Diana and James Hewitt

[Pranter]

Things change during/after deployments. The service members don't come back the same and the boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses are different as well. It's a small wonder divorce rates are so high among service members.



LaRae

 

[Tsaritsa]

Most would agree it was highly commendable that Diana worried around the clock when Hewitt deployed. If it's true she had the television on all the time for reports each day, to gain a solid understanding of what was developing, it's impressive. Along with visits to chapels and prayer, apparently she identified with Army wives in the way they quietly endure uncertainty as conflicts carry on. Wanting to do her part, though not permitted to visit the Gulf, the fact she endeavored to boost morale for troops and surely would have...speaks highly.

As anyone knows who for a time has been separate from a loved one, there is always a slight adjustment before things are back to normal again. Not unusual by any means. The moment they saw one another at Highgrove they were, "in eachother's arms" he says. Is there a way to explain how from that point on things slowly went downhill, within a space of a few hours...the emotional end to the relationship, then and there ?

Actually, yes there is. From what you've said, she, like countless army wives, poured huge emotional investment into caring for 'her' man from afar, during his absence. If there might have seemed a rather unreal -Barbara Cartland?- quality about it, it would have been because there was. It's entirely possible that during their separation her feelings for him escalated in an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" way but the instant they "were in each other's arms" reality hit and she may have realized that he wasn't her for ever love. There may have been a period during which she tried very hard to get things -her feelings- back to where they'd been. I think it would have terrified her to find herself out of love, such was her need for happy ever after.

 

[Elan]

It's entirely possible that during their separation her feelings for him escalated in an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" way but the instant they "were in each other's arms" reality hit and she may have realized that he wasn't her for ever love.

Sobering reality for Hewitt was that he was older after returning from Iraq and wasn't quite the golden boy of early years. Diana's emphasis on a level of pizzazz factor in her gentleman friends if taken to extremes is a bit ridiculous imo. For ex., in a letter anticipating his return, she requested he shave his moustache for the reason that, "she was sure she would hate it."

In other words, there were signs of trouble waiting for Hewitt prior to the return, holding himself up to a vision of Prince charming all over again. She had become a stronger person over time. Strength can be a double edge sword. When her health and self esteem were at a low point, she loved and adored him. As his savior mystique waned, she was socially aware of the world as a vibrant place of fascinating suitors waiting to fall in love with her. Affluent also. Hewitt had it right when he speculated the future lay ahead for her. And he was from the past..

 

[Denville]

No he was ostracized because he talked and wrote books/interviews about his relationship...not because he was caught.


LaRae

He wasn't caught anyway. He outed his affair, himself. He was positively eager to drop hints to journalists and then to do a book about it.

 

[Denville]

Most ay, to gain a solid understanding of what was developing, it's impressive. Along with visits to chapels and prayer, apparently she identified with Army wives in the way they quietly endure uncertainty as conflicts carry on. Wanting to do her part, though not permitted to visit the Gulf, the fact she endeavored to boost morale for troops and surely would have...speaks highly.

As anyone knows who for a time has been separate from a loved one, there is always a slight adjustment before things are back to normal again. Not unusual by any means. The moment they saw one another at Highgrove they were, "in eachother's arms" he says. Is there a way to explain how from that point on things slowly went downhill, within a space of a few hours...the emotional end to the relationship, then and there ?

the fact that during his timein the Gulf hewit was getting more indiscreet about their affair, using a journalist's mobile phone to clal Diana, boasting when eh got letters, etc.. must have made Diana increasingly unsure she watned to go on with the relationship...

 

[Elan]

the fact that during his timein the Gulf hewit was getting more indiscreet about their affair, using a journalist's mobile phone to call Diana, boasting when eh got letters, etc.. must have made Diana increasingly unsure she watned to go on with the relationship...

Let's assume the war was coming to an end. If you look at it from the front, that's often accompanied by relief and high spirits. Rather than share next to nothing with his men, wearing his heart on his sleeve and beaming on the inside..would in a way, explain the once in a lifetime chance to see Army pals --> stunned <-- when they understood it WAS her on the phone.

 

[Denville]

I can't believe this making excuses for JH's indiscretion. He didn't "share with his army mates" htat would have been appalling behaviour anyway. But he did evne worse.. he hinted to journalists that he and Diana were more than just good friends.. used a journo's mobiele phone to call her.. and this meant that other people could hear the call. I can't believe that you don't realise that absolute discretion was required of Hewitt as Diana's lover because of who she was, and because her positon with Charles was so volatile.. Charles was tolerant of the affair because he belived that JH as an officer and a gentleman would know how to behave, that he would be discreet and loyal and Chas never envisaged that such a man would stoop so low as to actually sell Di's secrets for money..

 

[Osipi]

I don't think we'll really ever know what Charles thought of or didn't think of Hewitt as its never been made public knowledge.

When it comes to affairs of the heart, all is fair in love and war and we are only looking at these people from the outside looking in. Hewitt did no better or worse than Diana did at times or a gazillion other people in the world.

 

[Denville]

If you know a "gazillion people" who publicise tehir affairs and betray the secrets of their lovers, I don't...
And I believe that Charles did tolerate the affair, in the belief that James H knew the rules and would keep Diana happy and know how to behave himself.. I can't imagine that he would have believed that JH would sell his love secrets with the Heir to the thrones wife for money. He seems to have gotten rid of Manakee because of his being too close to Diana..

 

[Elan]

I don't think we'll really ever know what Charles thought of or didn't think of Hewitt as its never been made public knowledge.

I fail to see how Charles would have objected to either of them declaring a close friendship. Exactly how would Diana's life have fallen apart, with this revealed to the public...verses Hewitt, who could, or rather would be eviscerated and stood the most to lose, by the military severing his career altogether.

 

[Denville]

James had left the Military by the time he openly admitted the affair.. and I don't know what you mean by your first sentence. What "Clsoe friendship? they were having an affair.. Charles tolerated it, because Hewitt was an officer and a gentleman.. and he assumed that such a man would keep the affair quiet, keep Diana happy and occupited and never reveal the affair.
Hewitt hinted at the affair in the later stages, and Diana became worried that he might sell her out for money and ego boosting..adn she was right. Once he had left the army, he did sell her out. If you think that's acceptable behaivour I can't argue

 

[Osipi]

If I had to wager what was going through Charles' mind thinking on the relationship between Diana and Hewitt, it most likely would be "Thank God he's taking her out of my hair and keeping her busy".

By the time both Diana and Charles were finding comfort and solace elsewhere, the marriage was well beyond the stage of repair. In normal circumstances and they were everyday people, it would be around then that a divorce would have been sought after.

 

[Denville]

If I had to wager what was going through Charles' mind thinking on the relationship between Diana and Hewitt, it most likely would be "Thank God he's taking her out of my hair and keeping her busy".

By the time both Diana and Charles were finding comfort and solace elsewhere, the marriage was well beyond the stage of repair. In normal circumstances and they were everyday people, it would be around then that a divorce would have been sought after.

well that is what I said, that he tolerated the affair.. and he problaby assumed that as Hewitt was the right class, he would know how to behave. Charles seems to have had Barry M moved, so he clearly didn't think that an affair between him and Dian was something he could tolerate.. so yes, he pretty obviously thought that JH kept Diana happy, and that meant she was less likely to give HIM grief about Camilla..

 

[Denville]

I fail to see how Charles would have objected to either of them declaring a close friendship. Exactly how would Diana's life have fallen apart, with this revealed to the public...verses Hewitt, who could, or rather would be eviscerated and stood the most to lose, by the military severing his career altogether.

I can't understand this at all. Of course Charles would have objected to them "declaring a close friendship" since that would have been tantamount to admitting an affair.. and Diana, when estranged from Charles, was in a very vulnerable position, since she feared that if her affair was revealed to the public ,and they didn't tolerate it but thought badly of her for having an affair, ti was bound to impact on how the RF saw her and how they would treat her if there was a divorce. LUickly, she was forgiven by the public because of people sympathising with her marital unhappiness.. but she was clearly afraid that it might not go well if someone betrayed her affair to the Press. For that reason alone a decent man would have refrained from publicising his relationship with her...

 

[Elan]

LUickly, she was forgiven by the public because of people sympathising with her marital unhappiness.. but she was clearly afraid that it might not go well if someone betrayed her affair to the Press. For that reason alone a decent man would have refrained from publicising his relationship with her...

If they comprehended she had been going it alone in the marriage, and Camilla's presence a reality long before Hewitt, she would not be judged severely for enjoying the company of a riding instructor.. allowing others to read between the lines, without calling it an affair.

With a potpourri of authors on Diana's life, I thought it would be straight forward to find a copy of 'Love and War' some time ago through a library, but it took an outside interlibrary search in order to obtain it. Clearly he regrets 'Princess in Love' where the publishers broke their word to Pasternak, insisting that it be a love story.

Although many do not find him endearing, if you decided with an open mind to read what he himself has to say, it would at least present another side to the one sided press coverage which presumes to have him all figured out.

 

[Osipi]

To aid in obtaining Hewitt's book for those that would want to read it, its available for cheap ($3.60 USD and free shipping) here.

https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/Se..._-Results&an=Hewitt&tn=Love+and+War&kn=&isbn=

 

[Denville]

If they comprehended she had been going it alone in the marriage, and Camilla's presence a reality long before Hewitt, she would not be judged severely for enjoying the company of a riding instructor.. allowing others to read between the lines, without calling it an affair.

With a potpourri of authors on Diana's life, I thought it would be straight forward to find a copy of 'Love and War' some time ago through a library, but it took an outside interlibrary search in order to obtain it. Clearly he regrets 'Princess in Love' where the publishers broke their word to Pasternak, insisting that it be a love story.

Although many do not find him an endearing person, if you decided with an open mind to read what he himself has to say, it would at least present another side to one sided press coverage which presumes to have him all figured out.

For a royal woman to admit an affair, at the time when Diana did so, was unprecedented. the public did by and large excuse her but as a one off. nad there are people who criticise her
It is pretty certain that Di would never have admitted the affair, had it not been that James H talked abuot it first. he is NOT a nice person. He knew perfectly well that in talking about the affair, he was betraying diana, betraying the love he claimed to have for her nad possibly destroying her reputation...

 

[Elan]

Although a military person Hewitt doesn't fall neatly into stereotypes of any kind. Self effacing, sensitive, self critical in a way that is not fabricated, but sincere.

They were probably well matched in terms of sense of humor. One highlight from the evening of Charles' 40th birthday - Hewitt amoung the guests in a line waiting to 'greet' Diana. But as it was unfamiliar footing, found himself quite stunned, by the powerful aura she carried in a formal setting. Sparkling and glamorous.

They seldom met at highbrow events.

 

[Denville]

Although a military person Hewitt doesn't fall neatly into stereotypes of any kind. Self effacing, sensitive, self critical in a way that is not fabricated, but sincere.

They were probably well matched in terms of sense of humor. One highlight from the evening of Charles' 40th birthday - Hewitt amoung the guests in a line waiting to 'greet' Diana. But as it was unfamiliar footing, found himself quite stunned, by the powerful aura she carried in a formal setting. Sparkling and glamorous.

They seldom met at highbrow events.

Sensitive??? Self critical? A man who has brazenly made a career of being on reality shows and spouting about an affair he had over 20 years ago? If he were self critical, he would hide his head in shame...

 

[Mermaid1962]

I agree. I think in particular of a documentary in which Hewitt and his friends are sitting and drinking and he discusses his sex life with Diana using a very vulgar word.

 

[Elan]

Having seen a couple interviews of intentional clowning around, when he crosses the line in some manner, the press regards it as an M-A-J-O-R infraction or the like. If..he's permitted to even have a sense of humor.

As a contrast.. after the transfer to Germany, it stung to hear Diana repeat the phrase via phone that he, "let her down" (left England). It started to change when it became apparent she might not see him again, might very well be devastated if his number came up. She thought less of herself..was more concerned, more supportive, as things got down to the wire a few weeks from deploying.

He writes that he always admired her gift at gallows humor, savoring a remark in particular :

"And if you don't come and see me before you go off to your war, I'll come out and shoot you myself."

 

[Denville]

he crossed the line the very first time he hinted to anyone that he was Dianas lover. he has absolutely no shame.. just greed, ego and selfishiness

 

[Lady Nimue]

Hewitt was badly used. If the roles were reversed, if Hewitt were the woman and Diana the man, we'd be all outraged at how Diana-as-man (in the position of power and status) used and tossed Hewitt-as-woman, and would not fault Hewitt any of his deconstruct. We'd be allowing all manner of excuses for Hewitt, as in fact people do for Diana.

 

[Osipi]

Now that is hitting the nail right smack dab on the head.

 

[Elan]

A little surprised to learn that Hewitt once enjoyed a friendship with Richard Kay, one of the more vocal critics of Hewitt.. This was from time spent together when a special request was granted for a week, to be with the Life Guards during the Gulf war. The particular period of Diana's involvement is not nearly as exciting as it once was, largely forgotten with the outrage over her letters. Excerpt from 'Love and War' :
______

"There was no room for them in the tanks so we found them room in the back of the ambulance. In the event of any attack they would at least be protected by armour."

"Kay seemed an amiable enough chap. He said his main job was writing for the Daily Mail, but there was an arrangement during the Gulf where certain articles might appear in other papers. He asked me questions about myself and my command and I tried to answer them as best I could. I'm fairly certain he and a photographer were with us when word came through that the land war was about to commence.'

"He said he had a satellite phone back at his hotel for sending urgent despatches and suggested I might like to use it to call home before going in. I leapt at the chance, summoning Trooper Doyle and my Land Rover, with Kay drove more than 60 miles to a small desert town. Kay had rooms in a beaten up hotel, one with several thousand pounds' worth of expensive satellite phone. He seemed very eager for me to use it.'

I spoke with my mother. She knew we were going in and was clearly upset. Then I rang Diana on her private line. Paul Burrell was pleased to hear from me, "Good luck,' he said. 'I'll just see if the Princess is in.'

..Of course he knew whether she was in, though maybe she had told him she wasn't taking any calls. I soon got my answer as I could hear female 'whoops and shrieks' in the background. She came breathless to the phone. I was too blown away by the emotion of the moment to recall words now, but she smothered me in hugs and kisses and said how much she missed me. She, too, knew this would be the last time we spoke before battle and said how she knew I would be safe as she prayed for me all the time, and she was certain her prayers would be answered.

She said she just wanted to be with me. I said that if that was the case she would have to marry me. She said she would love to do that.

I felt perfectly at peace as we drove back to join the Squadron. Whatever lay in store in the days ahead, there was a contentment inside me that made me completely prepared to face my fate.

"I thanked Richard Kay for letting me talk to my family. He said it was his pleasure. What I didn't know was that he was the 'Royal Correspondent' for the Daily Mail. Nor did I know that he was in possession of much more information about me than anyone in the Brigade might have suspected."

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Hewitt was badly used. If the roles were reversed, if Hewitt were the woman and Diana the man, we'd be all outraged at how Diana-as-man (in the position of power and status) used and tossed Hewitt-as-woman, and would not fault Hewitt any of his deconstruct. We'd be allowing all manner of excuses for Hewitt, as in fact people do for Diana.

Very interesting take and one I never thought of. Didnt Diana employ Hewitt to teach her to ride? If Diana were a man people would be screaming sexual harassment. Not only does the gender double standard come in but also the Poor St. Diana double standard with her sad eyes helping her sell the "he betrayed me" line.
With that being said there is still something pathetic about Hewitt, but the man was used badly by Diana. Makes me glad Oliver Hoare wouldn't cater to her.

 

[Mirabel]

With that being said there is still something pathetic about Hewitt, but the man was used badly by Diana. Makes me glad Oliver Hoare wouldn't cater to her.

Not like Hoare was any prize! Cheating on his wife (and with a woman he didn't even care for, just used to stroke his ego).

Really, Diana had pretty poor judgment in men.

But I still think Hewitt was the worst- what kind of person auctions off his love letters?
He may have been an officer, but he was no gentleman.

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Hoare didn't abandon his wife and when he was caught he did the right thing and fought for his marriage. That is a good thing IMO and he seems to be one of the few men associated with Diana who got out before it ended badly. If Hoare wasn't a catch than neither was Diana who was also a cheater.

 

[Elan]

Really, Diana had pretty poor judgment in men.

But I still think Hewitt was the worst- what kind of person auctions off his love letters?
He may have been an officer, but he was no gentleman.

People are generally fallible in some way. If you overlook his struggles after Diana, without 'boasting' or ego he was probably one of the more dashing characters one could imagine. In the prime of his youth he was a quiet type of spectacular, even tempered, and reminded her of a thoroughbred racehorse.

 

[Denville]

People are generally infallible in some way. If you overlook his struggles after Diana, without 'boasting' or ego he was probably one of the more dashing characters one could imagine. In the prime of his youth he was a quiet type of spectacular, even tempered, and reminded her of a thoroughbred racehorse.

Dashing? Infallible? and how can you be a quiet type of spectacular ? The two things don't go together. As for thorough bred racehorses, I don't think that DIana was at all interested in horseflesh so I don't know what you mean by that, besdies which thoroughbred racehorses are usually seen as high strung and temperamental, not even tempered...