Sarah, Duchess of York Current Events 17: June 2011-December 2013

[RubyPrincess168]

Sarah Ferguson: 'No wonder no-one loves me. I am disgusting' - Telegraph

Surely she deserves a little more compassion here. I found that quote about her mother shocking and heartbreaking.

While it is heartbreaking (if indeed it was true, which we don't know for sure), I am really getting tired of her 'Poor Me' routine. As some point, you just gotta buck up, stop making excuses and start making better choices. Sadly, all she is learning is that people will pay her for these kinds of stories, until someone steps forward and calls 'bulls**t' on her. And she'll continue being an embarassment to her family and the Royal Family until then.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

A couple of days before their wedding Andrew and Sarah sat for an interview. Sarah was wearing a white print dress and looked lovely.

She was asked if her fiery red hair meant she had a temper...and she came back with "no...Mum BEAT IT OUT OF me when I was small!"

She and Andrew were laughing, but I will never forget how uneasy it made me for some reason.

Mrs Barrantes apparently became a loving supportive parent when it was too late and when the damage was already done...after she had spent years allegedly telling her youngest daughter how ugly she was, and after having walked out to abscond to Argentina with her lover when the girl was barely 13 years old.

Based on other similar revealing statements(years ago) Sarah has made about Susan Ferguson Barrantes as a mother I have no problems believing her to be an abusive, even cruel parent. BUT....Sarah should not be telling these things to a global TV audience. It smacks of manipulation and a yet another crass attempt to cash in on private pain.

For her own dignity and out of respect for her children's feelings, this private anguish should be worked out and dealt with in private with a spiritual advisor and psychiatrist...no amount of money she is being paid is worth the loss of dignity and scorn this is inviting.

The mass media is no place to have a mental and emotional collapse.

It's sad that after all these years, she still has no concept of what boundaries are!

 

[Irish Eyes]

A couple of days before their wedding Andrew and Sarah sat for an interview. Sarah was wearing a white print dress and looked lovely.

She was asked if her fiery red hair meant she had a temper...and she came back with "no...Mum BEAT IT OUT OF me when I was small!"

She and Andrew were laughing, but I will never forget how uneasy it made me for some reason.

Mrs Barrantes apparently became a loving supportive parent when it was too late and when the damage was already done...after she had spent years allegedly telling her youngest daughter how ugly she was, and after having walked out to abscond to Argentina with her lover when the girl was barely 13 years old.

Based on other similar revealing statements(years ago) Sarah has made about Susan Ferguson Barrantes as a mother I have no problems believing her to be an abusive, even cruel parent. BUT....Sarah should not be telling these things to a global TV audience. It smacks of manipulation and a yet another crass attempt to cash in on private pain.

For her own dignity and out of respect for her children's feelings, this private anguish should be worked out and dealt with in private with a spiritual advisor and psychiatrist...no amount of money she is being paid is worth the loss of dignity and scorn this is inviting.

The mass media is no place to have a mental and emotional collapse.

It's sad that after all these years, she still has no concept of what boundaries are!

I'm thinking very much along the same lines Moonmaiden, and you expressed it better than I would have.

Characteristics of Histrionic Personality Disorder - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Interestingly there has been a major report on child abuse just been released here in Ireland which was discussed on a radio talk show this morning. There were discussing the affects of emotional abuse and somehow Sarah's interview got mentioned. A phychiatrist said she showed classic symptions of histrionic personality disorder.
Reading the above does anyone think Sarah ticks a few boxes?

 

[HRH Princess Sonya]

While it is heartbreaking (if indeed it was true, which we don't know for sure), I am really getting tired of her 'Poor Me' routine. As some point, you just gotta buck up, stop making excuses and start making better choices. Sadly, all she is learning is that people will pay her for these kinds of stories, until someone steps forward and calls 'bulls**t' on her. And she'll continue being an embarassment to her family and the Royal Family until then.

Ruby You Go Girl!!. Very well said. The bottom line is there are lots people who have endured all types of childhood pain or abuse. They are able to put that pain in it's is place and not use it as an excuse for bad adult behavior and walk around with an " It Ain't My Fault" frame of mind. The more she talks the worse she looks. You are right at some point someone needs to put a stop to it.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

HRH Princess Sonya you are quite right...I am a survivor of childhood trauma so I agree with you BUT...I did not marry into one of the most public and famous and dysfunctional of families in my mid-twenties, before I'd had time to work through and come to a place of peace with my past.

None of us dealt with a merciless Press in the first two years of marriage calling you fat, unattractive, lazy and a bad mother...basically reinforcing what her worst fears probably already were.

And she dealt with it without her husband or anyone to support and encourage her.

Sarah did. It doesn't excuse her bad behavior, but for me it explains it somewhat.

 

[Irish Eyes]

Ruby You Go Girl!!. Very well said. The bottom line is there are lots people who have endured all types of childhood pain or abuse. They are able to put that pain in it's is place and not use it as an excuse for bad adult behavior and walk around with an " It Ain't My Fault" frame of mind. The more she talks the worse she looks. You are right at some point someone needs to put a stop to it.

I don't mind her nearest and dearest supporting her privately or even publicly to a point. If Andrew wants to join a family holiday or enjoy a meal out together that's their choice, but for everyone concerned what she really needs to do is get professional help PRIVATELY.
I think the only people who could convince her to do that is her family, and I sincerely hope they try. If she is prepared get that help then I think she is deserving of their support.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

Exactly IrishEyes.

Do I understand the source and reason for Sarah's anguish? Yes, I do.

Do I agree with the way she is choosing to address her issues? NO. NO. NO.

I think she is being manipulative and self-indulgent...and she is hurting her cause more than she is helping by far!

 

[Kataryn]

HRH Princess Sonya you are quite right...I am a survivor of childhood trauma so I agree with you BUT...I did not marry into one of the most public and famous and dysfunctional of families in my mid-twenties, before I'd had time to work through and come to a place of peace with my past.

None of us dealt with a merciless Press in the first two years of marriage calling you fat, unattractive, lazy and a bad mother...basically reinforcing what her worst fears probably already were.

And she dealt with it without her husband or anyone to support and encourage her.

Sarah did. It doesn't excuse her bad behavior, but for me it explains it somewhat.

Why can't she check into a clinic and allow professionals to help her really deal with her issues? If not for her own sake but for the sake of her daughters? How terrible is that to have to read in the papers about their grandmother and to have to meet people who know now absolute anything about the "dysfunctional" family those two girls on the verge of real adulthood come from. IMHO even the HRH-rank is no proper exchange for that kind of being pushed into the tabloid-world.

Somehow I guess the Rf knew the contents of Finding Sarah before any media outlet apart from Oprah's and decided to take the girls out of the line by declaring they are not going to become "working Royals" - Maybe that helps wehn you try to save their privacy, I don't know about the Britsih laws but could imagine that such a declaration of intent (including the end of police security) could help them receive more rights to protect their lives as private citizens.

 

[Russophile]

FergieFan - blaming a dead parent for something that may or may not be true (and who is to say that it is true? Susan Barrantes is long dead) is in poor taste no matter what her "reasons." And since Sarah is clearly being paid for undergoing this "therapy" as well as it being a launching pad for her new book, then in essence Sarah is selling out the (revised) memory of her for thirty pieces of silver.

This is true and I heartily agree. I have found you can blame your parents for your misfortunate upbringing until you are 18. Then every choice you make in life is on your own shoulders. Seems Sarah still hasn't learned that lesson. Pity.

 

[NotAPretender]

Why can't she check into a clinic and allow professionals to help her really deal with her issues? If not for her own sake but for the sake of her daughters? How terrible is that to have to read in the papers about their grandmother and to have to meet people who know now absolute anything about the "dysfunctional" family those two girls on the verge of real adulthood come from. IMHO even the HRH-rank is no proper exchange for that kind of being pushed into the tabloid-world.

Somehow I guess the RF knew the contents of Finding Sarah before any media outlet apart from Oprah's and decided to take the girls out of the line by declaring they are not going to become "working Royals." Maybe that helps when you try to save their privacy, I don't know about the Britsih laws but could imagine that such a declaration of intent (including the end of police security) could help them receive more rights to protect their lives as private citizens.

I totally agree. But how incredibly hard it will be for them to have any kind of private life, if their mother is running about making such a spectacle of her private matters - truth or fantasy.

ETA. I remember the ending of the movie "Fargo." The sheriff has arrested the miscreant. Looking at him in the rear view mirror as he is cuffed in the back seat, she barely contains her rage. "All this. For a little bit of money. A. Little. Bit. Of. Money."

Sarah's getting a little bit of money and a little bit of psychobabble "help." In return, all she had to do was sell out - no, pimp out - her mother. "Thirty pieces of silver."

Last year, she pimped out Andrew, no matter what her remarkably flexible memory is telling her now. For A. Little. Bit. Of. Money. Thirty pieces of silver.

 

[angieuk]

I believe Sarah has a NEW book coming out at the end of June called FINDING SARAH! Am not sure how much she was paid for the TV Interviews in the States. But whatever it was the money will trickle through her hands like water as it always does. Just as well she is living rent-free at ROYAL LODGE. I am sure the Royal Family are fast loosing the will to live with what Sarah gets up to next once the money is gone again! Unless she marries the Sultan of Brunei, Sarah will never have money to keep her happy.

 

[Tsaritsa]

Moonmaiden, you express it very succinctly. I empathise, because I.ve been where you have. I also mentioned HPD on this or a similar thread several days ago. Sadly, counselling for people with it often fails because they tend to say they have learned from past mistakes and will never repeat them then off they go to do it all over again-on how many previous occasions has Sarah been where she is now? Maybe this is the reason that Andrew is still so protective of her

 

[Moonmaiden23]

Why can't she check into a clinic and allow professionals to help her really deal with her issues? If not for her own sake but for the sake of her daughters? How terrible is that to have to read in the papers about their grandmother and to have to meet people who know now absolute anything about the "dysfunctional" family those two girls on the verge of real adulthood come from. IMHO even the HRH-rank is no proper exchange for that kind of being pushed into the tabloid-world.

Somehow I guess the Rf knew the contents of Finding Sarah before any media outlet apart from Oprah's and decided to take the girls out of the line by declaring they are not going to become "working Royals" - Maybe that helps wehn you try to save their privacy, I don't know about the Britsih laws but could imagine that such a declaration of intent (including the end of police security) could help them receive more rights to protect their lives as private citizens.

I never thought of that but you might be onto something...the BRF taking the York princesses out of considering for work in the "Firm" because they knew loose cannon Sarah had even more torpedoes to deliver.

I feel desperately sad for those two girls, even though they seem happy and well-adjusted. It has be so humilating and difficult for them.

I hope by some miracle they are able to rise above the chaos and have productive lives and happy marriages.

Tsaritsa, I have always believed Andrew protects Sarah because he knows all about her past and also because he feels a sense of guilt about what happened in the marriage.

Russophile...I wish to heaven it was as easy as turning 18...then some sort of light switch goes off and you realize what needs to be done and how to do it...but it's quite the opposite.

Depending on one's support system, character, and level of awareness, it can take years and years before you even figure out how unhealthy your inner life is and that changes need to be made and how to do it.

Sometimes, it takes a lifetime of blaming others and repeating self defeating behavior before you get it all sorted out.

 

[HRH Princess Sonya]

I know we all make mistakes or bad choices in life. There are people who have made bad choices and deserve a second chance and never get it. Then when you see someone like Sarah who has been given chance after chance and squander it. Let's face it the 2nd,3rd,&400th chance she has received is a heck of a lot better the fresh start that most people get.

 

[Russophile]

Russophile...I wish to heaven it was as easy as turning 18...then some sort of light switch goes off and you realize what needs to be done and how to do it...but it's quite the opposite.

I would suggest to Sarah and others "Healing the Shame that Binds you" by Bradshaw followed by a healthy dose of Dr. Laura. There is no way that Sarah could squirm out of her predicament by blaming others once Dr. Laura got ahold of her.

 

[auntie]

From my personal experience in therapy, I can say the following: Some of us are so manipulative, that we know how to manipluate the therapist, to thinking we have such hard life circumstances, bla bla bla and we never get anywhere, no matter how many chances we have and how many series of treatments we go through, as we never get into the gut feeling honesty of admitting our mistakes, not only for the sake of making a show to others, but to be absolutly honest to ourselves, and to our loved ones. For these people many times a form of group therapy is fantastic, as there will always be other people in that group who recognize you for whom you are, and there are very good confrontations, which can be life saving. I think this is the form of therapy Sarah needs. It's not enough to say to Dr phil " I screwed up " she needs to be in an enviornment which is catered to tell her the blunt truth about her, and to feel safe, to say the truth as it is

 

[Russophile]

The thing is, Sarah doesn't WANT to change, IMO. Changing means she has to take a good, long look at herself and she knows she won't like what she will see. However, one has to do that to get past it. And move on.

 

[Kataryn]

Last year, she pimped out Andrew, no matter what her remarkably flexible memory is telling her now. For A. Little. Bit. Of. Money. Thirty pieces of silver.

Allow me to disagree. Thirty pieces of silver bought Jesus' life. Sarah on selling her own and that of her family only got one piece. Not payed in silver but in the quicksilver of public's memory. And tries to get another payment ever since.

 

[NotAPretender]

Allow me to disagree. Thirty pieces of silver bought Jesus' life. Sarah on selling her own and that of her family only got one piece. Not payed in silver but in the quicksilver of public's memory. And tries to get another payment ever since.

You know Kataryn - that's very thought provoking.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

I would suggest to Sarah and others "Healing the Shame that Binds you" by Bradshaw followed by a healthy dose of Dr. Laura. There is no way that Sarah could squirm out of her predicament by blaming others once Dr. Laura got ahold of her.

I've been hearing about that book for about 15 years and I have never gotten around to reading it...so I am jotting it on my "To Do" list to order today!!

I am not a big fan of Dr Laura as a human being or as a professional as I once was...in fact I think she is simply despicable.

But occasionally she does manage to make perfect sense.

 

[sliver_bic]

This is true and I heartily agree. I have found you can blame your parents for your misfortunate upbringing until you are 18. Then every choice you make in life is on your own shoulders. Seems Sarah still hasn't learned that lesson. Pity.

It can go on for much longer than that. My sister is 21 and has some daddy issues that popped up about four years ago and I'm the target of it as the lone close male in her life. My mother worries but the big difference between her and Sarah is that we're a hardheaded bunch who eventually break down. She'll hold onto it and then finally snap crying one day and be on the road to acceptance while someone like Sarah, as has been pointed out, will cry and cry cause it's expected and walk away not having learned a damn thing.

The thing is, Sarah doesn't WANT to change, IMO. Changing means she has to take a good, long look at herself and she knows she won't like what she will see. However, one has to do that to get past it. And move on.

Perfectly stated. She knows she has a problem but why go through the issue of changing when it's not in your best interest? No one she cares about is going to toss her out or knock her down so why change? It's easier to do the tricks and get the treat placed on your nose and live as you did before.

She might honestly live her entire life like this, maybe only realizing how strange this all is near the end. Or maybe not at all.

 

[NGalitzine]

I think that Sarah likes to embroider the past, there are some people who just can't take the blame for anything, it has to be someone's, anyone's fault but never ever theirs. As to her children acting as mother's to her, I think that is just sick.

I think anythng Sarah says should be preceeded by the words "if it is true". She is certainly spinning a different tale about her parents than she ever did in the past, but then both her parents are now dead and can't speak in their own defence,
If true it would be sad but not a unique tale, but Sarah is now a 52 year old woman who has been separated/divorced for almost 20 years. If she needs therapy it should be done in private not on a reality show. Sarak needs to take responsibility for her life, She has had many opportunities in the last 25 years and has screwed them all up.
She should be getting on with her life and moving forward. Get an ordinary job, budget your income, rent a small apartment that you can afford. You are not entitled to live the life of a royal princess (you gave up that right when you hopped in to the beds of men you were not married to. You cannot afford to live the life of a celebrity with designer gowns and private jets and meals at top restaurants. Get over yourself and get a life.

Stop talking to the press and stop bringing your ex husband and your daughters into the 24/7 self pitty party. Stop trying to profit from the fact that you were briefly married to the Queen's second son. You are damaging your daughters future as working members of the BRF. You are an embarressment to your family. Sarah, your 15 minutes were up a long time ago. It is time to go quietly into the night.
Too bad the monarch can no longer send her off to a convent but perhaps some rich American would be willing to marry her and take her off to Dallas or Houston.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

She has been dropping tidbits here and there about her mother for years.
Anyone who has read "My Story" will recall the anecdote where her mother tells her to avoid mirrors at all costs...because she is soo unattractive.

Then, there was the "beat the temper out of me" statement that came as early as 1986.

"My Story" came out in the late 90's...so Sarah's memories of her mother are probably not revisionist. This IS the first time that I heard that Maj Ferguson was abusive...she always spoke highly of how he stepped into her mother's role.

So what I find most troubling is not whether or not the statements regarding Mrs Barrantes are true...Sarah has dropped enough hints about that in the past for me to believe there is at least a kernel of truth there.

Her mother bolted to another Continent when Sarah was 13...that is not in dispute..and the onset of puberty is one of the most sensitive times in a girl's life to be left motherless.

What I find inexcusable is that Sarah is willing to continue to sully herself-and by extension, her daughters, by the completely inappropriate way she uses the media to self-flagellate herself and bare open her dysfunction for the world to see.

Eugenie and Beatrice are not her pals. They are not her surrogate mother.
They are her children and they are being short changed. They do not owe their mother the fulfillment she feels that she missed out on.

She is being self-indulgent and selfish as a parent. That is what I find disturbing.

ETA: ITA with NGalitzine about what Sarah needs to do now. Work it out in therapy. Get over bemoaning your missed opportunities...you had 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances. It's OVAH. You blew it. Move on!

But most important..STOP EMBARRASSING YOUR CHILDREN.

 

[ZaJa]

The thing is, Sarah wants to be a part of a group/society to which she really does not belong. She somehow manages to keep appearing at various events as though she is some sort of "special person" and she is not. She is merely the ex-wife of the Duke of York and the Mother of Beatrice and Eugenie and that does NOT qualify her as a special person in society. She loves the press attention, I suspect she truly feels she is nothing without it. Her girls are adults and yet she still manages to hold their hands in public as if they were children and in this case she is the child. I don't see her letting go of them easily because if she did she wouldn't get the press that goes along with them. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean that she consciously does this but there is no doubt that when she is with them she manages to get attention. The longer this goes on the more pathetic she appears. I'm sure she has enough money to live quite well IF she didn't feel entitled to a very, very extravagrant lifestyle. She is really appearing very desparate.

Well said. I had a lot of sympathy for Sarah but it's clear she's being enabled to behave this way. She simply will not grow up. Why should she, she has so many people willing to catch her when she falls.

 

[Princess of Durham]

Why can't she check into a clinic and allow professionals to help her really deal with her issues? If not for her own sake but for the sake of her daughters? How terrible is that to have to read in the papers about their grandmother and to have to meet people who know now absolute anything about the "dysfunctional" family those two girls on the verge of real adulthood come from. IMHO even the HRH-rank is no proper exchange for that kind of being pushed into the tabloid-world. .....

The answer to that is simple, I think.

She wouldn't be getting the attention she wants OR the money that comes with it, AND there would be an expectation that she would make some positive progress/changes in her life which she is clearly not ready to do.

 

[rmay286]

She has been dropping tidbits here and there about her mother for years.
Anyone who has read "My Story" will recall the anecdote where her mother tells her to avoid mirrors at all costs...because she is soo unattractive.

Then, there was the "beat the temper out of me" statement that came as early as 1986.

"My Story" came out in the late 90's...so Sarah's memories of her mother are probably not revisionist. This IS the first time that I heard that Maj Ferguson was abusive...she always spoke highly of how he stepped into her mother's role.

I also find myself wondering, more and more, how tough Sarah's childhood really was? Is she revising history? Or telling everything now because she has nothing to lose?

As for her comments about Major Ferguson, though, I will always remember one particular passage in My Story. Sarah described how she was afraid of the dark and went to her father's bedroom for comfort, only to find him in bed with a girlfriend, who accused Sarah of checking up on them. I read this passage shortly after the book first came out - I was about 12 - and it really disturbed me at the time. I was close to the age Sarah would have been, and I could imagine how she would have felt.

I'm skimming through the book now, and passages are jumping out at me. Sarah does say her father could be critical: "When my demands became a bore, he would call me selfish and spoiled, and--hated word--an 'encumbrance' " (p. 51). I also notice she calls her adolescence "that hellish era" (p. 53). So I'm not sure Sarah is exaggerating now. She obviously really had a traumatic adolescence.

I also think Sarah was always very sensitive to criticism, and this contributed to her problems.

 

[grevinnan]

Child abuse is horrible and devastating no matter who you or your parents are. I hope the duchess finds healing and comfort somewhere. We are willing to spend hundreds of posts on discussing whether someones skirt is long enough, shoes are the correct color or the jewelry is the right kind but no empathy when the most horrible of situations for any child is exposed.

I am glad her girls and P Andrew all seems to stand by her no matter what. As a woman my heart goes out to her. Perhaps her road to healing and forgiveness is coming to an end and she will find peace.

 

[Aliza]

Sarah needs to focus on something besides "Sarah" and stop spending money that she does not have. That would be the easiest way for her to start addressing her problems instead of endless navel-gazing on Oprah et al.

But as long as there is an audience to watch and sympathise with her unending whinging and whining (and money to be made from that audience; see her upcoming book and cable series!) I fear that she will be telling the same, (somewhat changing?) story when she is sixty years of age as we've heard at fifty, forty, thirty-five, etc.

The above-mentioned possibility of what Sarah could say about HM and the D of E after their deaths is enough to make me think she'll still be on someone's televised chaise longue when she's approaching the Queen's age.

How sad for Sarah - and how boring for us!

 

[Katrianna]

Sarah's mother was not the best parent, I'll admit when she left her marriage and fled to Argentina with a polo player. There are two sides to divorce and Ronald Ferguson had cheated on both his wives with mistresses. I won't condone what Susan Ferguson did, but she probably was at her limit being married to Ronald, leaving her children was very unwise yet she knew she wouldn't have much of a chance in court since she bolted out of the marriage. Ronald Ferguson, like Johnny Spencer, was a horse's rear end.
To dredge up such stories of abuse when both parent's are deceased and cannot provide a defense or explanation is disgusting. These are serious allegations and Sarah cannot provide definite proof other than her word, which doesn't go very far as she has proven to be a pathological liar.

 

[EllieCat]

To dredge up such stories of abuse when both parent's are deceased and cannot provide a defense or explanation is disgusting. These are serious allegations and Sarah cannot provide definite proof other than her word, which doesn't go very far as she has proven to be a pathological liar.

Sarah's sister jane would know. When Sarah first married, Jane was in all the Aussie magazines going. These days, at least Jane appears to be keeping quiet, though i may be wrong. Wasn't she on some TV princess-wannabe reality show with that butler, paul burrell.

However, my real opinion echoes everyone else. Please be quiet Sarah. Grow up. We all have problems. I've always had a soft spot for her, but it's wearing very thin.