Harry and Meghan: Relationship Musings

[Abbigail]

I'm agreeing with those saying, that Meghan wouldn't be moving to UK only to date Harry. She'd be giving up her career, livelihood, privacy etc just to be someone's girlfriend. She wouldn't be able to work, just because she'd be stalked by the paparazzi, she wouldn't have any of the rights or benefits of a royal fiancé or wife, but would have all the rules and restrictions of one. And call me crazy, but I don't think Harry would expect Meghan to move to UK just to date him either. What I've seen from him in this relationship, IMHO he's more than willing to put on his half of the effort and work to make this work and to meet Meghan half way. He's very aware of the restrictions dating him causes, he wouldn't want Meghan to do all that foot work alone.

Exactly. From everything I've seen and heard from him, I think he would push for a balanced relationship, not one with Meghan having to take all the risks. Remember he released that statement because he knew how unfair it was that Meghan and her family was suddenly being harassed and attacked all because she chose to date him. I do not see him asking or expecting Meghan to take on even more of the burden or baggage that comes with his lifestyle without him having to make much effort or any sacrifices at all.

I also think that a person who has been divorced once and is the child of divorced parents may see the benefit in having spent time living in the same country as their significant other before a formal engagement.

You mean like the benefit in dating for years before an engagement/marriage, only for said marriage to end in divorce?

As I said, if you're in love and committed to one another, then I think any couple can tackle the challenges that may come with not having lived together or in the same country.

Meghan has already drastically altered her life without an engagement. She’s altered much of her public persona, she’s not promoted the show that she’s working on, she’s not pursuing other acting roles, she’s given up a clothing line, and she’s closed a lucrative website. All without a ring on her finger. To assume that she wouldn’t also leave Suits and move to the UK without a ring simply because she’s a strong independent woman is illogical.

There's a big difference between giving up side projects or altering your public persona and giving up your main source of income to move to another country without another job waiting for you. That's a huge sacrifice to make just to continue dating someone.

 

[ladongas]

There are no guarantees in life...

Harry and Meghan are mature adults, well into their thirties. Yes, they could postpone getting engaged until they had lived in the same city for a few months, and postpone marriage for a few months beyond that.

But to what point? There is no guarantee that that would cause them to back out if the relationship seemed unlikely to work; nor that a few months more would guarantee a ‘happily ever after’ scenario.

I say, marry, and marry soon! Marry while your relationship is fresh, and hot, and warm!
Start your married life on a wave of passion, and passionate friendship, and passionate optimism! That’s the kind of people you are.

And let that wave propel you forward through the years ahead, the good times and the hard times. Give yourselves a reason to succeed, not an excuse to fail.

Don’t lose or waste what you have by being timid!

 

[soapstar]

Meghan is an actress, so it's not like she can't work while living in London. In fact, there are tons of actors that don't live in Hollywood or NYC. And for all we know, Meghan was tired of acting and was looking for other job opportunities. Maybe she wants to start a charity, or go back to school. If she decides to move to London without an engagement, there are a ton of things that she could do with her time.

 

[Alliec76]

Harry and Meghan are mature adults, well into their thirties. Yes, they could postpone getting engaged until they had lived in the same city for a few months, and postpone marriage for a few months beyond that.

But to what point? There is no guarantee that that would cause them to back out if the relationship seemed unlikely to work; nor that a few months more would guarantee a ‘happily ever after’ scenario.

I say, marry, and marry soon! Marry while your relationship is fresh, and hot, and warm!
Start your married life on a wave of passion, and passionate friendship, and passionate optimism! That’s the kind of people you are.

And let that wave propel you forward through the years ahead, the good times and the hard times. Give yourselves a reason to succeed, not an excuse to fail.

Don’t lose or waste what you have by being timid!

A true romantic! I love it!

But I suspect Meghan is trying not to get caught up and is thinking about this logically and sensibly. (Although I suspect it's hard when you have a prince wooing you! LOL!) But everything she's done so far, has been pretty planned and thought out.

The only way I could see her moving to London so she and Harry can just keep dating was if she could work. Not acting obviously, but possibly something having to do with her charity work. Then maybe she could go over on a work visa, I guess live with Harry in Nottingham Cottage, they could date and live in the same country and decide how they want to proceed from there. That is the only way her moving full time to the UK, with no engagement, would even remotely make sense to me. And even this set up would be problematic. But as long as she's "just a girlfriend", meaning not engaged or married, she's a private citizen and can do what she wants.

 

[MARG]

"Just a girlfriend" is, to my mind, not enough for Meghan to burn all her career and financial bridges, pack up and move to the UK only to shack-up with Harry for a "marriage test drive".

Not only do I believe that the amount of time couples live together, if at all, has nothing to do with how stable their marriage will be, many like Meghan's first marriage don't survive the transition.

Harry's position is unusual in that if Meghan is just a royal girlfriend, we will not see much of her and she will not get a real idea as to the intensity of being a full-time royal. As Harry's fiancé, she will be invited to many engagements as Harry's intended wife and will thus be exposed to the goldfish bowl that is his life.

 

[Alliec76]

"Just a girlfriend" is, to my mind, not enough for Meghan to burn all her career and financial bridges, pack up and move to the UK only to shack-up with Harry for a "marriage test drive".

Which is exactly why I don't actually see that happening, nor do I think it would be advisable. Maybe if you're like just out of college/early 20's and you aren't that established/settled anyway. Then perhaps. But now? Either she moves over there with a job, or she moves over there engaged (which we know will lead to a job). But not to just be someone's girlfriend. I'm betting on engaged, but that's just me.

 

[Pranter]

So then why wouldn’t she also move to the UK without a ring?

I’d add that most of that happened by January 2017, within 6 months of when they started dating.

What's she going to do in the U.K. while waiting on the ring? Who's going to provide her security? She can't work. She can't run around like a regular person. The media will start in about her cashing in on a prince for the cushy lifestyle but no work.


LaRae

 

[soapstar]

But why can't she work? There is nothing stopping a royal girlfriend from having a job, or going back to school. I don't recall any of the other royal girlfriends having security detail, so I'm not sure why Meghan would need one.

 

[Alliec76]

What's she going to do in the U.K. while waiting on the ring? Who's going to provide her security? She can't work. She can't run around like a regular person. The media will start in about her cashing in on a prince for the cushy lifestyle but no work.


LaRae

That's what I was trying to get at. She's just going to be shacked up at KP? An American living off the British taxpayer, because you know that's what they would say. IF she could work that might be different, but you know the British press would be all over that too. Who gave her the job? Does she deserve it? Did she earn it? Did the BRF pull strings for her? I can see it now.

I personally wish she could work, but with the hounding the other girlfriends have gotten, I just don't see it. And as for security, she already has security and that's just with her being in Toronto. And NBC is paying for it. I would think she'd need it even more in the UK. Who's paying for that?

 

[cepe]

That's what I was trying to get at. She's just going to be shacked up at KP? An American living off the British taxpayer, because you know that's what they would say. IF she could work that might be different, but you know the British press would be all over that too. Who gave her the job? Does she deserve it? Did she earn it? Did the BRF pull strings for her? I can see it now.

I personally wish she could work, but with the hounding the other girlfriends have gotten, I just don't see it. And as for security, she already has security and that's just with her being in Toronto. And NBC is paying for it. I would think she'd need it even more in the UK. Who's paying for that?

She can work for a charity - that would be good. Be known to spend time learning about UK history, the Royal Collection, spend time learning about the country, even about the Anglican church. She could do short courses in subjects that are of interest - art, history, drama whatever.

Harry (or Charles)will have to pay for her security.

 

[Alliec76]

She can work for a charity - that would be good. Be known to spend time learning about UK history, the Royal Collection, spend time learning about the country, even about the Anglican church. She could do short courses in subjects that are of interest - art, history, drama whatever.

Harry (or Charles)will have to pay for her security.

She can do that engaged.

 

[MARG]

I hadn't even thought of the security aspect and, to be honest, I think they all take it a little more seriously than they used to. Princess Anne's near-kidnapping has long since faded from their minds but the acts of terror put a whole new spin on things.

I should imagine that any time spent before marriage would be used to acquaint herself with the differences between how things are done in the US as opposed to how they are done in the UK. How cutlery is used just for one.

 

[Countessmeout]

But why can't she work? There is nothing stopping a royal girlfriend from having a job, or going back to school. I don't recall any of the other royal girlfriends having security detail, so I'm not sure why Meghan would need one.

Why cant she work like other girlfriends have? Because she is a foreigner.

To work, be a student (other then just on her own from books) or even volunteer she requires a visa. That's the reality of being a foreigner living abroad. Even if she came over on a fiancé visa, it wouldn't allow her to work. For her to work or volunteer with a charity, the job or charity would need to sponsor her visa application.

If they don't plan to marry in the next six months after she arrives, she will be there as a tourist. And tourists cant be involved in any of the above. If she wants to volunteer and or work there, she needs to find a charity or a job before she arrives, and get the visa in place.

Otherwise she will basically be hold up in KP reading about British history and the Anglican church. I don't know that this would be enough to keep her fulfilled and not bored and wanting to run back, after years working and volunteering.

 

[soapstar]

Of course she needs a visa and I imagine if she decides to move to London without an engagement, she'll have gotten this all taken care of and have a visa.

 

[cepe]

I'm pretty sure that the Prince's Trust could help her - and the British public would appreciate her doing that, rather than sit on her hands for however long. The press might growl a bit but Palace PR can sort it out. It isn't a huge issue.

Also - she could get a post at the US embassy (they might want to help out).

But I think if help is given it needs to be for a specific term and not seen to be open ended. And the Palace would need to be clear about why its happening.

All these issues have been bubbling under and also been dismissed - but reality bites and it isn't going to be easy.

Alternatively Harry could just ignore the rules and do it his way. He is known to be impetuous.

 

[Somebody]

However, as discussed previously, she needs a good reason for a visa, such as a job lined-up for her (with an employer willing to sponsor her) OR be engaged and get married within 6 months...

I'd say the risk of getting some 'staged job' is high. Sofia did the charity route as a way to make herself palatable as a royal girlfriend, which still receives criticism as her charity suddenly got royal treatment after their marriage. A clearly 'created job' at either a royal foundation of at the US embassy also seems fraught with potential issues.

Of course, she could take that route but I truly don't see what the advantage would be over just getting engaged so no pretense and complicated constructions are necessary and they can start the life that they seem to be preparing for.

 

[soapstar]

However, as discussed previously, she needs a good reason for a visa, such as a job lined-up for her (with an employer willing to sponsor her) OR be engaged and get married within 6 months...

True, but Meghan may very well have something lined up. We just don't know because we're not privy to what's going on in their lives. We can only speculate.

 

[Pranter]

I'm pretty sure that the Prince's Trust could help her - and the British public would appreciate her doing that, rather than sit on her hands for however long. The press might growl a bit but Palace PR can sort it out. It isn't a huge issue.

Also - she could get a post at the US embassy (they might want to help out).

But I think if help is given it needs to be for a specific term and not seen to be open ended. And the Palace would need to be clear about why its happening.

All these issues have been bubbling under and also been dismissed - but reality bites and it isn't going to be easy.

Alternatively Harry could just ignore the rules and do it his way. He is known to be impetuous.

I don't think they are that impetuous. I am sure they will have all this sorted out before she moves over.

LaRae

 

[Alliec76]

However, as discussed previously, she needs a good reason for a visa, such as a job lined-up for her (with an employer willing to sponsor her) OR be engaged and get married within 6 months...

I'd say the risk of getting some 'staged job' is high. Sofia did the charity route as a way to make herself palatable as a royal girlfriend, which still receives criticism as her charity suddenly got royal treatment after their marriage. A clearly 'created job' at either a royal foundation of at the US embassy also seems fraught with potential issues.

Of course, she could take that route but I truly don't see what the advantage would be over just getting engaged so no pretense and complicated constructions are necessary and they can start the life that they seem to be preparing for.

And that would be my fear. She would face every one of the criticisms outlined. Which would be very unfortunate and unfair to her, because based on her education and her already established humanitarian work, she would be more than qualified for any of those jobs. But the press will not care. There is a certain segment that already don't care for her. Her being "set up in a job" (because no matter how it happens, that's how it will be played) will give them just the material they need. And if she went over there, sans engagement, with no job, they'd call her lazy and a gold digger, desperate, etc. I don't see the advantage. Maybe she surprises us and she goes that way, but I'd be shocked.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

I just don't see how Meghan moving to Britain as a royal girlfriend would work. There are a lot of needless complications with that scenario. Nor do I think that is Meghan and Harry's intention. If that's what they were planning I don't think Meghan would have done the VF article nor would they have been so openly affectionate at Invictus.

Of course she'd need security if she lived in London. It's not just the paparazzi, terrorist threats are real.

I also don't see how living in Britain as a girlfriend would help Meghan in deciding if she'd want a life as a Royal Duchess. Not even vaguely similar.

 

[Missjersey]

Maybe she will fly over, we see a few sightings, and announcement is made of engagement and that Meghan has already moved there. She might be able to do some of her own charity work. Until any announcement, we’ve all got ants in our pants!

 

[MaiaMia_53]

I don't believe that for a minute!

Dogs always come right to me, and I simply can't stand them!
If they know that instinctively, you'd think they would keep their distance, yet they NEVER do!

But you misunderstand. Some dogs may want you to like them and they can sense your discomfort. So they head straight over to you either to intimidate or to cajole. And most definitely to sniff your scent. Cats will either ignore you disdainfully, run away and hide, lick themselves nervously, act out for attention or for the heck of it because it's their domain, plop down on the chair intended for you, or head straight for you and rub up against you in a misguided effort to soothe your tension. ?

One of the things I look forward to is KP releasing a portrait of Meghan & Harry with Bogart & Guy. I miss seeing updated pics of Bogart & Guy on Meghan's Instagram.

Oh and btw, Mad About Meghan blog site has posted an interesting summary of Meghan/Harry's househunting in the Cotswolds. Quite fascinating to learn they looked at Luckington Court, where the BBC series of Pride and Prejudice, starring Colin Firth, was filmed many years ago (although M&H are said not to have made an offer, and thus are likely still looking -- but reportedly they are intent on finding a country home in the Cotswolds). Hmmm, Luckington Court has a nice ring to it though. The blog includes some nice interior and exterior views of the estate. Enjoy reading!

http://madaboutmeghan.blogspot.com/

 

[Cocoasneeze]

I'm pretty sure that the Prince's Trust could help her - and the British public would appreciate her doing that, rather than sit on her hands for however long. The press might growl a bit but Palace PR can sort it out. It isn't a huge issue.

Also - she could get a post at the US embassy (they might want to help out).

But I think if help is given it needs to be for a specific term and not seen to be open ended. And the Palace would need to be clear about why its happening.

All these issues have been bubbling under and also been dismissed - but reality bites and it isn't going to be easy.

Alternatively Harry could just ignore the rules and do it his way. He is known to be impetuous.

All this 'help' from the Prince's Trust, US Embassy, Palace etc sounds like a PR disaster, and an open invitation for the press to have a go at Meghan and the BRF. She'd be getting special treatment because of her boyfriend, they wouldn't care if her own merits would get her the job. She'd be called a gold digger, and seen as not good enough to marry. Also, being just a royal girlfriend would keep her out of all and any family celebrations, she couldn't be anywhere near Harry during any official engagements.

As of now, her employers see the need for her to have security, I highly doubt Harry or Meghan would overlook those reasons once she moved to UK, she'd need security. Just because previous girlfriends didn't have security detail doesn't mean Meghan doesn't need one.

An official engagement announcement will open multiple doors and benefits foe Meghan, whi h she wouldn't be able to get as a 'just girlfriend'.

 

[Denville]

why does she need ot have all these jobs? If she gets engaged to Harry, she will be preparing for the wedding and for married life, as a Royal. She'll have plenty of work then.

 

[Osipi]

The way I see it is that if Meghan moves to the UK as the royal girlfriend, she is basically still a private citizen, single and faces life in the UK on her own without the official "stamp of approval" by the BRF . If she moves to the UK as Harry's fiance, she has the backing of the BRF as a soon to be member of the royal family, a RPO and most importantly, faces life in the UK by Harry's side. Which one of these do we really think Harry is going to prefer? From seeing how Harry vehemently had her back a year ago, I'm going to guess he'd go with the latter.

One thing I imagine that Meghan would be able to do while first living in the UK is continue her volunteer work with the UN. She's already an ambassador and getting familiar with the UK side of things may be of interest to her. I don't think it'd involve any out front and personal work but be more behind the scenes kind of things. She could get familiar (once again behind the scenes) of the different aspects of the Royal Foundation and start plotting and planning just where she'd like to fit in with their scheme of things.

Meghan doesn't come across to me as the kind of person that would just sit back and wait for things to happen but rather as she'll know where her life is headed by the move, she'll be starting to get her ducks all in a row to enhance the life that lies ahead and start to sink her teeth into it all with gusto.

I don't see Meghan getting any kind of "work" or a "job". I think it would be difficult for anyone that takes her on because of the frantic media craziness that is going to surround her. If we think the media is intense now, it'll be ten times as worse once she begins to live in the UK. Hire Meghan and you're assured of a huge media pack that comes with her.

So, to sum it all off, I believe that if and when she moves to the UK, she'll have the backing of the royal family and her future husband for protection.

 

[Denville]

I don't think the RF would be at all kene on her getting involved with anything royal behind the scenes or otherwise, until she's officially engaged.

 

[jacqui24]

why does she need ot have all these jobs? If she gets engaged to Harry, she will be preparing for the wedding and for married life, as a Royal. She'll have plenty of work then.

I think they are saying if she moves to UK before being engaged, which is an idea that's been mentioned.

 

[Somebody]

All this 'help' from the Prince's Trust, US Embassy, Palace etc sounds like a PR disaster, and an open invitation for the press to have a go at Meghan and the BRF. She'd be getting special treatment because of her boyfriend, they wouldn't care if her own merits would get her the job. She'd be called a gold digger, and seen as not good enough to marry. Also, being just a royal girlfriend would keep her out of all and any family celebrations, she couldn't be anywhere near Harry during any official engagements.

(...)

An official engagement announcement will open multiple doors and benefits foe Meghan, whi h she wouldn't be able to get as a 'just girlfriend'.

And let's be honest, she wouldn't be getting those jobs solely based on her own merits. She could be qualified but the main reason she would be hired would be because Harry's girlfriend needed some kind of job in the UK. Luckily, (so far) this is a theoretical discussion, and I don't expect them to go this route.

 

[Denville]

Why would she need a job? Any job she took would be criticised.....

 

[Pranter]

Why would she need a job? Any job she took would be criticised.....

You might want to go back a couple pages and read forward to understand why the job issue was raised.


LaRae