Hasnat Khan


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But there's always an ego stroking thing in any relationship, even if it is a totally secret one that nether party talks about. Its flattering to be loved.. or to have someone attracted to you. IM sure Diana's ego was soothed by the fact that a handsome art expert like Oliver Hoare loved her, when her own husband had fallen out of any feelings for her.. In fact I think that Di DID use her status as a beautiful princess to "summon" men to visit her, becuase she could.. like Will Carling...
I dotnt see why you seem to refuse to beleive that any of Diana's boyfriends genuinely loved her.. I can't see why they shoudlnt'. She did have her problem but she was sweet natured, affectionate fun to be with, and warm and giving..Why shouldnt they love her? I think that Khan certainly did... he's always tried to keep the affair as something private and has rarely talked of it.. so did Oliver Hoare. James Hewitt hasn't acted as if he loved her certainly..He's used her as a cash cow, even when they were together, he let her buy him things..and when tehir affair was over, he basically sold his story... and has Continued to do so.
 
Curryong said:
Hasnat Khan was in a terribly difficult position. Apart from the obvious difficulties inherent in the relationship he came from a very traditional family in Pakistan (whom Diana once visited.) His parents, to whom he was close, wanted an arranged marriage for Hasnat or at least for him to marry a Pakistani woman on the same level of society as himself. Hasnat did marry later (possibly to please his parents, and he was getting older,) but it just didn't work out.

T
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I agree that his cultural and religious background was such that he would have found it hard to escape it and marry a Non Pakistani non Muslim woman of a sutiable rank...And their attitude was certainly that yes she was royal and she was a lovely woman and a nice person, but she wasnt' what they wanted for him..
but I agree too that he loved Diana and I think he wished that they could be together but he knew his family would be unhappy, he knew that he could not stand the media circus around Diana. He loved his work and I think that he was a bit afraid of Di's intense emotions.. and Im sure he feared that if he gave way and married her, and they settled somewhere like S Africa. Diana would not really be able to adjust to being a middle class doctors wife...
But it was Diana who finished the affair, as I recall. He gave testimony at the Inquest that she had ended it and he thought that she had become involved iwht someone else.. - of course that being Dodi Fayed.
but I think that while they both recognised the difficulties, both of them were in love and were on and off for ages, becuase they could not quite finish with each other.
 
US Royal Watcher said:
I don't think the incident with Dr. Barnard was an attempt to compromise--it was an attempt to control. Diana did not talk to Dr. Khan before she asked Dr. Barnard to help find him a job.

It was completely inappropriate. I would be furious if my husband had taken that type of liberty, and Diana and Dr. Khan were not even engaged.

I believe Dr. Khan and Diana loved each other, but that doesn't mean that her actions were innocent and harmless. She stalked him. She called him multiple times a day and let herself into his apartment without his permission. She demonstrated similar behavior with Oliver Hoare.
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I agree, and much else. She called him while he was with patients and expected him to interrupt his work for her. They may have loved each other but Dr Khan was very wise turning her down imo. :sad: If I recall correctly, her visit to his family in Pakistan was not with his permission. Am I right on that?
 
why woudl she have to have permission to visit his family?
And I suppose that he was wise in a sense in not wanting to marry her, but I dont think the decision made him very happy. He seems to have married to please his family and the marriage ended.. so clearly it wasn't a good decision. Its true that Diana's status and her being used to being a princess would problaby have made it very hard for her to get used to being a middle class doctors wife... but I can't help thinking that he might as well have tried to see if it would work for them. I get the feeling that he's very lonely and still in love with Diana. Besides, it was Diana who ended the relationshp..
 
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Denville said:
why woudl she have to have permission to visit his family?
And I suppose that he was wise in a sense in not wanting to marry her, but I dont think the decision made him very happy. He seems to have married to please his family and the marriage ended.. so clearly it wasn't a good decision. Its true that Diana's status and her being used to being a princess would problaby have made it very hard for her to get used to being a middle class doctors wife... but I can't help thinking that he might as well have tried to see if it would work for them. I get the feeling that he's very lonely and still in love with Diana. Besides, it was Diana who ended the relationshp..
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I don't want to speak for Lady Nimue, but perhaps the better word would be "approval." Her visit to his family impacted him--yet she went against his wishes It was not a minor decision--he very close to his family and her visit to them impacted him. Yet she insisted on going anyway because she didn't trust his judgment and had an inflated belief in her ability to change people's attitudes through her charisma and charm.

She also had a serious lack of understanding of his family's religious and cultural beliefs. Diana should have waited until she and Dr. Khan had come to an agreement on how to handle his family's misgivings about their relationship.
 
I don't see it was very terrible. Khan problably would not have married her, anyway.. and I think that it is fair to say that the Khans liked her very much, they just did not want him to marry her.. OK so she miscalculated.. She hoped that by meeting them she might overcome their disapproval, what's wrong with this?
As for Khan, In the end although he refused to take the relationship to a public level, he was not the one who broke it off finally... so if he was so against the idea of marrying her why not firmly finish it and refuse to see her again. Besdies I'm sure his family weren't going to disown him because his western girlfriend paid them a visit...
 
As far as Dr. Khan's family's feelings on their relationship, I referred back to Khan27's post here (post #122 of this thread I believe) who is actually a member of Dr. Khan's family. She stated:

"I don't know how the relationship ended. They were planning on meeting to talk but on a later date. He grieved a lot.. not sure whether it was for that reason. No one in the family encouraged/discouraged a marriage between them, so yes they probably could have. I just don't know whether or not he liked the idea of being married to a princess."

This says a lot I think.
 
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Denville said:
I don't see it was very terrible. Khan problably would not have married her, anyway.. and I think that it is fair to say that the Khans liked her very much, they just did not want him to marry her.. OK so she miscalculated.. She hoped that by meeting them she might overcome their disapproval, what's wrong with this?
As for Khan, In the end although he refused to take the relationship to a public level, he was not the one who broke it off finally... so if he was so against the idea of marrying her why not firmly finish it and refuse to see her again. Besdies I'm sure his family weren't going to disown him because his western girlfriend paid them a visit...
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What is wrong with it was that Khan didn't want her to visit his family. Obviously they didn't disown him but, again, he didn't want her to do it. In healthy relationships there is give and take. If my husband and I disagree about how to handle something, we work through it. He would be upset if I just went off and did something I knew he didn't want me to do (and vice versa).

Furthermore, Khan didn't want her to talk to Dr. Barnard about a job. He was upset also about Diana talking to a priest about marrying them--without talking to Khan first. Jobs, family, and marriage are issues that couples should work out together. Diana apparently didn't respect Dr. Khan very much. I think she loved him but was to control him, and he apparently didn't like it. He was very wise not to marry her.
 
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well he was problaby saying to her, "I dont want to marry you" but giving her the mixed message of not breaking off the relationship for good and making a marriage of hte kind his family wanted...
 
US Royal Watcher said:
Furthermore, Khan didn't want her to talk to Dr. Barnard about a job. He was upset also about Diana talking to a priest about marrying them--without talking to Khan first. Jobs, family, and marriage are issues that couples should work out together. Diana apparently didn't respect Dr. Khan very much. I think she loved him but was to control him, and he apparently didn't like it. He was very wise not to marry her.
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I've not heard about her consulting a priest about a marriage but to be honest, I'd not put it past her. I think one of Diana's problem with relationships is that she envisioned exactly how that relationship should be and should go and if it didn't meet her criteria, then she'd either move on or try to manipulate things to go the way she wanted them to.

In this respect, I don't think Diana ever was really ready for a partnership which is what a marriage is really all about. Its give and take and working together to resolve issues.
 
She was in a very difficult position as regards partnership. She was legally married to Charles until just a year before her death. Unlike Charles who had a steady long term affair with Cam, she had to meet a new man and try and work soemthing out with him if she wanted to remarry or have more children or a new life. And in that sitaution, "Nice" men would problaby shy off from her, feeling that she hada lot of problems and was in a very worked up state mentially and emotionally and they would not want to get involved. Hoare was married and didn't want to leave his kids and he probably reasoned that since Di was married still, it wasnt' at all clear if she'd be free to marry him.. and in the end loyalty to his wife and kids and self interest kept him in his marriage. Hewitt was selfish through and through. A man like Hasnat Khan, coming from outside the UK, was probably a bit more willing to take a risk, but he was sure his family would not want him to marry a western woman.. so he was not truly willing to commit to her. I dont blame her for spinning her dreams and trying to turn them into reality...
 
Well I woudnt entirely believe what Burrell says. However, I think It is possible that she did this, hoping to persuade Khan to get married..
 
Hasnat Khan objected to her looking for work for him. There was a fightened little girl inside Diana that couldn`t handle what she saw as rejection. Even if it wasn`t rejection, that`s how she saw it.
 
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If Diana insisted on doing things against Hasnat's wishes then he was smart not to marry her. Manipulation, pushiness, trying to interfere in your boyfriends career are all warning signs. When Diana insists on visiting his family was this before or after he introduced them to her? It boggles the mind that a woman could think it is OK to intrude on her boyfriends family without even being formally introduced. And yes I recall she tried to interfere in Hewitt's career as well and the fact that she couldn't or refused to understand that a mans career does not revolve around her is another sign that it wouldn't work out with Hasnat. I can just imagine that if Diana did not mature she would eventually want him to give up his surgical career. I believe he did love her, but he has the maturity to know it wouldn't work out.
 
well who can say? SHe might have worked out with Hasnat Khan but IMO HE was not willilng to compromise, because he was unable to break free from his cultural background. He feared his family's not being happy if he married a woman who wasn't Muslim/Pakistani, of "good birth" etc. But he married, some years ago and it didn't work out.
I think that Diana DID try to compromise, wanting him to get a job with Ch Barnard in S Africa, where she had her brother, she was near enough to the UK to go and see the boys and the lifestyle was comfortable.. and she would have problaby done some charity work. And Khan would still have had his heart surgery. but he wasn't willing to try making some changes in how he wanted to live. I don't entirely blame him, as I think he was a victim of the expectations of his traditional culture, but maybe he should have given it a go.
 
I certainly think that Hasnat Khan would have been the ideal sort of person for Diana - someone who had his own career, a busy professional who would focus on his work (and Diana herself of-course) but would not see the limelight or want to become some kind of celebrity himself. His cultural background would, to me, have been perfectly acceptable had Diana been acceptable to it.

I think of the all the gentlemen friends she had, Mr Khan seemed to be the most "steady" none-controversial of the lot!
 
Jacknch said:
I certainly think that Hasnat Khan would have been the ideal sort of person for Diana - someone who had his own career, a busy professional who would focus on his work (and Diana herself of-course) but would not see the limelight or want to become some kind of celebrity himself. His cultural background would, to me, have been perfectly acceptable had Diana been acceptable to it.

I think of the all the gentlemen friends she had, Mr Khan seemed to be the most "steady" none-controversial of the lot!
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I think he's a very fine man, in many ways... but I dont know what woudl have happened. SHE was certianly willing to learn about his religion and culture and adapt to it, but he seemed to find it impossible to buck his family's wish that he marry the sort of woman they wanted.
Perhaps he was right to fear the media circus around Diana, that maybe she was not able to give up and of course, perhaps she could not have adjusted to being the wife of a doctor.. but I wish they'd given it a try. His marriage failed, and Diana started a holiday romance, with Dodi, probalby just to amuse herself and perhaps to try and send a message to Khan that she had another boyfriend and it ended so tragically...
Khan was very dedicated to his work, but i think that if Di had still had someting of a career in charity work herself, she might have adapted to his being busy at times, and going away or doing charity work. But if the press had still pursued them, I dont think that Khan would have been able to handle it.
 
Denville said:
I think he's a very fine man, in many ways... but I dont know what woudl have happened. SHE was certianly willing to learn about his religion and culture and adapt to it, but he seemed to find it impossible to buck his family's wish that he marry the sort of woman they wanted.
Perhaps he was right to fear the media circus around Diana, that maybe she was not able to give up and of course, perhaps she could not have adjusted to being the wife of a doctor.. but I wish they'd given it a try. His marriage failed, and Diana started a holiday romance, with Dodi, probalby just to amuse herself and perhaps to try and send a message to Khan that she had another boyfriend and it ended so tragically...
Khan was very dedicated to his work, but i think that if Di had still had someting of a career in charity work herself, she might have adapted to his being busy at times, and going away or doing charity work. But if the press had still pursued them, I dont think that Khan would have been able to handle it.
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I don't think that Khan's family really had any influence on whether or not he and Diana would marry as one of his family members has stated that there was really no encouragement/discouragement on the part of the family where Hasnat and Diana were involved.

I do agree that out of all of Diana's men, Khan was probably the most down to earth, realistic and stable. He didn't go into the medical profession with all the years of study to specialize in heart surgery to scratch it all for another position elsewhere even if it seemed to be a more "high profile" practice. The fact that Diana sought out other places for him to work without his input on it shows manipulation to how she wanted things to be. Khan preferred to be right where he was. Whereas Khan didn't like the idea of limelight, I think Diana would have been unhappy without it.

As far as Diana vacationing with the Al-Fayeds and the rumors of a possible romance with Dodi, it was too short lived to really know for a fact what she wanted out of it or whatever motives were going through her head at the time.
 
I certianly DO think that Khan's family had an influence on his behaviour. OK I think that he also did love surgery adnd wanted to stay in London (frankly I cant imagine why wehn he could have worked somewhere more sunny and pleasant) and he was right to be cautious about Diana.. but a lot of it was also that his family DID have expectations. One of thte family is quoted as saying that they wanted him to marry a girl of good birth, from Pakistan and a Muslim.
I think that he did marry later to try and agree with his family's wishes but the marriage didn't last long.
I realy do find it hard to agree that diana was "manipulating" him. She wanted him, she wanted them to marry, adn she hoped that they could find a way to be togehter. She was trying to compromise.
I think she woudl have preferred the USA if she did not live in England. (she also I think talked of France..).. but for Khans' sake...she looked for places they could live, such as S Africa, which would be pleasant, sunny, had a hospital where he could work, and be near to the UK for her to go home to see her sons. If he wasn't willing to do anything to make the relationship permanent he shoudl have completely cut off contact with her - but it was she who finished the relationship.
 
wouldn't it be easier to have one thread "Diana, lovers and friends" for all posts regarding mr Kahn, mr Fayed and mr Hewitt?
 
I think it's an open question whether a second marriage could have been achieved, given the nature of the tabloid press in the 1990's. (Unless she pulled a Jackie Onassis kind of pairing, which I think Mr Fayed was aiming for).

IMO it is unlikely that Diana would ever have re-married after her divorce since she had no interest in being a private person. :sad: Had she really withdrawn from public life, I suspect a second marriage would have been possible, though even then, not probable.
 
I think she was very obviously looking for someone to remarry. Why would she have gone to such lengths to get to see Khan's family and talk to C Barnard about getting him a job, if she didn't want to marry him??
 
Curryong said:
I think Diana was left with terrible insecurities from her childhood. Her mother leaving the family home when Diana was only small was a devastating blow.


Nor could the extremely busy surgeon Hasnet Khan, though their romance had other issues. I am a great fan of Diana, but I am not surprised really that everyone from James Hewitt to Charles to Khan and others found her high-maintenance emotional needs exhausting at times, lovely though she was.
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I think that 90% of it was due to her mother leaving and the marital rows.. Not all children would be so hurt by that betrayal but Diana was.. and her father then shut himself away a lot and left her feeling more isolated and lost. tehn he married a woman that his children detested. So it is no wonder that she was needy.. I think that of all her affairs, Khan was one fo the nicer men and had he been able to look after her and live with her, had he been abel to ignore his familys wish for him to marry a woman of their culture, it might have worked out. I think she did want a lot of attention, but I believe that with therapy and doing her own charity wrok she would have learned to cope with her husband being busy elsewhere at times..
 
Dr. Khan was the only one of Diana's lovers extra-marital lovers who seemed to have any sort of humanitarian interest. They had that in common. Diana appeared to have plans for further public work, and so I don't think she would have allowed herself to fade out of the spotlight. She had a lot of energy, and so I think that she would have been bored with a quiet life.
 
I think she loved her charity work, but she was a bit fitful after the divorce, because I think she was really worn out with all the strain she had bene through..and she found it hard to commit to things. And maybe with a happier private life, another child, she would have been less in need of the charity work to make up for the unhappiness of her private life and marriage. In fact, I wonder if she'd have been better if she had been doing charity work on a lower level, less of the stress of public appearances and reporters and so on. Perhaps on a committee of a hospital and visiting sick people one to one.. or working in a nursery or homeless centre...
But it might have been hard to adjust to that, after being the one who visited "through the front door" and was photographed..and even if she had remarried, there would be security concerns..
but I agree that Khan was the only one who seemed to have an interest in charity, or "doing good" and I think thats' what she liked about him.. that he had a job that was about helping and caring for people..
 
I think that certainly Khan was a very important person in Diana's life and in many ways, I think he loved her more than other men she had had, and was loyal to her, and she loved him a lot. Perhaps it was never realistic of her to think of marrying him, but clearly he did care and wished that it was possible to have a more permanent relationship with her but he knew that with her social position, his family's expectations that he marry a girl wthin his own cultural and religious background and his own dedication to his work, that it was never going to work.
 
And he wasn't happy with her when she tried to find him a job in Africa without his knowledge. She was straying into fantasy, thinking they could marry and go off and live happily ever after in Africa.
 
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