceived by me to be whining or yelling. We all have our buttons that get pushed - and some of the most interesting discussions here have been between opinionated people (albeit, well-informed).

So, I realize I have years to go to get familiar with royal - and will likely never catch up with people who were raised in nations with royalty by royalty-loving families. Hats off to those people for moderating and teaching all the rest of us, and I hope we all will forgive each other for occasionally getting hot over the topic (I've found myself caring about proper behavior far more on this forum than on any other, and that's exactly as it should be - I'm becoming a better person for it).

Katrianna 04-26-2011 12:26 AM

I think we all from time to time, in trying to defend why we feel a certain way on a topic, tend to write things we then go back and read, then say to ourselves, "Did I write that, really."
I will debate people and I love different opinions and points of view, however, a person replies in a sarcastic, hostile way or questions my intelligence, then the anger comes out in me. That's natural to us all. My feeling is that just because writing online and the Internet is "anonymous", that still doesn't give anyone the right to outright insult or flame another member.
One thing I've gained is that when I read threads, I always turn to research more on an interesting topic and go to other forums for more knowledge.

PrincessKaimi 04-26-2011 12:32 AM

I've read the threads in question, and don't believe anything ever came close to flaming. Maybe a touch of sarcasm, but to me, sarcasm is not hostile - it's just a warning flag that hostilities may be opening soon.

Some of the more heated discussions I've seen here have been between English persons with different views on the monarchy - always interesting to watch. One of the more unfortunate blunders, in my view, is to attack someone else's monarchy and its ways (although it's certainly hard not to, in some cases - and when talking about the past - as on some of the Russian royalty threads, one's opinions can be stronger, especially given what happened).

Duchess of Darwin, some interesting points were made and facts emerged in your discussions - that part was great.

Katrianna 04-26-2011 12:42 AM

Threads that usually become heated are dealing with Charles/Camilla/Diana and for a while, Mary of Denmark, Sarah Ferguson has become a hotspot also. I find that I avoid these threads or if I read them, I don't comment as people have their views and they won't be convinced either way. If posts become too insulting, they're removed in any thread by the Moderator.

Duchess of Darwin 04-26-2011 02:41 AM

:previous: Agreed. The Diana/Charles/Camilla threads never go well :nonono: I stay away from anything dedicated to that love triangle. Its tiring:

Diana = :angel: Charles & Camilla = :veryevil:
Diana = :wacko: Charles & Camilla = :innocent:

I don't avoid deep topics, but I prefer to stick to more current ones.

Princess Robijn 04-26-2011 04:35 AM

Closed for moderator review.


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