I was talking to someone who gave a very good explanation for Noor's complex relationships with her children and, perhaps, Hussein's children from earlier marriages. She had/has very complicated relationships with her own parents and had a challenging upbringing, to say the least. Her father was very much on the career fast-track throughout his life and doesn't seem like he was all that devoted to his family--so there was a lot of moving around, no sense of permanency, and he eventually left his wife for another woman. Her mother seems like she had to bottle a lot of her own frustrations and showed her anger by getting upset over rather trivial things like Noor's fascination with her Arab roots over her Swedish ones. Noor was the one who revealed that in an interview in VF and in her book. Najeeb Halaby, by her account, was a driven man and drove his own children--particularly his eldest, Noor--incessantly. Her "fascination with her Arab roots" may have stemmed, in part, from her desire to please him. This constant need to please is very hard. Interestingly enough, both of our "American royals," Grace and Noor, had fathers whose favor they couldn't seem to win, both as children and as adults. Both came from what can only be described as cold, judgemental and sometimes harsh families.
I'm not a psychologist but those dynamics would have to make it hard to trust and bond normally with kids, spouses, friends, anyone.....as you feel you can never be fully yourself because, deep down, you've been brought up to believe nothing you do is good enough resulting in a constant struggle for acceptance. That may explain why she won't speak her mind on matters like her son's being passed over in the succession. Yes, it's good politics but it was, it had to have been hurtful. I wish she would have said just that much to Larry King the other night. "It had to have hurt?" he asked her. Why not simply say "yes." That's a normal personal emotion people can empathize with. But to admit such a thing was not acceptable with her parents--and therefore would not be something she would allow herself to say--or maybe even feel. She's very adept at distancing herself from troubling emotions.
At an age when many women report they are satisfied with their lives, she doesn't appear to be all that happy in hers. She crafted a life in Jordan and I think she could not have envisioned it coming to an end and what would happen when it did end. Of all her homes, she said her happiest times were in Aqaba. She has lost that home. I think she genuinely wanted to help people in Jordan. The degree to which she can do that has been stifled--whether out of wilingness to step aside and give King Abdullah and Queen Rania center stage or because she feels unwelcome. In the beginning, she tried to reach out to King Hussein's children from his other marriages and was repeatedly snubbed by some of them. That had to have been a blow to someone who describes herself as an "idealist" and came into the marriage believing she could pull everyone together and "be a real family". You can only offer yourself up so many times if it results in feelings of rejection. It says something--to me--that Prince Feisal, who I respect greatly as he seems a very kind man, maintains contact with her and participated in her book. Abir, as well. Both seem to have their heads on straight and would not want to have much to do with her if she were a monster.
She is beautiful, poised, possesses exquisite manners, is diplomatically savvy and yet seemingly lacks the skills needed to be a close mother and friend. Her close friend, Marion Freeman is quoted as saying "she's played the role [of Queen] for so long, in many ways she has become the role." Now that that role has been set aside, from where do you draw your identity? I respect her so much--for many reasons. I wish she would find greater personal happiness and closer bonds with her children would be the logical choice. Her ability to do so, given all she was taught as a child, makes that difficult, if not impossible. So she keeps her whirlwind schedule, traveling constantly and putting on a good face because she wants to or because she doesn't know what else to do?
Has anyone heard if Suzanne Finstad's biography of Noor will be coming out soon? She's a good writer and, while empathetic toward Noor, would present a factual account. It was intriguing to hear her speak of Noor's reaction to her husband's infatuation or whatever it was with the journalist before he was diagnosed with cancer: "She was clearly struggling but somehow managed to hold her head high publicly. One on one, the pain she was holding inside was evident. Her words were not as carefully put and she seemed dazed, bewildered and wounded." I hope that book will be published. I suspect it was set aside when Noor wrote her own book--but it may still see the light of day. If it's as well-researched as Finstad's book on Natalie Wood, it would be an excellent read on Noor.