The Troubled Years for Noor

[maryshawn]

A beautiful photo taken while Noor was expecting Raiyah in this article on Noor. Who could have imagined she would later recall these as the troubled years of her marriage because of the stepchildren and tensions with her husband, who was very stressed.

[maryshawn]

A feature from US magazine, she says: One thing I would have set out to do had I had more control over my life than I do now would be to focus a lot more qualitative time on the children. We have made superhuman efforts , given our way of life but I often feel I am being pulled in so many directions that even when I'm there with my six children, I'm not really there entirely.

Please Note: She says all six children (Raiyah wasn't born yet)

[maryshawn]

Queen Noor envisioning annual festival at Petra....trying to make a contribution to fend off some of the jibes she was taking in British media, in particular--one columnist called her "a nothing without her husband." No one is a "nothing." He also went out of his way to consistently misspell her name......

[maryshawn]

At work and at play with King Hussein and a very young Raiyah.

[maryshawn]

Excerpts from article:

Even more remarkable is the lack of air conditioning at al Nadwa, a circumstance that takes visitors by surprise but bothers QN not at all. The upstairs had to enlarge after moving in and is strictly off limits to all but friends, family and staff. There are eight bedrooms, seven of them are in use by Their Majesties's seven children--Princesses Haya, Abir, Iman and Raiyah and Princes Hamzah, Hashim and Ali. The eighth bedroom is KH and QN's, making for a good bit of family togetherness.

"The children are not compartmentalized in another part of the house," comments Noor. "They are always about. That has been very important. I know that sometimes this hasn't been the case for families in our position but I am certainly determined we have as much of a family life as possible."

"Queen Noor approaches being a mother to all seven children with the zeal and energy and full participation she devotes to everything. She develops a weekly schedule with each child which includes lessons of all sorts depending on their interests--from karate to violin. Whenever she can, she replaces the nanny by being there with the children."

"She reads to all the children every night and brings several with her when she travels. During a quick trip to NY, she will bring Iman, Abir and Haya, for example, to stay with her sister. 'Our busy schedules mean we must try to find ways to fit them in creatively. Of course, it would be better if I was giving them all the attention but one does the best one can."

This supports her book, where she writes:

"As my sister, Abir and Haya were driving past Queen Alia's tomb, Abir turned to my sister and said 'will you be our mother when our new mommy dies?"

Later, she says:

"As my husband lay dying, I was particularly concerned for Haya, Ali and Abir, who had already lost a parent........"

So while she later received a lot of grief from the children when they became teens, she shows she tried hard and empathized....not just empathized via feelings but tried hard to ensure they always felt part of the family too. I think criticism of QN re: parenting has always been a bit harsh. KH isn't mentioned as being around planning things for them. They met, courted, married and then he "dumped her in the deep end....." re: work and family, allowing her to sort it all out for herself. Was this a marriage of convenience, too, so he could go about his life, content the children had a mother at home to manage things????? I wonder.

Sometimes, children who lose parents at young ages glorify them and NO ONE can live up to the standards. They are also resentful of those with both parents around. This anger can go on for a long time. QN states in her book she time and again thought about counseling for all during this time but couldn't risk confidential issues leaking out......for example, one of the children being overheard saying something which would be the next day's headline. This might have helped. For such blessed people, they also were limited when problems arose as there were so few to confide in for help.

I could go on but I wish people who criticize QN would stop and consider what she did, how she tried, the constraints and lack of support from KH. Few of us at 26 could've gone into a foreign country and assumed all the roles she had to assume as well as she did.....and no one is perfect.

Is it my imagination or is Princess Haya's anger growing? In the Roland Dallas book in 2000 she was quite complimentary re: Noor as a stepmom. But there are times when this young woman I used to admire so very much acts like a spoiled brat. For no other reason, that marriage was not such a good thing. She needed a joyful, stable person w/one wife to dote on.....my opinion!

[sommone]

I think that QN must have known that it would be a difficult adjustment for everyone involved not just her. I mean Ali, Abir, and Haya were small children dealing with the loss of their mother, and while you would think that over time the anger would subside, and the children would become accepting of the situation, but that wasn't necessarily the case. I'm sure they did need some counseling, but couldn't seek it for fear their personal problems would be printed in the paper, and that is sad. Maybe some of their anger was directed towards KH for remarrying someone else, but instead probably projected onto Noor, which wouldn't have been fair. We don't know. Also, one needs to take in account that there is always two sides to a story. I had read that they lived with several other different relatives at one point...I'm wondering if this was doing the "teen" years or was it due to tensions as QN mentioned in the home.

[tipper]

Originally Posted by maryshawn

Excerpts from article:

Even more remarkable is the lack of air conditioning at al Nadwa, a circumstance that takes visitors by surprise but bothers QN not at all. The upstairs had to enlarge after moving in and is strictly off limits to all but friends, family and staff. There are eight bedrooms, seven of them are in use by Their Majesties's seven children--Princesses Haya, Abir, Iman and Raiyah and Princes Hamzah, Hashim and Ali. The eighth bedroom is KH and QN's, making for a good bit of family togetherness.

"The children are not compartmentalized in another part of the house," comments Noor. "They are always about. That has been very important. I know that sometimes this hasn't been the case for families in our position but I am certainly determined we have as much of a family life as possible."

"Queen Noor approaches being a mother to all seven children with the zeal and energy and full participation she devotes to everything. She develops a weekly schedule with each child which includes lessons of all sorts depending on their interests--from karate to violin. Whenever she can, she replaces the nanny by being there with the children."

"She reads to all the children every night and brings several with her when she travels. During a quick trip to NY, she will bring Iman, Abir and Haya, for example, to stay with her sister. 'Our busy schedules mean we must try to find ways to fit them in creatively. Of course, it would be better if I was giving them all the attention but one does the best one can."

This supports her book, where she writes:

"As my sister, Abir and Haya were driving past Queen Alia's tomb, Abir turned to my sister and said 'will you be our mother when our new mommy dies?"

Later, she says:

"As my husband lay dying, I was particularly concerned for Haya, Ali and Abir, who had already lost a parent........"

So while she later received a lot of grief from the children when they became teens, she shows she tried hard and empathized....not just empathized via feelings but tried hard to ensure they always felt part of the family too. I think criticism of QN re: parenting has always been a bit harsh. KH isn't mentioned as being around planning things for them. They met, courted, married and then he "dumped her in the deep end....." re: work and family, allowing her to sort it all out for herself. Was this a marriage of convenience, too, so he could go about his life, content the children had a mother at home to manage things????? I wonder.

Sometimes, children who lose parents at young ages glorify them and NO ONE can live up to the standards. They are also resentful of those with both parents around. This anger can go on for a long time. QN states in her book she time and again thought about counseling for all during this time but couldn't risk confidential issues leaking out......for example, one of the children being overheard saying something which would be the next day's headline. This might have helped. For such blessed people, they also were limited when problems arose as there were so few to confide in for help.

I could go on but I wish people who criticize QN would stop and consider what she did, how she tried, the constraints and lack of support from KH. Few of us at 26 could've gone into a foreign country and assumed all the roles she had to assume as well as she did.....and no one is perfect.

Is it my imagination or is Princess Haya's anger growing? In the Roland Dallas book in 2000 she was quite complimentary re: Noor as a stepmom. But there are times when this young woman I used to admire so very much acts like a spoiled brat. For no other reason, that marriage was not such a good thing. She needed a joyful, stable person w/one wife to dote on.....my opinion!

well said, Mary, I think the problem started when Hamzah was born, as Ali could not compare QN to his own mum, as he did not even remember her..... I think he got jealous, being the youngest of all had made him so close to QN- I also think it was wrong to send Hayah and Ali to college so early in their time, I have pix of QN, KH and their 4 kids during a winter holiday ,but Ali, Hayah and Abir were not with them- that was in '87. Anyway, it was a shame only QN was missing at Ali and Hayah's weddings- ali even invited Muna at his own wedding, but not the very person who helped to raise him up since he was 2 and a half-

[suria]

Originally Posted by tipper

well said, Mary, I think the problem started when Hamzah was born, as Ali could not compare QN to his own mum, as he did not even remember her..... I think he got jealous, being the youngest of all had made him so close to QN- I also think it was wrong to send Hayah and Ali to college so early in their time, I have pix of QN, KH and their 4 kids during a winter holiday ,but Ali, Hayah and Abir were not with them- that was in '87. Anyway, it was a shame only QN was missing at Ali and Hayah's weddings- ali even invited Muna at his own wedding, but not the very person who helped to raise him up since he was 2 and a half-

this would be a shame if QN was a real mother for him who knows why PA would do something like this their must be many resones to do such a thing, PA+PH were not with QN everytime its her family her own kids don't you think that they were rule out from most of the pictures look to her when she goes some place its only her own kids look to the pic a bove i dont think PA said no i dont want to take a photo with you. maybe he couldn't feel her after she had her own kid maybe he saw the diference and couldn't live with it maybe he felt how much he is barren when he saw QN playing and going out with her own kids you can't plam a little kid

[maryshawn]

I guess we will never know what drove the rift. I will say QN--according to staffers--tried again and again to create a "family"---even inviting ex-s of KH's to events to possibly win over their childrens' favor. I don't know if the ex's attended---if they did, it might have been out of respect for KH.

Time and again, QN and those around her use one word to describe her: Idealist. Idealists are great; I wouldn't want a world w/o them but I'm sure it hurt QN when she was rebuffed. As an idealist, you think others are like you and want the best outcomes. Over time, she definitely became hurt and resentful. "Perhaps the King should not have married yet again so the family would not have another wife to use as a convenient scapegoat!" she wrote in her journal in the late 80s. And, re: stepkids, maybe she gave up. Getting a list of complaints of all the things you are doing wrong must have been daunting--and it was all along the lines of "she got that and I didn't" and "he did this and you wouldn't let me" and whose bedroom was nicer, etc. I can see her throwing up her hands and saying fine, whatever!!!!!!! It would be interesting to learn what Muna said to her kids re: Noor. Feisal is close to Noor. I suspect one of the stepkids who called her, upset about the journalist, was either Zein or Aisha. Abdullah? I don't know--they seemed to have a good rapport for awhile but an article summed it up "once KA married QR, it did not bode well for Noor--particularly after the children arrived. Their children got in the way of Noor's children." I do know this: If KH were still around, QN would've been at every wedding and all related events. You don't snub the "founder of the feast." And all are clever enough to know that; that's what makes me ill. She's been disenfranchised because she is a widow. The fact she was their beloved father's choice as wife should be reason enough to treat her with some modicum of respect. Ahhh, my friends who believe in the afterlife would have a field day with this one as KH greets KA and the rest......Interestingly enough QN "doesn't know what she thinks of an afterlife" though she "feels KH's presence." Does Islam support the concept of an afterlife? I genuinely don't know and am curious if it is addressed as so much of islam is about the here and now and how you live your life today--which I love. Anyone know?