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Sunday, September 4, 2005
WASHINGTON -- Over a lifetime, Bill Clinton has exhibited a number of irresistible urges. One, more acceptable than others, was to be inaugurated, which, according to my dictionary, means commencing some office with ceremonies and ritual.
According to Bill, he inaugurated himself into marijuana smoking -- but not inhaling -- at Oxford University in England. Five years later, he was sworn in as attorney general of Arkansas, then five times as governor of the state and twice as president of the United States.
Now in 2005, Bill Clinton is looking for a new job with a beautiful new inauguration.
Destination NYC
It will all start with the Clinton Global Initiative in New York City on Sept. 15. And for three days it will bring together what Bill's spin doctors describe as "the world best minds and most distinguished problem-solvers."
We all know how they can lie.
Mark Twain put words into Clinton's mouth when he wrote in Huckleberry Finn, "Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And, ain't that a big enough majority in any town?"
Certainly the Clintonistas have tasked themselves with some major problems. In three days, they will offer "immediate practical solutions" on:
how to reduce poverty
how to use religion as a force for conflict resolution
how to combat climate change
and how to strengthen governance throughout the world.
With Bill Clinton as ringmaster, thumping the circus drum and conning the chumps and dupes into the big top, it is time to pay some close attention to the myriad scalawags who will congregate at the Sheraton Hotel on New York's West Side.
There will be Jacques Chirac, soon to face re-election and become former president of France; Tony Blair, who, unbelievably, is serving a third term as Britain's prime minister and as Clinton's performing poodle; Olusegun Obasanjo, Nigeria's president, who can teach any Western politician tricks on how to privatize state funds into their very private bank accounts; and the truly sinister Paul Kagame, the Tutsi who became president of Rwanda.
Kagame, a part of the chaos and violence in Rwanda, was chosen for the presidency of that sad country by his neighbor, President Yoweri Museveni -- best known to the U.S. military as "Little Darling" in Uganda.
With these four guests, Bill Clinton has brought together a tarnished, intrigue-ridden band of experts who have all eliminated poverty, pollution and hunger from their own lives. Their double-dealing has made chicanery the order of the day. To bring individuals like Kagame and Obasanjo to America to talk about "good governance" is a sick joke.
Cue the clowns
But, there are many more willing to work for the next Clinton inauguration.
Clinton, as every fairground shill knows, has to bring out the clowns. And he has them in abundance.
There is his old Vice President Al Gore, now billed as the super-environmentalist and -- hold the laughs -- renowned for government cost-cutting.
Joining Al the Remarkable is Kofi Annan, embroiled in the United Nations' oil-for-food scandal.
Joining them as straight man is Robert Rubin, who ran the U.S. Treasury, invented a voodoo mix known as "Rubinomics" and retired to Wall Street before the economy turned sour.
Also attending is Gareth Evans, a former Australian foreign minister, now presiding over the International Crisis Group, who has never found a crisis that Democrats can't turn into a catastrophe.
The role of chief clown was reserved for John Kerry's money machine and supporter of many strange and varied causes, George Soros. Who better than he to sound his own horn and lead the parade?
Naturally, a Clinton circus has to have a lady in tights and spangles on horseback. Madonna was not available, so the job went to Kosovo Queen, also known as Madeleine Albright, who turned Washington's once prestigious Foggy Bottom into a laughingstock.
'Prize acts'
The really prize acts include the Monarch of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, best known as King Abdullah, whose claim to fame is that he once said, "True Islam supports a democratic environment," then, at once, proceeded to crush any attempt to discuss the rights of his citizens.
Also attending will be the prime minister of Bangladesh, the Begum (Widow) Khaleda Zia, whose country is characterized, even by our wimpish State Department, as "poor, overpopulated, ill-governed and corrupt."
Among the speakers will be the Bangladeshi "Robin Hood," as comic relief, whose true name is Mohammad Yunus, founder of a bank that believes credit is a human right. Sure, he lends money, but ask where it comes from and you will find that it is donations from wealthy individuals and governments to Yunus, some of which he lends on strict repayment terms.
Bill Clinton is bored and on the loose, looking for an inauguration. Once again, he will remember and act on Mark Twain's advice: "Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it!"
Credit: Dateline D.C. is written by a Washington-based British journalist and political observer.
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