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  #81  
Old 06-07-2011, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by grevinnan View Post
Child abuse is horrible and devastating no matter who you or your parents are. I hope the duchess finds healing and comfort somewhere. We are willing to spend hundreds of posts on discussing whether someones skirt is long enough, shoes are the correct color or the jewelry is the right kind but no empathy when the most horrible of situations for any child is exposed.

I am glad her girls and P Andrew all seems to stand by her no matter what. As a woman my heart goes out to her. Perhaps her road to healing and forgiveness is coming to an end and she will find peace.
I agree child abuse is horrible-the worst of crimes. But I do not think that your mother spanking you is child abuse. I know some would disagree and maybe its a cultural thing. And some children don't respond to spankings some need a talking to or punishment or time out or a combination of discipline. Given all the half-truths and general triflingness of Sarah the past year I am not sure if the "abuse" happened or if this is Sarah being manipulated for ratings by the OWN network.

Last week a pregant 17 year old mother in my city beat her 18month old son and threw him in the trash can (with a house full of people there). And she's pregnant now. That is abuse. Walk thru any city emergency room and you will cry.
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  #82  
Old 06-08-2011, 02:48 AM
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The Telegraph has a story about Finding Sarah today:
The Duchess of York: Finding Sarah - or just funding her? - Telegraph

For it they talked to Ingrid Seward who wrote a biography of Sarah in 1991 and had access to the Fergusons including Sarah's sister Jane. She doesn't believe Sarah.

The basic problem I have with this docu drama is that the situation Sarah is in is so bad: from the throneroom to the gutter. Even though Sarah might not be able to recognize this as the storyline behind the show, it surely is not mainly about Sarah coming like phoenix from the ashes. It is absolutely normal to sensationalise the real story behind the drama and I'm afraid this is what happened.

If she wanted to grovel, Sarah should have gone to the queen and not to the public. Andrew immediately started to try to help her when she got into real dire straits and that's how she thanks him for his support. Oh the poor girls.
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  #83  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:11 AM
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Sarah, Duchess of York, leaving her hotel New York City on June 6, 2011.


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And outside the ABC studios to appear on 'Good Morning America', New York City, June 7.


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  #84  
Old 06-08-2011, 06:25 AM
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Fergie doesn't miss a chance for self promotion as she shows off her new children's book during New York shopping trip | Mail Online
  #85  
Old 06-08-2011, 08:18 AM
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Originally Posted by rmay286 View Post
In the "Sarah's divorce statement" thread, Diarist notes that if Sarah had gone bankrupt, she wouldn't have been able to work in the U.S. I'm starting to wish Sarah had gone bankrupt. It would have been better for her; it would have forced her to deal with reality and sort out her life. Right now she's just milking her troubles for all they're worth, because the American media is giving her a platform to do it.

Like many people here, I like Sarah and have defended her in the past, but my patience is wearing out. I'm now cringing every time I read an interview with her. In the past, Sarah at least showed an awareness of what was socially acceptable - admitting she'd made mistakes and that she was trying to do better. Now, though, it's like she's lost her filter - all she does is moan about her problems and regrets.


rmay, I so agree with you NOW that if would have been better if Sarah had gone bankrupt. I am NOT a Sarah hater, and although I recognise that Bankruptcy is NOT an easy solution, I think it would have been a good way of preventing 'Sarah from being Sarah'. I have reluctantly come to this view because I feel from what I have read about Sarah's appearances on Oprah etc that even though Sarah has been paid a lot of money, I DO NOT think that it was in Sarah's best interests to porceed in this way - it is to my mind NOT moving forward for Sarah.

If she had been declared bankrupt if would have:

1. Wiped out her debts

2. Led to the appointment of a Trustee-in-Bankruptcy [TinB]to supervise Sarah's spending. This would have been wonderful - on another thread I have just noted that Sarah was photographed last week out at Mosimann's, one of the most expensive restaurant/dining clubs in the world. A TinB would have presumably vetoed such an expedition.

3. Prevented Sarah appearing on Oprah and making all these revelations, that embarras both herself, her family and ultimately her daughters. [NB travel to the US is apparently forbidden to bankrupts - entry to them is denied along with those whom the US deem undesirable - e.g criminals, persons of extremist views etc]. In my very humble opinion, the interests of Sarah and Oprah are not mutual - Oprah at the end of the day needs [sensational] tv in order to attract viewers and money; Sarah, in my very humble opinion needs to stop attracting publicity, and apparently needs some form of medical [psychiatric help] from which she herself has disclosed]

Instead, with Sarah 'still at large', she seems to be heading for what people call 'car crash'.

Only my humble views,

Diarist
  #86  
Old 06-08-2011, 09:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kataryn View Post
The Telegraph has a story about Finding Sarah today:
The Duchess of York: Finding Sarah - or just funding her? - Telegraph

For it they talked to Ingrid Seward who wrote a biography of Sarah in 1991 and had access to the Fergusons including Sarah's sister Jane. She doesn't believe Sarah.

The basic problem I have with this docu drama is that the situation Sarah is in is so bad: from the throneroom to the gutter. Even though Sarah might not be able to recognize this as the storyline behind the show, it surely is not mainly about Sarah coming like phoenix from the ashes. It is absolutely normal to sensationalise the real story behind the drama and I'm afraid this is what happened.

If she wanted to grovel, Sarah should have gone to the queen and not to the public. Andrew immediately started to try to help her when she got into real dire straits and that's how she thanks him for his support. Oh the poor girls.

Please can I help with a little background information?

I am sure that some of what is being attributed to her parents by Sarah is NOT true: And I so agree with those who are saying that she is being forced to 'sensationalise' things in order to 'make for better viewing'.

I do not know Sarah well, but have met her a good few times and I can tell you this about her background [and in doing so something about my own as well].

Sarah was sent to boarding school when she was quite young - initally (from memory) it was Danes Hill when she was about 8 or 9. This might sound 'strange' or even 'cruel' to some forum members, but believe you me, this is standard for many girls of Sarah's class and background. She then moved on to Hurst Lodge School in Berkshire [wrongly described as a ballet school by some sources - it was not] until she was 16. During these times, under the English School system, Sarah would have been at school for around 32 weeks a year: in those days, there were generally 3 or 4 week holidays at Christmas and Easter. The summer break was long at around 8 weeks - and during this time, Sarah would have been able to have had frequent contact with her mother even after the divorce, because Senora Barrantes [as she became] ALWAYS used to spend Summers in the UK with her professional polo-playing husband. When her mother had left home, Sarah was cared for by nannies - and I have never heard any suggestion of cruelty for these people. When Sarah talks [as quoted above] in her book etc about how she got scared at night and visited her father and found him in bed with a girlfriend, to me the story does NOT ring true - it would have been more expected for Sarah to go and visit her nanny for comfort - although in practice, most nannies would have pre-empted such an eventuality by keeping their eyes and ears open for their charges at night.

Sarah's father Major Ron was not always about, but even so, I would not describe Sarah's childhood as unhappy - it was a comfortable [although not hugely 'flash' lifestyle like she now appears to be seeking. She had ponies - I don't, I am sorry to say, believe that her father 'cruelly' sold her ponies - in the English Country lifestyle, ponies are often sold because daughters quite simply grow too big for them or because it is not possible to combine ownership of a pony [which needs daily exercise] with a boarding school exisistence.

Being called a devil - well, when I read this, it sounded bad, until I remembered that my mother, bless her, often called me a devil. I suppose I too could give a sensational account of being called a 'devil' - the reality was that I was called, very lovingly 'a little devil'. This was often used when I had eaten too much chocolate cake, tried to bunk off visits to an elderly aunt etc etc. In short, it was an English term amonst certain levels of society for being a bit of a not-very-serious-naughty girl.


Take the 'I was told I was too ugly to look in the mirror etc etc' claims. Well, it sounds bad, but can I put this into context? My mother used to make similar lighthearted remarks about 'looking in the mirror'. My friends' parents used to make similar remarks. Was it an attack on our self-esteem? NO it definitely was not. Please can I explain? When I was brought up [more or less the same time as Sarah], many English parents disapproved of too much vanity - for the reason that (correctly) an excess of vanity was deemed too much of a self-centred thing. Beauty - to my mother's and my friends' mother's - opinions was an 'gift' i.e. not a desirable attribute. In other words, you were fortunate if you were beautiful but it did not reflect well on the same way as culivated desirable attributes such as being kind, thoughtful, polite etc. Vanity was therefore quite seriously discouraged - my mother and my parents' mothers - although pleased if we turned out to be pretty etc - much preferred us to cultivate desirable attributes. I know many people who thought it was very inappropriate for Earl Spencer at Diana's funeral to praise her beauty - this was a gift with which she was endowed. Would her goodness [charitable works etc] have been less if she had not been personally attractive?
  #87  
Old 06-08-2011, 09:09 AM
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Part 2 [Sorry for this length]

I am sure that if Sarah had been badly abused by her mother, she would have 'kept her distance' from Senora Barrantes. During a form of 'gap year' that Sarah took between stages of her education, she and a friend dashed out to South America to visit Senora Barrantes - I would have kept my distance. Why visit an abusing mother - it does not ring true in my humble opinon.

And what did Sarah apparentyy do with half of her divorce settlement? Whilst we do not know whether this was true, people here who have pointed to Sarah's generous heart, have quoted it as true? My 'take' on the situation is that you would not have shared a divorce settlement with a cruel mother. And I would not accept as an arguement that Sarah in taking such a step was simply 'trying to buy her mother's approval'. At that stage, Sarah no longer needed parental 'approval' - Sarah was a married woman, on TOP of the world with a Royal Husband, a good income, a title [don't forget how important that was to her - look out for the utube video of Sarah telling the 'fake sheikh' ' I'm an aristo, a true aristo and I just love it......']. No, Sarah gave money to her mother because she wanted to - and also apparently gave her mother the proceeds of the 'Andrew/Sarah/ New Baby Beatrice Hello photoshoot' as well.

There's a further reason I doubt Susan Barrantes' alleged cruelty. I remember an incident at work when Beatrice was born. This took place in the exclusive fashionable and expensive and somewhat 'flash' Portland Hospital in London. [None of the less-fashionable (and markedly less-expensive Lindo Wing at St Mary's [traditional private birthplace for the royals then] for the ultra-fashionable Sarah at that time, by the way!!!]. Cars which belong to members of a Royal's family or being used by a Royal or his or her family [bit of inside information this!] are issued with a special windscreen sticker with a Crown on it, to designate to police and security that the car is driven by / contains a 'legitimate' visitor [or royal]. Susan Barrantes immediately rushed to the Portland when Beatrice was born - and I was told by my boss that the necessary arrangments had been made by Sarah's staff for Senora Barrantes to receive a Crown Sticker. I am sure if Sarah had had such a bad time, her feelings for her mother would have been less cordial. [Somewhat off-topic but I can remember my very formal boss almost choking on his coffee [in an ultra-refined way] whilst watching an interview with Susan Barrantes explaining that her prescence at the Portland was necessary 'because every mother should be with her daughter at this special time [birth of first child']. I remember my boss saying in a disdainful way ' That's very rich coming from The Bolter - she had no difficulty leaving her young daughters when they needed her most' [explanation - 'Bolter' name for Susan Barrantes was the term used amongst the British upper classes to describe a woman who has left her children - the abiding upper class rule was that even if you fell out of love for your husband, you 'stayed put' for the sake of the family and conducted your affairs discreetely after producing an 'heir and spare'. Hypocritical in a sense I grant you, but the idea of child abandoment in order to pursue your own romantic dalliances was not deeed 'proper']. What I am trying to say is that I am sure that if Sarah had really been abused, she would not have wanted to see her mother.

Finally, why did Sarah not bring these revelations to the fore on previous occasions? She has revealed enough 'personal stuff', my goodness. I also don't remember ever having heard Sarah's sister Jane mention parental abuse either.

No, in my very humble opinon, Sarah - who was apparently receiving a mouth-watering sum of 200,000 for her interview, is going to have to come up with something 'new and exciting' to make the payment worthwhile. And for some reason she chose to do it in this way. Whether it was her own idea, or merely a skillful-but-not-very-professional tv or PR executive 'urging a vulnerable Sarah to adopt a form of documentary 'poetic licence' in order to drum up a good story I do not know. But at the end of the day, even if we disregard the further damage Sarah might be doing to herself, the two people who are the most damaged by Sarah's coninuing antics are poor Beatrice and Eugenie. In my humble opinion, even if we follow the alleged statements by the Prince of Wales that he wants to 'slim down the monarchy', I still feel that Sarah's behaviour is what is having the largest influence on the move to make Beatrice and Eugenie 'less royal'.

A further unthinkable thought - unless Sarah 'gets a grip' pretty smart-ish, what will happen if she spends her way through the estimated $5m that her latest 'revelations' [interviews, tours, books etc] are expected to bring her? What can she say next time to be sensational? I can hardly bear to say it, but when you've started to dish the dirt on your parents in this way, the next claims are going to have to be grotesque presumably...

Only my humble opinions,

Alex
  #88  
Old 06-08-2011, 09:43 AM
expat's Avatar
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Thank you Alex for putting this so clearly, especially for those members who perhaps didn't have an "old-fashioned" upper class English upbringing.
A very true account and I recommend its careful reading.
Life in Britain at the time when Sarah was born into a privileged class was exactly as you have described.
One friend of mine,an only child, whose parents were not abroad but living comfortably in Hampshire, had her placed in a boarding school from the age of 6 years, she was quite often left to spend holidays and school breaks with teachers at the school while her classmates went off happily to their parents, ponies and homes as Sarah did.
I also know that if Oprah offered to interview her and pay her the money Sarah is getting to tell the world how she was ill treated by her parents she would refuse because she just accepted what happened as part of her growing up, and did not consider this as being abused, although perhaps as far as love is concerned it was her nanny that received this unreservedly although she was still very fond of her parents and respected them.
  #89  
Old 06-08-2011, 11:10 AM
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Excerpted from Diarist: "...I am sure that if Sarah had been badly abused by her mother, she would have 'kept her distance' from Senora Barrantes. During a form of 'gap year' that Sarah took between stages of her education, she and a friend dashed out to South America to visit Senora Barrantes - I would have kept my distance. Why visit an abusing mother - it does not ring true in my humble opinon."

In many instances, an abused/neglected child grows up in a traumatized state --- often not recognized by the grown-up child. The worse the parental treatment, the more the grown-up child tries to please the parent. It's not only soldiers returning from war trauma who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
  #90  
Old 06-08-2011, 11:43 AM
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Why on Earth was Senora Barrantes taking money from her daughter at that point?

Sarah's a better person than me, because I wouldn't give the woman who walked on me at 13 to shack up with her new love halfway across the world a dime.

Sarah's generosity is both one of her best and her worst qualities,imo.

Ingrid Seward is no Fergie fan, she is a firm member of Prince Charles' set and consistently takes the side of the Establishment. She did the same thing when Diana was alive.

I do not believe Sarah was lying about child abuse growing up..BUT I do believe that she is embellishing her stock stories to create buzz around her new TV series...and I think it's appalling.

BTW...KittyAtlanta has described my feelings about adults who have grown up with abuse and their later attitudes about their abusers to a TEE.
  #91  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:06 PM
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I caught an "interview" with Sarah on the Today Show and it was not good. She didn't really even answer the questions and she kept insisting over and over what a great relationship she and Andrew have. I haven't watched any of Sarah's show, but it is pretty clear to me that she hasn't changed.
  #92  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:34 PM
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Yeah, jen121419...I agree. In fact I have given up watching all her TV interviews. I stopped after the Cash for Access scandal...it's just too frustrating.

I can barely even read about her anymore.
  #93  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:43 PM
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Diarist, I believe every word you have written to be an accurate description of how YOU see Sarah's life so please believe me when I say I hold no brief for her-I don't know her so am not qualified to say I either like or dislike. My gut feeling is that she probably has histrionic personality disorder which would explain the ever more embellished stories in a constant quest for attention. However, whether or not this is so, I must say something in her defence-Sarah is the ONLY person who knows what it actually felt like to be in her world as a child. It really is of no importance what others thought they saw and if I may pick up your paragraph about how Sarah rushed to see her Mother and why would she bother if her Mother had been abusive, if you had suffered abuse, I don't believe you would need to ask the question because you would know the answer.
I was in my mid forties before I realised that I had been abused. Prior to that I thought it was all my fault. She made me responsible for everything that she thought was wrong in her life, she told me I was so plain that nobody would ever want me and I was too stupid to have any real friends-I was still believing it when I was doing a degree!!! Did I give up trying to get it right, trying to make her love me? Never!! Next time I'd get it right. This or that deed or gift-I was never thanked-would be the turning point. I would have done ANYTHING for her approval, that's one of the things about being abused, one keeps returning like the beaten dog who continually crawls back to it's master and looks at him with pleading eyes......but this isn't about me, it's about Sarah and imo, and here I must allow that she isn't lying, it would be perfectly reasonable for her to show Susan "I have done very well for myself even though you told me I would never amount to anything and I'm prepared to share all of it with you"
I truly pray that whatever Sarah's problem is she finds the answer to it soon because even those with patience will begin to weary and despair of her.
  #94  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:51 PM
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Why would she make up the anecdote about finding her father in bed with a girlfriend, and that her father allowed the girlfriend to blame HER for it?

Everything that we know about Ferguson's character and behavior points to at least this story being true, imo.
  #95  
Old 06-08-2011, 01:18 PM
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Sarah was criticized for nominating her father's lover at the time to be her lady in waiting so that they, the father and lover, could be together on an overseas visit.
I have a feeling that the emphasis she puts on herself as being a good mother is that she was not a bolter (not from her children anyway) actually she is still around her ex husband as well. Strange situation. She praised her father so much when he was alive that it is difficult to take her seriously now.
  #96  
Old 06-08-2011, 01:39 PM
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I also think that anecdote about her father in bed with the girlfriend was true, especially since My Story was published while Major Ferguson was still alive. I doubt Sarah was abused in the usual sense of the word, but she felt abused, and maybe that's the most important part. Like Tsaritsa says, Sarah is the only person who knew what it felt like to be her. The stories about an unhappy childhood aren't at all new; they've just been embellished.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diarist View Post
Part 2 [Sorry for this length]
A further unthinkable thought - unless Sarah 'gets a grip' pretty smart-ish, what will happen if she spends her way through the estimated $5m that her latest 'revelations' [interviews, tours, books etc] are expected to bring her? What can she say next time to be sensational? I can hardly bear to say it, but when you've started to dish the dirt on your parents in this way, the next claims are going to have to be grotesque presumably...

Only my humble opinions,

Alex
You are so right - Sarah is going to spend her way through this money too, and then what? What else can she sell? It's a scary thought.

I'm trying to figure out what it would take for Sarah to get the wake-up call that she needs, and I'm stumped. In this world, it seems that there's always someone willing to pay for dirt, revelations and secrets. The question is, just how low will Sarah go?
  #97  
Old 06-08-2011, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jen121419 View Post
I caught an "interview" with Sarah on the Today Show and it was not good. She didn't really even answer the questions and she kept insisting over and over what a great relationship she and Andrew have. I haven't watched any of Sarah's show, but it is pretty clear to me that she hasn't changed.
Well, one has to ask ... how valuable as an interview would Sarah be IF she and Andrew had no relationship at all. She can hardly call him an ogre (although who knows what is to come). Her value is in her ongoing relationship with Andrew (royalty). As to being an "aristo" ... how pathetic is that? That is NOT the label I would paste on her.
  #98  
Old 06-08-2011, 01:52 PM
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There are different types of abuse but I would categorize the main three as physical, verbal and neglect. I think the first (physical) is what one thinks about when the term abuse is used but the latter (verbal and neglect) are just as if not more harmful than physical abuse. Verbal abuse (being screamed at or being told in a normal tone that you are ugly, not worth much or worthy of love) and neglect (being ignored or not given the proper food, shelter, love, etc.) can be reasons for Sarah's low self esteem and constant need for validation.

I haven't seen or read the interview so I can't comment on Sarah's claims of abuse. Only Sarah, the dead (her parents), her sister Jane, and any servants, friends of the family, etc (who might have been around) know the truth of what happened. I also concur with those who say if Sarah was abused, she could and would have continued to seek love/comfort/approval from her parents. How many of us do this ourselves with a significant other who isn't good, a relative and/or friend. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense but you do it anyway.

Abuse of any kind is a serious crime, offense and/or allegation. I hope that Sarah is not making any claims lightly just to make a buck. If this is true, I hope she gets the help she needs.

We shall see.
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Old 06-08-2011, 02:33 PM
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And Zonk, the tragedy is that abuse can be handed down from generation to generation, although in Sarah's case I think she's probablyn overcompensating. Before therapy I often heard my mother's words coming out of my own mouth and I had no idea why, they didn't sound right-they didn't taste right. It must also be remembered that our truth is unique to each of us. I was in college with a person whose mother had walked out on her three children when they were between 7 and 11. For various reasons it was not talked about until they all met up again when they were in their twenties by which time one was an alcoholic, one was having relationship problems and the other had psychiatric problems. When each of them recalled the day their mother left their individual memories were so diverse it was as if they were speaking of three different mothers and in one way they were because each of them experienced her in a different way. So it would have been with Sarah and Jane, those things which proved so traumatic to one girl may have b een shrugged off by the other.
Therapy can be hugely beneficial, but it can't cause the past not to have happened. All it can do is put the past in a place where it becomes easier for us to handle.
  #100  
Old 06-08-2011, 02:43 PM
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This is true.

If Jane was the "favored" child she could have either not witnessed the abuse of Sarah or would NOT have been abused herself. That could also play into Sarah's feeling of low self worth.
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