Harry and Meghan: Relationship Musings

[Pranter]

I think that is very possible too.


LaRae

 

[Lady Nimue]

I think it's clear we are seeing the preamble preparations for Meghan moving to England as everyone is saying. (Must be such an exciting time for her!) Key will be where they choose to live. They already have the Cottage at KP, but it's the country house that interests me. I think Meghan will want 'their own place' in the country, away from formal royal stuff. I see lots of reasons why it would/might be the Cotswolds, mainly having to do with Meghan. I think Meghan will always need a generous cosmopolitan-type atmosphere wherever they live. Where that first country bolt hole occurs will tell us a lot about the relationship and what's happening. I am thinking it would be a rental/lease rather than a purchase initially. (If it is a purchase, all bets are off!)

I also think that key to marriage (in these times) is cohabiting prior to the vows. I am agreeing with a lot of what Mermaid1962 says below.

I wonder whether Meghan and Harry have even been together enough to have had their first major argument? If so, how have they handled it?

Yes! It's key things like this that living together causes to get shaken out.

I'm sure that Meghan is intelligent and kind and all those things, but I'm concerned about whether she's the right one for Harry, the future HRH Duke of Wherever.

Here I slightly disagree. I'm less concerned about Meghan than I am about Harry. He's the one who is high-maintanenece. Will Meghan see the full scope of what she is taking on without sustained cohabitation before marriage? I don't think so. Okay, slight back-peddle: I am concerned for Meghan. As intelligent and kind as she may be, she can never be fully savvy about the social/cultural differences she is walking into. I would not want to see her spirit crushed.

As far as I'm concerned, a year-and-a-half of long-distance romance isn't long enough.

I agree.

I think that Meghan should move to the UK several months before any engagement is announced and live there as a private citizen (i.e. not somewhere sheltered like a palace) to find out whether she really wants to live there long-term.

Excellent suggestion. Maybe the country lease in the Cotswolds could be that place where she scopes things out (and Harry up close).

The above being so, I don't see a formal engagement announced until next summer, with the wedding in the winter (yes! ), like even in December. And while I think Windsor would be nice for the reasons given here, I am very partial to
a winter wedding in Scotland. Wouldn't that be heavenly? In the snow?

I'd hate to see Harry and Meghan marry and have a couple of children and then split up.

That would be sad, but so much depends on just how mature Harry is deep down. Marriage and parenthood can change people (I think we see that with William). Harry does seem to be totally certain, and he is clearly ringing all the right bells for Meghan, so we can hope that the flush of new love will last long enough to weather the ups-and-downs of routine and eventually nappies and what-all. Only time will tell.

 

[scriptgirl]

I don't think a winter wedding will happen and I also doubt Scotland as Harry seemingly has no strong ties to it.

I agree that a country house in the Cotswolds is a good idea.

 

[Countessmeout]

Certainly no reasons he couldn't have two designers.

I think more then any royal bride before her, its important Meghan go with a British designer for at least the ceremony. She is not just marrying into the family, she is marrying into the country. She is asking people to see her as the Duchess of X with her husband. Wearing an American designer will simply be a reminder to many that she isn't British. Not a good start.

Now if she wore an American designer to the reception, that would be less stir.

I am sure she will be given a lot of leeway in design, as long as conservative enough. But I think it will be very strongly advised to her to wear British.

 

[Lady Nimue]

Time line for me: (well what seems practical)

-not engaged yet but are under understanding will soon be
-she moves in end of November under fiancé visa (6 months to wed)
-they spend the pre-season together, she goes home to see family for Christmas while he is at Sandringham
-meet up for a vacation between Christmas and New years, one year anniversary of first trip they took. Possibly proposal then.
-Scotland with his family for New Years to tell family. Announce early January

Wedding end of May. May 26 seems likely date:
-Saturday so no concerns for not being bank holiday
-weeks after Kate is due so no worry about baby or her not attending
-before all the big events in June

Also allows for a good honeymoon before June. They could go for a 10-12 day honeymoon and be back for Trooping. She could make her first official debut, after wedding, at Trooping of the color. She would be able to attend Trooping, Order of the Garter, and Ascot as his wife in June.

In October they make their first big trip abroad married, to Invictus in Australia.

I am leaning towards St. George's. 800 people is more then enough room for such a wedding. Likely have seats left open. Unlike the Cambridges there wont be hundreds of politicians and other figures that aren't personal guests. There may be some required guests but certainly not that many.

Exceedingly well thought out, Countessmeout. Impressive.

Have you considered hiring yourself out as their wedding planner? ? (Could actually happen this way! Wager?)

 

[Curryong]

Why is Harry considered 'high maintenance', Lady Nimue, in direct contradiction to what most people who lived with him for months in service in Afghanistan and have worked in charities with him, have consistently said about him?

Neither he nor Meghan are high maintenance IMO or bad tempered or likely to demand the world. Nothing I've read about Harry (or Meghan for that matter) comes to that conclusion at all. He is regularly described as being down to earth, humble about his abilities and easy to work with.

Meghan has lived in London with Harry for weeks at a time at KP. The two of them would regularly have seen the best and the worst of each other.

They would have had literally hundreds of conversations IMO as to Britain, the BRF and personalities within it, what is required of Royal life etc, and Meghan would have seen how Harry deals with things at Invictus, and after coming home to KP after engagements. She's a good natured woman of common sense, I believe, as Harry is himself a very kind and sensible person.

 

[scriptgirl]

Why is Harry considered 'high maintenance', Lady Nimue, in direct contradiction to what most people who lived with him for months in service in Afghanistan and have worked in charities with him, have consistently said about him?

Neither he nor Meghan are high maintenance IMO or bad tempered or likely to demand the world. Nothing I've read about Harry (or Meghan for that matter) comes to that conclusion at all. He is regularly described as being down to earth, humble about his abilities and easy to work with.

Meghan has lived in London with Harry for weeks at a time at KP. The two of them would regularly have seen the best and the worst of each other.

They would have had literally hundreds of conversations IMO as to Britain, the BRF and personalities within it, what is required of Royal life etc, and Meghan would have seen how Harry deals with things at Invictus, and after coming home to KP after engagements. She's a good natured woman of common sense, I believe, as Harry is himself a very kind and sensible person.

Speaking truth, Curryong. I cosign on all you have said.

 

[Lady Nimue]

All okay, Curryong and scriptgirl. We just see things differently (and may have different sources). Doesn't matter. People see people different ways. There is no one 'truth', not so? Time will tell.

 

[Curryong]

Thanks Lady Nimue. I actually know people who served with Harry in the Army and in Afghanistan and speak of him in glowing terms, especially after he left and worked with veterans. I prefer to believe the testimony of people who lived with him day by day under uncomfortable conditions.

 

[Lady Nimue]

Public persona is different from private persona. There is no reason to believe that Harry allowed his private persona to be observed in these circumstances. But let's agree to disagree.

P.S. Keep in mind that all these reports of Harry being a bonnie down-to-earth prince was a time, by Harry's own admission, when he was suffering keenly mentally and emotionally. Assume nothing.

 

[jacqui24]

Public persona is different from private persona. There is no reason to believe that Harry allowed his private persona to be observed in these circumstances. But let's agree to disagree.

P.S. Keep in mind that all these reports of Harry being a bonnie down-to-earth prince was a time, by Harry's own admission, when he was suffering keenly mentally and emotionally. Assume nothing.

I don't think living in less than desirable conditions over extended period of time in Afghanistan with your fellow soldiers means you are showing your public persona. In fact, I would say these strenuous conditions would bring out the person deep down. And honestly, if you are still a kind and down to earth person when you are dealing with internal turmoil, it's only likely to make you a better, kinder, and more down to earth once you've dealt with your issues.

Honestly, I really hate Harry's disclosure is being used this way against him. He shared it so that others wouldn't feel isolated in their struggles and seek help. Not so that people can pass judgment on people that's needed to seek help, which is part of what he's trying to combat.

And going by the way that assumption was made, we could assume a lot about the royals despite what they've each showed us time and time again, even spontaneously, can't we? Because after all none of it is true.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

In my experience, when one is acutely suffering depression, anxiety or other stresses, you are less likely to be someone others think is a great friend, person, whatever. So to be thought well of while in turmoil speaks of an innate quality shining through.

I think Harry has become calmer, more grounded and focused because of counseling or therapy, whatever he did to make peace with his grief.

 

[Rhea6]

Nowhere does Harry seem high maintaince! On the contrast he always seems down to earth and approachable that is why the public seem to treat him like one of their own ! Just see him on walkabouts and interaction with the kids and adults alike !

Harry had a rough teen and early adult years but now he seems to be a well grounded individual and an asset to the royal family !

 

[scriptgirl]

Harry never struck me as high maintenance, not once and yes, I do believe in the army, his true character showed.

 

[Lady Nimue]

Honestly, I really hate Harry's disclosure is being used this way against him. He shared it so that others wouldn't feel isolated in their struggles and seek help. Not so that people can pass judgment on people that's needed to seek help, which is part of what he's trying to combat.

It's not. My point was simply that you can never be sure you know the entire person at any given time, and certainly not us on this chat site. You just can't. I think that was Harry's point in fact. Also, Rome wasn't built in a day: a few therapy sessions does not unravel a lifetime of knots. Harry's mother presented a flawless public persona according to many, yet still was covering considerable inner turmoil. It is said Harry is very much like his mother. We know Harry's actions with previous girlfriends, and so it goes. However, he is certainly happy now, so we can be glad for him and hope the burden is not too great on Meghan to maintain that balance for him.

But I am going to cease here. It was a simple comment, not meant to generate such heat and offense. Harry is not perfect. Harry is intense and it is obvious that he is high maintenance to someone who sees the signs. You don't see that. Okay. But I will not be brow beaten into backing off: I have concerns for Meghan for specific reasons that I felt free to state. My hope is that those issues have been dealt with, or are in the process of being dealt with. All good. But she needs to be certain before she signs on. JMO.

 

[M. Payton]

Public persona is different from private persona. There is no reason to believe that Harry allowed his private persona to be observed in these circumstances. But let's agree to disagree.

P.S. Keep in mind that all these reports of Harry being a bonnie down-to-earth prince was a time, by Harry's own admission, when he was suffering keenly mentally and emotionally. Assume nothing.

Can anyone, man or woman in these living conditions and in the military with a royal title keep their *public persona* in tact 24/7 from their *private persona*? IMHO don't think so for if living with mentality and emotionally issues it would be darn hard to keep that in place all the time from everyone around you.

Given what Harry and his brother went through all those decades ago and how long it has taken them to actually to get to the root of dealing with them, I would bet that today they are more then able to deal with just about anything thrown at them for they have had to in many ways take on issues that the normal person would not have had to deal with.

IMO I don't think there is a person on this planet that at one time or another has not had issues to deal with and all those life experiences that we go through make us who we are today, everything, good or bad effects us and how we deal with them says a great deal about us today. I see Harry as still growing and learning and taking challenges to a new height in life......he is not the kid he was a few years ago, today he is his own person and a strong independent man ready for new challenges in life and with Meghan he is willing to take those challenges and face the world.

 

[Countessmeout]

If any where Harry was himself, except with his family in private, it was in the army. Its likely one of the reasons he misses the life. He was treated just as Captain Wales. He was respected or disciplined for his actions, not who he was. Yes, there would always likely be people around who saw him always as Prince, but he would be able to be himself. A soldier. Being in active military work, working and living along side the men, that isn't a 'public persona'. That is him at the best and worst of times. Under high stress and other bad conditions at times. Its easy to fake a good natured smile and attitude when touring a hospital, its another thing to fake who you are in high stress roles.

 

[Osipi]

I've come up with something else that just might work. Harry and Meghan plan to marry in mid May at St. George's chapel. We may not get a balcony kiss but perhaps something even better? If the wedding is in mid May, they have a couple weeks for a private honeymoon then its off to the races. I'd love to see Harry and Meghan in the carriage procession at Ascot next year along with Trooping the Color. After all the "presentations" of the couple, they can retreat into their own lives and getting adjusted to marriage like Will and Kate did.

 

[scriptgirl]

I want Westminster. No St. George.

 

[Countessmeout]

If they do St George's you still get the family shot and the big kiss. You simply get it on the steps of the church like Edward and Sophie. The couple and their bridal party, and then the rest of the family, gathered on the steps. Photo op like the balcony. And then everyone watched as the couple took off in the carriage before the reception. Still get the public wedding, still filmed, still big kiss and parade. Simply not the craziness of London and higher security costs. And a church that would likely be nearly half empty as there is no way they need 1500 seats.

 

[scriptgirl]

Nope. I want pomp and circumstance. This wedding is a very big deal and will be huge internationally.

 

[M. Payton]

???Really hate to disappoint you yet we all here and everywhere will have to take what Harry and Meghan give us, not what we want. After all it is their wedding, if that is to be.......so lets sit back and raise that glass of champagne when the time comes to a very beautiful and joyous wedding ......soon rather then later!

 

[Osipi]

Its true that there will be international interest but there was also that interest for William's wedding. I don't really think, with the security issues that surround London recently, that the wedding will happen at Westminster Abbey but in Windsor where crowd control will be a bit easier.

Harry may be popular but the reality is that his wedding isn't as "important" in the British scheme of things as William's was. I do expect Harry's wedding to be on a smaller and more intimate scale but just as beautiful.

 

[MARG]

The more things change the more they stay the same. I remember Prince Andrew and Sarah returning to BP in an open carriage and it was all cheers, smiles, flower petals and confetti etc. but at one moment something landed in the carriage that landed on Sarah's dress and rolled away. It turned out to be a lovely little posy probably weighted so it would make the distance. But the moment it landed Andrew looked frozen for a moment and recovered it and gave it to Sarah smiling. The UK had it's terror problem way back then.

Back to Harry and Meghan, I believe they will stay together at NC until the engagement is announced. I was thinking that we will most probably see her staying with a senior member of the BRF other than Harry before the wedding. It was reported that they visited Highgrove together and staying with his father at both Highgrove and Clarence House would probably be her serious introduction to the royal life and close enough for Harry to come and go at will.

 

[Cocoasneeze]

I'm the odd one here thinking, that Harry and Meghan are privately engaged, were already, when she did that Vanity Fair interview. I'm thinking the announcement will happen in the end of November or beginning of December, most likely the latter. Wedding in the end of May.
I think she'll have a British designer wedding dress, and a separate dress for the reception, an American designer.

 

[Rudolph]

With regards to the security situation in London. Just yesterday the head of MI5 said the terror threat level is unprecedented and fresh attacks are inevitable.

So anything that can be done to help mitigate that, like a wedding at Windsor instead of London will certainly be taken into account.

 

[Madame Verseau]

They just announced the due date for Will and Kate's baby: April 2018. Harry and Meghan's wedding could fall between May and July.

 

[Osipi]

Thinking along those lines, we may see that it will be that they will hold off on publicly announcing the venue for the wedding as long as they possibly can.

The less people know, the harder it is to make plans to create chaos. I do imagine that once the engagement is announced, everything from papers to magazines and social media is going to be packed with stories and information.

Now that I think about it, maybe a good plan of action is to do as much possible and have plans in the works before the engagement is even announced and then jump right towards the wedding rather than saturate and drag it out in the public eye for months.

Just a few thoughts.

They just announced the due date for Will and Kate's baby: April 2018. Harry and Meghan's wedding could fall between May and July.

Just who announced this little tidbit of information and are the sources reliable? I don't think *any* source could be credible at this time as an engagement hasn't even been announced officially.

 

[jacqui24]

If they do St George's you still get the family shot and the big kiss. You simply get it on the steps of the church like Edward and Sophie. The couple and their bridal party, and then the rest of the family, gathered on the steps. Photo op like the balcony. And then everyone watched as the couple took off in the carriage before the reception. Still get the public wedding, still filmed, still big kiss and parade. Simply not the craziness of London and higher security costs. And a church that would likely be nearly half empty as there is no way they need 1500 seats.

Photo-op on St. George step is NOT like the balcony. We've all seen the wedding photos of the Wessexes and Peter and Autumn Phillips. Being in Windsor isn't going to take away the crowd gathering either, it could even cause crowd control issues being that it doesn't have the same capacity. Nor would it take away any of the risks associated with possible terror attack.

 

[O-H Anglophile]

Just who announced this little tidbit of information and are the sources reliable? I don't think *any* source could be credible at this time as an engagement hasn't even been announced officially.

KP announced the baby's due date, so very credible. The possible wedding dates were speculation based on that fact.