Diana and James Hewitt

[Elan]

"There was no place to hide in England so I drove to Plymouth. My mother insisted on coming although I tried to persuade her not to. We crossed to Cherbourg on the Normandy coast, and went south into Bordeaux. The book was published that week in Britain. It caused a sensation far greater than my worst fears.'

"I got hold of a day-old copy of the Guardian. Under the front-page headline 'ROYALS MADE LAUGHING STOCK'. The paper reported that the whole print run of 75,000 copies of 'Princess in Love' had sold out in a day. To my amazement -- the publishing director of Burke's Peerage had announced..

' We are extremely close to the end of the House of Windsor. ' "

 

[Elan]

Was Hewitt Royal ? ?

As someone who doesn't experience 'day to day' life in Britain, I find some of the negative perceptions of the public a little confusing on a number of fronts. It seems to matter a great deal if someone is hung out to dry in press or public...partly as a result of how things can snowball without a title, or royal connection to act as a kind of moat, or defense. Especially in light of an intimate friendship with a Princess royal, as it happened here.

What worked in his favor as far as I can tell, was that he was able to casually carry himself in a manner 'worthy' of royalty. Comfortable in his own skin, with an easy grace, and not insecure around others..Diana or Charles. In that sense, he never really was an ordinary bloke, awkward or awestruck by anyone. Notwithstanding the moniker of 'ice man' from fellow soldiers, not much praise is accorded him for having a cool demeanor, which must've caught and held Diana's attention. Steve McQueen was probably a genius, but not so much Hewitt.

Of course, when the affair became celebrated in print, details in the book further digested, the whole house of cards pretty much collapsed, where virtually nothing was seen as favorable about him, or good natured. Still, back then without a luminous career, or background, he managed to impress others, not just Diana. Charm, confidence, and horsemanship came naturally, and this is how Charles came to regard him as well.

I respect that others see it differently, and that's fine.

I think that its true that Diana fell for Hewitt because he was there, to an extent. In her situation, although she was a very lovely young woman, she was very isolated by her position. Men might admire her, but at that time, I think most men would be intimidated by her position and her marriage. I don't think many men would have made a pass at her. It might lead to very unpleasant complications. She wasn't just a royal wife.. she was the future Queen, the wife of the Prince of Wales. She was the wife of a man who famously "could not get a divorce." I think that a lot of people would have felt it was quite unthinkable for "the Princess of Wales" to have an affair...at that particular time.

I think even Hewitt who was not reflective or intelligent, was a bit unnerved at times that he had actualy had the audacity to end up in an affair with Diana Princess of Wales..
But I think he was egotistical enough mostly to just think "Wow I've scored here, I have a rich royal lady as my girlfriend and she's crazy about me..."
So while I think diana did fall for him a bit, a lot of it was "he was there and he was ready to make love to her and keep her happy" while other men might be intimidated by the whole situation of being attracted to this particular woman....

 

[Denville]

Was Hewitt Royal ? ?

As someone who doesn't experience 'day to day' life in Britain, I find some of the negative perceptions of the public a little confusing on a number of fronts. It seems to matter a great deal if someone is hung out to dry in press or public...partly as a result of how things can snowball without a title, or royal connection to act as a kind of moat, or defense. Especially in light of an intimate friendship with a Princess royal, as it happened here.

What worked in his favor as far as I can tell, was that he was able to casually carry himself in a manner 'worthy' of royalty. Comfortable in his own skin, with an easy grace, and not insecure around others..Diana or Charles. In that sense, he never really was an ordinary bloke, awkward or awestruck by anyone. Notwithstanding the moniker of 'ice man' from fellow soldiers, not much praise is accorded him for having a cool demeanor, which must've caught and held Diana's attention. Steve McQueen was probably a genius, but not so much Hewitt.

Of course, when the affair became celebrated in print, details in the book further digested, the whole house of cards pretty much collapsed, where virtually nothing was seen as favorable about him, or good natured. Still, back then without a luminous career, or background, he managed to impress others, not just Diana. Charm, confidence, and horsemanship came naturally, and this is how Charles came to regard him as well.

I respect that others see it differently, and that's fine.

was Hewitt Royal?? No he certainly wasn't. I don't know of any evidence that he was seen as favourable at any stage. He filled a need in Diana's life.. and Charles was willing to tolerate him.. because he thought that as an army officer, Hewitt would know how to behave when involved in an illicit relationship.. and that he would kepe Diana happy and understand the absolute need for discretion.. but sadly Charles was wrong

 

[Elan]

.. and Charles was willing to tolerate him.. because he thought that as an army officer, Hewitt would know how to behave when involved in an illicit relationship.. and that he would kepe Diana happy and understand the absolute need for discretion.. but sadly Charles was wrong

Discretion is a legitimate point. But notice how the Morton saga did not taint Diana in nearly the same way...certainly not the shellacking Hewitt underwent, to the point of being 'shunned' by the country.

 

[Denville]

Discretion is a legitimate point. But notice how the Morton saga did not taint Diana in nearly the same way...certainly not the shellacking Hewitt underwent, to the point of being 'shunned' by the country.

It was hardly the same. Hewitt was Diana's lover..Charles as I've said, probably tolerated the affair because he believed that Hewitt was well up enough on upper class protocol to understand that he msust be discreet and not put his ladyfriends reputation in danger..
But Charles was wrong.. and JH's outing their affair was done for money..and fame..and was considered ungentlemanly.
and he didn't stop at one or 2 books, he has gone on to have a "career" of appearnaces on TV and in reality shows, and in sleazy further "revelations" about the affair

 

[Mirabel]

It was hardly the same. Hewitt was Diana's lover..Charles as I've said, probably tolerated the affair because he believed that Hewitt was well up enough on upper class protocol to understand that he msust be discreet and not put his ladyfriends reputation in danger..
But Charles was wrong.. and JH's outing their affair was done for money..and fame..and was considered ungentlemanly.
and he didn't stop at one or 2 books, he has gone on to have a "career" of appearnaces on TV and in reality shows, and in sleazy further "revelations" about the affair

I've wondered since whether Charles really was wrong.
Perhaps he didn't tolerate the affair because he thought Hewitt would be discreet, but because, if it ever leaked, it would damage Diana's saintly reputation.

After all. Charles couldn't afford for Diana to be seen as blameless throughout their marital discord. If Diana was having a sleazy affair, it would be harder to condemn Charles and Camilla.

 

[Denville]

I've wondered since whether Charles really was wrong.
Perhaps he didn't tolerate the affair because he thought Hewitt would be discreet, but because, if it ever leaked, it would damage Diana's saintly reputation.

After all. Charles couldn't afford for Diana to be seen as blameless throughout their marital discord. If Diana was having a sleazy affair, it would be harder to condemn Charles and Camilla.

you really think that Charles wanted his wife's affair to come out?

 

[Mirabel]

you really think that Charles wanted his wife's affair to come out?

Maybe he thought of it as insurance?
In case his relationship with Camilla was ever revealed?
If she was having an affair with Hewitt, Diana wasn't in a position to criticize Charles and Camilla, was she?

And I'm certain her indiscretions eroded her popularity to an extent.

 

[sophie25]

Maybe he thought of it as insurance?
In case his relationship with Camilla was ever revealed?
If she was having an affair with Hewitt, Diana wasn't in a position to criticize Charles and Camilla, was she?

And I'm certain her indiscretions eroded her popularity to an extent.

Yes but the difference is that Diana had the affair with Hewitt because Charles was with Camilla. Hewitt himself even said that if Charles had cared for her and wanted his marraige to work she would never have been with him or anyone else.

 

[Denville]

Maybe he thought of it as insurance?
In case his relationship with Camilla was ever revealed?
If she was having an affair with Hewitt, Diana wasn't in a position to criticize Charles and Camilla, was she?

And I'm certain her indiscretions eroded her popularity to an extent.

No they didn't. She was "the Teflon Princess" and it was only after some years that the war of the Waleses began to bore and irritate the public... I can't believe that anyone would think that Charles wanted the scandal of his wife's having an affair to come out...Drawing attention to One affair meant that the press and public were likely to look out for other affairs. If Diana was having an affair with J Hewitt.. esp considering that there were rumours about Charles having a woman on the side as well.. would only have the press snooping around to see if there was another scandal out there. And there was.. but the last thing Charles would have wanted was to "open the can of worms". He knew Diana was seeing JH and he hoped that having a man to look after her would keep her happy and cause less tension in his home.. and that JH was an "officer and a gentleman" and woud pursue the affair with discretion and good manners. But JH obviously didn't, right from the time he borrowed a journalists phone to call Diana.. when in the Gulf or when he went around waiving letters from home.. so that it was becoming clear that Diana could not rely on his being discreet

 

[Mirabel]

No they didn't. She was "the Teflon Princess" and it was only after some years that the war of the Waleses began to bore and irritate the public... I can't believe that anyone would think that Charles wanted the scandal of his wife's having an affair to come out...

I doubt that; I know my opinion changed, and I don't think I'm the only one.
As for what Charles wanted, we'll probably never know.
(I just think it's a possibility).

 

[Denville]

I doubt that; I know my opinion changed, and I don't think I'm the only one.
As for what Charles wanted, we'll probably never know.
(I just think it's a possibility).

In general the public was sympathetic to Diana for many years, and only began to get cooler on her in the last year or 2. People generally were willing to tolerate her affair with JH.. since it was obvious that Charles had been with Camilla and was in love with her.
Diana lost sympathy a bit when it emerged that she too had had flings with married men.. but I would say that generally the public were much more on her side than on Charles'. And since the J Hewitt revelations were one of the things that led to the public learning of the various affars and the bad state of the marriage.. I think we can safely say that Charles would not have wanted them to come out.
He admitted his affair with Camilla eventually but by then, he had completely given up on trying to conceal things and keep the "separate lives marriage" going..and he wanted to work towards getting himself free to remarry...

 

[Pranter]

Hewitt deserved whatever he got...trying to be coy/cagey about Harry's parentage. He knew he was not and could not of been Harry's father. That was beyond the pale. No sympathy for him whatsoever.



LaRae

 

[Denville]

Hewitt deserved whatever he got...trying to be coy/cagey about Harry's parentage. He knew he was not and could not of been Harry's father. That was beyond the pale. No sympathy for him whatsoever.



LaRae

very few people have....

 

[Osipi]

For some reason, the words "trial by popular opinion" keeps popping into my head especially as we're discussing the Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein controversy in another thread here. I think the culprit is also taking the intimate aspects of private relationships into the court of popular opinion when it comes to Diana and James Hewitt's relationship.

None of their private affairs should ever have been made public knowledge IMO. The public was used as a way to denigrate and point fingers at other parties in order to make them lesser in the public eye. Hewitt going public with his affair with Diana, Diana conspiring with Andrew Morton to tell "Her Story" (her involvement really wasn't confirmed until after her death) and Charles with his Dimbleby interview and subsequent book. No one's nose was completely squeaky clean. It truly was a war of words.

I think all of this is really what drastically changed the way the media looked to the members of the royal family. Any dirt was fair game as they discovered a gold mine with people wanting to know each and every sordid detail of discord in human relationships. It opened a Pandora's box that is still almost impossible to close.

 

[Elan]

was Hewitt Royal?? No he certainly wasn't. I don't know of any evidence that he was seen as favourable at any stage. He filled a need in Diana's life.. and Charles was willing to tolerate him.. because he thought that as an army officer, Hewitt would know how to behave when involved in an illicit relationship.. and that he would kepe Diana happy and understand the absolute need for discretion.. but sadly Charles was wrong

How devoted she was to him after a few years is hard to say....but here you had a disillusioned tearful Princess in an emotional spiral, left to fend for herself. It shouldn't be overlooked that he quite literally, saved her from overwhelming despair and heartache. Prior to his showing up, her health travelled largely in one direction.

Diana often remarked how she just wished to be normal, when mingling with everyday town folk. With the worst of the trauma behind her, how nice for her to have stood at Hewitt's side after the divorce, perhaps in Devon, or somewhere else. He never expected such a thing, but along with inspiring him, it might have guaranteed a nice life for her. Most would assert that she needed to set her sights higher, but it didn't work out that way in the first marriage.. Country life, kids, a terrier or two, and conceivably have a nice life, up to the present day.

Other famous women have married beneath their station. Beatrice Patton for ex, wife of George S. Patton, came from great wealth.

 

[Duc_et_Pair]

How devoted she was to him after a few years is hard to say....but here you had a disillusioned tearful Princess in an emotional spiral, left to fend for herself. It shouldn't be overlooked that he quite literally, saved her from overwhelming despair and heartache. Prior to his showing up, her health travelled largely in one direction.

Diana often remarked how she just wished to be normal, when mingling with everyday town folk. With the worst of her trauma behind her, how nice for her to have stood at Hewitt's side after the divorce, perhaps in Devon, or somewhere else. He never expected such a thing, but along with inspiring him, it might have guaranteed a nice life for her. Most would assert that she needed to set her sights higher, but it didn't work out that way in the first marriage.. Country life, kids, a terrier or two, and conceivably have a nice life, up to the present day.

Other famous women have married beneath their station. Beatrice Patton for ex, wife of George S. Patton, came from great wealth.

Actually she could have a countrylife, kids, a terrier or two... Charles LOVES the countryside and has wonderful estates for any lady with an ambition to live a rural life.

It was exactly the opposite. Countryside bored Diana to the maximum and she tried to escape it with turning an oldfashioned royal lifestyle into a celebbie one. A disastrous choice.

I wish you were right and Diana indeed was a stickler for a countryside life with two terriers.....! In the end Captain Hewitt was as "unsuitable" for Diana's desired life as Charles.

 

[Pranter]

I don't think the countryside bored her .... it was her partner and their situation that she sought to escape. The last place you want to be when you are with someone you are miserable with (and their family..things being what they were) is in the middle of the remote countryside.

LaRae

 

[Duc_et_Pair]

I don't think the countryside bored her .... it was her partner and their situation that she sought to escape. The last place you want to be when you are with someone you are miserable with (and their family..things being what they were) is in the middle of the remote countryside.

LaRae

Her ancesteal house is on the countryside. But she was a Sloane Ranger, became a Orincess and started to mingle with Versace, Elton John, George Michael or even worse, spoiled brats as Dodi al-Fayed frequenting St Tropez and the Ritz, not exactly a countryside lifestyle.

 

[caethi]

Diana was a woman who was dealing with the trauma of her mother leaving when she was six. Trauma has a huge impact on a person's ability to cope, make good decisions, understand the self, just to name a few of the common issues.

The Hewitt affair was a bad decision, particularly since he turned out to be so disloyal in the aftermath. The young Diana didn't know what she wanted, except perhaps to be loved. Unfortunately her own insecurities made it difficult for her to find a healthy relationship.

 

[Gawin]

Her ancesteal house is on the countryside. But she was a Sloane Ranger, became a Orincess and started to mingle with Versace, Elton John, George Michael or even worse, spoiled brats as Dodi al-Fayed frequenting St Tropez and the Ritz, not exactly a countryside lifestyle.

She disliked the typical country pursuits - shooting, fishing, and even riding. Definitely not a country girl.

 

[Osipi]

The Hewitt affair was a bad decision, particularly since he turned out to be so disloyal in the aftermath. The young Diana didn't know what she wanted, except perhaps to be loved. Unfortunately her own insecurities made it difficult for her to find a healthy relationship.

If there is one word that could sum up Diana's relationships, it would be mercurial. She ran either hot or cold with her relationships with not only Hewitt, but also with other people that were in the close, personal circle. They were either in her favor or they were out of favor with her. Cross Diana and they'd find that they were on the "outs" list.

I don't think Diana even knew exactly what she wanted from a loving relationship. Before Charles, its been said that she didn't have any kind of a intimate relationship to measure Charles up to. She never really learned that a deep relationship consists of give and take and compromise and working together to come to a happy medium. This caused a lot of strife and put them both between a rock and a hard place and many of the issues were insurmountable. Even in her other romantic relationships, if things didn't go Diana's way, it was the highway. She even tried to manipulate things to go her own way which, I believe, we saw with Hewitt and his deployment to serve in the Gulf War. Diana wanted to use her "pull" to keep him home but Hewitt refused to allow her to do that.

Diana did have a very loving and empathic soul and she felt things deeply and sincerely but she also had the tunnel vision of how she, herself, should be treated in a loving relationship. The "fairy tale happily ever after" aspect of an intimate relationship is just that. A fairy tale. Diana never quite learned to cope with the "I love you but I really don't like you too much right now" times and was able to work on compromises and understanding her partner's points of view and their responsibilities. She needed to be first and foremost in any relationship and that isn't a healthy outlook. As you stated, Gawin, its a result of her childhood trauma of feeling abandoned by the breakup of her parent's marriage and her mother leaving. Perhaps Diana felt she had to hold on so tightly to assure that she'd not lose what she had that she suffocated the other person so much that they felt trapped.

I'm not Diana nor do I assume to know how Diana felt, responded to things or her motives but from years of reading of her life and her times and her loves, this is what I see. The real, true loving relationships that Diana had that never faltered were the ones she had with the people she met with her charity work. I do believe it was 100% genuine and it also filled an important need for her. She was wanted, loved and adored and looked up to.

 

[Elan]

I wish you were right and Diana indeed was a stickler for a countryside life with two terriers.....!

Have to agree with you that she seemed more comfortable with a celebbie lifestyle. Imho, we'll never really know what 'might have been' with Hewitt as her husband..




https://ytcropper.com/cropped/7C5d8bfe8aa94e8

 

[Osipi]

I don't think it was so much the country/city differences or a "royal" vs. "celebrity" lifestyle either or even any other external factors that would have changed anything with the way Diana led her life and what pleased her.

The big difference was the quality and the intimacy and the companionable relationships themselves. If Diana had been over the moon happy with her marriage to Charles and vice versa, they would have been happy together anywhere. Same with all her relationships.

The underlining factor, I believe, is that Diana never really found the right fit of a relationship that she could really be happy in.

 

[Denville]

but ONE of the reasons she was nto happy wth Charles was her dislike of country life. If she had a partner she found more companionable in oher respects.. and they spent perhaps some summer weekends in a country cottage.. but she wasn't pressured to be there most wekends because of her husband's routine of going there, I think she might have enjoyed having a small country place to visit.. but at least in her 20s and 30s it wasn't her thing. She might have grown more settled into a quieter life, had she lived to be older.. she might have started to find Lonodn and cities less attractive..

 

[Osipi]

I think you're right, Denville. That's why as couples grow older and settle down its becomes a quieter type of life. In my 20s and even 30s, I couldn't have imagined being happy living where I do on a mountain in a forest rather than in a suburb of a big city where there is something going on all the time and they don't roll the sidewalks up at sunset in town.

I do believe though that Diana had happy times with Hewitt going to visit his mother in Devon and they'd go walking without being disturbed and she treasured that time together. Would it have lasted if they married? I have no idea.

The conundrum with Diana was the she never realized just what would make her happy and content as with different people, worlds clashed, collided and there was no one place that she would feel that she "had it all together". I wish she would have found that.

 

[Denville]

True I think it was partly her own temperament that made fro storms and uncertainty but it was alos her position. She could nto just have left Charles witin a year or 2, because of who they were.. and then she had to try and fid some happness without officially breaking up her Marriage.. and try and avoid the press snooping around her life as well. So she never had a time when she could figure out what she realy wanted and what sort of life would make her happy. Hewitt was not a reliable or honourable person..but given who she was.. probably a nicer less egotistical man would have been reluctant to get involved with her.. because he might figure that her positon as the wife of the Heir to the throne... would scupper any attempts to have a secret relationship or to get free of the RF and find a new life. and that by getting involved iwht diana he would only add to her problems.

 

[Osipi]

To be honest here, I think the kind of man that pleased Diana the most and made her "love" them is that the men she chose were sycophants and she loved being first and foremost in their hearts, their lives and was in control of things. She couldn't demand and control Charles or make him into the man she thought he should be so the marriage fizzled. Hewitt crossed her when he wouldn't allow Diana's position and influence to keep him from serving in the Gulf War. The relationship with Khan went sour when Khan discovered that she was being manipulative behind his back with his family and his medical practice.

So, I believe there were two sides to the Diana/Hewitt affair and there actually was no man anywhere that could possibly live up to the expectations that Diana had set in her mind of what her man should be like. I saw this kind of attraction for Diana also with Dodi. He was a charmer and a poured attention on her and fit the mold of sweeping her off her feet a la romance style novels. If they had lived, I believe that relationship would also have fizzled out.

What Diana seemed to be searching for doesn't really exist in reality. Only in romance novels.

 

[MARG]

I think you are right. My late sister-in-law was much like Diana in temperament. She was very beautiful but she was also very needy. I often wonder how long the marriage would have lasted as she was so lacking in confidence that she needed constant affirmation.

Every day was a new day and every day she needed to be told "I love you", specifically, in those exact words, like somehow he could fall out of love with her overnight. In general, she was a lovely and likeable person but she didn't believe she was loveable. She was hard work and very needy, requiring reassurance every day.

Even with all that, it still wasn't enough and Diana was exactly the same. She needed to be the absolute centre of someone's world. But, in the real world, no man has enough time to spend totally on their wife. Be he a prince, a soldier, a surgeon, time at their "job" was time taken from her.

 

[Gawin]

I suspect her experience with Charles and the stress of adapting to life as a Royal may have contributed to Diana's emotional neediness.