What is your opinion about Charles visiting Diana's grave?

[Jo of Palatine]

I've noticed in my contact with American friends that there's more emphasis on visiting graves in the US than there is up here. One of those subtle cultural differences between people who are very much alike in many ways.

Here in Germany, All Saints Day is the day where you visit the graves or at least make sure they are readied for winter by ordering a gardener's service. All sflower shops and supermarkets offer special winterhard bouquets, so you could say that it's a custom still observed by young and old. There are organizations who care for German cemetaries in the former German parts of other European countries and they are active around this time of year as well, living on donations. But that's not our War Remembrance Day, that is in mid-November.

 

[Skydragon]

Some do, some don't. When you pass a cemetery, it is rare to see anyone there, unless a funeral is being conducted. On some graves you might see the odd bunch of flowers, but I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules on how anyone should or shouldn't act.

 

[MARG]

I loathe cemetary's. The words of an old anonymus poem explain it better than I ever could:

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Every time I speak their name they live on in my heart.

 

[scooter]

That's beautiful Marg!

 

[Skydragon]

The words of an old anonymous poem explain it better than I ever could:

It's by Mary E Frye, I posted it on page one of this thread. It certainly sums it up for many people.

These are the extra verses to the slightly longer version -
I am the love of family and friend. I am the child who has come to rest, In the arms of the Father who knows him best. When you see the sunset fair, I am the scented evening air. I am the joy of a task well done. I am the glow of the setting sun. Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. Do not stand at my grave and cry .I am not there, I did not die!

 

[NotAPretender]

The only grave I visit on a regular basis is that of a friend of mine who was the first female graduate of one of the US service academies to die in the line of duty. She is buried at Arlington National Cemetery across the river from Washington D.C., and whenever my travels take me to DC, I spend an hour or so paying respect to her courage. I also walk through that area of the cemetery, which oddly is mostly graves from WWI, and say each name as I pass, to pay respect to those who gave service to our country. I feel as though as long as their names are spoken, their sacrifices are honored.

Taking this back to Charles visiting Diana's grave, honor is paid to her on a fairly regular basis via other means; Charles is, for lack of a better way to express it, forced to acknowledge her constantly, and I don't think it's all that painful for him to be honest. So it's up to him, whether or not to go.

I honor my grandmother when I make Hungarian chicken paprika or veal stew, and I can hear her voice giving me instruction along the way. I would imagine that an occasional thought is spared for Diana by her former husband. No requirement that it be graveside.

Having said that, I love walking through a cemetery. The headstones can tell a whole story if one wishes.

 

[jcbcode99]

Having said that, I love walking through a cemetery. The headstones can tell a whole story if one wishes.

I love going to cemetaries as well. There is so much history in them, and the older headstones are works of art.

 

[Roslyn]

The only grave I visit on a regular basis is that of a friend of mine who was the first female graduate of one of the US service academies to die in the line of duty. She is buried at Arlington National Cemetery across the river from Washington D.C., and whenever my travels take me to DC, I spend an hour or so paying respect to her courage. I also walk through that area of the cemetery, which oddly is mostly graves from WWI, and say each name as I pass, to pay respect to those who gave service to our country. I feel as though as long as their names are spoken, their sacrifices are honored.

People visit cemetaries for more than one reason. I definitely understand you visiting this friend's grave. Arlington must be a very moving place to visit. I have seen it on TV and in movies, and can only imagine the feelings one must have walking through it.

I, too, walk through war memorial cemetaries, reading the inscriptions and paying respect to those who died in our country's service. So many of them were so young, especially those who died in WWI. But this is done to remember the horror of war and to pay respect and as a private tribute to those long-dead whose sacrifice should be remembered but who who might otherwise have no-one else to note their existence. Lest We Forget!

I also find it very interesting walking through old cemetaries, especially in country areas, reading the notes about the lives and deaths of those long gone. Standing there reading their memorial stone we are linked in place if not time to events which occurred decades, even centuries ago. (We - my culture, anyway - have such a short history in this country; it must be amazing to live in a country where you can visit places your ancestors lived many hundreds of years ago.) Standing before the grave you can close your eyes and "feel" something of what it must have been like in the time when that person's family were there laying them to rest so long ago.

But I think these activities are quite different from visiting the grave of someone I personally knew and loved. I don't want to revisit the sadness of their death and don't need visit their grave to remember them.

And the fact that a lot of my relatives are cremated rather than buried makes a big difference to attitude, I think. Some of them have been scattered to the four winds in obscure places that were of significance to them.

It's a personal thing, and there's no right or wrong about it, in my opinion.

 

[QUEENECE29]

I don't care whether he visits her grave or not.

 

[Jo of Palatine]

I love going to cemetaries as well. There is so much history in them, and the older headstones are works of art.

In German some 250 years ago the word for cemetary changed from the former "Kirchhof" - churchyard to "Friedhof" - yard of peace. Somehow I like this change in word usage as it shows now a very important part of what a graveyard is: a place to lay people to rest in peace but a place for the living to find peace as well. In many larger towns the cemetaries are the only place where small field animals like rabbits or rare birds have a chance to survive - even though they endanger the headstones sometimes. But it's nice to see rabbits playing on the lawn that is reserved for anonymous burials for example. Peace - indeed.

 

[Iluvbertie]

[ed: quote of preceding and now-deleted offensive post removed]

Without Charles who would even know about Diana? She became famous because she married Charles. Her sons are famous and prominent members of the British Royal Family, not because of her but because they are Charles' sons.

In other words she was a minor aristocrat until she married the heir to the British throne.

If he feels a need to visit the rotting remains of his former wife then he could probably do so but as he has a living reminder of her in his sons why does he need to do so? Charles has his memories of his life with Diana and other reminders of her so a visit to a grave isn't necessary to honour her, forget her, spit on her, talk to her, or whatever else he wishes to do about her (he might do any or none of the above and I have no idea - it is just a list of things that he might feel about her and is not meant to suggest anything he might feel or not feel so please don't flame me for my suggestions and understand that I am trying to show that he could do either positive or negative things and we wouldn't know and have no right to know how he remembers her).

Charles is the heir to the British throne [edited]. He has lived his life in the public eye and will continue to do so for the remaining 30 - 40+ years of it. He has served his country with dedication since he was about 18 i.e. over 40 years and has really only made one mistake in all that time - he married the wrong woman for him but through her he has his sons and heirs. People are beginning to realise that he has been a man ahead of his time - they laughed at him when he took on issues such as the environment in the 1970s and here we are 30 years later realising that he was right all those years ago.

 

[Mara Jade]

Many people find it comforting to visit the graves of friends and loved ones. I never have been inclined that way myself, but to a traditional person like Charles, it would make sense, and you know that if he didn't, people would be complaining and moaning about it. I think he will always love her in his own way; perhaps her greatest gift was that long after people should logically have ceased to love her, they loved her still.

 

[ClassicRoyal]

Charles Visiting Diana's Grave - I don't think so

Given the fact that the royals live by such a strict schedule and that Althorp is 1 1/2 hours outside London, I don't think Charles would ever be scheduled to visit her grave. I think he would leave that to William and Harry should they do so. Their visit is conceivable. Charles is remarried and he never really loved Diana, although he was visibly shaken when she died. Diana had been shut out by all the royals before she died. I feel sure that they are happy to leave the past behind. It is not something that I have given a lot of thought to. Hypocritical is a thought that comes to mind when I think about it though.

 

[Warren]

Are you saying it would be hypocritical for Charles to visit the grave of his former wife and mother of his sons? Or, if he doesn't visit, are you saying it is hypocritical for Charles (or the Royal Family) to want to leave the past behind? If it would be hypocritical for Charles to visit the grave outside of London, how would you describe Charles's actions in travelling to Paris when she was killed?

Would you describe any divorced person who visited the grave of their deceased former spouse as hypocritical? Or does your rule only apply to specific people?

 

[Lady Claire]

How is it hypocritical? Charles and Diana went through many things together and shared many years, whether or not he loved her.

 

[NotAPretender]

Hope this doesn't get ugly in here.

I want to toss this in here. I just called my exhusband (13 year marriage) to sing Happy Birthday to him, and we've been divorced for 12 years, both partners remarried.

I'd probably visit his grave if he steps out of the canoe before I do. His dad is ill, and I'll probably go that funeral; he is a WWII veteran and served his country honorably, loved his family well. My mom is ill, and my ex will probably come to her funeral; my parents are remarkable people in their own right and he feels warmly toward them. When my brother in law was killed, my ex came about 1,500 miles to that funeral.

Bottom line, no matter what we think we know about this couple and their struggles, we don't know all of it. My sister told me before I married that marriage is like a secret - no one can really tell you what it's like until you're in it, and no marriage is exactly like any other. So while we can share some of the human experience that these two did - wedding stress, children, in-law issues, adultery, work pressures - what happened between them and how the passage of time has altered that is something that we can never know.

Charles can visit her grave in actuality, or visit her grave in his heart. Or maybe he can visit her in his memory only, perhaps looking back to a time when he had sworn to give up Parker-Bowles and Diana was a young bride in giddy love, and for a brief moment or two, everything good was possible.

I wish for their sons to find a good place in their world. And I would imagine that's not too far from what they would wish as well.

 

[Lovelydiana]

I do think that's it's a good thing that Charles visited Diana's grave, because it just a respect for hr and they both had two children together, so no matter what they would always be connected through their children, Diana and Charles were both friends when she passed away so I belive he was just doing it as a means of respect.

 

[agogo]

Why not? Everyone needs to make peace with the past. Grief must have closure. Probably Charles, William and Harry have been there several times in private.

 

[Lumutqueen]

I don't think he's made peace with the past, he's trying to forget it.
I see nothing wrong with him visiting the grave.

 

[muriel]

The fact is that we will never know if Cghrles did or did not visit Diana's grave, as I suspect it will be a private visit, without the press pack with him.

 

[georgiea]

Do you really need to go to a person's grave to make peace with the past? I don't think so. To me burial is closure. I think the funeral was closure for Prince Charles, then grieved in private.

I read that both of her sons have visited her grave on the island in private.

 

[mattep74]

If the movie The Queen portrays him correct, well then off course he should visit her grave. She is the mother of his children and the mother of the future king of England after all

 

[georgiea]

Does anyone know if the royal family visit other relatives' graves? This would answer the question about should Prince Charles visit Diana, Princess of Wales grave. I would like to know if he has visited his maternal grandmother's grave? I know he help plan a statue in honor of the Queen Mom. Maybe that is how he honors his departed relatives. Is there a memorial to King George?

 

[Zonk]

I am sure everyone has different experiences and I mean no offense on what I am going to say as everyone is different.

My sister passed away away last year, and I have visited her grave three times this past year (her birthday, Mother's Day and the anniversary of her death), and while I cry and say a prayer...to me its just a place where she is buried. I remember her every where, when a song comes on a radio, driving past a place we used to go when I watch her daughter do something that reminds me of her, etc.

I say that to say that while Charles may go to Diana's grave to pay his respects (and again I echo Not A Pretender's thoughts on what goes on a marriage is between two parties) he most likely remember the good times over the bad (as people are apt to do when someone dies young). Therefore he doesn't necessarily have to visit her site to do that. He can remember her when a song that she likes comes on teh radio, when her sons do something that remind him of her, etc. And just because he has moved on with Camilla, doesn't mean he doesn't remember Diana. Camilla has a relationship with Andrew and even went to Rosemary's funeral.

Diana and Charles are on record of having problems in their marriage. But they also had some good times and love as evidenced by their sons. As my uncle said about my parents marriage when they divorced, and they continued to invite my dad to events...your mother divorced your father...we didn't. And again, I appreciate NaP sharing her life with us as well, the same thing happened when my paternal grandmother died. My mother was there as well. Death has a funny way of making you look at life. My mother was famous for saying that if my father was dying in the street she woudl drive past him, but after my sister's death they have managed to maintain a civil relationship.

I also think that Diana and Charles were at peace by the time they died and were working on a friendship. To say that Charles only did things for Diana because of his sons and what the public thinks of him is a slap in the face of Charles. I am by no means a Charle fan, but I certainly think he is not a shallow person. Diana was the mother of his children, but they also had a friendship. Perhaps if they had this friendship in the beginning they woud have never gotten married or would have lasted a little longer. But better late than never.

 

[Jaya]

If that was myself I would have left strict stipulatulations to my lawyers to not allow him to visit my grave ever. Unless he can resurrect her he has gone on to marry and have new life- May Diana repose in justice

 

[jen121419]

I voted for "I think it's good" although I do think it should be up to Charles and really no one's business. Diana is the mother of Charles' sons and they were once married and by their own admission, shared some good time together. My own mom passed away when I was 11, and my parents had been separated for several years, but my dad has accompanied me to the cemetery a couple of times over the years. I think a good deal of it was "moral support" but perhaps he had his own motivation for going.. I don't know. I imagine it could be the same with Charles.

 

[Warren]

It's now 13 years since the death of Diana. As such there's little to be achieved by using this thread to apportion blame for the breakdown of the marriage.
Such posts will be removed.

thanks.

Warren
British Forums moderator

 

[Osipi]

It's now 13 years since the death of Diana. As such there's little to be achieved by using this thread to apportion blame for the breakdown of the marriage.
Such posts will be removed.

thanks.

Warren
British Forums moderator

I move that the thread be removed. OR.. open a thread in the British History folder about visiting grave sites.

 

[COUNTESS]

I, agree. How I feel about Charles is moot. Diana is dead. What he does about his private life in no one's business. What he should do, now, or not do is someone's personal opinion.

 

[nascarlucy]

If he chooses to visit her grave fine, it he doesn't, that's his choice.