Diana's Relationships with The Queen and Other Members of the Royal Family

[MARG]

. . . . The Panorama interview hugely enraged PM mainly for the questioning of Charles' fitness to be king, as well as the implied criticism of the Queen, to whom PM was always loyal, even when the relationship between the sisters was at its various low points.

This is hardly unusual, most family dynamics work on the "I can say what I like about my family but anybody else that does is toast". And in this case it was more dramatic family "offence" than most.

I've always been curious as to why PM chose to burn most of the correspondence between Diana and the Queen Mother. That is a major loss to history and it must have been intense reading for Margaret to go to those lengths to destroy it.

I have my suspicions that Paul Burrell would have gotten to Diana's mail way before mother and PM, if what has been imparted just on this later page or two, merely "culled the hoards". Anything Else is pure speculation.

. . . . Margaret didn't even soften at Diana's death and was heard complaining about the "rotting smell" of the field of flowers left in front of KP and she did not follow the Queen's lead and bow to Diana's coffin.

I think PM is getting a really unfair an nasty rap here. I have just recently returned home and, on opening the front door, was greeted by the smell of a decaying floral arrangement I had omitted to dispose of before leaving. Now multiply that sickly rotten smell by a 1.5 metre deep pile of decaying flowers outside KP, well I can only imagine the air must have been somewhat sickly, cloying and downright ripe. That there was no end in sight for the removal of them would have been distressing to many inhabitants of KP. Feeling nauseated by such a stench does not make anyone a bad or mean person.

She encouraged HM to remain at Balmoral that week, refuse to lower the flag, etc - and was even heard complaining about having to return from her vacation in Italy upon news of Diana's death. In her book, Diana was no longer royal and her death should not have interfered with her time in the sunshine!

That is, of course, pure speculation. We have heard many logical reasons for HM to remain at Balmoral, all of them very sensible. We have absolutely no evidence that HM was encouraged by PM to do anything at all, especially not out of spite or disrespect to Diana. The Queen was one of the few in the royal party that did bow to the coffin. Does that make them all mean and spiteful or just mesmerised like bunnies in the headlights by the sheer enormity of what was actually happening.

 

[Nice Nofret]

AGAIN: if you watch the documents carefully PM DID bow to the coffin! As she was standing in the second row, it's hard to see.

Correspondence between Diana and Queen MUM: QM was known as the royal ostrich ... do you really think she varied from that habit NOT to address unpleasant things? I don't think any letters between the two could have been more than appropriate noises to whatever occasion.

 

[Zonk]

...By some accounts the Queen Mum stopped talking to Diana in 1984...

Do you have a specific source to support your statement that Diana and the Queen Mother stopped speaking in 1984?

 

[NGalitzine]

Do you have a specific source to support your statement that Diana and the Queen Mother stopped speaking in 1984?

Exactly. Even if they did stop talking is there any evidence that it was the QM who stopped talking to Diana and not the other way around? Diana has a well established reputation of turning people off and on according to her moods and purposes. One minute you were close friends the next she did not return your calls.

 

[Mermaid1962]

IIRC Burrell moved the things out of KP in reaction to Diana's mother destroying correspondence. I think that it would have been perfectly normal for Diana's mother and sisters to be allowed into Diana's apartment to go through her personal things. That's what any family does after a death, Royal or not. Diana's sister Jane lived in the Kensington Palace complex and was married to the Queen's
Private Secretary. It could have been easily arranged.

When did Frances come in and clean out Diana's things, before or after Paul Burrell stole some?

Wasn't Frances supposedly left out of the funeral arrangement for Diana? Do you really think if she did not have access to her daughter's body, she had access to KP after Diana's death?

.

 

[Warren]

...We have no idea, how many letters were destroyed on either side and how many survived.
To assume all were destroyed is wrong. To assume there were that many to begin with is also wrong.

...Logically, this is a relationship between grandmother/daughter in-law and not many people write letters to their grandmother-in law.
Most letters might have been of a general nature asking about their health, commenting on how the children had grown since she last saw them, a thank you note for a birthday/Christmas gift. Nothing of interest.
Most people assume more than what these letter probably contained.

No one here has made any assumptions about the specific number of letters, we only have the statements in the article which claim to be quoting Shawcross:
"The Queen Mother’s official biographer, William Shawcross, has revealed that two unlikely figures destroyed all epistolary evidence of the relationship between the royal matriarch and her grand-daughter-in-law, the Princess of Wales.

"Frances Shand Kydd shredded a great number of the Queen Mother’s letters to Diana after the princess’s death in 1997,” says Shawcross."
"...after Diana’s death Shand Kydd stepped in to deal with her daughter’s private papers."

"Meanwhile, the late Princess Margaret was carrying out a similar task. “Some time in the Nineties Princess Margaret consigned many of her mother’s papers to black bin-bags for burning — including letters from the Princess of Wales,” adds Shawcross."

Diana had mentioned receiving supportive letters or notes from the Duke of Edinburgh; it would come as no surprise to learn that "old-fashioned" methods of communication were, and possibly still are, favoured by many members of the Royal Family. They do things differently to you and I and to most other people. They also have recourse to the Royal Archives as a secure repository for private papers, along with the official.

The content of the destroyed correspondence between the Queen Mother and the late Diana and between mother and daughter is unknown. It may have been highly charged, it may have been bitter and twisted, it may have been anodyne and as dull as dishwater. The point is that source documents, part of the historical record and which may have shed light on the individuals, relationships and events directly contributing to the darkest period of Elizabeth II's long reign, have been deliberately and needlessly destroyed.

 

[AdmirerUS]

No one here has made any assumptions about the specific number of letters, we only have the statements in the article which claim to be quoting Shawcross:
The content of the destroyed correspondence between the Queen Mother and the late Diana and between mother and daughter is unknown. It may have been highly charged, it may have been bitter and twisted, it may have been anodyne and as dull as dishwater. The point is that source documents, part of the historical record and which may have shed light on the individuals, relationships and events directly contributing to the darkest period of Elizabeth II's long reign, have been deliberately and needlessly destroyed.

Thanks Warren - for the lovely voice of reason.

 

[Queen Camilla]

I don't recall where I read it. The date stuck in my mind as that was the year Harry was born and it surprised me that their relationship was already strained.

It might have been in stories about the Queen Mother refusing to allow magazines with Diana on the cover.

In my post I also stated they may have maintained a relationship even though the divorce.

 

[vkrish]

I dont think the Queen Mother really cared much about the entire Charles-Diana fiasco. If she did, she would have long back discouraged Charles from proposing to Diana (From a person who knew both family backgrounds/ upbringings/ priorities very well, and having age and experience of 80 years, thats the minimum foresight we expect), and spared her daughter a lot of horror.She showed the same indifference regarding Princess Margaret, but I am not sure of the things then.
I guess she was much content with the granny-of-the-nation image, and thought she fulfilled her "duty" by duly showering people with graceful smiles and waves..This is not a personal attack or something..no offence..

 

[Naggi]

I once read that Princess Diana and Princess Anne did not get along very well.

 

[amaryllus]

I can see that completely. Anne has no patience for drama and neediness and Diana could not get along with someone who just did not cater to her ways.

Disclaimer: My opinion. Lets not start another Diana war.

 

[Andolini]

I can see that completely. Anne has no patience for drama and neediness and Diana could not get along with someone who just did not cater to her ways.

Disclaimer: My opinion. Lets not start another Diana war.

I would tend to agree with you - Princess Anne seems very no nonsense - in a good way - and in my opinion, I could see her rolling her eyes at Diana and the drama.

 

[AdmirerUS]

I can see that completely. Anne has no patience for drama and neediness and Diana could not get along with someone who just did not cater to her ways.

Disclaimer: My opinion. Lets not start another Diana war.

No war, this was nicely said and I think it is clear that Anne is not into drama; she will walk away from drama.

I think, just as a joke of for fun, some of the of the Queen's children should hug in public. They could spend the rest of their lives reading and chuckling over the press reaction. And yes, I know the family is not huggy. That's my point.

And before you say it, yes Will and Harry hug their dad and step mom. I know that and I know where it comes from.

 

[dbarn67]

I would tend to agree with you - Princess Anne seems very no nonsense - in a good way - and in my opinion, I could see her rolling her eyes at Diana and the drama.

This is true Anne seems a no nonsense lady. Yet I remember reading at the time that of all the (adult) BRF Anne was the one who was openly weeping at Diana's funeral. Relationships among family members, especially after a divorce, are always multi-layered and complex.

 

[nascarlucy]

Can't really see Princess Anne and Diana getting along at all. That didn't necessarily mean that they hated or had a strong dislike for each other.

I would guess that Princess Diana and Prince Phillip didn't get along very well.

I imagine there are royals that don't like each other or have nothing in common with each other. They probably don't socialize or rarely socialize with each other. When it's not a family member, that's easy to do. What's difficult is when it's someone that's a member of you're family.

 

[COUNTESS]

Anne is a no nonsense person. Diana was needy and popular. Anne was just that woman in that "ugly" dress. Anne is not necessarily the epitome of warmth and kindness. On the other hand, she loves her father, more than the others, she is his favorite, she strives hard for her foundations, but it is a job and she does well at jobs.

 

[Archduchess Zelia]

Regarding Anne and Diana, I agree. The two had completely different personalities and Anne certainly isn't a media-circus lady like Diana was. I've also always found it odd that Anne wasn't chosen as a godparent for neither William nor Harry (and that Andrew was chosen over her as a godparent for Harry; one would think that Anne would be the obvious choice as she seemingly is the sibling who is closest to Charles).

EDIT: Not implying that Diana was the only one choosing godparents, rather that the relationship between Diana and Anne could have been a factor. Come on now, this was not meant as a kickstarter for trouble

 

[amaryllus]

It's sometimes the people, the quiet ones, who seem gruff, tough, insensitive, etc. who have the most depth of feeling and hurt and love most deeply.... showing it is not always easy for the 'still waters run deep' type.

 

[NGalitzine]

I would guess that Princess Diana and Prince Phillip didn't get along very well.

Given the warmth of the letters between Diana and Philip I am not sure I would bank on your statement as factual.
.

 

[nascarlucy]

Prince Andrew is closer in age to Diana (he's only a year older) which may have been a factor. Princess Ann is nearly 10 years old than Diana. If they didn't get along very well (Princess Ann and Princess Diana) this could be a factor as well when chosing a godparent. Usually you chose someone you like.

 

[dbarn67]

Are we assuming that Diana not Charles is responsible for Anne no being chosen as a godparent? I don't, I either Charles, advisers and Diana were the responsible for picking godparents.

 

[Molly2101]

Anne is a no nonsense person. Diana was needy and popular. Anne was just that woman in that "ugly" dress. Anne is not necessarily the epitome of warmth and kindness. On the other hand, she loves her father, more than the others, she is his favorite, she strives hard for her foundations, but it is a job and she does well at jobs.

Anne is definitely no nonsense. It is also reported that she doesn't get along with Sophie either, but that could be down to age and very different personalities. Seems she wasn't too fond of her brothers' choices in wives! Did she get along with Sarah?

 

[Pranter]

I seem to recall that Anne did get on with Sarah due to their love of horses/riding. They had a common interest.


LaRae

 

[Blog Real]

Diana and Anne were well?

Princess Diana, Princess of Wales, and her sister-in-law Princess... News Photo | Getty Images

 

[Dman]

Diana and Anne did get along but the tabloids wanted to make them enemies.

 

[Mermaid1962]

This was taken at a service commemorating the war dead. It was appropriate that they looked very serious.

Diana and Anne were well?

 

[ROYAL NORWAY]

And here we go again, lead story on mail online.

Diana was in a crash? They must have greased the brakes, said Queen | Daily Mail Online
'Diana in a crash? They must have greased the brakes': New book reveals the Queen's astonishing words that lay bare her troubled relationship with the woman her son called 'mad, mad, mad'

When messages began to filter through from Paris to the Royal Family’s Highland retreat at Balmoral during the small hours of August 31, 1997, that Princess Diana had been involved in a serious car crash, the Queen could barely believe what she was hearing.

At first it was thought that, though the car crash in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel was serious, Diana had not been killed.

According to one witness present when the Queen heard the initial news, she mused out loud: ‘Someone must have greased the brakes.’

I don't trust Ingrid Seward, and do I think that the Queen have said this? No, because then we would have known it by now.

That astonishing remark reveals something of the extraordinary and complex relationship between her and Diana — a relationship brought into sharp relief this week with the publication of never-before-seen photographs of Diana’s wedding day. Taken behind the scenes at Buckingham Palace, they show Diana and the Queen walking side by side down a corridor in the aftermath of the ceremony. Yet despite the joyous occasion, there is little evident warmth between the two women or even a flicker of happiness on either face — a glimpse, perhaps, of their underlying anxieties and the great emotional gulf between two such differing personalities.

These pictures don't show any lack of warmth between the Queen and Diana, and Her Majesty was as she uses to be when she's not smiling.

So what did the Queen truly make of her daughter-in-law? The answer, I discovered while researching an in-depth new biography of our monarch, is utterly intriguing.

You haven't discovered anything new.

When Lady Diana Spencer first visited Balmoral, aged 19, she charmed all the Royals and the Queen especially.

The Queen made a great fuss of her future daughter-in-law, trying to demonstrate that she was interested in Diana for her personal qualities and not just for what she represented, as the wife of the heir to the throne.

The depth of Diana’s unhappiness became plain only when she collaborated with journalist Andrew Morton on a book that became ‘a catalogue of marital grievances’, as one historian called it. She gave off-the-record interviews and authorised her friends and family to speak to Morton. When the book appeared, sparing no detail, the Queen clung to the delusion that Diana could not have been involved. The Princess lied to the face of Palace private secretary Robert Fellowes, her own brother-in-law, and denied all complicity. The Queen believed her.

At the wedding reception on April 9, 2005, the Queen made a rare public comment on family business. Comparing the many obstacles that Charles and Camilla had encountered to the Grand National racecourse, she told guests: ‘They have overcome Becher’s Brook and the Chair, and all kinds of obstacles.
‘They have come through and I’m very proud and wish them well. My son is home and dry with the woman he loves.’

It was a very long way from the darkest point of the Nineties, when the Queen felt she had failed Charles and Diana — and, one day, had turned to her mother in mock despair and asked where it had all gone wrong. The Queen Mother had been playing one of her customary games of patience. She looked up from her cards and said: ‘Don’t worry. It will be all right in the end.’

In later years, the Queen would reproach herself for not seeing how much strain the Wales’s marriage was under. She knew she was not a tactile mother: like many aristocratic parents of her generation, she had delegated much of the childcare to nannies and to her own mother. Though never giving way to mawkish regrets, she sometimes blamed the disintegration of not only Charles’s marriage, but Anne and Andrew’s as well on her own remoteness when the children were growing up.

The Queen was very fond of Diana, and she tried to help her several times. She took Diana's side up to the Panorama interview in 1995, and it's not Her majesty's fault that her children's marriages fell apart.

And she now have a very close relationship with Charles, and he's very protective of his darling mama, as he calls her.

Yes, the Queen went to Malta to be with Philip and left the children for a period of time, and when she traveled around the world as Queen, the children were cared for by nannies. And she could have intervened in Philips school choice for Charles, but he (Philip) was already angry because of the family name. But she wasn't a bad or cold mother, and we must remember that it was a very different time.

 

[Mermaid1962]

I don't entirely trust Ingrid Seward, either. In my opinion, she used MAJESTY to denigrate Diana and promote Prince Charles and, later, Camilla. Diana sold a lot of magazines for her over the years; but once the separation occurred, it was 'game over.'

 

[Curryong]

These Royal biographers like Seward and Junor know which side their bread is buttered and Charles and Camilla are still with us, able to cooperate with them unlike the dead Diana.

However, I remember reading years ago that a courtier recollected the utter shock among all the royals at the way Diana died and in that period it is feasible that the Queen may have mused aloud and made that remark about the brakes. I don't subscribe to conspiracy theories AT ALL but the powers of MI6 were and are known to the Queen.

 

[ROYAL NORWAY]

Ingrid Seward is actually a big Diana fan, and much of what she writes / says about the royal family is wrong. She also has a tendency to change her mind about stuff. I don't find her trustworthy, and I take what she writes / says with a large pinch of salt.

She says that the Queen had a troubled relationship with Diana - That's wrong, at least from Her Majesty's point of view.

She also says the Queen tried to help Diana - That's right.