Did the Queen act appropriately in the days following Diana's death?

[Roslyn]

On a personal note, I believe the Queen acted first and foremost as a Grandmother, and a damned fine on at that!

I agree. She had her priorities right. I think it was one of her finest hours.

 

[White Princess]

Oh yeah, sure, that's why I have not said that she did wrong or right at all, however I think the movie was a good adaption to reallity.

 

[royalass209]

I think that the reaction of the Queen after Princess Diana died was totally inappropriate. I think that the queen was forced to make the speech that she did when she finally got back to Buckingham Palace. I also think that the queen took to look to get back to the palace to address her subjects & I'm sorry, but the queen deserved the negative backlash/critism that she received. Also, I don't think that the queen ever liked how Diana was more modern than she was & feeling like Diana didn't toe the line of keeping everything private & behind palace doors.

 

[Iluvbertie]

I think that the reaction of the Queen after Princess Diana died was totally inappropriate. I think that the queen was forced to make the speech that she did when she finally got back to Buckingham Palace. I also think that the queen took to look to get back to the palace to address her subjects & I'm sorry, but the queen deserved the negative backlash/critism that she received. Also, I don't think that the queen ever liked how Diana was more modern than she was & feeling like Diana didn't toe the line of keeping everything private & behind palace doors.

So let me get this clear.

A grandmother has her grandsons staying with her for part of their school holidays, with their father, who is divorced from their mother. They get word that the mother of the grandsons has been killed in a car accident.

You believe that the grandmother should leave the grandsons to go back to work. You have made that absolutely clear in your post - that grandmother has to return to work and not spend 5 days with her grandsons.

I most certainly don't. Like everyone else I know I believe that family comes first and that in those circumstances the grandmother should take time off from work to assist her grandsons to come to terms with the loss of their beloved mother (regardless of how the grandmother felt about said mother of grandchildren). The fact that the grandmother's employers had heard lots of things about the mother and liked her doesn't give them the right to demand that the grandmother should leave her grandsons. Most employers would respect the grandmother's need to be with her grandsons in those circumstances - unless the employers are the British public.

 

[Skydragon]

Well put.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Excellent post, Iluvbertie. Everyone was saying "those poor boys", but many (whipped up by the media, I believe) were also saying, "In spite of those children just having lost their mother, we demand that their grandmother leave them in order to make us feel better."

Like everyone else I know I believe that family comes first and that in those circumstances the grandmother should take time off from work to assist her grandsons to come to terms with the loss of their beloved mother (regardless of how the grandmother felt about said mother of grandchildren). The fact that the grandmother's employers had heard lots of things about the mother and liked her doesn't give them the right to demand that the grandmother should leave her grandsons. Most employers would respect the grandmother's need to be with her grandsons in those circumstances - unless the employers are the British public.

 

[Grace Angel]

To reply to White Princess:Yes, tradition sometimes becomes outmoded, yet tradition is an important part of royalty, a very important part. I think Diana was outside tradition so it was hard to fit her into tradition- she was outside it, and it was hard to see how to respond to her death officially ( for the Royal Family) and it was also hard to know what kind of funeral to give her. The RF naturally go with tradition first, that's an essential part of them. But, the movie is fictional.

 

[Catherine Helvin]

Did the Queen act in an appropriate way after Diana died? I'd say yes and no because obviously her bereaved grandsons had to take precedence but I think a statement from Balmoral would have been nice. Her speech on the eve of Diana's funeral did much to alleviate public anger over the way the public perceived the way Diana had been treated.

 

[Royal Fan]

She did what she could , Did what she had to do Its Adimirable she stayed with her Grandsons, and besides Diana in spite of everything didnt always make things easy for thats MHO (i mean no offense)

 

[Dierna23]

I personally think, the Queen acted right in those days! At that time I may have thought different, but today I must say, nearly everything was correct. Today I don't understand, why there was this fight with the flag. Its the protocol, the flag never is at half mast... And her speech was good, but she was more forced to it because of the public opinion. So, it wouldn't been necessary IMO (but of course it was needed at that time).

 

[MARG]

Well said Dierna23, you managed to sum up the whole crazy, wierd situation as it was, and as it should have been, with 20 20 hindsight!

I think a lot of people look back an say "whatever was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all?".

 

[scooter]

The only place I thought HM strayed into inappropriate, was the Sunday right after Diana died, when she instructed the officiant at the church not to add Diana to the prayers, when asked. It would, IMHO, have been the correct thing to do for her grandsons who were in attendance that day.

 

[muriel]

The only place I thought HM strayed into inappropriate, was the Sunday right after Diana died, when she instructed the officiant at the church not to add Diana to the prayers, when asked. It would, IMHO, have been the correct thing to do for her grandsons who were in attendance that day.

IMO, its a bit difficult to criticise somebody without having the true and full facts to hand, which are not in the public domain.

 

[Warren]

...but I think a statement from Balmoral would have been nice.

There was.
See this post by wbenson. The link is now expired but the quote remains.
Similarly, here from MSN:

...issuing a statement expressing its grief...

Probably because of the general sense of shock and emphasis on the car crash itself, many of the sidelights were overlooked or soon forgotten.
.

 

[scooter]

IMO, its a bit difficult to criticise somebody without having the true and full facts to hand, which are not in the public domain.

There were others in attendance at the church that day. Diana was not mentioned at the service. Those in attendance were widely quoted saying Harry had asked, 'Are you sure Mummy's dead?' at the church. I have bolded the relevant parts for you below.

I quote from 'Diana:The Last Year' by Donald Spoto page 180: "A curious set of instructions were issued, from no less a person than Her Majesty the Queen. No newspapers were to be permitted at Balmoral untill further notice; televisions and radios were not to be turned on; and Diana was not to be mentioned at all in Royal Precincts. The Queen further ordered that at the church services they were about to attend, the name of the Princess of Wales was not to be heard in prayers for the dead.... Wiliam and Harry doubtless dazed and not yet fully aware of the loss, which would of course need time to be absorbed - arrived at the church with their father and, when Diana was not mentioned, turned to Charles and asked "Are you sure Mummy is dead?" '

 

[scooter]

I looked it up on youtube...you can see the BBC News coverage of 'The Death of Princess Diana part 1' from 31 August 1997 here which states that the Princess was not mentioned at the church service at Balmoral in the prayer for the dead, which her children attended. BBC News qualifies as the public domain, I should think?
*edit* ackkk....The link isn't working, go to youtube and type in the info...it should come right up

YouTube - Death of Princess Diana BBC News 31/8/97 Part 1 - Diana's Body is flown to England.​

 

[princess gertrude]

I think that the Queen acted the only way she knew how and was protecting her family. I do agree with earlier statements that The Royal family and the public were mourning two different Diana's. I do have to say that I think that this was a very tricking time for the Queen considering that Diana was no longer a member of the royal family.

 

[Iluvbertie]

There were others in attendance at the church that day. Diana was not mentioned at the service. Those in attendance were widely quoted saying Harry had asked, 'Are you sure Mummy's dead?' at the church. I have bolded the relevant parts for you below.

I quote from 'Diana:The Last Year' by Donald Spoto page 180: "A curious set of instructions were issued, from no less a person than Her Majesty the Queen. No newspapers were to be permitted at Balmoral untill further notice; televisions and radios were not to be turned on; and Diana was not to be mentioned at all in Royal Precincts. The Queen further ordered that at the church services they were about to attend, the name of the Princess of Wales was not to be heard in prayers for the dead.... Wiliam and Harry doubtless dazed and not yet fully aware of the loss, which would of course need time to be absorbed - arrived at the church with their father and, when Diana was not mentioned, turned to Charles and asked "Are you sure Mummy is dead?" '

This makes it clear that she wanted to control what was said around the boys in the early days and that is a good, caring grandmother. Maybe prayers could have been said but that was a couple of hours later and they weren't totally sure how the boys were handling things. She simply wanted to help the boys cope - maybe she made a wrong decision on the church issue but what grandmother (or other person) hasn't made one error in judgement when dealing with a death in the family.

Her first priority was her grandsons and these very instructions show that that is who she was concerned about. Remember that there are many people employed at Balmoral so the princes could have overheard a staff member making a negative comment about their mother in those days so by placing a total ban she controlled the conversations the boys heard and had about their mother.

I feel sure that the boys could talk about their mother to whomever they wanted at that time, but others were barred from doing so for the sake of the boys.

 

[Dierna23]

She simply wanted to help the boys cope - maybe she made a wrong decision on the church issue but what grandmother (or other person) hasn't made one error in judgement when dealing with a death in the family.

I agree. And I think, this church service was a private occasion. So she may not have assumed, that the press would bring it to the light?

 

[Skydragon]

The Queen further ordered that at the church services they were about to attend,the name of the Princess of Wales was not to be heard in prayers for the dead...'

Prayers for the dead are not said at Sunday service in the Church of Scotland, so how could HM have ordered that she not be mentioned?????????

 

[Iluvbertie]

Prayers for the dead are not said at Sunday service in the Church of Scotland, so how could HM have ordered that she not be mentioned?????????

I thought I had read that somewhere else but I couldn't find it so thanks for the confirmation that I am not going senile........yet anyway



It is also easy to forget that for most of their lives the princes would have worshipped in the Church of England where saying a prayer for the deceased, and the loved ones left behind, is normal so they may have been confused between the two different styles of worship.

The Church of Scotland was a more radical reformation when the break came with Rome so things like prayers for the dead are different between the two churches.

 

[Roslyn]

Even though prayers for the dead are not said in the Church of Scotland Sunday service, is it possible that because of the particular circumstances - i.e. that the Queen was attending the service, and it was Diana who had died - the minister might have asked HM whether she wanted a special prayer to be said?

 

[Warren]

Déja vu, again
This very same subject was discussed at length exactly one year ago, refer page 8 onwards of this thread.

I'll quote part of my esteemed colleague wbenson's post at #156:

And the minister at Crathie, the Rev. Robert Sloan, explained later that mention of Diana?s death had been omitted "to protect the boys".

 

[Roslyn]

Well you don't expect us to remember what we said a year ago, do you?

 

[Warren]

The problem with things relating to Diana is that nothing is new and basically everything that's said is a rehash of what's been said before. The same misconceptions, the same errors, the same facts...

 

[MARG]

Amen Warren.

Why all the rummaging around (yet again) to find what we think "she could've, should've,would've?". Skydragon pointed out, correctly, that the Church of Scotland do not say "Prayers for the Dead!" End of story. All else is tabloid fodder. What the Queen did say is actually unknown. We have no witnesses, no recordings, no evidence that she ordered the exclusion of the "Dead Mother of the poor little Princes" from church prayers no less! That's right up there with pinching the pennies off a dead man's eyes!

We do however, have evidence that she did not, because the Church of Scotland does not, and somehow I doubt that she had the time out of the disaster that was the "Morning after the night before", to say to herself, "oh, while the boys have cried themselves to sleep, I'll just nip out and have a word with the Minister to ensure their mother is slighted in church today. I mean, well, why waste a perfectly good opportunity to supply the rags with a little more tastless fodder to really hurt the boys! You'all know "don't you ever let a chance go by, oh Lord, don't you ever let a chance go by!"

"As to the boys asking their father if he was sure their mother was dead?", well, if that is true it's perfectly normal, and I have heard much the same from a couple of young kids whose mother died far too early. It took time for them to get their heads around the reality, and they didn't have the 24/7 media coverage to contend with.

All the biographers and scriptwriters in the world still can't make it true because they don't know! That includes the BBC and Donald Spoto!

Oh good grief, you're right again Warren! Deja vu? Enough already!

 

[Skydragon]

Déja vu, again
I'll quote part of my esteemed colleague wbenson's post at #156:

And the minister at Crathie, the Rev. Robert Sloan, explained later that mention of Diana?s death had been omitted "to protect the boys".

They had a visiting preacher, Adrian Varwell, who has never said why he made no mention of Diana's death. Having met Mr Varwell on a number of occasions, IMO, he was ill equiped to change his sermon at such a late stage and that Diana was secondary in his mind, to the reason most people were at church, ie, to praise God. To this day, he has never spoken about it and Rev Sloan will have put his own opinion into any statement he is said to have made to The Mail.

Truth be known, he probably said 'The Scottish church does not mention anyones death at a Sunday service and it was decided not to make an exception in this case so as to not cause further upset to the boys'. In a reporters mind that equals 'to protect the boys'.

 

[muriel]

There were others in attendance at the church that day. Diana was not mentioned at the service. Those in attendance were widely quoted saying Harry had asked, 'Are you sure Mummy's dead?' at the church. I have bolded the relevant parts for you below.

I quote from 'Diana:The Last Year' by Donald Spoto page 180: "A curious set of instructions were issued, from no less a person than Her Majesty the Queen. No newspapers were to be permitted at Balmoral untill further notice; televisions and radios were not to be turned on; and Diana was not to be mentioned at all in Royal Precincts. The Queen further ordered that at the church services they were about to attend, the name of the Princess of Wales was not to be heard in prayers for the dead.... Wiliam and Harry doubtless dazed and not yet fully aware of the loss, which would of course need time to be absorbed - arrived at the church with their father and, when Diana was not mentioned, turned to Charles and asked "Are you sure Mummy is dead?" '

I know you may be quoting verbatim from a book, but can you vouch for the veracity of the information contained in the book?

 

[Iluvbertie]

I know you may be quoting verbatim from a book, but can you vouch for the veracity of the information contained in the book?

I wouldn't say that this is the most reliable source for the simple fact that the author hasn't done basic research - i.e. finding out that the Church of Scotland don't say prayers for the dead and therefore there would be no need for the Queen to issue orders to that effect. She would actually have to do the opposite - instruct the minister to go against the church's practice and order prayers to be said (if she actually has that power at that church).

A lot of what is supposed to have been said, and reported and accepted as gospel, is just so much speculation as a lot of the time no one outside the family would have any idea as to what was said or done.

 

[TheTruth]

I truly doubt HM's will was to see her grandchildren fall apart during mass when Diana's name would be pronounced. Moreover, HM is very well placed to understand the ordeals press gross voyeurism brings: she didn't want these people to feed on the sons of someone who paid this game with her life. While the public reaction was getting out of hands, she needed to control this situation with the princes because if she didn't, the press would get to them and eventually put them in front row to see how they can make profit out of their mother's death. IMO, they succeeded in disgusting people by putting forward her divorce with Charles and her quarrels with the RF. Not sure she would have liked to be remembered as a "loose canon". Yet, the press shows us this image everyday, even though it's hidden between the aura they created.