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  #2001  
Old 09-04-2016, 04:04 AM
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I think Charles did have doubts about proposing. I think although he wasn't particularly perceptive, the age gap and all that meant probably played on his mind. He was after all an old 32 and Diana a young 19.

Charles also had this deep insoluble bond with another woman, Camilla. The primary reason he had doubts before the engagement, IMO, was because he in his heart knew he belonged to Camilla heart and soul. Diana didn't know that. She was wrapped up in this fantasy of true love with Charles for ever and ever, and white knights and castles, and never having a shattered marriage.

Charles agonised over making the right decision, we know he did, but in the end he went through with it, in spite of all doubts, because of the pressure. He'd always felt diffident with his father, so he chose to treat Prince Philip's letter as an ultimatum, which it wasn't. A friend who saw the letter described it as quite reasonable. It's almost as if Charles thought "Right, he's pushing me into this. If I'm miserable in future it will be HIS fault!"

He knew 'the country' wanted him to marry because the media told him so. They'd fallen in love with the idea of 'Lady Di' even if he hadn't! So, Charles, although 32 years old and in love with someone else for years, could not resist media pressure and the bayings of the Press in full flight.

If he had grown a backbone, ignored the media (as after all, he does now, he doesn't read the tabloids) and just written back to his father saying that he wasn't sure and wanted more to to get to know Diana, how much sorrow and bitterness would have been avoided.

Yes Prince Philip probably would have accused him of whiffle waffling, the Press would have done the same. So what!

The last bachelor Prince of Wales, for all his faults and there were many, God knows, resisted pressure to marry until his forties. That doesn't mean that if Charles had done the same, Britain would have ended up with another Wallis. Who knows, a 35 year old Prince Charles might have met a 29 year old countrywoman, the woman of his dreams with an unremarkable romantic past, fallen deeply in love with her and put aside his bond with Camilla.

Instead, because Charles wouldn't grow a backbone and listen to what his heart was telling him, untold misery was the result.
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  #2002  
Old 09-04-2016, 04:12 AM
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I tink that is unfair to Charles.
He was 32, he had reached an age where he ad to get married. At the time, he had to marry a virgin. So a much younger woman like Diana was the only one he coud seriously consider.
If he'd told Philip he didn't want to marry Diana, and ignored the press, he still had the obligation to marry. If he had ditched Diana, I think he would have been seen "leaving tis lovely young girl after toying with her affections" and it would have been a bad story to chalk up..
Now, he probably feels he can ignore the press because he's been through the worst and survived it. He has a happy marriage, and he's going to be King. So what more can they do to him?
But to get bad press then at the end of the 70s, when the RF had been worrying about left wing governments, would NOT have been soemthing he or they wanted.

and I think that Diana was so fixated on getting married to him, that if he had said he wanted more time ot court her, she would have gone on "playng the country girl" for as long as it took...
Charles knew at the time that he could ntot marry Camilla, and that he had to marry a young virginal girl.. he was prepared to do that. Lots of people don't marry the person they love most, but they wrok out ok..
I don't think that his love for Camilla was the main factor In the failure of the marriage. It was an issue and Diana believed it was the big issue, but I think it was much more to do with incompatitbilty and her psychological fragility
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  #2003  
Old 09-04-2016, 07:33 AM
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I think that Charles and Diana had an up and down marriage but the earlier years were more up than down. There are plenty of pictures showing them looking at each other with affection, and to my recollection Charles often looks more into her, you see him put his hand over hers, try to get her attention, be playful. etc.

To be sure there were problems from day one, but I don't necessarily think certain problems like Diana's bulimia or suspicions about Camilla were present and/or visible all day, every day. I think that there was some retconning done, particularly to support and even amplify the, "there are three in this marriage," "Charles resents Diana's popularity," and "Diana is difficult and unbalanced" assertions, but I think Charles and Diana's marriage, while it was doomed overall, had many good interludes especially in the early years.
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  #2004  
Old 09-04-2016, 08:05 AM
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One of Diana's closest friends, Lucia de Lima never doubted that Charles was the love of Diana's life. As probably her first love and the one she married, quite likely. She was still a teenager when she got engaged after all!

Disappointment set in fairly quickly.

Prince Charles was the love of Princess Diana's life, her close friend claims
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  #2005  
Old 09-04-2016, 08:42 AM
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I really would like to know where this story that Charles 'had to marry a virgin' came from? People have been spouting it for years on Twitter and all sorts of forums and I've never been able to track the original source.

It's true, I think, that the Queen and the rest of the older royals probably preferred that Charles pick a girl to marry with not too much of a risqué past, someone like Amanda Knatchbull perhaps. Andrew's Koo and Davina Sheffield, who had lived with an old boyfriend, come to mind as those with too much baggage in that direction.

However Anna 'Whiplash' Wallace had a few boyfriends in her past, so did Sabrina Guiness, and after all, Andrew was able to marry Sarah Ferguson, who had actually lived in Switzerland with Paddy McNally for months at a time.

It's well known that the Queen never interferes with the love lives of any of her children (or grandchildren.) Doesn't do it now, didn't do it in the 1970's. So who laid down this edict to Charles that 'No, a girl who has had previous boyfriends or a serious relationship is completely unsuitable. Your wife HAS to be a virgin (and therefore very young).'

Who told him this? Prince Philip? Can't see that, actually. Did Charles himself adopt this rule? In that case, what was he doing spending months in his late twenties, when he should have been searching for the virgin bride, with Whiplash, Lady Jane Wellesley and several other young women who'd had previous boyfriends?
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  #2006  
Old 09-04-2016, 09:50 AM
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Interesting question Qurryong.
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  #2007  
Old 09-04-2016, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Curryong View Post

Charles also had this deep insoluble bond with another woman, Camilla. The primary reason he had doubts before the engagement, IMO, was because he in his heart knew he belonged to Camilla heart and soul. Diana didn't know that. She was wrapped up in this fantasy of true love with Charles for ever and ever, and white knights and castles, and never having a shattered marriage.

Much is made of Charles' devotion to Camilla; I think that is true now, but back then?
There were many, many other women in his life, it's not like Camilla was the one and only.
The rivalry and hostility between Camilla and Kanga Tryon was notorious in that circle.

Plus there were others, like Whiplash Wallace, Jane Wellesley, and Davina Sheffield.

So I really don't think it was Charles' love for Camilla that sabotaged his marriage to Diana. I believe the problems in the marriage drove him back into Camilla's arms, but before that, I think he and Diana simply didn't mesh the way they'd hoped.
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  #2008  
Old 09-04-2016, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Curryong View Post
I really would like to know where this story that Charles 'had to marry a virgin' came from? People have been spouting it for years on Twitter and all sorts of forums and I've never been able to track the original source....
JMO but I think this was a strongly held belief rather than an edict with a source. The press and public bought into this idea that his choice could not be loose. I think many, many people believed that as well. And as adultery is technically treason, the logic would be that purer is better, even if, technically, fooling around before one is married is not treason. I think there is also a bit of the Divine Right of Kings at play here - because why would God want the ruler to marry a wanton woman?
I'm typing all this with more than a bit of tongue in cheek, because it seems ridiculous now. But back then, people really were concerned that his future bride have the appearance of being a good girl and there was always speculation about the previous sexual activity of anyone with whom he was linked. And I think Charles and the family knew it would be an unwise PR move to marry anyone who had been known to shop around.
Perhaps the spectre of Wallis Simpson was still hanging about in Charles's pre-married life. Heaven forbid another future king make such a lousy choice - love match or not.
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  #2009  
Old 09-04-2016, 11:17 AM
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I'm sure you're correct, AdmirerUS. I've no doubt that the Press would search for every bit of dirt on every girlfriend who looked like a serious contender.

However, I'm not suggesting that the Powers that Be in Buckingham Palace were having nightmares about Charles falling in love with girlfriends of Wallis's background or even with predatory women with lesser but still colourful reputations, but whether they or members of the BRF or Charles himself were determined on virgins only for the POW.

Not everyone of Charles's romances were with bed-hoppers. Why has an insistence grown over the years on Charles 'having' to choose a (very young) virgin? Why has that scenario played a role in the inevitability that people insist on of Charles proposing to Diana, (as if there was no other choice,) when there were probably dozens of aristocratic women in their early to mid twenties around in 1975-1980 with only a couple of mild romances in their pasts?
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  #2010  
Old 09-04-2016, 11:46 AM
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I think a lot of the "pure" virgin tag on a female that is a possible for marriage into a royal family probably stems back hundreds of years ago and how women were viewed at the time. Remember in Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" how the whole family stood to have its reputation in tatters due to Lydia's ruination by running away with Mr. Wickham? Unmarried females were always chaperoned while in the "marriage market" and to go off alone with a man was scandalous.

Some things die hard and are like cockroaches when you spray them with Raid, they come back for a second dosage for lunch. I think a lot of the idea that Diana was a virgin when she married stems to the fact that it was reported that, before the wedding, she did visit her gynecologist but I'd bet my last pretzel stick it wasn't to have a certified document claiming her to be virginal. It used to be that the "evidence" of virginity used to have be shown after the wedding night and also, when a child was born into the line of succession, the birth had to be witnessed to assure there was no swapping kids or whatever.

I really rather doubt that the question was even ever asked about Diana's virginity. By the 1980s, I really don't think it mattered that much. We have DNA now to prove any paternity.
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  #2011  
Old 09-04-2016, 12:57 PM
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I think that the many state that the heir/royal men have to marry virgins as if it is a long-standing edict or tradition and it is not. From the Hanovers up until the late 19th / early 20th century the criteria seemed to be that royal marriages had to be among equals and even that was not strictly enforced since Mary of Teck came from a morganatic line.

The virgin / no romantic past requirement seemed to be mostly associated with Charles' great uncle Louis Mountbatten, he sought to set up a new standard of the type of woman a modern royal should marry since the equal marriage / royal-to-royal marriage was no longer de rigueur. It seems like he was aware that things were more socially liberated and he thought that Charles should sow his wild oats but actually marry a woman that had "no past" and therefore would not be fodder for the press to run stories about the future queen's pre-marital adventures.
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  #2012  
Old 09-04-2016, 01:16 PM
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Yes, it would be like Earl Mountbatten to press that sort of fossilised thinking on his great-nephew. After all, he was born in 1900 and had married only a few years after World War One, (and his marriage was such a raging success.) Exactly the sort of advice Charles should have been seeking!
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  #2013  
Old 09-04-2016, 02:55 PM
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No it was for real. The RF ddn't want the papers picking into the past of a girl that Charles was dating, or esp the future Queen having ex boyfriends who talked about her sexual history. Charles was the First POW who was dating in the age when upper and middle class girls COULD have a sexual past before marraige.
Until the "dating times" of Charles and Anne, there didn't NEED to be a "royal rule" that his wife had to be a virgin. Upper class girls usually were, until they married.. they might have affairs after marraige but usually prior to ti they held on to their virginity...

Even so I think that it was still considered a bit louche esp if a woman had several boyfriends she was intimate with..

When Ferg and Andrew married, he was the second son, so it was considered Ok for her to have had a past..
But it is as with all social processes a gradual change.
It wasn't until the time of Kate and Will dating that it was SO utterly commonplace and so much a part of modern courtship for a couple to spend a long time as a sexually engaged couple and live together... that people wouldn't bother to talk about it...
Charles said more than once in the 70s to reporters, that he "couldn't live with a girl" like they could prior to marriage and get to know her well.. he had to get it right...

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Originally Posted by Queen Claude View Post
I think that Charles and Diana had an up and down marriage but the earlier years were more up than down. There are plenty of pictures showing them looking at each other with affection, and to my recollection Charles often looks more into her, you see him put his hand over hers, try to get her attention, be playful. etc.

To
That is probably true Queen Claude that it wasn't bad ALL the time in the first few years and that at the time of their split up, both of them remembered the bad times exclusively and dwelt on them and put that story of complete misery out to the public.
I think they both loved the children and had some happy times when they were small, and it wasn't all a show in public, there was a genuine feeling between them...
In the aftermath of Charles' Dimbleby interview one of the journalists who had followed them on holiday in the early days and snapped them kissing in the water, unaware that they were being photographed.. and siad "Did my camera lie"? when Charles had intimated that he never loved Diana...

However I do think that from early on, there were a lot of problems and while to be fair to both of them I think they DID both try to adapt it was realy trying against the grain for them both. She was jealous of Camilla, and I would imagine that when they had had a row or things weren't great she woudl beleive he was seeing Camilla on the sly or phoning her.. and accuse him..and he would probably longingly think of how good natured and easy Camilla was..
And he found the bulimia and the mood swings it caused hard to put up with, who wouldn't? I think she was not miserable all the time but when she was, she was very bad, and moody and while she could hide it in public she was angry and upset in private..

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Originally Posted by AdmirerUS View Post
JMd that his future bride have the appearance of being a good girl and there was always speculation about the previous sexual activity of anyone with whom he was linked. And I think Charles and the family knew it would be an unwise PR move to marry anyone who had been known to shop around.
Perhaps the spectre of Wallis Simpson was still hanging about in Charles's pre-married life. Heaven forbid another future king make such a lousy choice - love match or not.
Indeed it was. Mountbatten and others in the RF were worried in the 1970s that a left wing govt mgiht want to get rid of the monarchy, so it was very important that the RF be seen to be behaving well, to be respectable and give value for money to the public, and for Charles to get married in due course to a nice ladylike girl, who did not have a scad of lovers in her past.. and to settle down and have a family.

He told Charles off about being selfish and thoughtless, reminding him of how his uncle David had become a selfish spoiled man, who didn't think of others...
And Im sure they were worried that if it got out that Charles was involved with a few married women, the public might think of him as a cad who interfered in marriages or as someone who might go and marry a divorcee like David had done.. so they were keen when he hit around 30, that he was seen as marrying well and NOT being involved in an on and off affair with the married Camilla.

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I'm s
Not everyone of Charles's romances were with bed-hoppers. Why has an insistence grown over the years on Charles 'having' to choose a (very young) virgin? Why has that scenario played a role in the inevitability that people insist on of Charles proposing to Diana, (as if there was no other choice,) when there were probably dozens of aristocratic women in their early to mid twenties around in 1975-1980 with only a couple of mild romances in their pasts?
Becuase even one romance was enough. Davina Sheffield was apparently someone that Charles was very fond of, but once her boyfriend talked, it was all over. And I dont beleive that Charles would have dated Diana, at 30 plus, just because she was a pretty girl. He was I think genuinely attracted, but his preference was for older girls who were experienced socially and sexually. SO I think that at the time he met her, he knew he was getting to the age when he really should marry, and here was a girl who was sweet nice and very pretty but amazingly seemed to be completely free of any past, or even any real boyfriends...
AND she was from the right background, had relatives who were courtiers and was into country life etc. He problaby was so thrilled ot find such a prize, even if she wasn't his usual kind fo girl,that he was "ready to love her."
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  #2014  
Old 09-05-2016, 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee Anna View Post
One of Diana's closest friends, Lucia de Lima never doubted that Charles was the love of Diana's life. As probably her first love and the one she married, quite likely. She was still a teenager when she got engaged after all!

Disappointment set in fairly quickly.

Prince Charles was the love of Princess Diana's life, her close friend claims
I dont know if Lucia de Flecha LIma coudl be described as one of Diana's closest friends. She was n't in her life THAT long.. but she probably did hear a lot from Diana about her intimate thoughts.
but I think that yes in a way Charles was Diana's first love and she never really got over him. I think she loved other men, but there was always soemthing pulling her back to Charles.. even when she wanted to leave him, and wanted to marry someone else, she sitll I think longed for him to love her and for their marriage to work out. Sarah Bradford said that Diana pretended that she had gotten over the marriage and didn't mind Camilla's role in Charles' life, but that she did really...

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Yes, it would be like Earl Mountbatten to press that sort of fossilised thinking on his great-nephew. After all, he was born in 1900 and had married only a few years after World War One, (and his marriage was such a raging success.) Exactly the sort of advice Charles should have been seeking!
I think that his marriage was reasonalby successful in its way. And Mountbatten wanted the best for his great nephew. He was IMO quite right in believing that Charles' wife would have to be a girl with no past, for public consumption AT THAT TIme.
He was probably wrong in thinking that it was best for C to marry someone very young but Im sure he meant well in that he believed that a young girl would not have any experience of the outside world and would fit in better and adapt to married and royal life..
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  #2015  
Old 09-05-2016, 04:11 AM
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Yes, typical of the thinking of the early 1900s to 1920s. Fossilised by the 1970s! I have to say that I don't know too many young men in that era, in public life and out of it, who would have followed the advice of a very elderly man (however fond they were of him) in picking a suitable bride.

The last time I saw that sort of thing happening was in the film 'The Student Prince' with Mario Lanza that I caught once on late night TV!

And Mountbatten himself was said to have stated that he and Edwina spent half their marriage in someone else's bed. Maybe my definition of a successful marriage is somewhat different!
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  #2016  
Old 09-05-2016, 06:01 AM
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I am forever surprised by the twists and turns in the rewriting of the story of Charles and Diana. People tend to forget that it was Kanga that Diana thought Charles was going to marry after having her murdered in a so-called accident! What? you say, what about Camilla? Well for that part of the marriage she was merely one of many men and women that comprised Charles friends. Diana hated them all with a passion and resented any time spent with them rather than her.

Charles admits he began an affair with Camilla "after his marriage had irretrievably broken down", and yes, I believed him both then and now. Diana sobs on Panorama about her lover of several years "betrayed her". Now here's the kicker, did anyone go "say what! our perfect princess with not one, but several lovers"? Oh no, her fans damned Hewitt and called him a cad and he is vilified to this day, in the same way that Charles was branded an adulterer.
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  #2017  
Old 09-07-2016, 03:06 PM
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I've deleted a number of off-topic posts. This thread is not about Charles and his friends/acquaintances. Let's stick to the topic which is Charles and Diana.
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  #2018  
Old 09-07-2016, 06:01 PM
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Yes, typical of the thinking of the early 1900s to 1920s. Fossilised by the 1970s! I have to say that I don't know too many young men in that era, in public life and out of it, who would have followed the advice of a very elderly man (however fond they were of him) in picking a suitable bride.

The last time I saw that sort of thing happening was in the film 'The Student Prince' with Mario Lanza that I caught once on late night TV!

:
sorry but no not "fossilised" at all. I'm sure if Charles had asked advice of his paretnts, (who weren't exactly Edwardians) he would have been told the same. yes have relationships, get experience iwht women but the future queen must be someone who has not had any previous relationships.

I am not that old but I remember the 70s fairly well. I came from a conservative religious background, and that was the conservative thinking at the time..
It was only just being challenged that women with a sex life were "promiscuous", whereas men were just having a normal life. Ordinary couples were just starting to live together prior to marriage and generally It was only just becoming acceptable to have children out of wedlock.
For a prince, like Charles, it was not possilble to have an open "live in relationship".
I don't believe that Charles was following Mountbatten's advice per se - like most people he followed advice when it suited him and didn't if it didn't suit him...
he was doing what was generally considered in the RF circles to be the acceptable thing.. ie he could have a pre marital sex life, but his wife had to be inexperienced.
He said to journalists that "you chaps can live with a girl and get to know her, before marriage. I can't do that. I have to get it right first time."

I wont comment on Mountbatten's own marriage because I think that is really OT for this thread..
But IMO it was true that in the 70s, Charles' bride was going to have to be a virgin, I read it in articles and papers at the time.. and that meant that there was likely to be an age gap...
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  #2019  
Old 09-07-2016, 06:07 PM
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:

Charles admits he began an affair with Camilla "after his marriage had irretrievably broken down", and yes, I believed him both then and now. Diana sobs on Panorama about her lover of several years "betrayed her". Now here's the kicker, did anyone go "say what! our perfect princess with not one, but several lovers"? Oh no, her fans damned Hewitt and called him a cad and he is vilified to this day, in the same way that Charles was branded an adulterer.
As I recall Diana felt that Charles was going ot marry TIGGY not Kanga, and she didn't "hate Charles' friends".. she just had nothing much in common with them.. and she did resent them as time went on because she felt that she was getting on badly with Charles and they were still close to him.
And she didn't have "several lovers".
I really do wonder at times why people seem to act so horrified by what is IMO a normal love life...
Diana didn't have the pre marital relationships that most women have, she did not have any serious boyfriends, and when her marriage broke down, she made up for lost time.
She had Hewitt certainly, but she didn't get involved with him until after Charles and Camilla had resumed their affair. And later, when her relationship with him broke down and her marriage was clearly completely finished, she had other relationships. what was wrong with that? These affairs took place after her separation from Charles. He clearly didn't care tuppence what she was doing, he didn't suffer any pain or jealousy. She may have hurt other women..wich was selfish of her but she certainly wasn't hurting Charles...
She may well have thought that as Oliver Hoare was not faithful to his wife, she was a sophisticated woman who didn't care about his affairs, and at first Di was probalbely only looking for a little affection. Later, I think she fell for Hoare and wanted to marry him.. and thought that he would be wiling to leave his wife for her.. And yes she was wrong there to try and pressure him. but please don't lets be sayng that she was hurting her husband in having one of these "many affairs..."
They had nothing to do with the breakdown of her marriage, they were the consequence of its being a failure.
Charles had "Only one affair" because he had done his sowing wild oats. He had had many pre marital relationships, and when his marriage failed he had settled on the woman he was happy with and went back to her...
As for Hewitt, yes he is a cad. He did betray her. They had an affair, it ended, and he for money sold his story. He went on selling it even after she was dead and betrayed or made up confidences she had given him in private. If that's not caddish behaviour I don't know what is.
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  #2020  
Old 09-08-2016, 03:14 AM
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I stand corrected! Kanga was an earlier target.
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