Hasnat Khan

[sammyvine]

I think Diana was left with terrible insecurities from her childhood. Her mother leaving the family home when Diana was only small was a devastating blow.

Plus, later in her childhood she knew she was 'only' the third daughter when the Spencer line needed a son, apparently also left her insecure though her father never showed that that was the case. He adored Diana. Her mother loved her too but I don't think Diana ever got over feelings of abandonment relating to those years.

I think she grew up reading Barbara Cartland romance novels and dreaming of a happy ever after, with a husband whom she could love totally and absolutely and who would be completely and utterly devoted to her, always. Charles was a very busy man and couldn't fulfil all those inner needs, even without the Camilla complications.

Nor could the extremely busy surgeon Hasnet Khan, though their romance had other issues. I am a great fan of Diana, but I am not surprised really that everyone from James Hewitt to Charles to Khan and others found her high-maintenance emotional needs exhausting at times, lovely though she was.

Nice post...

Where is all this 'needy coming from'....How was she needy in the Hasn't Khan and Hewitt relationship? Like what was confirmed?

 

[Mirabel]

Where is all this 'needy coming from'....How was she needy in the Hasn't Khan and Hewitt relationship? Like what was confirmed?

I've read many times that Diana would constantly call Khan (and Hewitt) even when Khan was in the operating room.
When she cared for someone, she wanted that person available to her at all times, and very few were able to fulfill those expectations.
Then she would be disappointed and drop that person completely.

 

[sammyvine]

I've read many times that Diana would constantly call Khan (and Hewitt) even when Khan was in the operating room.
When she cared for someone, she wanted that person available to her at all times, and very few were able to fulfill those expectations.
Then she would be disappointed and drop that person completely.

Thanks...Sorry if the questions came across as silly...just never read about her being 'needy'.

If she was calling him whilst in theatre...wouldn't you call that selfish? I mean surely she must have know that he was operating? Did she really expect him to answer her call?

 

[Curryong]

Her energy healer, Simone Simmons, was quoted as saying that when Diana talked about her ideal man (and in many ways Hasnat Khan, a sympathetic listener, fitted the picture) she envisioned someone "who would be there for her twenty four hours a day". I'm afraid Diana often interpreted departures elsewhere as a withdrawal of love.

No man, even a retired man with no hobbies, would have been able to fulfil that need. Hewitt, who was devoted to her and had quite a bit of leisure, was quoted by Ken Wharfe, Diana's bodyguard, as saying that he could tell Diana a thousand times that he loved her, until the words seemed meaningless, and she would still need to hear it a thousand times more.

As well as the great cultural differences Khan, who really loved Diana I think, had grave doubts about their lifestyle after their possible marriage. He felt the Press would be constantly intruding into their lives and he just didn't want to live like that. It's hard to remember just how well known Diana was, the most famous woman in the world at that time. Although Diana did understand Khan's point of view to a certain extent, she still wanted him to go out with her in public and he resisted, frustrating her.

Diana had taken to reading books on medicine and visiting hospitals even at night (privately) during her romance with Hasnet. She was obsessed about every aspect of Khan's persona and life, imo, in the same way she had once been with Charles. But there was a lack of understanding on a deeper level too, and I think that doomed all her relationships, regardless of all other difficulties.

 

[Mirabel]

I'm not so convinced it was real love on Diana's side. If so, why Dodi? I rather think she was, probably subconciously, trying out classical types of "heroes" - first the Prince, then the "powerful police protection officer", then "the dashing Guard", after that "the successful businessman", then "the reknown heart-surgeon" and in the end the "billionaire from 1001 Nights".
Always searching for "Mr. Right". Sad, but pathetic, too.

That's what I think, too.
I never thought Hasnat Khan was some sort of Prince Charming; he always seemed in love with himself, imo.

I don't believe Diana ever found real love, love for herself; she was always some sort of trophy for the worst men. It is sad.

 

[Lady Nimue]

She was obsessed about every aspect of Khan's persona and life, imo, in the same way she had once been with Charles. But there was a lack of understanding on a deeper level too, and I think that doomed all her relationships, regardless of all other difficulties.

Significant insight. Exactly so: the same way she had once been obsessed with Charles.

 

[sammyvine]

That's what I think, too.
I never thought Hasnat Khan was some sort of Prince Charming; he always seemed in love with himself, imo.

I don't believe Diana ever found real love, love for herself; she was always some sort of trophy for the worst men. It is sad.

Because he didn't want to be in the spotlight...which he obviously would have been if they had agreed to come open with their relationship...that makes him in love with himself? If anything that was selfless on his part as many men would have divorced their wives to get a chance with a relationship with Diana because of her looks, fame, money etc....basically gold diggers?

Apart from Hasnat Khan...she did date absolute losers though...Dodi I don't think was husband material for her either.
It is sad though.. the higher profile you are, the more difficult it seems to find the right guy.

 

[Dman]

Thats really sad....she went through so much Diana....she deserved happiness..Hopefully she is smiling at how well her sons have turned out partly due to her parenting.

I have no doubt, Diana has found happiness in her next life. We can go over her past life here on earth until the end of time, but all that hurt and pain is no longer part of her life.

Also, no doubt she's proud of her children. She and Charles did a great job.

 

[sammyvine]

I have no doubt, Diana has found happiness in her next life. We can go over her past life here on earth until the end of time, but all that hurt and pain is no longer part of her life.

Also, no doubt she's proud of her children. She and Charles did a great job.

Yes well said

If she were alive with it have been great to have seen her happily married with daughters
But I guess it wasn't mean to be....she dated absolute losers tbh

 

[Lady Nimue]

Yes well said

If she were alive with it have been great to have seen her happily married with daughters

But I guess it wasn't meant to be....she dated absolute losers tbh

Hasnat Khan a loser? A doctor and surgeon? Really?

I think the issue here is mainly that anyone who allowed themselves to get involved with Diana made a mistake of their lives, since in payment for their love, they are getting slapped in the face by her fans or some folks who have a very skewed idea of what loyalty is about.

Diana chased a few men she had no business chasing (married men). Dodi was just a fling at a point when she was becoming desperate. JMO. Dodi was a weak-willed playboy who did what he did at the bidding of his father. A loser? Maybe, but that 'loser' paid with his life.

 

[sirhon11234]

Hasnat Khan a loser? A doctor and surgeon? Really?

I think the issue here is mainly that anyone who allowed themselves to get involved with Diana made a mistake of their lives, since in payment for their love, they are getting slapped in the face by her fans or some folks who have a very skewed idea of what loyalty is about.

Diana chased a few men she had no business chasing (married men). Dodi was just a fling at a point when she was becoming desperate. JMO. Dodi was a weak-willed playboy who did what he did at the bidding of his father. A loser? Maybe, but that 'loser' paid with his life.

Excuse you, you're making a generalized comment off a post of one poster? You don't know what my idea of loyalty is, and such baseless judgment weakens your argument for me.

I'm not going to get into the Charles and Diana relationship. But with Hewitt and Khan normal average men it had to be daunting being in a relationship with her. The fame on top of her own insecurities it had to be difficult. And perhaps for Diana as well, she had to deal with their issues on top of hers.
I have a lot of respect for Hasnat Khan as he has kept the personal contents of his relationship with her private.

 

[Lady Nimue]

Excuse you, you're making a generalized comment off a post of one poster? You don't know what my idea of loyalty is, and such baseless judgment weakens your argument for me.

I regret that you took this sentence and felt personally offended. In no way did I intend to offend you. I have a reason for saying what I did, but rather than explain the larger context, I will leave it as it is, and say again, no offense was meant. I am very sorry that it was taken.

I'm not going to get into the Charles and Diana relationship.

Not the thread for it, of course, but in this single area, the wanton damage Diana inflicted on a few people has never been fully admitted by Diana's 'fans'. Very sad.

But with Hewitt and Khan normal average men it had to be daunting being in a relationship with her. The fame on top of her own insecurities it had to be difficult. And perhaps for Diana as well, she had to deal with their issues on top of hers.

You say it well. Diana does not come across as someone who understood that relationships are a two-way street. That was the damaged part of Diana. It's a very, very sad story.

I have a lot of respect for Hasnat Khan as he has kept the personal contents of his relationship with her private.

Mr Hewitt did nothing more than Diana did with the BRF (and Charles and Camilla). Yet, Diana is without blame. Hewitt must be pilloried because he dared speak out the truth about his life with Diana. In fact Hasnat Khan did not have a sustained relationship with Diana on the order of Hewitt's with Diana. If anyone is a candidate for Diana's second husband, it is Hewitt. He's paid the price and then some, and will likely keep on paying. Fact is, he could probably say far more than he has.

 

[Mirabel]

Hasnat Khan a loser? A doctor and surgeon? Really?

I'm not referring to his profession, but his personality.
You may disagree, but I perceive him as having a narcissistic streak (a Saviour complex). And he wasn't above speaking about Diana on numerous occasions, though he pretends to be above all that.

Dodi Fayed was definitely a loser; hard to know where to start, in his case.

Of all the men Diana knew, Charles was probably the best of the lot.

 

[Zonk]

Let's stay on topic.

All posts regarding Diana's childhood, relationship with her mother, James Hewitt, etc. have been deleted as off topic.

Any and all additional off topic posts will be deleted without notice.

Zonk
British Forums Moderator

 

[Denville]

I'm not referring to his profession, but his personality.
You may disagree, but I perceive him as having a narcissistic streak (a Saviour complex). And he wasn't above speaking about Diana on numerous occasions, though he pretends to be above all that.

Dodi Fayed was definitely a loser; hard to know where to start, in his case.

Of all the men Diana knew, Charles was probably the best of the lot.

Khan has very rarely spoken of Diana, and I dont know why you speak of him as being narcisssitic. People who have actually known him, seem to have a high opinion of him, seeing him as a good and decent man who loved Diana, but was aware of the many problems that went against their relationship succeeding. HIs family wanting him to marry within their culture and religion.. her enormous fame, the wealth and status differences, his own dedication to his work which meant that he found her neediness a bit tiring to deal with.

 

[Mermaid1962]

The problem I have with Khan is that he seemed to have no problem taking advantage of Diana's hospitality (she made over her former equerry's office as a den for him) and sleeping with her even though he had no intention of marrying her. He surely knew that Diana was an all-or-nothing kind of woman but got upset when she started making plans for them. So, in that way, I find him rather selfish.

 

[Denville]

He was in love with her... and I think that she chased him hard.. and Im sure he wished that ti could have been a relationship that ended in marriage... but it coudlnt' and he was wise to say so. ANd I mean come on, one of the most famous and beautiful women in the world was in love with him and wanted to be with him? he woudl have to be a saint to say no.
I believe that he did tell her it would not work as a marital relationship and she probalby half accepted that but went on pursuing him.. like she did with Hoare...or even Charles.. in a way. I think when Diana wanted a man, she would go after him very hard.. they had frequent quarrels, I believe where he tried to tell her that it wasn't going to be a marriage, and she woudl still chase him and he would come back because he still cared for her..

 

[Mirabel]

He was in love with her... and I think that she chased him hard.. and Im sure he wished that ti could have been a relationship that ended in marriage... but it coudlnt' and he was wise to say so. ANd I mean come on, one of the most famous and beautiful women in the world was in love with him and wanted to be with him? he woudl have to be a saint to say no.

Was he in love with her?

I don't believe any of the men Diana was involved with truly loved her. It was as you said- she was famous, she was a trophy!

 

[Denville]

well since Khan insisted on keeping the relationship secret it is hard to see what good she was as a trophy. I beleive that he did love her, and that he tried to break with her because he knew that they would not work out as a married couple, but because she kept on trying to get him back and becuase he loved her, he came back. I believe too that Oliver Hoare loved her, to an extent, becauase he too wanted a secret relationship, at least until he could make up his mind whether to end his marriage.. and he has never spoken abuot her..
Dodi, i doubt if he loved her, but I think he was fond enough of her to feel that maybe he coudl successfully fulfil his fahter's dreams of having a marriage with her...

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Because he didn't want to be in the spotlight...which he obviously would have been if they had agreed to come open with their relationship...that makes him in love with himself? If anything that was selfless on his part as many men would have divorced their wives to get a chance with a relationship with Diana because of her looks, fame, money etc....basically gold diggers?

Apart from Hasnat Khan...she did date absolute losers though...Dodi I don't think was husband material for her either.
It is sad though.. the higher profile you are, the more difficult it seems to find the right guy.

I don't see Hasn't as selfish either I see him as reasonable, he was a heart surgeon for crying out loud. He didn't go to medical school to end up being Mr. Princess of Wales. Plus he did not want media intrusion in his life which is something Diana brought with him. Lastly their different religions and cultures would be more problematic than with a normal couple. Could you imagine the hoopla if the future king had a Muslim step father? Let's not be PC about this it would have been a problem; and was Hasnat allowed to marry a non Muslim or would his wife have to convert?
Lastly if Diana was that demanding of him I don't see it being a good relationship until she grew out of it.
And I'm sorry Mermaid but your ideas about relationships are old fashioned. Today, and in the 90s, people didn't have sex because they had intentions to marry they had sex because they had feelings for each other. Hasnat cared about her and was in a relationship with her, he wanted to marry her probably but he knew it couldn't work. And from what I have heard Hasnat did not go with Diana for money. Diana making him a place in her home so they can man gain secrecy is no different than him cleaning out some drawers for her at his apartment.

 

[Denville]

Well some people might not mind, giving up full time surgery to be the husband of a woman they loved who was able to support them. ANd Diana DID try to find some way of compromising between their lifestyles, she wanted them to move to S AFrica and tried to him a job with Christiaan Barnard...

 

[Mirabel]

well since Khan insisted on keeping the relationship secret it is hard to see what good she was as a trophy.

I disagree.

How secret was it? Everybody knew about it!

 

[Curryong]

Hasnat Khan was in a terribly difficult position. Apart from the obvious difficulties inherent in the relationship he came from a very traditional family in Pakistan (whom Diana once visited.) His parents, to whom he was close, wanted an arranged marriage for Hasnat or at least for him to marry a Pakistani woman on the same level of society as himself. Hasnat did marry later (possibly to please his parents, and he was getting older,) but it just didn't work out.

The relationship between Diana and Hasnat would never have worked in a million years. However, the heart wants what the heart wants. I think, from everything that I've read, that they were terribly in love with each other, but in the end Hasnat decided that they had no future together and so made the decision to split.

Why couldnt any of these men possibly be in love with Diana? Was she so unlovable? Many men who met her found her enchanting. Even Hewitt was desperately in love with her at the time of their affair, and only turned to writing/talking about it later, when he was broke. It would be hard for Diana to be a trophy when she was never seen out wining and dining or even taking a walk hand in hand with any of them.

 

[Lady Nimue]

None of Diana's relationships with men sound healthy imo. In some respects Diana was a stalker. She wouldn't take no for an answer. What is being described vis-a-vis Hasnat sounds scary to me.

Well some people might not mind, giving up full time surgery to be the husband of a woman they loved who was able to support them. ANd Diana DID try to find some way of compromising between their lifestyles, she wanted them to move to S AFrica and tried to him a job with Christiaan Barnard...

The man was a surgeon. His career was/is likely his life. As with most men (I have known) his work likely defines him. If the man is as honorable as made out (and I trust he is) I do not think he would ever have 'settled' out of his career for a sexual relationship with some attendant warmth of feelings. Not in keeping with the character of the man.

 

[Curryong]

From everything I have read Hasnat was deeply in love with Diana. It wouldn't have been a matter of settling for anything. They just came from different worlds and their marriage wouldn't have worked. Hasnat realised it before she did but that doesn't make his love for her any less. There seems to be this impression among some posters that Diana stalked him and threw herself at him and there was just a bit of fondness on his side. Not so, IMO.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Yes, I believe that she had what could be described as "impulse control" problems.

None of Diana's relationships with men sound healthy imo. In some respects Diana was a stalker. She wouldn't take no for an answer. What is being described vis-a-vis Hasnat sounds scary to me.

Doesn't make them wrong. Diana's relationships with men didn't seem to do her much good, in the long run.

And I'm sorry Mermaid but your ideas about relationships are old fashioned. Today, and in the 90s, people didn't have sex because they had intentions to marry they had sex because they had feelings for each other.

 

[Denville]

Who is to say? I hope that her feelings for Khan and their affair gave her some happiness. Its sad that it couldn't work as a mariage but I think in the short term it made her happy.

I agree Nimue that some people DO let their job define tehm and I think that is rather sad.. And if you read my post, I did say that Diana tried to find a compromise.. if He had worked for Barnard in S Africa, and perhaps spent some time working with her on her charities, I think he would have had enough to do, to keep him happy and he would have had the woman he loved... Of course his family and religious problems woudl have remained and it is possible that Di might nt have been able to settle for the life of a middle class surgeon's wife..

 

[US Royal Watcher]

Well some people might not mind, giving up full time surgery to be the husband of a woman they loved who was able to support them. ANd Diana DID try to find some way of compromising between their lifestyles, she wanted them to move to S AFrica and tried to him a job with Christiaan Barnard...

I don't think the incident with Dr. Barnard was an attempt to compromise--it was an attempt to control. Diana did not talk to Dr. Khan before she asked Dr. Barnard to help find him a job.

It was completely inappropriate. I would be furious if my husband had taken that type of liberty, and Diana and Dr. Khan were not even engaged.

I believe Dr. Khan and Diana loved each other, but that doesn't mean that her actions were innocent and harmless. She stalked him. She called him multiple times a day and let herself into his apartment without his permission. She demonstrated similar behavior with Oliver Hoare.

 

[Denville]

Well I think she chased him. I would not say stalked him. I dont know of her letting herself intot his apartment without permission.. how would she do that unless he gave her a key? She rang him up a lot.. yes, but she did that with all her friends. If he really wanted to end the relationship he coudl have done so, but he clearly found it hard to do so becuase he DID care for her..
And I think that she did mean well in trying to get him a job iwth Barnaard. She wanted him to have a job, I imagine that they discussed living togethter or getting married.. evne if it seemed difficult.. and While I gather he was annoyed, I think that she was trying to find a way they coudl be together, and that he could keep on working as a surgeon.

I disagree.

How secret was it? Everybody knew about it!

No. there was talk, but it wasn't well known for some time. Diana was caught at his hospital but told a reporter that she went there at night to comfort patients.. and I think that she put out a story or 2 that she knew him but there was no love affair, in hopes of putting the media off. But Khan hated the whole media circus that followed Diana and I think that even her talking to reporters to try and get them away from the story, upset him.

 

[Mirabel]

Why couldnt any of these men possibly be in love with Diana? Was she so unlovable? Many men who met her found her enchanting. Even Hewitt was desperately in love with her at the time of their affair, and only turned to writing/talking about it later, when he was broke. It would be hard for Diana to be a trophy when she was never seen out wining and dining or even taking a walk hand in hand with any of them.

Perhaps trophy is the wrong word.

I don't mean these men wanted to flaunt Diana in public, but rather that the affair (with a famous and attractive woman) flattered them and validated their own desirablility. It's the same way that many men wouldn't turn down a well-known celebrity, whether or not they had feelings for her.

It's an ego-stroking thing.

But that isn't love.