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  #241  
Old 06-02-2017, 08:16 AM
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All of the recent conversation about Diana getting help for her issues really kind of does stress the importance 20 years after her death that her children are striving so hard to bring to the forefront of people's awareness that mental health issues and the attitudes towards them need a drastic change.

Most of us do realize the underlying issues that affected Diana so much in her lifetime and now coming to the forefront are the issues her sons had to deal with after the trauma of her sudden death. Is there really a better way to remember Diana 20 years on than seeing another way that she has impacted those around her and the changes that may come about because of those issues that Diana and the people closest to her have gone through?

Twenty years after her death, Diana is still instrumental in changing people's lives. That's quite a legacy in my book.
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  #242  
Old 06-02-2017, 10:07 AM
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All of the recent conversation about Diana getting help for her issues really kind of does stress the importance 20 years after her death that her children are striving so hard to bring to the forefront of people's awareness that mental health issues and the attitudes towards them need a drastic change.
Yes it does Osipi.

I've noticed that they're careful to not refer to any of their mother's own struggles but they must be reminded of her when they meet with those who had similar issues to Diana.
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  #243  
Old 06-02-2017, 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
After all I've read, I tend to believe that there were a lot of adults around in Diana's life that were more than willing to help her. She was headstrong and refused it and went her own way and wanted to deal with things on her own and in her own time.

I just don't buy that there weren't adults there to help her if she wanted it.
who exactly? She needed good mental health care and it wasn't really avaialbe at the time.. there were few speicalists in eating disorders. And she herself was not ready to look for such help in the first few yers of her marriage.
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  #244  
Old 06-02-2017, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
who exactly? She needed good mental health care and it wasn't really avaialbe at the time.. there were few speicalists in eating disorders. And she herself was not ready to look for such help in the first few yers of her marriage.
This discussion needs moved to another Diana thread so maybe the moderators will do that for us.

In quite a few sources, I've read where even early in the marriage, Diana was seen by psychiatrists but it never lasted for long. One source gave the good doctors name but I can't recall it at the moment. So the point being that people did realize she needed help and advised her to get help and she even tried it but it just didn't stick. I believe that the main issue at this time was post natal depression if I'm remembering right.

One of the big things about bulimia is that its, for the most part, a secretive disorder and very easy most of the times to keep it concealed. Until Diana was ready to address that problem, it remained hidden.
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  #245  
Old 06-02-2017, 04:47 PM
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yes she did see psychiatrists from very early on, but I would imagine that the RF didn't want this to be long standing analysis..and specialists in food disorders were rare at the time.
As she said they put her on Valium, and then she had to stop taking that because she was pregnant. She needed IMO a lot of care and I don't know if she COULD really adjust to the situation that she had gotten into. She coudlnt' take time off her royal role to have intense therapy or to "have a nervous breakdown" and rest up. She was having children, doing her royal job, trying to fit into the RF and to a difficult marriage. Charles tired I think on and off to be helpful but he wasn't able to udnerstand her problems.. and she and he had so little in common. And while it wasn't the only problem there was also his lingering feeling for Camilla... Diana didn't imagine that, it was there and she was not mature enough to handle it. I think that the RF were just bewildered by her depression, couldnt' understand where it was coming from and hoped that a certain amount of tolerance, some pills and a bit of talk with a shrink, should put her back on track and able to do her job...And they would naturaly have been very concerned that her seeing a psychiatrist would not leak to the press
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  #246  
Old 06-11-2017, 06:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
One of the big things about bulimia is that its, for the most part, a secretive disorder and very easy most of the times to keep it concealed. Until Diana was ready to address that problem, it remained hidden.
I second this and appreciate your bringing up that aspect. As someone who started with the eating disorders, body dysmorphia etc at 14, I absolutely agree with you. It really took about 20 years before I was really in 100% remission. Bulimia is about controlling your body and behaviors, taking it wherever you can. The shame alone makes it secretive.

I empathize with her being a teenager (19) when she started dating a guy she had to call Sir or Your Highness. Then moved into the palace all alone for lessons from the BRF who was were all decades older than her. Charles left her to fend for herself. The press was all over her. Age 20 married, 21 baby. I wouldn't blame anyone for feeling a complete lack of control during the biggest steps in her a young life. JMO
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  #247  
Old 06-11-2017, 06:57 AM
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She was hardy "all alone" in the QM's house. or Buck Palace. I agree that she was probably rather scared and lonely but there were people around.
THe RF had no way of knowing that she wasn't able to cope with Royal life and that the feeling of isolation and lack of control of her life which was bound to come with being royal was the very thing that would drive her towards trying to re establish control, by throwing up her food and keeping her weight down.
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  #248  
Old 06-11-2017, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
She was hardy "all alone" in the QM's house. or Buck Palace. I agree that she was probably rather scared and lonely but there were people around.
THe RF had no way of knowing that she wasn't able to cope with Royal life and that the feeling of isolation and lack of control of her life which was bound to come with being royal was the very thing that would drive her towards trying to re establish control, by throwing up her food and keeping her weight down.
Reading what I have read on our own news page, it wasn't royal life she only had a problem with, but having to cope with a potential husband who had blantant interests else where also whilst flippantly commenting on the "chubbiness" of his teenage fiancee.
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  #249  
Old 06-11-2017, 01:46 PM
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Reading what I have read on our own news page, it wasn't royal life she only had a problem with, but having to cope with a potential husband who had blantant interests else where also whilst flippantly commenting on the "chubbiness" of his teenage fiancee.
The only person who mentioned this "commenting on her being chubby" was Diana, and her attitude to the truth was elasitc. And he didnt' have "blatant interests elsewhere.." he had had other relationships, hardly surprisingly, as he was many years her senior. he had had an affair a while before, with Camilla. She was aware of this relationship, unless she was incredibly unaware of things, and had stayed in Camilla's house when seeing Charles. So if it was a problem to her that he had recently been involved with Camilla, that was the time to bring it up, before they got engaged....
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  #250  
Old 06-12-2017, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Denville View Post
She was hardy "all alone" in the QM's house. or Buck Palace. I agree that she was probably rather scared and lonely but there were people around.
THe RF had no way of knowing that she wasn't able to cope with Royal life and that the feeling of isolation and lack of control of her life which was bound to come with being royal was the very thing that would drive her towards trying to re establish control, by throwing up her food and keeping her weight down.
I meant metaphorically alone. Her own family was unable/unwilling to offer emotional support either. It was all a big cluster of circumstances that led to the situation and results. Good thing the RF realized that perhaps it was more important to be happy than marry a virgin from an acceptable family And I applaud the entire RF for that enlightenment!
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  #251  
Old 06-12-2017, 07:52 PM
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Another aspect that perhaps affected Diana when she moved into BP after the engagement is that her freedom was pretty much curtailed. She couldn't just up and take off for lunch with the "girls" or just walk over to the nearest McD's for a burger and fries easily. Although lonely for companionship, she was never alone either. Wherever she went, there was her RPO at her side.

Sure there were scads of people around BP but they all had their own place in the scheme of things and went about their day doing it. Charles was busy with his full daily planner and obligations. If I remember right, Diana started heading to the kitchen to "chat". After a while she was bluntly told that down here was their place and "up there" was her place. Diana did have people around to advise her, teach her and help her along but she missed out having close companionship.
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  #252  
Old 06-12-2017, 08:41 PM
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Yes, and from all accounts the area that houses the private little apartments of the royals in BP is rather cold and echoing. Those members of the family that are in temporary residence don't disturb each other. Diana's friends at the time recognised that she was lonely but said that the procedures that had to be gone through on a visit, escorted by a footman, were a bit off putting. It's not the same as relaxing in a cosy flat with your girlfriends and being able to meet after work at a favourite restaurant etc anyway.
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  #253  
Old 06-13-2017, 01:56 PM
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The Prince and Princess of Wales had many residences at their disposal in- and outside the United Kingdom. The apparently unwelcoming appartments at Buckingham Palace aside, there were residences at St James' Palace, at Windsor Castle, at Birkhall, at Balmoral, at Highgrove, there were residences af the Royal Yacht, in Swiss chalets, when no own residence available the best hotels in any town were booked. So I do not buy the Diana-as-a-prisoner-in-glum-BP theory. And if it was glum, she had a nice project at hand: refurbish and redecorate the appartments completely to own taste...
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  #254  
Old 06-13-2017, 02:07 PM
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Diana did have the opportunity to decorate Apts. 8 and 9 at Kennsington Palace, though the refurbishment and modernization did take time and it was not completed immediately after their wedding. It's not unlike the situation that W-A and Maxima found themselves in while waiting for Villa Eikenhorst to be completed.

Also the Dutch couple were far better suited than their British counterparts and the European courts appeared learned from the British experience and provided their newest members with incredible support during their first years of royal life.
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  #255  
Old 06-13-2017, 02:45 PM
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I am not sure the British situation was that different. The Queen was most generous in giving Gatcombe and Sunninghil to Anne and Andrew. I am sure that the Prince and Princess of Wales could have it all their way. This is proven by the beautiful and idyllic Highgrove but it seems also that paradise-like mansion was not so liked by Diana...

Yes, that there is a distance between the street and a gated house, okay..., but was there no distance between Althorp on that lush and green estate and the "common houses" Diana's schoolmates lived in? One would say that she was used to it...
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  #256  
Old 06-13-2017, 02:48 PM
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I meant metaphorically alone. Her own family was unable/unwilling to offer emotional support either. It was all a big cluster of circumstances that led to the situation and results. Good thing the RF realized that perhaps it was more important to be happy than marry a virgin from an acceptable family And I applaud the entire RF for that enlightenment!
I dont think it was as simple as that. Her family weren't that close but she had the tendency towards bulimia, and when under severe stress, she started to make herself sick etc. and one of the things about Bulimia is that it IS a secret illness, that sufferers usually keep it quiet and don't admit ot themselves that they are doing anything unusual. it wasn't until Di was willing to accept she had a problems that she could take steps towards finding help and a cure.
And the idea of the RF wanting a "virgin from an acceptable family" was because the press would possibly delve into the love life of a girl who had boyfrends in her past.. (they didn't seem to with Kate but possibly that's just because it was so many years later).. and because it was believed that someone from a gentry family would understand the RF and be aware of their lifestyle and fit in better..
it is possible I suppose that Diana would have developed Bulimia, even had she married an ordinary upper class man, possibly if she was stressed out by the experience of marriage.. but I think that a ltot of it was due to press attention, her wanting to look slim and pretty when she was being photographed a lot etc.

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Originally Posted by Osipi View Post
Another aspect that perhaps affected Diana when she moved into BP after the engagement is that her freedom was pretty much curtailed. She couldn't just up and take off for lunch with the "girls" or just walk over to the nearest McD's for a burger and fries easily. Although lonely for companionship, she was never alone either. Wherever she went, there was her RPO at her side.

out having close companionship.
yes that was probably a factor. She was suddently moving from her own cosy flat with her girlfriends to a strange place with PPOs, staff but not that much friendly companionship. and of course she ciould not easily go out and see her friends or vice versa.
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  #257  
Old 06-13-2017, 04:09 PM
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It seems that Diana absolutely craved having someone to chat with and enjoy close, lighthearted times. That's where she was her best, it's where she got her energy. Later in life, she had a stable of good friends to call on who were comfortable with navigating the complicated logistics of royal households, she developed an ease with inviting those friends to be part of her life at Kensington, etc.

But I wonder how many strong, put-up-with-all-the-royal-nonsense friends she really had at the beginning? Before the engagement, she was living with buddies, and their company seems to have had a positive impact on her mental state, but they hadn't been living together long. Before that she'd bounced around various boarding schools of different types and, irrc, was briefly a live-in nanny. In all of those situations she had built-in companionship, but she didn't stay in any of those places long. Thinking back to the people I knew when I was 19, so many friendships seemed to be in constant flux and if life wasn't leading us to bump into each other every day, the people we did see became much more central. It takes time and a little maturity to learn how to work at maintaining a bond when there are barriers of access. So were the friends she had at the time of the engagement and the early years of the marriage the kind of friends who she could count on to feed her need for "girlfriend time," or was she flailing around for a while, trying to figure out how to adjust?


Even the nicest, most luxurious and most physically comfortable palaces in the world are a sorry substitute for living, breathing human company.
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  #258  
Old 06-13-2017, 07:05 PM
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It seems that Diana absolutely craved having someone to chat with and enjoy close, lighthearted times.
.
And that is basically us as human beings. We are made to connect with others, some at a deep, deep level, others more superficial yet critically important. We all need love, trust and companionship. Not having that can be damaging to a person. Diana appeared to have lacked that from a young age.
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  #259  
Old 06-13-2017, 07:22 PM
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I think that is one reason that Diana being out and among the people was actually therapeutic for her. It was a two way street. It gave her the avenues to be able to express the caring, compassionate and giving part of her nature to be able to make someone feel better than they did before she met them and in return they gave Diana the sense of being a valuable person contributing to the world around her.

If only Diana had found these avenues for expression in her private life also she would have been a truly astounding person making a difference in this world.
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  #260  
Old 06-14-2017, 04:52 PM
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She did have friends, some of whom lasted quite a while. I think that she always remained close to her flatmates. but other friendships came and went. I think that when she got into the RF, and that sparked off her bulimia, she became a lot more difficult to befriend. people were attracted to her, and she was warm hearted and a good friend but she needed a lot of support, from her friends and expected a lot of loyalty and devotion. I think she was willing to give in return but she was demanding.
I think that yo're right that she liked her work with people because she was able to show her warmth and her kindly nature.. and she didn't ask for anyting back from the public other than a little affection
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